News

Man defeats Mark Zuckerberg to become first person to complete Facebook

A MAN has become the first person to complete Facebook after defeating 'end boss' Mark Zuckerberg, it has emerged.

What a great song, Stone Roses fan tells himself

A FAN of The Stone Roses has lied to himself and friends by saying how much he loves the band’s new single All For One.

If you touch CBeebies we will destroy you, parents warn government

PARENTS of children under six have warned the government that if it lays a finger on CBeebies they will burn Westminster down.

Friend lost to aspirational bullshit

FRIENDS of 28-year-old Julian Cook fear they have lost him forever after he embraced aspirational bullshit.

Bird worried nest looks pretty lame

A BIRD is sceptical that a flimsy construction of twigs and mud is suitable to live in, he has admitted.

Male receptionist sent home for not wearing codpiece

A RECEPTIONIST at a leading City firm has been sent home without pay for refusing to wear a jewelled leather codpiece.

Man permanently scarred by four-star review of Radiohead album

A RADIOHEAD fan will never fully recover from reading a four-star review of their new album, it has emerged.

Woman ditches ‘summer body’ in favour of things that are not bollocks

A WOMAN has given up her bid to look good on a one-week holiday in favour of a summer full of drink and bacon, it has emerged.