Get that uniform on and get against that door, children told

SCHOOLCHILDREN have been ordered to get their uniforms on and stand against a door to be photographed.

Taylor Swift's new song 'just shit'

TAYLOR Swift's new song does not have deeper levels and is just a shit thing, it has been confirmed.

Pratchett steamroller 'should do Jeffrey Archer's hard drive next'

THE steamroller that crushed Terry Pratchett’s hard drive should also do Jeffrey Archer’s, it has been claimed.

Man unconvincingly claims kids are best thing that's happened to him

A FATHER-OF-TWO is probably lying when he tells people having children is the best thing that has ever happened to him.

Well done you corporate cake whores, says Mary Berry

MARY Berry has congratulated the hosts of Channel 4’s Great British Bake Off for betraying everything baking stands for.

Kim wants to be Trump who wants to be Putin

KIM JONG-UN desperately wants to be Donald Trump who yearns to be Vladimir Putin, psychologists have agreed.

Waterloo commuters shipped to South Atlantic

COMMUTERS attempting to use Waterloo station have been loaded into containers and shipped 4,200 miles away.  

Sneaking home without telling anyone is best bit of night out

TELLING friends you are nipping to the bar then getting a taxi home instead is the best part of going out, it has been confirmed.