News

We are not interested in touching you, royals told

BRITONS have confirmed that they have no interest in touching the royal family.

Four-year-olds and forty-year-olds so excited about getting bikes for Christmas

PRE-SCHOOL children and men in midlife crisis are unable to stop talking about the bikes they are getting for Christmas.

Brother-in-law unveils pathetic drink driving excuses

YOUR brother-in-law has previewed his feeble excuses for driving drunk over the festive season.

Britons long to be servants

THE pathetic obsession with posh people is caused by a desire to perform menial tasks for the upper classes, it has emerged.

Kids planning to get drunk on chocolate liqueurs

A GROUP of 13-year-olds has revealed plans to get wasted this Christmas by eating a lot of chocolate liqueurs.

UK moon mission ‘not just a piss-up’

THE organisers of a UK moon landing have strenuously denied that it is an excuse to drink lager in space.

McNuggets made with organic, fresh child meat

MCDONALD’S has revealed that its nuggets contain locally-sourced boy.

Podcast evangelists worse than Christians

PODCAST listeners are unable to perform basic interactions without recommending podcasts, researchers have found.