News

Man who has taken up boxing getting punched a lot

A MAN who has taken up boxing so he can tell people he is a boxer admitted he is basically paying money to get punched in the face.

Woman who hasn’t seen Stranger Things successfully bluffing with 80s references

A WOMAN drawn into conversation about Stranger Things has fooled everyone into believing she has seen it by making a series of vague 1980s references.

Parents reminded that Halloween the only thing stopping Christmas

PARENTS resentful about Halloween have been reminded it is the only thing standing between them and full-on Christmas.

Radio One breakfast show losing listeners to static

HALF-A-MILLION listeners have ditched Nick Grimshaw’s Radio 1 breakfast show in favour of tuning their radio to white noise.

Man furious about Cambridge literature syllabus has only read Dune

A MAN totally opposed to attempts to make Cambridge’s literature teaching more diverse has only ever read the sci-fi epic Dune.

Declassified JFK files reveal he’s fine

FILES on the President Kennedy assassination opened to the public for the first time today have revealed that he is alive and well in Kentucky.

BMW driver trying to overtake supersonic car

THE Bloodhound rocket car capable of reaching 1,000mph is being tailgated by a man in a BMW 7 series, observers have confirmed.

Father of small children mysteriously takes 45 minutes in bathroom at weekends

A FATHER-OF-TWO able to complete a trip to the bathroom in under five minutes during the week inexplicably needs three-quarters of an hour at weekends.