Woman forgets to eat lunch but remembers to tell everyone about it

A WOMAN who claims she didn’t even notice when she skipped a meal has made sure to tell everyone about it.

People posting stuff on timelines that should really have gone in a message

NOBODY wants something posted on their Facebook timeline that could have been put in a message, it has been confirmed.

Nights drawing in now, say grans

IT WILL soon be dark in the evenings again, according to Britain’s grandmothers.

Jesus returns to save Top Gear

JESUS has returned to earth with a plan to save Top Gear even if it means dying in the process.

Cat’s owner thinks it has favourite flavour of catfood

A CAT owner believes her pet discriminates between different flavours of meat chunks.

Wearable tech allowing man to pretend he’s not showing off

A MAN whose GPS sports watch automatically uploads his run times to Facebook has claimed he didn’t know it was happening.

Man takes off Monday to spend time with roast leftovers

A MAN has called in sick today so he can properly enjoy the mountain of roast lamb and vegetables in his fridge.

Ordinary workers unsure whether they’d rather be f**ked over in or out of the EU

ORDINARY workers are torn over whether they would prefer being exploited by corporations inside or outside of the European Union.