News

Game of Thrones fans to spend weekend studying maps and family trees

GAME of Thrones viewers have been ordered to spend the weekend with maps and genealogies to prepare for Monday’s new series.

Actress to appear as comic book character she couldn't know less about

ACTRESS Saoirse Ronan is to star as a superhero she has admitted she has never heard of and could not care less about.

Man voting to stay in EU because he thinks he’s sophisticated

A MAN is convinced that Britain should stay in Europe because he imagines it gives him continental flair.

2016 to end early

2016 is to be brought to an early end before anybody else dies.

Teabag not given proper two-hour side-of-sink mourning period

NORTHERN parents are furious with their son for throwing a used teabag straight in the bin instead of showing it the proper respect.

Farmers celebrate spring by spraying shit everywhere

FARMERS have decided to spray gallons of rotting excrement everywhere now that it is nice to go outside again, it has emerged.

Royalists now just weird people

THE only people who support the monarchy are rather strange with a lot of time on their hands, it has emerged.

America warns that if UK quits Europe it will probably invade

THE US will probably invade Britain if it leaves the EU, according to senior White House sources.