News

Time-waster parents banned from using Pets At Home as free day out

SCUMBAG parents with no intention of buying animals have been told to stop bringing their bloody kids to Pets At Home.

Boyfriend bears no relation to description of him

A WOMAN’S latest boyfriend does not match the glowing description she gave to friends, it has emerged.

Gerbil only goes and f**king eats other gerbil

A BELOVED pet gerbil has only gone and f**king eaten his mate.

Brexit definitely going to happen, says Michael Fish

FORMER TV weatherman Michael Fish has confirmed that Brexit is going well and will definitely happen.

Notice I'm not flying to you, says Juncker

EU CHIEF Jean-Claude Juncker has highlighted that Theresa May is flying to Brussels to rescue Brexit talks, not the other way around.

Man meeting new girlfriend's mates unaware of how much they already know about him

A MAN meeting his new girlfriend’s mates for the first time is unaware of the extensive knowledge they already have about him.

Doctors' surgeries to become terrifying sex clubs, say old people

PLANS to ask patients about their sexuality mean doctors’ surgeries will become debauched sex clubs full of perverts, old people believe.