TATTOO parlours will be made to use designs that accurately reflect their recipients under new guidelines.
BRITAIN'S music scene will be limited to people with trust funds if youth benefits cuts go ahead.
THE Tories are facing a massive fall in public support after their slogan 'For Hardworking People' excluded almost everyone.
THE majority of so-called people are in fact sasquatches.
EVERYONE else is having a better time than you, it has emerged.
ONE of Saturn's moons is a beach ball misplaced by a race of super-massive aliens.
THE Daily Mail hates Britain and everyone in it, experts have confirmed.
LIGHT sabres will become a reality shortly after Star Wars has been completely ruined, it has emerged.