News

Morrissey enjoying International Day of Happiness

MUSICIAN Morrissey has abandoned his usual miserablism for a day enjoying everything good life has to offer.

End of days progressing nicely, says demon overlord

ARMAGEDDON is proceeding on schedule following today's solar eclipse, the lord of the demons has confirmed.

It's Saturday now

THE brief period of darkness which has just passed across the UK counts as Friday night, meaning it is now Saturday and everyone can go home.

South London houses become stately homes

FAMILY properties worth more than £1m in Catford and Peckham have announced they will open to the public at weekends.

Germany and Greece told to 'get a war'

GERMANY and Greece have been told to stop flirting and get on with the war they both desperately desire.

Small town rock band definitely coolest thing to ever happen to small town

ROCK band, Saxwulf, are the coolest thing to ever happen to their hometown and anyone who says different is full of shit.

Budget calculator reveals you’ve wasted your life

CALCULATORS that show how your petty finances are affected by the Budget are instead offering harsh moral judgments.  

Britain told to stop doing things that require ‘wet wiping’

WHATEVER it is you are doing with a wet wipe needs to stop immediately, experts have warned.