News

Hermione should have married Jackie Chan, says Rowling

JK ROWLING has admitted that Hermione Granger would have been much happier married to martial arts legend Jackie Chan.

Gyms return to serene emptiness

BRITAIN'S gyms have again become places of calm and spirituality, undisturbed by the general public.

Sellafield using stolen Pope blood to make super-villain

THE Sellafield nuclear plant has been closed so the reactor can be used to make a super-villain out of stolen Pope blood.

Peanut-allergic people have to find something else to go on about

A POSSIBLE cure for peanut allergy means sufferers may have to talk about something else for a change.

Bromley's Jewel of the Raj to advertise during Super Bowl

A SOUTH London curry house has paid $2.2 million for a 25-second advert during Sunday's Super Bowl.

Maplin is where men meet for sex

ELECTRICAL goods specialist Maplin is a front for cottaging, it has emerged.

Outdoors not as good as indoors

AVOID ever going outside, experts have warned.

You are with SodaStream or you are with the terrorists, says Johansson

SCARLETT Johansson has defined the modern world as a battle between SodaStream and evil.