News

Five-year-olds told fun is over for next 60 years 

CHILDREN have begun six decades of doing things they do not want to do.

Hitler ‘like Hitler’

THE dictator who presided over the Third Reich was just like Hitler, it has been claimed.

‘Tech-savvy’ children shit at adult things

DESPITE being good at using technology, children are useless at adult pursuits like pub brawls or running a small business.

Neanderthals had unbeatable noughts-and-crosses system

NEANDERTHAL man knew a way of playing noughts-and-crosses that delivered a win every time, archaeologists have discovered.

Bill Gates to buy GQ and burn it to the ground

BILL Gates is to buy men’s magazine GQ, sack everyone, evacuate the building and set fire to it.

D:Ream to combat asteroid threat

BRIAN Cox has recruited members of his old band as astronauts for an asteroid-smashing suicide mission.

Knee-jerk response to ISIS taking an awfully long time

WESTERN governments are taking too long to come up with an ill-thought out response to ISIS, it has been claimed.

Slugs teleport into houses

SLUGS get into kitchens by teleporting, it has emerged.