News

'Arm' removed from dictionary to make room for 'vape'

THE word 'arm' has been deleted from the Oxford English Dictionary to accommodate 'vape'.

Seal open to relationship outside his species

A SEAL has confirmed that he would be open to dating other types of animal if the chemistry was right.

Trees sinister again

TREES have reverted to being malevolent skeletal shadows looming in your peripheral vision.

Scotland getting pretty fed up with reality checks

SCOTLAND has had quite enough of inconvenient reality, it has been confirmed.

Employers will hire any f*ckwit if they went to a fancy school

BOSSES have confirmed they want to hire people who attended fancy schools, even if they are utter morons.

Anyone going abroad assumed to be buying sex

ANYONE who leaves the UK for leisure or business is really on a sex trip, it has been decided.

Man buys Band Aid single for musical content

AN office worker has purchased the Band Aid song just because he thinks it is good.

‘Mediterranean diet’ translated as pizza

BRITONS have decided that pizza is the main component of a Mediterranean diet.