Sausages 'kick the shit' out of burgers

SAUSAGES are far better than burgers, experts have confirmed.

Exes so lucky to have amazing fake friendship

AN EX-COUPLE feel blessed to still have an incredible pretend friendship.

Trump launches ‘Trumpbook’

DONALD Trump has launched a social networking site just for him and his insane followers.

‘The Grand Tour’ is most illegally downloaded show by teenagers reluctantly helping their dads

JEREMY Clarkson’s show has set a record for illegal downloads by teenagers doing it resentfully because their dad kept asking.

UK carrying out hit-and-run card deliveries

BRITONS are delivering Christmas cards with maximum stealth to avoid interacting with relatives and neighbours.

Dads in training for pointlessly competitive games of Trivial Pursuit

BRITAIN’S fathers have begun training for the absurdly competitive Christmas Day game of Trivial Pursuit.

Middle class children ask for massive plastic toys to annoy parents

MIDDLE class children are asking for large, brightly coloured plastic toys for Christmas that will ruin their parent’s tasteful lifestyle.

Woman devastated over split with ex's Netflix account

A WOMAN who broke up with her boyfriend has been left heartbroken by the loss of his Netflix account.