News

Celebrity culture rises defiant from ashes of London

THE new Celebrity Big Brother house has emerged like a glorious phoenix from England's shattered capital.

Not enough graduates know about Freudian subtext in 'Alien 3', say employers

TOO many graduates have an insufficient knowledge of the psychosexual elements of the Alien films, industry leaders have warned.

Britain's teenagers herded into their pens

IN the midst of social strife Britain's traditions endure as today the country celebrates the Great Annual Sifting of the Teenagers.

Riots were Derren Brown TV stunt

THE riots which devastated 90 percent of England were just the latest high jinks mind-control stunt by cocky illusionist Derren Brown, it has emerged.

Sanctimonious tools live longer

LOOKING down your nose at normal people can add 10 years to your life, say researchers.

Rail bosses pledge to improve infrastructure of their gigantic houses

TRAIN fare hikes are vital if rail executives are to double the size of their humongous homes by 2015, it was claimed last night.

News International cat incredibly far from bag

THE News International cat was at least 2,000 miles from its bag, it was estimated last night.

David Cameron invents the Scouts

THE prime minister has unveiled a radical new concept for social change involving youngsters with neckerchiefs being helpful.