News

The Mashipedia Emergency Fact Service

WITH Wikipedia laid low by chronic indignation, the Daily Mash has unselfishly stepped into the breach with a list of today's Top Ten Must-Have facts.

'Onesies' prove men no longer exist

THE availability of one-piece romper suits for adult males proves that men are over, it has been claimed.

Headache epidemic caused by having to think

EXPERTS have warned the Wikipedia blackout will cause widescale brain injuries as people try to know things.

Standard & Poor's upgrades itself

CREDIT rating agency Standard & Poor's has upgraded itself to Triple-A Plus Super Fantastic.

Past Times give workers Ye Olde Sacke

PANIC gift purchase store Past Times has made 574 workers redundant today via the medium of town crier.


Queen's new boat to be massive waste of private money

ONLY private money should pissed away on the Queen's new boat, the government has insisted.

Britain may have to do some actual work

BRITAIN faces the prospect of having to remove its finger from its arse.

'Oh no! It's the Daily Telegraph!' says Scotland

SCOTLAND was last night fleeing in terror after a surprise attack from the first battalion of Her Majesty's Daily Telegraph.