LOCALS in a Somerset village have flatly denied claims of a pervasive smell of excrement.
A WAVE of terror-related break-ins have been reported from garden sheds, garages and outhouses around the UK.
ATTACHING Russell Brand to a big cross would probably sort everything out, it has been claimed.
A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.
CONCEITED rocker Bono has announced plans for a free gift of a turd among your socks.
BRITONS have been urged to stop covering their arses when they make a hash of things at work.
ACCIDENT and emergency services can now only be accessed via the internet, the government has announced.
THE famous 40-a-day pigeons of Trafalgar Square are going to ignore new laws against smoking in public.