British pride restored by grovelling to Japanese car company

PATRIOTS have hailed the government’s Nissan deal as proof that when it comes to allowing multinational businesses to behave as they please, Britain again leads the world.

Endangered animals ‘guilty of poor financial planning’

THE loss of two-thirds of the earth’s wild animals in the next four years has been blamed on their refusal to earn and save money.

Man decides first 10 minutes of new Adam Curtis film should be enough to bluff it

A MAN who saw the first 10 minutes of Adam Curtis's new documentary is to pretend he watched the whole thing.

Homeless man looking a bit down today for some reason

A HOMELESS man who is usually upbeat seems a bit down today and no one’s quite sure why.

Staying up all night playing computer games not insomnia, teenagers told

PLAYING Red Dead Redemption until dawn is not a recognised medical condition, doctors have confirmed.

Pointless winner won’t let £500 prize change his life

THE joint winner of a £1000 jackpot on BBC series Pointless has said that he won't let his new wealth change him.

Jamie Oliver wearily wanks out yet another f**king cookbook

JAMIE Oliver has wearily dumped yet another book of recipes, photographs and shit onto the market for Christmas.

Worker self-destructs career by eating lunch at 11.57am

A MAN has squandered any chance of progressing at work by eating his packed lunch before midday.