Most immigrants are escaped Kryptonian prisoners, reveals Daily Mail

TWO-THIRDS of all immigrants were imprisoned on their home planet Krypton before escaping and heading to Britain, the Daily Mail has revealed.

Sunday night TV should be unrelentingly grim dramas set in hovels, says Ken Loach

KEN Loach has criticised the scheduling of costume dramas on Sunday evenings instead of plays about the debasement of the working classes.

Dead people confirm support for Trump

THE undead have pledged their support for Donald Trump in the US presidential election.

Oh, inflation’s the least of your worries, chuckles Bank of England

THE Bank of England has promised anyone worried about inflation that soon they will look back and marvel at how naive they were.

Daily Express reader’s world crumbles after wrong paper delivered

AN EXPRESS reader is struggling to come to terms with his new reality after receiving a different newspaper by mistake.

'Basket Friends' named Utterly Generic Kitten Picture of The Year 2016

A PICTURE involving a basket has received a coveted award for uninspired kitten photography.

Dylan thinks Nobel Prize letter is gas bill

BOB Dylan has not opened his letter from the Nobel Prize committee because he believes it is a gas bill.

Worker’s ID badge photo shows them as a young and happy person with dreams

AN OFFICE worker’s ID badge photo shows them 20 years ago when they thought they’d only be there six months.