News

Dog apology video ‘is best Johnny Depp film in a decade’

JOHNNY Depp’s string of poor career choices has ended with a captivating short film about why it is wrong to smuggle dogs into Australia.

Failed musician wants you to know how amazing settling down is

SETTLING down with kids and a mortgage is an incredible achievement that surpasses anything else, according to a man whose other plans failed.

Grim-faced people in angry meeting because of stupid boat name

ADULTS are violently arguing in an office this morning because of the public’s decision to give a boat a stupid name.

Duchess creates ‘new memories’ for William’s ex-girlfriends

A POIGNANT photo at the Taj Mahal has given the Duchess of Cambridge a fresh opportunity to tell her husband’s exes to eat it.

Woman no more attractive after removing glasses

A WOMAN in the office is exactly as attractive without her glasses, according to disappointed onlookers.

UK to ignore warnings and shotgun six jars of Dolmio tonight as usual

BRITONS are to ignore the manufacturer’s recommendation to only eat Dolmio once a week and chug six jars tonight, like every Friday.

William and Kate prevent imminent war with Bhutan

BRITAIN and Bhutan have moved back from the brink of war after a visit by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Thousands of Boris supporters don’t know his surname

ONLY 13 percent of people who support Boris Johnson are aware that his surname is Johnson.