Motorists to wear stupid racing clothes like cyclists

CAR drivers are to dress in helmets and flameproof overalls in a move inspired by the high-tech racing attire of cyclists.

Man plays it cool by launching Facebook search for girl he met briefly at festival

A MAN who met an attractive girl at Bestival has taken the casual approach by launching a massive online search for her details.

Fresher dabbling in patois

A MIDDLE-CLASS fresher has admitted experimenting with a version of West Indian patois in an attempt to look cool.

Everything now happening 'for a generation'

THE term 'for a generation' must be used for any vague but long-sounding period of time, experts have confirmed. 

All alcohol looks classy in a box

ANY bottle of alcohol will instantly look classy when placed in a box, experts have confirmed.

Ticket inspector going for some sort of gold medal in being a dickhead

A TICKET inspector has convinced passengers he is taking part in a dickhead contest.

New regulator leads to massive improvement in press behaviour

BRITAIN’S newspapers have undergone a moral transformation thanks to the introduction of a new regulator.

Weatherman admits he has absolutely no f**king idea anymore

A WEATHER forecaster has admitted he is just wasting his time right now.