News

May tells GPs to offer Thai cooking classes

THERESA May has told GP surgeries to teach a range of evening classes to avoid closure.

Woman 'only drinks champagne' because she's a nightmare when pissed

A WOMAN who acts like a sophisticated occasional drinker only does it because alcohol turns her into a raging psychopath, it has emerged.

Flame-throwing mutant guitarist from Mad Max turns down Trump inauguration

THE mutant guitarist from Mad Max: Fury Road has become the latest musician to reject an offer to perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration.

New housemate excited to reveal own personal brand of lunacy

A WOMAN who managed to act normal during a 20-minute interview for a room in a shared house cannot wait to reveal how insane she is.

Woman quietly swaps 'Veganuary' for enormous amount of cheddar

A WOMAN who would not shut up about going vegan for a month has gorged herself on cheddar like an animal.

Bastard neighbour builds much better snowman

A FATHER is feeling inadequate after his bastard next-door neighbour built a far superior snowman.

Sky reluctantly pulls broadcast of utterly f**ked up idea conceived by a madman

SKY TV has pulled the broadcast of its Michael Jackson comedy drama, after realising the whole thing was completely insane from start to finish.

Bus driver wrongly thanked for bus journey

A BUS driver has been wrongly thanked at the end of a bus journey, it has emerged.