News

Government to abolish inspirational teachers

INSPIRATIONAL teachers have no place in Brexit Britain and will be scrapped, the government has confirmed.

Escaped gorilla is a metaphor for me, say all Londoners

LONDONERS have told the gorilla which tried to escape from London Zoo that it is all of them, and it was doomed from the start.

Writing a novel a lot f**king harder than writing ‘Blowin’ in the Wind’, say novelists

ANGRY novelists have stressed that writing a novel is really difficult and writing some folks songs is not.

Man unable make it through day without taste of yeast

A MARMITE fan is worried he cannot function without the delightful taste of yeast.

Cameron gets job in artisan coffee shop

DAVID Cameron has become a barista in an independent coffee shop until he gets his ‘head space’ together.

Woman pretty much announces she's pregnant by turning down glass of wine

A WOMAN has more or less announced that she is pregnant by turning down the offer of alcohol.

Man puts big light on again

A MAN has once again put the big light on despite knowing full well that his girlfriend prefers the lamps.

Samsung phone owners experiencing closest thing they will ever get to excitement

THE reliable, boring people who own Samsung phones are experiencing their most nearly-exciting day ever.