GIG tickets will be priced according to the number of new songs a performer forces the audience to listen to.
POLO shirts are not acceptable at smart occasions, lazy bastards have been told.
CHILDREN have begun six decades of doing things they do not want to do.
THE dictator who presided over the Third Reich was just like Hitler, it has been claimed.
DESPITE being good at using technology, children are useless at adult pursuits like pub brawls or running a small business.
NEANDERTHAL man knew a way of playing noughts-and-crosses that delivered a win every time, archaeologists have discovered.
BILL Gates is to buy men’s magazine GQ, sack everyone, evacuate the building and set fire to it.
BRIAN Cox has recruited members of his old band as astronauts for an asteroid-smashing suicide mission.