News

No rush for HS3, say Northerners

NORTHERN rail commuters have admitted that they have no real need to go anywhere very fast.

Manipulative boyfriends vote Danny Pink best Doctor Who companion

CONTROLLING boyfriends think Danny Pink is the all-time top Doctor Who companion, it has emerged.

Taylor Swift album has six songs about George Osborne

MORE than half of Taylor Swift's new album is about her brief but tempestuous relationship with George Osborne.

Children raise half-term bribe level

THE UK's children have increased their price for not being little bastards during half-term.

Man thinks he gets a lot of emails

UNEMPLOYED Wayne Hayes is under the impression that 12 emails a day is a lot.

Britain to dig massive tunnel for no reason whatsoever

BRITAIN is to dig a tunnel through the Pennines because it was unable to come up with anything else.

Brian Cox obviously an alien

PROFESSOR Brian Cox is an extra-terrestrial, it has emerged.

‘Kite boys’ still default choice for poignant Afghanistan image

PICTURES of kids flying kites really sum up what is happening in Afghanistan, according to editors.