News

Cool teacher actually completely negligent

A POPULAR and inspirational English teacher puts no effort into her job whatsoever, she has admitted.

Morrissey was never in The Smiths, say fans

HISTORICAL revisionist Smiths fans have proved that Morrissey, long thought to be the singer and lyricist, was never actually in the band at all.

EU prepares next lovely big shit sandwich

THE EU is ready to move on to the second of the excrement-based sandwiches it has prepared for the UK, it has emerged.

Female friend of gay man secretly believes he will one day turn straight

THE longtime female friend of an out and proud gay man secretly believes he will one day become straight, she has revealed.

Women forced to attend thermostat awareness course

WOMEN across the UK are being forced to attend a one-day thermostat awareness course to learn how they work.

Obese children less of a problem than the twats moaning about them

CHILDHOOD obesity is not as serious an issue as all the knobheads droning about how it proves Britain has gone to the dogs, experts believe.

Grey-haired dead-eyed morning Wetherspoons drinker only 28

A HUNCHED, shuffling red-nosed man sitting alone in Wetherspoons at 9.45am staring at a half-drunk pint is under 30, it has emerged.

Woman reads latest Weinstein story, rolls eyes, gets on with job

A WOMAN has rolled her eyes at the latest Harvey Weinstein revelations and then got on with doing her job, it has been confirmed.