PEOPLE who express themselves in plain, simple terms are invariably wrong, it has emerged.
BRITONS have confirmed that four days of work per week is the most they can be expected to cope with.
THE Labour Party in Scotland has finished ninth behind a party promising more human sacrifices.
LONDON commuters delayed for hours by a fire on the tracks at Vauxhall are thrilled that there is a genuine reason for once.
EVERYONE should take a moment to consider how mental lobsters are, according to experts.
A SUNSHINE-INSPIRED attempt to do a social activity not involving the pub immediately died on its arse, it has emerged.
PODCASTS are not listened to outside London because people there have friends, research has discovered.
LEADING hipsters have met in a craft ale pub to discuss whether gammon should be the next food trend.