News

Tiredness the main cause of racism, say experts

PHYSICAL exertion and lack of sleep are to blame for Britain’s racism epidemic, according to a new study.

Next four episodes of 24 take place in a bus queue

JACK Bauer will mostly be trying to get a bus during next month's episodes of 24.

World War III can't decide where to start

THE coming world war which will devastate 90 per cent of the planet can't settle on where to begin.

Fence-cutters far cheaper than festival tickets

TOOLS for cutting holes in fences cost much less than music festival tickets, it has emerged.

Please don’t throw us, beg snails

SNAILS have asked gardeners to kindly not lob them over the fence.

Weekend will not be sticky and bothersome, says Britain

BRITAIN is absolutely positive the weekend heatwave will be free of discomfort, arguments and the doing of too many things.

Pretty girl in summer dress is most depressing sight imaginable

AN attractive young woman in a pretty summer dress is putting men and woman alike in a terrible mood.

Public schools still top for producing bastards

INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.