Avoid oysters if you're a pussy, say manly experts

THE risk of Norovirus means that oysters are unsuitable for anyone lacking a pair of balls, it has been claimed.

Radiohead album to be based on Osborne statement

MISERY-vending prog sulkers Radiohead will use George Osborne's autumn statement as the lyrics for their new album.

Strikers told to be home in time for Newsround

BRITAIN'S public sector workers have been allowed out on strike today as long as they are home before it gets too dark.

Frozen Planet 'gave whisky to penguins'

EMPEROR penguins in the hit wildlife series Frozen Planet are given shots of whisky so they act-up for the cameras, it has been claimed.

Ken Russell funeral banned by the BBFC

KEN Russell's funeral will need major cuts, according to the British Board of Funeral Classification.

Bees to be privatised

BRITAIN'S bees are to be privatised in a bid to reverse their decline.

Loads of people like totally agree wivat pissed bird on the tram

THAT pissed bird on that video, right, was like totally spot on, wun't she, it was confirmed last night.

TV advert shows Santa kicked to death by reindeer

FATHER Christmas is dead because of massive skull damage inflicted by hooves, according to a new television commercial aimed at children.