Nigella exhibiting signs of demonic possession

TV COOK Nigella Lawson is possessed by a demon, it has emerged.

Northern Powerhouse relocated to London

THE best place for the ‘Northern Powerhouse’ scheme is probably in London after all, the government has announced.

Nobody genuinely likes olives

EVERY olive is to be made into oil after it was confirmed nobody enjoys eating them.

Joggers have own class system

AMATEUR runners have their own rigid class system, it has emerged.

Syria same

SYRIANS are having a typical Monday, it has been confirmed.

Food good for you

FOOD may be less harmful than previously thought, it has been claimed.

Decadent western lifestyles expected to continue

THERE is a high probability that the decadent western lifestyle will be maintained, it has emerged.

Sleep still interfering with smartphone use

PERIODS of recuperative rest are still an obstacle to unlimited mobile phone usage, it has emerged.