News

New terror bill to make everyone spy or terrorist

THE new anti-terrorism bill will give everyone the choice of being a spy or an enemy of the state.

Workers successfully bought off with Christmas meal

A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.

Bale to return as Megabatman

FORMER Batman Christian Bale is to play a new self-devised superhero called Megabatman.

Government admits having a life not really an option

THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.

People who knew nothing about Ferguson riots able to work out exactly why they happened

A GROUP of people kept in isolation for the last six months has guessed exactly why there are riots in the US town of Ferguson.

Kevin McCloud unveils tasteful modernist grotto

GRAND Designs host Kevin McCloud has launched a clinical, futuristic Christmas grotto for poncey families.

Everything now ‘class war’

ANYTHING that makes you unhappy is a direct result of class war, it has been confirmed.

Home workers demand more aspirational adverts

THE UK's home workers have hit out at TV advertisers' assumption that they are compensation-obsessed lowlives.