News

Fancy burgers not actually that great

FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.

Supermarkets to stop hiding contempt for customers

BRITAIN’S supermarkets have revealed plans to stop concealing their utter loathing of the public.

People who hate music excited about new Cheryl single

THOUSANDS of people who find actual music too confusing are excited to purchase the new single by Cheryl Cole.

Humans made to wear tax discs

THE legal obligation to display a valid tax disc has been shifted from cars to people.

Humans undecided on total destruction of nature versus having cool stuff

HUMANITY is conflicted over whether it is worth decimating the planet to maintain the supply of desirable consumer goods.

Kelly Brook leaves earthly plane

MODEL Kelly Brook has left the mortal plane to travel the higher realms looking for love.

Middle class parents leaving public school prospectuses lying around

PARENTS unable to afford school fees have been reduced to leaving public school prospectuses in highly visible areas of their homes.

‘Totally legal’ things always morally wrong

ANYTHING described as ‘totally legal’ is always the wrong thing to do, it has emerged.