News

Scotland commission unveils hideously deformed camel

THE commission on new powers for Scotland has unveiled a camel with nine legs, seven humps and 13 buttocks.

Jurassic World tells story of enjoyable day out at safety-conscious dinosaur park

THE new Jurassic Park sequel features no peril because of improved health and safety at the dinosaur park.

Bristol fog smells suspiciously of skunk

THE ‘fog’ currently enveloping Bristol has a strong aroma of cannabis, it has been claimed.

Killer seals playing pretentious mind games with police

KILLER seals are attempting to engage police in pseudo-intellectual cat-and-mouse games.

'Perfectionism' an excuse to have massive tantrums

PEOPLE who claim to be perfectionists are just moody bastards, it has emerged.

Men demand Tesco remove ‘gifts for children’ sign

ANGRY men have told Tesco to remove signs implying toys are for children.

New terror bill to make everyone spy or terrorist

THE new anti-terrorism bill will give everyone the choice of being a spy or an enemy of the state.

Workers successfully bought off with Christmas meal

A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.