Couples declare their love is as strong as a £1.29 padlock

THE love lock craze has seen thousands of couples pledging their devotion is as unbreakable as a padlock from Poundstretcher.

Britain braced for classic rock weather front

THE Met Office has warned that southern England is about to be hit by the sort of cross-fire hurricanes not seen since Mick Jagger was born.

Heroic mobile charger travels 1,500 miles to find owner

A LOYAL iPhone charger has crossed a continent to be reunited with its owner.

Former Londoners permanently tainted

LONDONERS who move to the provinces will never fit in because their souls are tainted by the city’s evil aura.

‘Legends’ must overcome monster or massive army

THE requirements for being deemed a ‘legend’ have been raised from buying colleagues a doughnut to overcoming a seemingly invincible adversary.

Man dislikes cycling

31-YEAR-OLD Julian Cook does not like cycling, it has been claimed.

Everyone fine with ‘designer babies’ if it means they don’t do shits

THE public has expressed total approval for genetically altered babies that do not need to shit.

Criminals who were hungry at the time to get pardons

PEOPLE who committed crimes while hungry are to be released from prison, it has emerged.