News

Army to weaponise food allergies

THE army has developed new weapons exploiting the food intolerances of enemy soldiers.

Boss thinks it's probably time to bollock everyone

SENIOR manager Tom Booker is going to shout at his team because he feels obliged to bollock them regularly.

Punk not as important as former punk thinks

PUNK was far less important than ex-punk Tom Logan likes to think, it has emerged.

Telly idiots being treated like tribal elders

SOCIETY is at a point where presenters of light entertainment television are regarded as wise sages.

Pervasive stench of rice cakes means someone's on a diet

THE sickening odour of rice cakes drifting across the country has prompted a nationwide search for a person on a diet.

Spain to get exciting new monarch unlike some people

SPAIN is to get a coronation and some new stamps and post boxes, unlike some other countries with old monarchs.

Britain's soulless and generic high streets under threat

BRITAIN'S rows of tedious, depressing chain shops are under threat from online retailers.

Human personality just a reaction to weather

YOUR thoughts and feelings are dictated by whether it is sunny.