News
For Shame, Our Rates Of Interest Can Surely Plunge No Lower, Proclaims Mr Pepys
London, 1694: MR Samuel Pepys, the noted sage and diarist, has proclaimed the nation to be in peril after the rates of pecuniary interest reached the abominable level of two in every hundred.
Treasury Has Been Able To Print Tenners All Along
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has admitted the economic downturn was completely unnecessary as all this time he could just have printed more tenners.
West Coast Mainline Designated National Metaphor
BRITAIN'S piece of shit of west coast railway line has been designated as the country's latest national metaphor.
MI5 Chief Incredibly Bald
A SERVING head of MI5 has appeared before the press for the first time and he is incredibly bald.
Israel To Open Humanitarian Corridor And Then Blow It Up
ISRAEL has agreed to open a corridor into Gaza for essential humanitarian supplies and then fire hundreds of missiles at it.
Estate Agents Now Showing Houses To Other Estate Agents
BRITAIN'S estate agents are showing houses to each other in a bid to combat loneliness and prevent their traditional skills from dying out.
M&S Staff To Be Sacked By Dervla Kirwan
MARKS and Spencer is to use Irish actress Dervla Kirwan to sack more than 1200 workers.
One In Ten Young Adults Begging For A Kick In The Teeth
ONE in 10 young unemployed British adults is so dissatisfied with life that they are just begging to be kicked in the teeth, new research suggests.