Britain's new dream is to not have house by the sea

MILLIONS of Britons who dreamed of a coastal cottage would now prefer something several hundred miles inland.

Hideous Londoners forced to travel above ground

THE twisted troglodytes who inhabit London have been forced to expose themselves to daylight.

Alien doughnut proves Krispy Kreme not of this Earth

KRISPY Kreme doughnuts are weird because they come from Mars, it has emerged.

Single hit of heroin contains six spoons of sugar

HEALTH watchdogs have warned heroin addicts that they are risking their lives by consuming up to eighteen spoonfuls of sugar a day.

It wasn't deliberate, says Titanic glacier

THE glacier that spawned the 'Titanic iceberg' has denied any malicious intent.

Government issues guidelines for encounters with white BMWs

Official guidelines for safely handling encounters with white BMWs, Mercedes and Audis have been published by the Department of Transport.

Being cool and being a parent not compatible

IT is not possible to be cool and a parent, experts have warned.

Lloyds horse quits

THE Lloyds horse has stepped down after losing confidence in the bank.