THE word 'arm' has been deleted from the Oxford English Dictionary to accommodate 'vape'.
A SEAL has confirmed that he would be open to dating other types of animal if the chemistry was right.
TREES have reverted to being malevolent skeletal shadows looming in your peripheral vision.
SCOTLAND has had quite enough of inconvenient reality, it has been confirmed.
BOSSES have confirmed they want to hire people who attended fancy schools, even if they are utter morons.
ANYONE who leaves the UK for leisure or business is really on a sex trip, it has been decided.
AN office worker has purchased the Band Aid song just because he thinks it is good.
BRITONS have decided that pizza is the main component of a Mediterranean diet.