PEOPLE become happiest aged 70 when other people's opinions cease to matter, it has emerged.
ALL doctors smoke fags, it has been confirmed.
TRENDY barefoot running is the perfect combination of misery, showing off and pain, according to exercise fanatics.
AN ADELE concert is absolutely the worst environment in which to take mind-altering drugs, it has been confirmed.
BADGERS faced with further culls have received combat training from a grizzled honey badger.
A FAMILY has gone feral after learning that Wetherspoon pubs will no longer serve roast dinners.
DOCTORS are fighting to remove the smug half-smile from Leonardo DiCaprio’s face, it has emerged.
BRITONS are absolutely delighted to be enjoying an extra day of their favourite month of the year.