News

Rural residents unable to smell manure

LOCALS in a Somerset village have flatly denied claims of a pervasive smell of excrement.

UK hit by terrorist shed burglaries

A WAVE of terror-related break-ins have been reported from garden sheds, garages and outhouses around the UK.

Russell Brand crucifixion ‘could save mankind’

ATTACHING Russell Brand to a big cross would probably sort everything out, it has been claimed.

Lord Freud tells disabled to rent out their wheelchairs

A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.

Bono to do a shit in your sock drawer

CONCEITED rocker Bono has announced plans for a free gift of a turd among your socks.

Workers urged to admit they f*cked up

BRITONS have been urged to stop covering their arses when they make a hash of things at work.

A & E now just a website

ACCIDENT and emergency services can now only be accessed via the internet, the government has announced.

Trafalgar Square pigeons to defy smoking ban

THE famous 40-a-day pigeons of Trafalgar Square are going to ignore new laws against smoking in public.