News

Nastiest men on Tinder identifiable by use of phrase ‘nice guy’

THE worst men on Tinder can be easily identified with the use of a simple two word phrase in their profile, sociologists have revealed.

Delighted Philip tells public to ‘f**k off out of it’ one last time

PRINCE Philip has completed his last public engagement, locked the gates of Buckingham Palace and told crowds to ‘fuck off out of it’ for the last time.

Still easier to just do it your f**king self

RESEARCHERS have found that rather than go to all the trouble of explaining to some other dick how to do it you might as well do it your f**king self.

I despise cooking and all who attempt it, reveals Mary Berry

MARY Berry has launched her new show Britain’s Best Cooks by admitting she despises cooking and loathes anyone who even attempts it.

Amber Rudd types with one finger and uses Myspace

HOME secretary Amber Rudd does all her typing with one finger and has a Myspace account, it has emerged.

Totally inept losers confident they can lock down the internet

A GOVERNMENT that can barely send an email has unveiled somewhat ambitious plans to rule the web with an iron fist.

Woman rearranges dishwasher for three hours to avoid washing a mug

A WOMAN spent three hours rearranging the crockery in her dishwasher in a desperate attempt to fit in one more mug.

27-year-old man man unveils utterly tragic shopping basket

A 27-year-old man has unveiled a shopping basket described by witnesses as an ‘epic tragedy’.