Farage to act as go-between for Trump and nearest Domino’s

NIGEL Farage will be Donald Trump’s high powered ‘go-between’ whenever the new president wants to eat some pizza.

Leonard Cohen’s music perfect for feeling sad about Leonard Cohen

THE music of Leonard Cohen is perfect for fans feeling desolate and melancholic about his death, they have confirmed.

Clinical, joyless humans have already finished their Christmas shopping

EARLY shoppers have already bought all the cold, impersonal gifts which they will hand to the humans they are obliged to exchange them with.

Trump voter listens carefully to call for national unity then sets up Aryan website

A DONALD Trump supporter has acknowledged the president-elect’s call for national unity before registering the domain name for a white supremacist website.

Toddlers become spherical for winter

TODDLERS have expanded into their spherical outdoor forms for the winter months.

It is possible, says woman who survived four-year relationship with twat

A WOMAN who survived four years with a knobhead has given hope to humanity.

Man uses Trump victory as excuse to call ex-girlfriend

A MAN has decided the US election result is sufficiently insane to justify calling his ex-girlfriend.

‘Ignored’ voter to become ‘absolutely shafted’ voter

A TRUMP supporter has voted to make the government stop ignoring him and completely screw him over instead.