News

Old lady sent to care home after fall

MADONNA’S family has made the difficult decision to send her to Rydean Manor residential care home in Sussex.

Aortic aneurysms caused by movement of Saturn, admits NHS

THE NHS has admitted some forms of heart disease are caused by the alignment of planets in the outer solar system.

Brit Awards to settle question of what music is good

TONIGHT'S Brit Awards will end all arguments about music by definitively establishing what is worth listening to.

Greece to set up some sort of tax system

GREECE is to establish a system that collects money from its citizens.

Your dad could still have you in a fight

MODERN men have been warned that their fathers could easily kick the shit out of them.

Mysterious Siberian craters would be awesome rave venue, confirm scientists

RESEARCHERS have discovered huge craters in Siberia that would be perfect for a rave.

Binge drinkers ‘most intelligent and sensitive’

BINGE drinkers are highly sensitive intellectuals coping with the inherent pain of human existence, it has emerged.

Rolf Harris stripped of Stylophone

ROLF Harris has been stripped of his honorary Stylophone.