News

Only thing that causes cancer is fags, Britain tells scientists

SMOKING is the only thing that causes cancer and everything else is fine, Britain has told annoying scientists.

Reading Festival fans outraged that none of the bands are shit enough

ROCK fans have criticised the Reading Festival line-up for not including enough genuinely shit bands.

Couple prepare for grudging parody of romance

A HAPPY couple will celebrate their 10th Valentine’s Day by doing just about enough to make it to next year.

Petrol stations confirm they have plenty of horrible flowers

PETROL stations have stocked up on cheap, manky flowers in time for Valentine's Day.

People boycotting Peter Rabbit 'should probably avoid' Watership Down

ANYONE offended by the new Peter Rabbit film should give Watership Down a miss, rabbits have confirmed.

Have you got the f**k over Harry Potter yet?

IT’S more than 10 years since the Harry Potter series finished, but some of its readers are still incapable of letting go and growing the fuck up. Are you one of them?

Harry and Meghan to follow wedding ceremony with massive Waitrose shop

PRINCE Harry and Meghan Markle are to follow their May 19th wedding with a big shop at the Windsor branch of Waitrose.