JEREMY Clarkson has explained that his persona comes from being teased at school about his grapefruit-shaped penis.
ALEX Salmond has finally admitted he hates Scotland and wants the country to be independent so he can abolish it.
THE Queen has formally announced that she will spend her retirement living in stables as a horse.
ALL consumer goods are to come with a contract for a shitty 'flexible hours' job
A MAN who indiscriminately clicks the ‘recommend’ button on internet comments has been honoured for helping to keep the internet going.
PRINCE Harry has split from girlfriend Cressida Bonas after she accidentally entered the special room at Kensington Palace.
THE ban on musical instruments in prison does not include cool synths, it has been confirmed.
KITTENS are at a point of maximum cuteness beyond which they will no longer be a mental balm, experts have warned.