News

Yoghurt industry blamed for encouraging bacteria

THE yoghurt industry must start making antibiotic yoghurts or everyone will die, experts have claimed.

Thirtysomethings make half-hearted plan to meet up

SOME friends in their mid-thirties have made a vague, doomed plan to have a drink.

Dolphin pimps having another great year

FLORIDA’S dolphin-pimping businesses are enjoying a record-breaking summer.

Chupa Chup impossible to unwrap

A CHUPA Chups lolly has defeated all attempts to remove its plastic wrapping.

Glittering reception celebrates Britain's biggest twats

THE prime minister has hosted a drinks party honouring the economic contribution made by the country's twats.

Smackhead breaks walking speed record

HEROIN addict Tom Logan has reached a walking speed of 18 miles per hour while going to score.

Blair applies to be Caliph

FORMER prime minister Tony Blair has submitted his CV to the newly-declared Islamic Caliphate in the Middle East.

Flexible working not suitable for actual jobs

FLEXIBLE working is impractical for jobs where work needs to be done, it has emerged.