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Thingy from Harry Potter mixed up in some load of bollocks

THINGY who was in Harry Potter is in a mood about some load of bollocks, it has emerged.

Boss describes minor work problem as 'the perfect storm'

THE boss of a small business has compared a minor staffing issue to a terrifying maritime disaster, it has emerged.

Hugh Grant's Love Actually character now a far-right lunatic

HUGH Grant’s politician character from Love Actually is now a raving far-right lunatic who hates immigrants, it has emerged.

Friend's new girlfriend is against drugs

A MAN’S friends have been thrown into crisis after it emerged that his new girlfriend is ‘against drugs’.

Trump claims Obama has been following him around since 1987

DONALD Trump has claimed Barack Obama has been stalking him for the last three decades.

'Mocktail' drinker secretly adding a load of vodka

A ‘MOCKTAIL’ drinker has admitted she secretly adds a ‘great deal of vodka’ to her absurd, teetotal concoctions.

Man who retweets feminist memes can't understand why women still don't like him

A MAN who shares feminist memes online cannot work out why women behave 'like such rude bitches'.

Mark E. Smith celebrates 60th birthday with promise to be less mainstream

AS he celebrates his 60th birthday Mark E Smith has pledged to be ‘less mainstream and easy going’.