PRIMATES are unsure why they have yet to take over the planet when humanity is clearly doing such a terrible job.
ALL problems at Sports Direct will disappear now Mike Ashley is chief executive, jubilant employees have confirmed.
A WOMAN has successfully completed the week without giving a toss about the Brangelina split or the cake show.
MARY Berry has quit The Great British Bake-Off because of all the bullshit going down.
WINDOWS 10 has been condemned by Amnesty International as cruel and inhumane.
EASTENDERS is to surprise viewers with a storyline where Ian Beale watches old episodes of the show on UK Gold and questions the nature of reality.
A 45-YEAR-OLD old man is deeply committed to saying he is a socialist.
A BREXIT voter will not be happy even if leaving Europe works out, because of her bad personality.