Rising inflation explained as 'the 70s'

ECONOMISTS have explained what rising inflation means by asking if you remember the fourth-hand Chopper bike you got for your birthday in 1978.

Irishman praying colleagues stop talking about Ireland

AN IRISHMAN working in the UK is praying colleagues will end an embarrassingly ill-informed chat about Ireland, it has emerged.

Spring vastly overrated

SPRING is more or less the same as winter, it has been confirmed.

Man who claims to be European getting on everyone's tits

A MAN who keeps saying he sees himself as European is rapidly becoming very annoying, everyone has decided.

Woman makes three new friends every time she visits a toilet

A MAN cannot understand how his girlfriend returns from a 'quick wee' with several phone numbers and someone's life story.

Sesame Street introduces first paranoid right-wing character

SOCIALLY inclusive children's show Sesame Street is to introduce a paranoid right-wing crab who loves guns, Fox News and internet conspiracies.

Apple denies all knowledge of Apple Watch

APPLE has denied that the Apple Watch ever existed.

Brexiter still a loser in the more general sense

A VICTORIOUS Brexiter is still something of a loser in the overall sense, it has emerged.