News

Stella-guzzling arsehole has strong moral stance against drugs

A MAN who regularly gets into fights while drunk would never get involved with dangerous drugs like cannabis, he has announced.

UK's first non-weird driving instructor discovered

A NON-WEIRD driving instructor  has been discovered in the UK.

Professional Northerner caught drinking wine

A PROFESSIONAL Northerner's credibility is in tatters after he was caught drinking wine.

America to remain in darkness until at least 2020

THERE will be a darkness cloaking America for at least the next three years, it has emerged.

Naturalists report sighting of elusive, rarely-seen Yodel driver

NATURE experts have reported a rare eyewitness sighting of a Yodel delivery driver.

Davis brings cake to EU meeting and insists he wants to eat it then somehow take it home

DAVID Davis has turned up to latest round of EU negotiations with a cake that he says he wants to eat but then still have afterwards.

Bannon calls White House to ask if he left sack of wild snakes there

STEVE Bannon called the White House to see if anyone has found a sack containing wild snakes, it has been confirmed.

Robot definitely going to kill all humans once it gets the hang of stairs

A ROBOT has confirmed plans to destroy humanity once it can walk up stairs without falling over.