Man likes wearing wanky little necklace

A WOMAN is distraught after finding out her new partner is into wanky necklaces and bracelets, she has revealed.

All burgers now impossible to eat

IT IS no longer possible to buy a burger you can fit in your mouth, it has been confirmed.

Hungover history teacher accidentally starts teaching Game of Thrones

A HUNGOVER history teacher accidentally started teaching scenes from Game of Thrones as real events, it has emerged.

Get that uniform on and get against that door, children told

SCHOOLCHILDREN have been ordered to get their uniforms on and stand against a door to be photographed.

Taylor Swift's new song 'just shit'

TAYLOR Swift's new song does not have deeper levels and is just a shit thing, it has been confirmed.

Pratchett steamroller 'should do Jeffrey Archer's hard drive next'

THE steamroller that crushed Terry Pratchett’s hard drive should also do Jeffrey Archer’s, it has been claimed.

Man unconvincingly claims kids are best thing that's happened to him

A FATHER-OF-TWO is probably lying when he tells people having children is the best thing that has ever happened to him.

Well done you corporate cake whores, says Mary Berry

MARY Berry has congratulated the hosts of Channel 4’s Great British Bake Off for betraying everything baking stands for.