News

Apes wonder why they haven’t taken over world yet

PRIMATES are unsure why they have yet to take over the planet when humanity is clearly doing such a terrible job.

Everything to be alright at Sports Direct now Mike Ashley in charge

ALL problems at Sports Direct will disappear now Mike Ashley is chief executive, jubilant employees have confirmed.

Woman reaches end of week without giving a f**k about Brangelina or Bake Off

A WOMAN has successfully completed the week without giving a toss about the Brangelina split or the cake show.

F**k this shit I’m outta here, says Mary Berry

MARY Berry has quit The Great British Bake-Off because of all the bullshit going down.

Windows 10 condemned by Amnesty International

WINDOWS 10 has been condemned by Amnesty International as cruel and inhumane.

Eastenders to show Ian Beale discovering old episodes of Eastenders on UK Gold

EASTENDERS is to surprise viewers with a storyline where Ian Beale watches old episodes of the show on UK Gold and questions the nature of reality.

Man passionate about saying he’s a socialist

A 45-YEAR-OLD old man is deeply committed to saying he is a socialist.

Brexiter never going to be truly happy

A BREXIT voter will not be happy even if leaving Europe works out, because of her bad personality.