Colleague insists on using bollocks file-sharing thing

A WORKER is insisting his colleagues use some annoying file-sharing app he has found, it has emerged.

Normal-sized rat spotted

A RAT that is 'the size of a normal rat' has been sighted.

Man who never goes out worried about social integration

A MAN whose main activity is watching television is concerned that minorities are not taking an active role in British life, he has revealed.

Another old white man preparing to judge everyone

AN OLD, white, powerful man is preparing to decide whether you have behaved in a fashion he deems appropriate.

Supreme Court justices trying not to look bored out of their f**king minds

BRITAIN’S Supreme Court justices have today begun an historic four day process of trying not to look bored shitless.

UK basking in warm glow of victimhood

MILLIONS of perfectly normal Britons firmly believe they have some sort of ‘victim’ status, it has emerged.

Posh family basically takes over pub

A WEALTHY family leave their shit lying all around the pub whenever they visit.

Eighty percent would tell Dickensian Christmas ghosts to bugger off 

FOUR out of five people would completely fail to heed the lesson in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, experts have confirmed.