News

Madonna becomes new face of Tena Lady

AFTER a near perfect performance at the Super Bowl on Sunday, Madonna has been unveiled as the new brand ambassador for feminine leakage pads.

Refusing to have fun now a sackable offence

TOUGH new policies on workplace fun will make enjoyment of group activities non-negotiable, it has emerged.

Queen to be bombarded with lower middle class music

BRITAIN will pay tribute to the Queen by standing outside her house and bombarding her with music she finds ghastly.

Right-wing people smart enough to hate everyone

RIGHT-wingers are intelligent enough to know that everyone is ultimately a self-serving bastard, according to new research.

NHS to use frantic hand gestures

NHS staff are to start miming what they want to do to foreign patients in a bid to save money.

UN deadlocked over Arab-killing rights

THE United Nations Security Council remains deadlocked over which countries are allowed to exterminate Arab civilians.

Abu Qatada appointed UK’s jihad tsar

RADICAL Islamic cleric Abu Qatada is to overhaul British Islamo-fascism after being named as the country's  first jihad 'tsar'.

Rail bonuses to be replaced with knackered bus

THE £20 million bonus pool for Network Rail bosses is to be repeatedly postponed then replaced by a former school bus.