JK ROWLING has admitted that Hermione Granger would have been much happier married to martial arts legend Jackie Chan.
BRITAIN'S gyms have again become places of calm and spirituality, undisturbed by the general public.
THE Sellafield nuclear plant has been closed so the reactor can be used to make a super-villain out of stolen Pope blood.
A POSSIBLE cure for peanut allergy means sufferers may have to talk about something else for a change.
A SOUTH London curry house has paid $2.2 million for a 25-second advert during Sunday's Super Bowl.
ELECTRICAL goods specialist Maplin is a front for cottaging, it has emerged.
AVOID ever going outside, experts have warned.
SCARLETT Johansson has defined the modern world as a battle between SodaStream and evil.