News

Dacre ‘proud of himself’ for trousering half a million in EU subsidies while branding people traitors

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre has confirmed he is very proud of himself for taking £460,000 from the EU while branding remain voters as traitors.

‘PROUD OF YOURSELVES?’ shouts Daily Mail editor at ducks in park

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre has asked ducks in his local park if they are proud of themselves for increasing the possibility of a Marxist in number 10.

Universities warn first-year students may return home as tossers

STUDENTS returning home for Christmas may have become pretentious twats with silly clothes and provocative beliefs, universities have warned.

Christmas will involve dressing up as a goose, Harry warns Meghan

PRINCE HARRY has warned his fiancée that Christmas will be unusual.

New Star Wars features shaved Chewbacca

NEW Star Wars film The Last Jedi promises the first sight of Chewbacca shaven completely bare. 

Save valuable time by throwing all Christmas cards straight in the bin

SIMPLY throwing all Christmas cards into the bin unopened could save you up to four hours this Christmas, it has been claimed.

Office brainstorming session produces nothing but evil thoughts

A GATHERING of workers to generate business ideas only produced dark and twisted visions, it has emerged.

37-year-old woman thinks DJs are cool

A WOMAN in her late thirties still believes DJs are cool, it has emerged.