News

Men in public toilet only washing hands because someone's looking

TWO men in a public toilet have each had to make a big display of washing their hands just because there was someone else there.

People who say 'there's no such thing as bad weather just bad clothing' wrong

EXPENSIVE technical wear has turned mild-mannered ramblers into delusional maniacs unable to tell the difference between good and bad, it has been confirmed.

Woman plans agreeable weekend reading lovely big book about shagging

A WOMAN has unveiled plans to spend a delightful weekend curled up in an armchair reading a massive book about shagging.

Club night ruined by comparing drink cost to Asda

A COUPLE’S evening out at a nightclub was ruined because they could not buy a drink without thinking what the same money would buy at Asda.

Man absolutely livid about news he’s made up

A MAN is regularly furious about news stories that he has invented himself based on a misapprehension of the facts, it has emerged.

Man discovers toilet roll fairy is not real

A MAN who assumed a magical fairy had been changing the toilet roll was stunned to discover she does not exist.

Internet was ‘huge mistake’ and should be deleted

THE 25-year experiment that is the internet has proved to be a dreadful mistake for everyone involved and will be deleted as soon as possible.

'Preferring the remix makes me special'

YOU like that song? It’s a shame for you. So basic, so unenlightened. Because I, like all discerning people, vastly prefer the remix.