News

UK gearing up for another totally pointless Fathers Day

FATHERS and sons across the UK are preparing for another awkward and superfluous ‘celebration’ of being closely related.

Visiting skincare counter is masochistic fetish, admit women

WOMEN only visit skincare counters because they secretly love being told how shit their skin is, they have confirmed.

Which toxic body trend are you hoping to achieve this summer?

IT’S summer so it’s time to get obsessed with bullshit body trends like having a ‘Toblerone tunnel’. If you’re unsure what that is, read our helpful guide to unhealthy body shapes.

We insist on only the finest French champagne, say Wetherspoons' aristocratic customers

ARISTOCRATS who drink at Wetherspoons have threatened a boycott after the chain revealed it will no longer sell the fine French champagnes they demand. 

Man at front of gig screaming for song that band definitely going to play anyway

A MAN has stood at the very front of a concert shouting for the band’s biggest song even though they're fucking obviously going to play it at some point anyway.

Melania to redecorate North Korea

MELANIA Trump is to put her interior design skills to good use by redecorating North Korea, it has been confirmed.

Quick-thinking husband pushes rubbish down in bin rather than changing it

A QUICK-THINKING man has pushed the rubbish down in the bin again, saving everyone the hassle of changing it.

Why I would rather a man who was blackout drunk flew my plane than a woman

LIKE every passenger on that plane, I would rather be flown by a male pilot so drunk he was slurring obscenities and punching out at thin air than by a woman.