News

Sticky Londoners demand hose action

HEAT-crazed Londoners have taken to the streets demanding to be attacked by a water cannon.

Marchers ordered to amble instead

NORTHERN Ireland’s marching season is to be transformed into a series of pleasant strolls.

Avoid all sunlight forever, say goths

GOTHS have warned against exposure to sunlight during and after the heatwave.

Daily Mail rates the outfits of Gaza Strip refugees

BRITAIN’S leading 1950s newspaper has provided a fashion rundown of female Palestinians fleeing airstrikes.

Crazed struggle for one-upmanship called 'lifestyle'

BRITONS' manic obsession with having more material goods than their peers is actually just 'lifestyle', according to experts.

Cold drinks in mugs not enjoyable

A MUG is not an appropriate vessel for cold drinks like squash or water, it has been confirmed.

Vets taking the absolute piss

VETS are charging up to £70 to stick a needle in a cat, it has emerged.

Garden furniture asks if it can come in

YOUR garden table and chairs have asked if they can come inside with the other furniture for a bit.