Churches to charge for choirboy photos

VISITORS to churches have been banned from photographing choristers unless they pay a sum based on the boy's prettiness.

British submarines 'can't go underwater'

BRITAIN's multi-billion pound Trident submarines do not work underwater, secret files have revealed.

Days before M1 returns to suicide-inducing normality

IT could be at least three days before motorists can return to pondering suicide on the M1, officials have warned.

Jacob's Creek unsurpassable, say Britons

EVERYTHING about Jacob's Creek is perfect, a survey has confirmed.

Super-injunction to ban promotion of films

A LEGAL move is being made to keep 95% of new films a secret.

Kissing lesbians offered free bottle of wine

TWO lesbians who kissed in a pub were offered a free bottle of white wine in a bid to crank things up a notch.

Middleton leased to Berlusconi in bid to slash deficit

BRITAIN'S attractive future queen could generate valuable revenue by offering discreet personal services, experts have claimed.

Key to happiness is 'being left alone by happiness campaigners'

THE secret to lasting happiness is being left alone by people who think your mood is any of their business, it has emerged.