News

Domestic drones obviously insane

PRIVATELY operated drones are a sign that society has lost its mind, experts have confirmed.

The Missing finale reveals kid was in Narnia

CHILD abduction drama The Missing is a prequel to the next Narnia series, it has emerged.

Drinking during day temporarily not shameful

THE social stigma attached to daytime drinking sessions has been lifted for the festive season.

Things men want for Christmas have no physical form

THE most popular men’s Christmas presents, including books, music and computer games, no longer exist as physical things.

Fogles and Middletons locked in murderous blood feud

DOZENS have been killed since the outbreak of a vicious battle between Britain’s leading quite posh crime families.

Totally unreasonable bastards expecting man to do his job

A MAN is being unfairly expected to do the job he is paid to do, it has emerged.

Bond producers struggling with Twiglets product placement

THE makers of new Bond film Spectre are struggling to incorporate Twiglets into the narrative.

Warmest year on record except in hearts

BRITAIN has enjoyed the warmest year for two-and-half centuries except in its inhabitants cold, hateful hearts.