News

Smart car driver overcompensating for his massive penis

THE owner of a Smart car has admitted that the car he drives is overcompensation for his prodigious penis.

Steel worker grateful for chance to finish romantic comedy script

STEEL worker Tom Logan has thanked the government for not saving his job so that he can focus on writing a romantic comedy screenplay.

Middle class family already planning trip to Palmyra

A MIDDLE CLASS family has booked a trip to Palmyra in Syria to see the historical site before the crowds.

Libraries have terrible business model, says government

LIBRARIES are never going to make money if they dish out books for free, the government has claimed.

Modern dads fine with mawkish baby bullshit

MODERN fathers are just as capable as mothers at getting tediously over-emotional about their babies, they have announced.

Hostages sort of assumed selfie man was planning to overpower hijacker

HOSTAGES aboard the hijacked EgyptAir plane assumed 'selfie man' was planning a heroic act, it has emerged.

Idiot dogs told to insure themselves

OWNERS of idiotic dogs have told their pets to pay for their own health insurance.

Worker competence down 80 per cent since Thursday

EVERYONE in Britain is now unable to do the thing they are paid to do after a four-day weekend.