News

Woman disturbed by warm feelings for George Osborne

A WOMAN who found herself experiencing empathy for George Osborne is questioning her sanity, it has been confirmed.

King Arthur returns with impractical sword-based plan

KING Arthur has returned in Britain’s hour of need with a plan mainly involving swords, he has announced.

Britons ask Kate Bush to take over

BRITONS have asked Kate Bush to be their leader.

This all your fault

THE screaming chaos presently engulfing the UK is entirely down to you, experts have confirmed.

Man who went to Glastonbury robbed of smug return to work

A MAN hoping to boast about how Glastonbury Festival changed his life has found that people simply could not give a shit.

Promising apple crop convinces Leavers they made the right decision

THE apple crops are looking much better this year, Leave voters have confirmed.

Entire family being melodramatic twats about Brexit

A FAMILY has decided to treat the referendum result as an overwrought personal drama.

Referendum was marketing gimmick for Independence Day sequel

THE EU referendum was a marketing gimmick for a big-budget American science fiction film, it has emerged.