Woman wearing shitloads of perfume making everyone else wear it too

A WOMAN who liberally douses herself in awful perfume is leaving an invasive trail of scent on everyone she touches, it has emerged.

Six ways to be the most middle-class person in your office

YOU’RE working a white-collar office job so you’re middle class, but are you the most middle-class person in your office?

M&S coat hanger 'appalled' at being used to unblock toilet

A COAT hanger from Marks & Spencer is distraught after it was used to unblock a toilet.  

Brexiter delighted his corner shop taken over by miserable British bastard

A BREXITER is glad that the pleasant Polish couple who used to run his local convenience store have been replaced by a surly British bastard.

Record collector who sees difference between 'Near Mint' and 'Very Good' will never find true love

A RECORD collector who sees a noticeable difference between 'Near Mint' and 'Very Good' is destined to always be alone, it has been confirmed.

Vegan birthday cake just made of flour and sadness

A VEGAN birthday cake is just a pile of flour tinged with disappointment and sadness, it has been confirmed.

Totally unreasonable girlfriend always wanting to do things

A MAN’S domineering girlfriend is always making him do some pointless thing like going to a local festival or trying a new balti place, it has emerged.

Modern train seats designed to make the office seem like a relief

MODERN train seats have been made purposefully hard and uncomfortable so that arriving in the office seems like an escape from hell.