THE 27 member states of the European Union have demanded a referendum on whether Britain is allowed to stay in.
ALL classical music including Beethoven, Bach, and Mozart is to be reclassified as film music.
EVERYONE in Britain has become left wing because of the baddie in Sherlock.
TELEVISION adverts will be limited to a still image of a product with its name underneath after becoming too infuriating.
BRITAIN is on the brink of a ‘golden age’ where the majority of the population is fat.
38-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has still not returned to work after the Christmas break, sparking widespread speculation.
THE term ‘social cohesion’ has left everyone in Britain utterly baffled, it has been confirmed.
DOCTORS have declared that any attempts to lose weight in 2014 are doomed.