UKIP has launched a passionate defence of traditional Anglo-Saxon freedoms by reporting everyone in Britain to the police.
A COMPUTER that talks in an effeminate male voice is the biggest fear of the over-70s.
THE UK's housing boom could collapse as people realise what a nightmare moving is, it has been claimed.
THE Royal Mail is to auction personalised postcodes to homeowners seeking to make their addresses more sexy.
HUGE amounts of cocaine are being added to the water supply in a bid to make the population more productive.
A WOMAN from Cheltenham has been condemned for her ongoing silence about Boko Haram on social media.
THE University of Life has once again been declared the best educational establishment by bitter middle aged men.
THIS year's Sunday Times Rich List includes guideline ransom figures for kidnapped billionaires.