News

Evening Standard to be paper for busy Londoners who love coke, says Osborne

THE London Evening Standard will feature an indispensable weekly guide to crazy parties where all kinds of stuff goes on.

Couple’s wedding theme is ‘Look how rich our parents are’

AN engaged couple have decided to theme their upcoming wedding around their parents’ vast wealth.

God reserving harshest judgement for people who say ‘Fri-yay’

GOD has confirmed that people who use the term ‘Fri-yay’ to celebrate the end of the working week will face the most severe eternal judgement.

He spouts exactly the same bollocks in private, GCHQ confirms

GCHQ HAS confirmed that Donald Trump’s private communications are nothing but the same meaningless bollocks he says in public.

Theresa May in absolutely massive wild guess about Scottish people

THERESA May is betting the future of the UK on a gigantic wild guess about how Scottish people react to things.

Woman postpones software update for 500th day in a row

A WOMAN has clicked ’not now’ on her automatic software update for the 500th consecutive day.

Grandmother given obscene birthday card

A MAN who loves humorous ‘bad taste’ birthday cards believed one would be appropriate for his 80-year-old grandmother.

Row turns ugly as wife compared to Brexit

A MARITAL argument has turned unexpectedly ugly after a man told his wife she was “like fucking Brexit.”