News

Government really sticking up for the little guy, say morons

VAGUE plans to discuss bosses’ pay prove the Tory government is on the side of ordinary people, idiots believe.

I would take them out with darts like Rambo, says Bristow

ERIC Bristow would go on a deadly darts rampage if he was threatened by abusers, he has announced.

Theresa May thinks Kate Bush is shit

THERESA May has thanked Kate Bush for her kind words but regrets she cannot return them because Bush’s music is ‘hippy crap’.

Smoker stops fannying about with ridiculous 'vaping'

A SMOKER has stopped messing around with ‘e-cigarettes’ and gone back to the real thing.

Britain ready to find out what the f**k it bought yesterday

BRITAIN is eagerly waiting for whatever the fuck it bought yesterday to arrive. 

EU amazed that Brexit plan covers whole side of A4

EUROPEAN Union officials are astonished that Britain's Brexit plan goes all the way to the bottom of an A4 page. 

Two-day hangover 'is passage to manhood'

A 23-YEAR-OLD has finally become a man after having his first multi-day hangover.

Pub garden heater only works if you are basically touching it

A PUB’S outdoor heater is only effective if you are standing within a half of centimetre of it, it has emerged.