MIDDLE class people have asserted their right to feel smug about not
having a television despite watching exactly the same shit on computers.
THE elite special forces team that killed Osama bin Laden is to inspire a big-budget film, an edgy boy band and a no-nonsense dish washing sponge.
PAKISTAN last night pointed at the sky and screamed in a pathetic attempt to distract the world from its nauseatingly transparent guilt.
THE Catholic Church last night beatified Ringo Starr by mistake.
BRITAIN has been inspired and energised by the joining together of Pippa Middleton's left and right buttocks.
THE death of Osama Bin Laden is a temporary glitch, purveyors of top quality fear have insisted.
TERRIFYING numbers of people are going nuts on the streets of England because two people they've never met are getting married in a big church.
ACROSS the country, British people are readying themselves for a once-in-a-lifetime fridge-cleaning moment.