A WOMAN has admitted to cheating on her husband with a video of Tom Hardy reading the Bedtime Story on CBeebies.
MIDDLE-AGED Britons have explained to young people that Reagan and Thatcher shared a beautiful eight-year romance that almost triggered armageddon.
TESCO is buying Londis because they can charge 85p for a Tizer and up to £1.60 for a loaf of white bread.
SNEAKY fuckers who do not get their round in face an £80 on-the-spot fine, it has been confirmed.
THE only healthy person on his office floor is considering faking a chesty cough to fit in better.
PRESIDENT Trump has spent his full hour with the prime minister discussing the crucial issue of underestimated crowd sizes at his inauguration last week.
THE length of time a person has been on hold to a call centre is to be reflected by increasingly furious hold music.
A TOP-OF-THE-RANGE smartphone was not smart enough to avoid being dropped in a nightclub toilet.