News

Pension money spent entirely on figurines

RETIRED people allowed to dip into their pension pots have blown the lot on porcelain figurines.

Drunk you is the real you

YOUR behaviour when you are drunk represents your true personality, scientists have confirmed.

Ghosts ‘bollocks’

GHOSTS are a load of bollocks, it has been confirmed.

Listening to loud music on train not an act of rebellion

PLAYING loud music on public transport is not a legitimate way of fighting the system, it has emerged.

Everyone at Heathrow testing positive for Ebola

NOBODY at Heathrow looks fit and well, according to doctors screening for Ebola.

Midwife strike highly inconvenient, say unborn babies

THOUSANDS of ambitious foetuses have been forced to remain in the womb by the midwives’ strike.

Drinking outside back to the year-rounders

CASUAL outdoor drinkers have gone inside and left the hardcore to continue through the winter months.

EastEnders to get a UKIP family

BBC SOAP EastEnders has introduced a new family who all support UKIP.