News

91% of TV adverts contain whistling

MOST television adverts have a whistling-based soundtrack or feature whistling characters, it has emerged.

Hedgehog announced as fashion animal for 2014

HEDGEHOGS are the fashion industry's latest animal muse.

Capitalist overlords behind budget cooking trend

BRITAIN'S capitalist overlords are secretly orchestrating the trend for nutritious low-cost recipes.

Reality to be rebooted

OUR shared reality is to be turned off and started again after becoming glitchy and confusing.

Mail sacks Dacre, hires de Botton

THE Daily Mail has sacked long-time editor Paul Dacre and replaced him with the philosopher Alain de Botton.

Scotland joining Eurovision would be ‘very difficult for everyone’

SCOTLAND’S bid to join Eurovision would be opposed by countries where people can hear, it has been claimed.

Gravity wins Best Film Set 230 Miles Above Britain

GRAVITY has been named best film set in a space station which passed over the British Isles.

Shitness of bus travel unaffected by floods

THE general woefulness of bus travel has remained unchanged by the recent extreme weather.