News

Social mobility hampered by mutual loathing between classes

SOCIAL mobility in the UK is prevented by our utter loathing of anyone even slightly above or below us on the social ladder, a report has found.

Wikipedia celebrates first ever donation

THERE were joyful scenes in the offices of Wikipedia yesterday after the website received its first ever financial donation.

Capitalist oppressors furious at flukey Christmas holiday dates

EVIL capitalist oppressors are furious after discovering workers will get 10 days off at Christmas while only taking three days' leave.

Obama hospitalised with bitten tongue

BARACK Obama has been released from hospital after biting his tongue too hard around Donald Trump.

Normal moon ‘shit’

THE public has hit out at the normal moon for its lack of effort after being wowed by the 'supermoon'.

UK economy running as mysteriously as a 1993 Vauxhall Nova

INFLATION has dropped because Britain’s economy is running with the same fingers-crossed uncertainty as a Vauxhall Nova with 200,000 miles on the clock.

Member of liberal elite struggling to pay rent again

A MEMBER of London’s fancy, stuck-up liberal elite is unable to afford his rent, it has emerged.

We’ve got a Brexit plan for you called ‘F**k Off’, suggests Europe

EU OFFICIALS say if Britain does not have a Brexit plan they can offer one titled ‘F**k Off’.