News

Man insists his sprained ankle be included in terrible events of 2016

A MAN has insisted the ankle he sprained last month be listed alongside Prince’s death, Brexit and Trump when discussing the awfulness of 2016.

Fourth wise man gave Jesus the gift of Lynx Africa

A NEW gospel suggests that Jesus’s birth was visited by a fourth wise man who gave him a Lynx Africa gift set.

Grandmothers offering £10k for endangered pink wafers

DESPERATE grandmothers across Britain are willing to pay between £1,000 and £10,000 for endangered pink wafers.

May pulls cracker with herself at EU Christmas party

THE prime minister endured the public humiliation of having to pull a Christmas cracker with herself at the EU’s Christmas party in Brussels.

I will end you, cat tells Christmas tree

A CAT has vowed to destroy the six-foot Christmas tree currently in her living room.

Old white man not sure why he isn't massively powerful

AN 81-YEAR-OLD white man is confused about why he isn’t running the world.

'I'm 27 with a six-figure salary – how much do you hate me?'

INTERNET start-up director Tom Logan, aged 27, earns £140,000 a year and wants to know how angry that makes you.  

Pissheads enjoying Christmas 'camouflage'

CHRISTMAS is providing excellent ‘camouflage’ for people who are shitfaced all year round, they have revealed.