News

British person not excited by new TV show about baking

A BRITISH human being is not counting down the days until the start of a show about cakes.

New parent and massive stoner discover they have loads in common

A NEW mum and a pothead have bonded over having red eyes and feeling divorced from reality, it has emerged.

Millennials need to grow up and get over Harry Potter, says 46-year-old with Stormtrooper helmet

A MIDDLE-AGED bank manager who owns a replica Stormtrooper helmet has called millennials still into Harry Potter ‘pathetic’.

Passenger denied boarding because she hasn’t bought enough crap in airport

A PASSENGER has been refused boarding to her flight to Malta because she has not bought enough perfume, sunglasses or Toblerones.

People on low carb diets terrified of post-Brexit courgetti shortage

THE government has been urged to secure post-Brexit supplies of courgetti by people who think it is in any way a substitute for pasta.

Shithole flat cleverly disguised by string lights

A CRAP flat now looks delightful due to some clever string light placement, it has been confirmed.

Vow to not give toddler iPad lasts 78 seconds

TWO idealistic parents have reneged on their pledge to raise their child without screens after 78 seconds of spirited resistance.

OJ Simpson to run for president

OJ SIMPSON, released from prison yesterday, has announced his intention to run for President of the United States.