News

Battle-weary soldiers dragged back to sofa

GAMERS around the world are reluctantly fulfilling their obligation to play the new entry in the Call of Duty franchise.

Satan quits over Debenhams Christmas advert

THE devil has given up after admitting that the Debenhams Christmas advert is more evil than anything he could have conceived.

Scots wondering how England rigged whisky contest

SCOTLAND has blamed England for being bad at the one thing it is supposed to be good at it.

Your house smells weird

YOUR house has a strange aroma that visitors cannot quite identify, it has emerged.

Britain hoping for bumper Tower of London opium crop

BRITAIN is pinning its economic hopes on a record haul of grade-A heroin from the Tower of London.

Wire walker stunt to become the sort of film you might watch if bored on a plane

THE death-defying exploits of Nik Wallenda will inevitably become an underwhelming Hollywood film, it has emerged.

Trapped fly struggling to keep a cool head

FLY Rob Hobbs is struggling to think logically after becoming trapped in a house.

Woman's massive poppy clearly meant for van

THE enormous poppy pinned to a woman's lapel was obviously designed to go on a vehicle.