News

Woman putting random shit in food to 'perk it up'

A WOMAN believes that adding random ingredients to food makes it better and more exotic.

'Highly intelligent' missile still desperate to annihilate something

A NEW 'intelligent' missile is unwilling to contemplate non-missile career options, it has emerged.

North launches Rent Aid to help Londoners

NORTHERN pop stars are recording a benefit single for Londoners facing rising rents.

Fallout 4 set in present-day Carlisle

THE latest instalment of the video game Fallout is set in and around 21st Century Carlisle.

Man with flannel shirt self-identifies as lumberjack

A 31-YEAR-OLD man who regularly wears plaid shirts is misrepresenting himself as rugged.

Female body hair ‘may stop women meeting twats’

FEMALE body hair is a massive turn-off for virgins, shallow narcissists and picky twats, it has emerged.

Game of Thrones to kill off several major fans

THE next season of Game of Thrones will see the death of some of the programme's biggest fans.

Stupid upper class 'being excluded from factories and call centres'

STUPID, privately educated people are being sidelined from low wage jobs, it has emerged.