News

Man discovers he is not qualified for unskilled labour

A 25-YEAR-OLD man was applying for a job as ‘unskilled labourer’ when he realised he did not meet the criteria.

Public deliberately misled on whether cars can make you cool

MOTOR manufacturers deliberately misled consumers into believing car purchase could make them cool, it has emerged.

Superyacht mostly used for watching telly

A BILLIONAIRE has confirmed that his £300 million ‘superyacht’ is only used for activities that could be carried out in an average sitting room.

Skype users switch to phone calls where they suddenly hang up every few minutes

FRUSTRATED Skype fans have been making deliberately fragmented calls on normal phones.

Man’s favourite music genre is commercial dance

A 24-YEAR-OLD man has described his passion for the type of music known as ‘commercial dance’.

Pharrell having a really shit day

POP star Pharrell is in a foul mood today, it has been confirmed.

Free school meals scrapped as children punished for causing budget deficit

BRITAIN’S infants will finally be made to pay for causing the budget deficit in the wake of the 2008 financial crash.

John Lewis begins destruction of Christmas advert song

JOHN Lewis has begun the annual process of turning a much-loved song into an insipid mess in time for Christmas.