News

I thought the parade was very jolly, says Putin

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin has insisted the massive military parade through Red Square today was ‘rather jolly’.

Sheepdogs condemn glass ceiling in the workplace

NO sheepdog has ever made the transition to shepherd, it has emerged.

New iPhone to say nasty things about policemen

THE next version of Apple’s iPhone will have a visceral dislike for the police force.

American boy claims heaven has guns

A FOUR-YEAR-OLD American boy who claims to have visited heaven has confirmed that everyone there was heavily armed.

Dealers prepare bad acid for Glastonbury Metallica set

MORE than 400,000 hits of acid, guaranteed to send people spiralling into the abyss, are being prepared for Metallica's performance at Glastonbury.

CofE calls for Christian meat packaging to show Jesus eating a sausage

THE row over faith-based meat has escalated with Anglicans demanding that packaging shows an image of Jesus eating a large sausage.

UK best at giving university places to absolutely anyone

THE UK is the best country in Europe for awarding a university place to anybody who would like one.

BBC says 'f*ck it' and replaces Patten with the Skull Cracker

THE new chairman of the BBC is a violent criminal known as the ‘Skull Cracker’.