Woman instantly transforms into vile hag on reaching 40

A WOMAN has instantly become a hideous crone upon reaching her 40th birthday.

Trump extends ban to anyone who doesn't like Bryan Adams

PEOPLE who do not appreciate the music of Bryan Adams are banned from entering the United States, Donald Trump has confirmed.

People over 30 can still remember when Facebook was even vaguely interesting

PEOPLE over 30 can still remember when Facebook was not something you constantly want to escape because it is shit.

Indicating at roundabouts is for total losers, claims twat

A MAN who does not indicate at roundabouts thinks he is a carefree pirate of the road rather than a cretin, it has been confirmed.

Woman cheating on husband with video of Tom Hardy reading children's stories

A WOMAN has admitted to cheating on her husband with a video of Tom Hardy reading the Bedtime Story on CBeebies.

Thatcher and Reagan was beautiful romance that made us fear for our lives, explain 40-somethings

MIDDLE-AGED Britons have explained to young people that Reagan and Thatcher shared a beautiful eight-year romance that almost triggered armageddon.

Tesco buying Londis so they can charge 85p for a can of Tizer

TESCO is buying Londis because they can charge 85p for a Tizer and up to £1.60 for a loaf of white bread.

On-the-spot fines for f**kers who don't buy their round

SNEAKY fuckers who do not get their round in face an £80 on-the-spot fine, it has been confirmed.