THOUSANDS of physically attractive people don’t have anywhere to live, according to pop stars.
KATE Bush is to lure her audience away from London to a place from which they will never return.
THE Army is kicking in doors across Britain today in the search for extreme vacuum cleaners.
MUSIC fans say high prices at Reading are making it impossible to shower acts in urine.
NON-RESIDENTS of Notting Hill are looking forward to this year’s chance to destroy the affluent London borough with impunity.
A 21 year-old woman has managed to link every event of the last week to her backpacking trip to Thailand.
THE omnipotent John Lewis has descended from the heavens to stop customers taking the piss with free cakes.
RICHARD Dawkins has taken to walking down the street saying horrible, unprovoked things to total strangers.