News

Americans warn Scotland about ‘hope-change bullshit’

ORDINARY Americans have warned Scotland the momentous change it is being sold is total bullshit.

UK fine with Islam if you could get pissed

BRITONS would be happy to live under strict sharia law if they could get pissed, a survey has found.

Line for Apple Watch girdles Earth

THE queue for the new Apple Watch has already circled the entire globe once and is still growing.

Queen ‘would be interested in Scotland if it was a horse’

THE Queen is not particularly interested in Scotland because she is unable to ride it.

Kate to continue public engagements while vomiting

THE Duchess of Cambridge is to fufil all her public engagements while throwing up.

Most British wildlife now living in abandoned DVD libraries

THE majority of Britain’s hedgehogs, moles and hares have made homes in derelict DVD libraries.

Telepathy ‘would be total nightmare’

TELEPATHY would be a huge step forward in human evolution and also an absolute nightmare, scientists have confirmed.

Swapping Piers Morgan for James Corden 'like act of violence', says America

AMERICANS have begged England to stop sending them smug, fat-faced English television presenters.