News

I’m making it up as I go along, says Pope

POPE Francis has admitted he is improvising, all the time.

Being digitised 'nothing like Tron'

LLOYDS staff have complained that being ‘digitised’ merely involves being sacked rather than blasted into a thrilling video game world.

Tree of the Year dogged by nepotism

THE Tree of the Year competition is dominated by trees with wealthy and well-connected parents, critics have claimed.

Cumberbatch-cancelling headset launched to huge demand

A NEW device that cancels out all mention of Benedict Cumberbatch is selling out everywhere.

Pets demand constant unlimited supply of food

PETS of all species have demanded that unlimited amounts of food are made available to them at all times.

No rush for HS3, say Northerners

NORTHERN rail commuters have admitted that they have no real need to go anywhere very fast.

Manipulative boyfriends vote Danny Pink best Doctor Who companion

CONTROLLING boyfriends think Danny Pink is the all-time top Doctor Who companion, it has emerged.

Taylor Swift album has six songs about George Osborne

MORE than half of Taylor Swift's new album is about her brief but tempestuous relationship with George Osborne.