News

BMW driver trying to overtake supersonic car

THE Bloodhound rocket car capable of reaching 1,000mph is being tailgated by a man in a BMW 7 series, observers have confirmed.

Father of small children mysteriously takes 45 minutes in bathroom at weekends

A FATHER-OF-TWO able to complete a trip to the bathroom in under five minutes during the week inexplicably needs three-quarters of an hour at weekends.

University of Life strongly biased towards Brexit

THE syllabus at the University of Life is strongly biased towards Brexit, according to anyone who has ever met a graduate.

Couple in desperate race to buy second-cheapest thing on wedding list

A COUPLE are racing against time to buy the second least expensive item on their friends’ wedding list.

UK economy now 92 per cent paintball

BRITAIN’S economy is almost entirely based on paintball, according to new figures.

We only need four hours' sleep, say very tired liars

ANYONE who claims they only need four hours sleep a night is a lying tired bastard, it has been confirmed.

Busy fox grabs a mid-morning mouse

A FOX with a lot on has just grabbed a quick mouse on the go.

Dad hoping someone saw him buy Stormzy CD

FATHER Bill McKay bought Stormzy's album in HMV and is really hoping someone saw him do it.