News

Interns gaining valuable going-out-to-get-lollies experience

INTERNS in high-flying businesses across the country are earning crucial on-the-job experience of being sent out to get Soleros.

Hangovers now include terrifying existential dread, discover over-35s

ONCE you are over 35 hangovers become a bleak psychological prison of paranoia and depression, it has been confirmed.

Slightly insane woman to compete with completely insane man

THE next president of America will be either partially or completely insane, it has been confirmed.

Exercise really paying off, says permanently injured man

A MAN is really feeling the benefits of his exercise regime when he is not recovering from agonising injuries, he has announced.

Queen’s top ten songs all Lethal Bizzle

THE Queen's top ten songs are all by her favourite artist Lethal Bizzle, it has been confirmed.

Top Gear ‘a massive hit if you include viewers who are walking past Dixons’

THE new Top Gear has an audience over 24 million if you include people walking past television shop windows, according to Chris Evans.

Mums to continue pointing out how much people on TV have aged

MOTHERS have confirmed plans to keep highlighting how various television celebrities look much older these days.

Stupidity best cure for anxiety

BEING a moron is the most effective method for avoiding anxiety, research has found.