News

Grim-faced people in angry meeting because of stupid boat name

ADULTS are violently arguing in an office this morning because of the public’s decision to give a boat a stupid name.

Duchess creates ‘new memories’ for William’s ex-girlfriends

A POIGNANT photo at the Taj Mahal has given the Duchess of Cambridge a fresh opportunity to tell her husband’s exes to eat it.

Woman no more attractive after removing glasses

A WOMAN in the office is exactly as attractive without her glasses, according to disappointed onlookers.

UK to ignore warnings and shotgun six jars of Dolmio tonight as usual

BRITONS are to ignore the manufacturer’s recommendation to only eat Dolmio once a week and chug six jars tonight, like every Friday.

William and Kate prevent imminent war with Bhutan

BRITAIN and Bhutan have moved back from the brink of war after a visit by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Thousands of Boris supporters don’t know his surname

ONLY 13 percent of people who support Boris Johnson are aware that his surname is Johnson.

Cafe customer plugs in laptop, kettle and toaster

A MAN in a cafe has plugged in his computer and various items of kitchen equipment, it has emerged.

Millions of women left unabused after Twitter outage

WOMEN across the world experienced a 50-minute gap in online abuse last night after Twitter was hit by technical problems.