News

Intrepid daredevil spurns travel insurance

A FEARLESS adventurer has stunned friends by venturing overseas with scant regard for lost luggage or flight delays.

Star Wars VII will be mostly black screen and Andy Serkis voiceover

STAR Wars: The Force Awakens will be 33 per cent black screen with Andy Serkis intoning portentous statements.

U2 skips straight to reunion tour

U2 WILL skip an inevitable decade of falling sales, a split and solo albums by going directly to the long-awaited reunion tour, it has been announced.

Britain backs anything to do with stealth bombers

BRITONS have given their full support to any activity that involves stealth bombers.

Shopping stampede expected for Unfunny Toilet Humour Joke Gift Monday

SALES of tiresome penis and fart-related joke products are expected to hit £569bn today.

Couple in huff can’t remember each other’s names

A MARRIED couple who have not spoken since 1994 have no idea what they are called, their children confirmed.

UKIP demands vetting of cathedral architects

CATHEDRAL architects must be vetted so they do not design buildings that look Turkish, UKIP has demanded.

Everything to be given to Richard Branson

ALL remaining public assets are to be transferred to Richard Branson to see what he does with them.