News

Sound problems at Grammys caused by poor quality of music

GRAMMY Awards organisers have apologised for sound issues that were caused by the music not being very good.

Bathroom cupboard full of non-essential oils

A WOMAN’S bathroom cabinet is brimful of distilled, cleansing, pointless lotions.

Church denies Pope had normal human feelings

CATHOLIC church officials have denied that Pope John Paul II would have done anything normal and healthy like fancying a woman.

Craig ‘will stay if Bond is more up himself’

ACTOR Daniel Craig will stay on as James Bond if the fictional spy is made more self-important, he has announced.

Proper grown-ups blissfully ignorant of latest Twitter row

PROPER grown-up humans have no idea why a celebrity has deleted his Twitter account.

Anger as fancy beer served in ordinary pint glass

THE purchase of an expensive European lager was ruined by being served in a normal pint glass.

Man experimenting with antisocial ways of parking his car

A MAN is trying different ways of parking his car to find the ones that cause maximum annoyance.

Kanye finds time in busy schedule of twattishness to release album

KANYE West has found a window in his schedule of twattery to release some of his music.