News

Woman genuinely contemptuous of celebrity fashion

A WOMAN has failed to realise that outrageous fashions are just part of a grim celebrity publicity machine.

'Best of 2014' lists designed to make you feel thick

LISTS of the best cultural things of the year are deliberately composed to make you feel stupid, their creators have admitted.

Parents in last-minute dash to miss school play

PARENTS across the country are making every effort possible not to see their children's Christmas plays.

Killer A.I. better than annoying android kid with emotions

DEADLY intelligent machines are preferable to ‘cute’ kid androids that bang on about not being real children, according to experts.

Society obsessed with breasts except in most natural context

BRITAIN is desperate to see breasts except when they are being used to feed a baby, it has been claimed.

Government to spend £600bn on four gigantic things

THE government is to spend almost £600 billion on the four biggest things it could think of.

Number of housewives needing sex with any male internet user reaching crisis point

THE volume of attractive wives needing immediate no-strings sexual encounters is becoming a humanitarian crisis, it has been claimed.

Northern grandmother gets sprouts on

A GRANDMOTHER in Lancashire has begun boiling the vegetables for her Christmas dinner.