NOVELIST Hilary Mantel has confessed to the murder of Margaret Thatcher.
SCOTLAND is to be covered by a massive tinfoil tent because of the mind reading space lasers.
INCONTINENCE specialist Tena has been vote the UK’s coolest brand.
ENGLISH voters have demanded the right to sort out the French once and for all.
AMERICA'S new series of space missions will be manned by silverback gorillas.
SINGLETON Tom Booker has filled in his online dating profile with information about his professional skills and employment history.
PLANET Earth has confirmed that it really does not like Sting.
OFFICE joker Stephen Malley has admitted his seemingly spontaneous workplace quips are rigorously workshopped.