News

BBC says 'f*ck it' and replaces Patten with the Skull Cracker

THE new chairman of the BBC is a violent criminal known as the ‘Skull Cracker’.

All training to be done as a montage

THE government has announced a switch to montage-based training like in Rocky and The Karate Kid.

Russia and Ukraine still going to vote for each other in Eurovision

THE Ukraine and Russia are to give each other maximum points in the Eurovision song contest despite basically being at war.

84 per cent would have sex with robots that aren't very advanced

MOST people would have sex with basic robots that don't even have faces.

Perhaps your concern could extend to not eating us, say chickens

CHICKENS have thanked consumers for their concern over methods of slaughter and asked if that goodwill could be extended to just leaving them alone.

Drug laws only work on the over-30s

BRITAIN'S drug laws only work against 35-year-olds who have been ground down by years of inconvenience, it has been claimed.

Dreadlocked caucasians demand to face more discrimination

WHITE people with dreadlocks are not facing as much discrimination as they would ideally like, it has emerged.

Coca-Cola admits 'natural flavors' include a severed head

DRINKS maker Coca-Cola has admitted using severed human heads to add a touch of piquancy.