Forced viewings of Frozen begin

UK CITIZENS who have not seen Disney animation Frozen are to be forced to watch it or face imprisonment.

Plumber just has to go and get something

PLUMBER Roy Hobbs just has to nip off and get a part, it has emerged.

H.R. Giger 'created cinema's only non-shit alien'

SWISS artist H.R. Giger, who died this week, created the only alien in cinema history that is not a bit shit.

Police stopped solving crimes in 2005

THE police have apologised to anyone who thought they still solve crimes.

X-Men movies finally as incomprehensible as the comics

THE seventh X-Men film is as bewildering and nonsensical as its source material, it has been confirmed.

Richard Littlejohn’s Lost World of Bollocks

The school was made of purpose-built bricks and had doors where you could go in and out, mostly without being felt-up by some pervert.

UKIP defends freedom by reporting everyone to the police

UKIP has launched a passionate defence of traditional Anglo-Saxon freedoms by reporting everyone in Britain to the police.

Gay computer is old people's worst fear

A COMPUTER that talks in an effeminate male voice is the biggest fear of the over-70s.