News

Everyone kind of hoping Attenborough and the Queen get together

EVERYONE in Britain would be happy if David Attenborough and the Queen eventually became a couple, it has been confirmed.

It's not the first time Trump has used 'mission accomplished' wrongly, confirm various women

DONALD Trump has been wrongly declaring 'mission accomplished' for decades, according to various women.

Five weekend activities that look really weird if you don’t have a kid

WEEKENDS can seem fun, but for the childless they’re really just long, boring days to shop through until the acceptable time to start drinking.

Freelancer changes from work pyjamas to leisure pyjamas 

A FREELANCER has marked the start of the weekend by changing from her formal work pyjamas into her loungewear pyjamas.

Rivers of Blood broadcast to contain closing line 'But don't listen to me, I'm mental'

A NEW broadcast of Enoch Powell’s infamous ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech will include his conclusion that everyone should probably ignore him, because he is barking mad.

Why alcohol is actually fantastic

It’s easy to look at the negative effects of alcohol, but what are the benefits? Read our guide. 

Dictionaries give up and add second 'o' to 'lose'

DICTIONARIES have admitted defeat and announced that from now on ‘lose’ will be spelt ‘loose’.  

Teenager obsessed with phone battery has f**k all worth communicating

A TEENAGER monitors his phone battery closely in case anyone should miss out on his extremely unimportant thoughts.