Middle-class couple traumatised by V Festival

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple who went to V Festival have been left shocked and horrified.

Batteries in remote granted eternal life

THE batteries in a television remote have seemingly been granted eternal life by a force greater than us.

Barbecue happening even if we all drown, man tells friends

A MAN who is holding a barbecue on Saturday is going ahead with it no matter what, he has confirmed.

Desperate hipster wonders when it's all going to end 

A SAD hipster is desperate to know when he can go back to being normal.

London is the world’s friendliest city, now f**k off, say residents

A SURVEY to find the world’s friendliest city has been told in no uncertain terms that it is London, unless the researchers have a problem with that.

Student celebrates ‘A with a shitload of stars’ grade

A STUDENT is celebrating getting the first ‘A with a shitload of stars’ grade at A Level.

Woman still waiting for response to email just saying ‘hi’ with a link to penis pills

A WOMAN is annoyed after sending all her friends a helpful link to erection pills and not getting any response.

Money for childhood anti-obesity campaign ‘has been spent on cycling medals’

PLANS to tackle childhood obesity have been scaled back because the money has been spent on winning Olympic cycling medals