News

Cliff raid inspires f**king awful song

THE police raid on Sir Cliff Richard’s house has inspired him to write yet another mawkish dirge.

Man picks up warm dog shit, seals it in a bag then leaves it in the hedge

A DOG walker has bagged a pile of fresh canine faeces then put it back in almost the same place.

Fitness 'a nightmare that never ends'

IF you want to be fit you have to keep doing exercise forever, it has emerged.

Colour of dress depends on whether you are secretly racist

SOME people see this dress as white and gold because they have hidden racist opinions, it has emerged.

Postcards of red phoneboxes to show they're only used for crime

POSTCARDS featuring traditional red phoneboxes must now show they are exclusively used for sex, drugs and public urination.

Harrison Ford: “I'll stop when I've ruined all of my films”

The announcement of a Blade Runner sequel, starring me, has sparked debate about whether it can live up to the original. It won't.

Bitter woman turns friend’s break-up into hateful best-seller

A WOMAN has turned eight years of incessant bitching about her friend's partner into a best-selling book.

Jihadi John 'used to be a schoolboy'

BRITAIN is recoiling from news that 'Jihadi John' was, from the age of six to 18, a child who attended school.