Quirky couple wants everyone to choose song for wedding playlist as long as it’s to their taste

A COUPLE have asked their wedding guests to suggest songs for their party playlist, provided they are the kind of tracks they would have chosen anyway.

Missing sock mysteriously returns after three-year absence

A SOCK, missing for three years, has unaccountably returned to the wardrobe from which it vanished.

Big decisions should always be left until last possible moment, confirm experts

LIFE'S most important decisions are best ignored and put off until they become absolutely impossible to avoid, a study has confirmed.

Immigration to be reduced to a fun Australian and a pretty Italian

IMMIGRATION to the UK will be cut to just two people who are acceptable to Britain’s racists and xenophobes, Theresa May has announced.

I shaved my sodding legs for this, says woman on date with twat

A WOMAN is furious about the time she spent shaving her legs in preparation for a dreadful date with a twat, it has emerged.

Ireland accused of blasphemy for questioning Stephen Fry

STEPHEN Fry’s omniscience has been controversially called into question by Ireland.

Huge relief after only 11 million people vote for a fascist

THERE was huge relief today after just 11 million people in Europe’s second biggest country voted for a neo-Nazi crackpot.

Husband asked if he ‘would like to do the dishes’ thinks it's a question

A HUSBAND has been made an offer he could technically refuse but will not if he actually thinks about it.