THE Met Office has confessed that no weather records have been kept because it seemed like a really boring thing to do.
MEETING or exceeding work targets is now being recognised with a range of shiny stickers.
PRO-DEMOCRACY protesters in Hong Kong have been praised for having normal hair and not wearing stupid clown costumes.
A FORMER school classmate is behaving as if you had a much closer relationship than was actually the case.
DRINKERS who vowed not to touch alcohol for one month have decided to delay the pledge for thirty days or so.
THE Fall frontman Mark E Smith is close to recapturing an escaped bass guitarist who has been on the run for several days.
SPIDERS living rent-free in houses must provide evidence that they are actually killing flies.
FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.