A WOMAN has instantly become a hideous crone upon reaching her 40th birthday.
PEOPLE who do not appreciate the music of Bryan Adams are banned from entering the United States, Donald Trump has confirmed.
PEOPLE over 30 can still remember when Facebook was not something you constantly want to escape because it is shit.
A MAN who does not indicate at roundabouts thinks he is a carefree pirate of the road rather than a cretin, it has been confirmed.
A WOMAN has admitted to cheating on her husband with a video of Tom Hardy reading the Bedtime Story on CBeebies.
MIDDLE-AGED Britons have explained to young people that Reagan and Thatcher shared a beautiful eight-year romance that almost triggered armageddon.
TESCO is buying Londis because they can charge 85p for a Tizer and up to £1.60 for a loaf of white bread.
SNEAKY fuckers who do not get their round in face an £80 on-the-spot fine, it has been confirmed.
- Lone well person in office feeling left out
- ‘The crowd definitely reached all the way to the Washington Monument,’ Trump tells May
- 'On hold' music to get angrier the longer you are on hold
- So-called 'smartphone' not smart enough to avoid being dropped in the bog
- Woman’s friends dutifully say ‘wow’ about engagement ring