THE Commonwealth Games closing celebrations are still going, will DJs playing increasingly hard techno.
MOST Britons think World War One involved extraterrestrials in massive tripods, it has emerged.
EUROPE has ended the argument about whether British or German holidaymakers are the worst by confirming that they both are.
THE celebration of National Orgasm Day has been followed by a day of changing the subject, turning over and pretending to go to sleep.
SCOTLAND has been overwhelmed by boring, self-obsessed people with something to prove.
SCIENTISTS are to map the DNA of everyone in Britain in a bid to find out why so many of you are dreadful.
TRADITIONAL village penis pill retailers are facing closure as customers desert them for online competitors.
GATWICK has doubled its staff of surly baggage-flingers.