News

Crazed struggle for one-upmanship called 'lifestyle'

BRITONS' manic obsession with having more material goods than their peers is actually just 'lifestyle', according to experts.

Cold drinks in mugs not enjoyable

A MUG is not an appropriate vessel for cold drinks like squash or water, it has been confirmed.

Vets taking the absolute piss

VETS are charging up to £70 to stick a needle in a cat, it has emerged.

Garden furniture asks if it can come in

YOUR garden table and chairs have asked if they can come inside with the other furniture for a bit.

People with National Trust car stickers mostly drug dealers

OVER 90 per cent of National Trust car sticker owners are career criminals, it has emerged.

Doctors 'not secretly planning to murder patients'

DOCTORS will not use voluntary euthanasia laws to do lots of murders, they have confirmed.

Passport backlog blamed on everyone having different names

THE UK Passport Office has insisted there would be no backlog in applications if everyone could just have the same name.

Female scientists quit

ALL women working in science have jacked it in to become bishops.