Daddy long legs in bath ‘just as uncomfortable as you are’

A DADDY long legs trapped in a bath has admitted the situation is far from ideal.

Everyone has forgotten what Cameron was rumoured to have done

THE story that went round last week about David Cameron has completely disappeared from the public mind, it has emerged.

Child of smoker thrilled with sturdy new boots and compass

THE child of a smoker is thrilled with his sturdy new walking boots and 'military-style' compass.

Northerner terrorised London by saying hello

A NORTHERN man has left a trail of terror across London by attempting to interact socially with everyone he meets.

Beastie Boys apologise for Rage Against the Machine

BEASTIE Boys co-founder Adam Horovitz has apologised for inspiring bombastic dirge-metallers Rage Against the Machine.

Leader of UK ‘must be prepared to kill everyone’

ANY future prime minister must be willing to guarantee the total destruction of the UK in a nuclear war.

Love each other, say departing free plastic bags

FREE plastic bags have issued a message of solidarity and respect before going home to deep space. 

Everyone in hot desking office sits in same place every day

EMPLOYEES have responded to an innovative office hot desking policy by developing fierce territorial instincts.