POLICE have explained that most so-called crimes are really just a series on unfortunate coincidences.
EVERYONE in Britain will be fighting something off until further notice.
ARNOLD Schwarzenegger fans are paying almost a million pounds to have him kill them then make a wry comment.
A MAN selling bullshit ‘pick-up’ lessons has worked his magic on hundreds of gullible men.
THE official list of who will be the Drunken Bore, the Perv and Crying in the Toilets at the Christmas party has been put on the office noticeboard.
A RESCUE cat has been returned to the animal shelter for his own good, according to the couple who adopted him.
VLADIMIR Putin giggled flirtatiously and batted his eyelashes when compared to Hitler, according to onlookers.
A COMPULSIVE gambler has placed his next bet according to the churning sense of impending doom in his stomach.