News

Sun unhealthily interested in bikini-clad women

THE sun is shining hard to encourage women into states of undress, it has emerged.

Monster Munch makers challenged over whether ‘Flamin’ Hot’ is actually a flavour

THE makers of Monster Munch have been told that ‘Flamin’ Hot’ is more of an abstract concept than an actual flavour.

Band wins recording contract for bits of songs

A LOCAL band has won a recording contract for an album of unfinished songs, ‘jam sessions’ and Led Zeppelin riffs.

Guardian produces French dictionary with masculine nouns removed

THE Guardian has created a French dictionary that contains only feminine words.

Everybody wondering if it's okay to change profile back now

NO-ONE wants to be the first to remove the Pride rainbow from their Facebook picture, it has emerged.

Workers lunching outdoors decide to turn feral

OFFICE workers eating their sandwiches in the park are increasingly never going back to work or society.

Other cans think San Pellegrino is an arsehole

ALL other canned drinks regard San Pellegrino as a smug prick with a stupid foil hat, it has emerged.

Getting wasted in tent declared highlight of Glastonbury

THE best thing at Glastonbury was getting smashed in your tent, it has emerged.