Flying Scotsman harks back to ‘golden age’ before all this internet bullshit

THE return of the Flying Scotsman has reminded Britain of a simpler time before the internet ruined everything.

Woman surprised to still be overweight despite having running app

DOWNLOADING an exercise app is not the same as actually doing exercise, it has been confirmed.

Man nodding head to cafe music to show that he really gets it

A 26-YEAR-OLD man is nodding along to the music in a cafe so that others can see how he really gets it.

Jon Snow joins Wexit campaign

THE leader of the Night’s Watch has joined the campaign to end Westeros's economic union with neighbouring Essos.

‘So-called experts’ actually experts

PEOPLE who decided to ignore 'the so-called experts’ have conceded that they did in fact have useful knowledge.

Father pissed off he can't swear in front of toddler any more

THE father of a two-year-old has admitted wiping away tears after realising his son is no longer oblivious to his foul language.

Clarkson apologises to cold food

JEREMY Clarkson has officially apologised to cold cuts and salads after saying they were not good enough for him.

Mars bars recalled because they help you do f**k all

MARS bars have been recalled across Europe following the discovery they help consumers to do nothing except become fatter.