News

Warhammer demon thing apologises for wearing fur

A CHAOS Daemon from space wargame Warhammer 40,000 has shamefacedly yielded to PETA’s request to remove fur from its armour.

Local handyman forced to accept some jobs are too big or small

A LOCAL odd job man has admitted that some jobs are too big or small for him.

Trump sacks everyone who doesn't look like a recently-reanimated corpse

DONALD Trump has fired all officials who lack the blank-eyed stare of the undead.

New Han Solo film to focus on smuggling fags

THE young Han Solo mainly smuggled fags in his ‘space van’ and sold them in pubs, the latest Star Wars film will reveal.

Legally I can kill him, Queen confirms

THE QUEEN has confirmed that if President Trump makes a state visit, she can kill him with a sword and nobody can touch her.

Cat not sure where rumour about him getting fed elsewhere comes from

A CAT has rejected claims that he gets fed in more than one household.

Everyday pricks distance themselves from Trump

SOME of Britain’s most unbearable pricks have confirmed that they find Donald Trump's level of dickishness excessive.

Man with iconic film posters hasn't seen any of them

A MAN whose flat is full of posters for films like Casablanca and Apocalypse Now has no idea what any of them are actually about, it has emerged.