UK CITIZENS who have not seen Disney animation Frozen are to be forced to watch it or face imprisonment.
PLUMBER Roy Hobbs just has to nip off and get a part, it has emerged.
SWISS artist H.R. Giger, who died this week, created the only alien in cinema history that is not a bit shit.
THE police have apologised to anyone who thought they still solve crimes.
THE seventh X-Men film is as bewildering and nonsensical as its source material, it has been confirmed.
The school was made of purpose-built bricks and had doors where you could go in and out, mostly without being felt-up by some pervert.
UKIP has launched a passionate defence of traditional Anglo-Saxon freedoms by reporting everyone in Britain to the police.
A COMPUTER that talks in an effeminate male voice is the biggest fear of the over-70s.