Girlfriend of 'keen' guitarist doesn't want another homemade song this Christmas

A WOMAN whose boyfriend is a keen amateur songwriter has told him she only wants a present that has been bought in a shop, with actual money, this Christmas.  

Five budget whiskies that tell your dad it hasn't been the best year for you financially

EVERY dad likes whisky - but whisky is also a great way of telling him that things haven’t worked out for you cash-wise and even securing a small loan.

Men still struggling to describe how they want their hair cut

MEN have admitted that no matter how many haircuts they have had, they still fall into a state of mumbling idiotic confusion when asked how they want it done.

Tossers announce plan to 'step back' from social media over Christmas

PRETENTIOUS tossers are unnecessarily announcing that they want to ‘unplug’ and ‘take a few days out’ from social media over Christmas.

Robin in garden is not dead nan visiting for Christmas

A ROBIN has confirmed he is not the vessel of a deceased grandparent returned to visit the family for Christmas, and is just eating some seeds.

Man takes second sick day 'for authenticity'

AN OFFICE worker has called in sick for the second day on the trot so that no one will ever know he didn't have what he’s calling ‘a nasty bug’.

Please explain the concept of a 'taxi' to us again, says Uber

AN Uber executive has asked the European court if it can explain what a ‘taxi’ is again but slower because he still does not get it. 

Man buys worthwhile item at Christmas market

A MAN has found and purchased something of use at a Christmas market, it has been confirmed.