News

US flag changed to orange, purple and white to match Trump’s face

THE stars-and-stripes is switching colour scheme to orange, purple and white to match President Trump’s facial colouring.

Trump confirms this is going to be completely f**king insane

DONALD Trump has confirmed that the next four years are going to be as fucked up as his campaign.

Police taser race relations leader for suggesting they stop tasering black people

POLICE in Bristol have tasered the founder of their own race relations group after he suggested they treat black people with respect.

Final section of pre-apocalypse montage filmed at 5pm today

THE final footage for a grainy, event-packed pre-apocalypse montage will be filmed at the Capitol in Washington DC at 5pm today.

‘Fake news’ to be delightful and fun

IF FAKE news is going to be spread anyway it should be about lovely, happy, fluffy things, researchers have proved.

Radio 4 listener to spend whole of Desert Island Discs pretending not to know who Beckham is

A RADIO 4 listener is to feign puzzlement about David Beckham’s identity throughout his appearance on Desert Island Discs.

We will not think any less of you if you back out now, humanity tells Trump

BILLIONS of humans have reassured Donald Trump that it’s fine if he wants to change his mind about becoming president.

Shit-flinging gibbon to be crowned emperor

A SCREECHING, orange, shit-flinging gibbon will be crowned ruler of the free world later today.