Happiness peaks at 70 ‘when you stop giving a shit’

PEOPLE become happiest aged 70 when other people's opinions cease to matter, it has emerged.

All doctors smoke

ALL doctors smoke fags, it has been confirmed.

Barefoot running just the sort of mental thing we wanted, say fitness freaks

TRENDY barefoot running is the perfect combination of misery, showing off and pain, according to exercise fanatics.

Adele gig confirmed as worst place to be on drugs

AN ADELE concert is absolutely the worst environment in which to take mind-altering drugs, it has been confirmed.

Badgers get testicle-biting training from honey badger

BADGERS faced with further culls have received combat training from a grizzled honey badger.

Wetherspoon Sunday roast was family’s last shred of respectability

A FAMILY has gone feral after learning that Wetherspoon pubs will no longer serve roast dinners.

DiCaprio’s face frozen in self-satisfied smirk

DOCTORS are fighting to remove the smug half-smile from Leonardo DiCaprio’s face, it has emerged.

An extra day of February, how f**king fantastic, says Britain

BRITONS are absolutely delighted to be enjoying an extra day of their favourite month of the year.