News

It's not telly if you watch it on a computer, say middle class people

MIDDLE class people have asserted their right to feel smug about not having a television despite watching exactly the same shit on computers.

'Team 6' to become film, boy band and washing-up sponge

THE elite special forces team that killed Osama bin Laden is to inspire a big-budget film, an edgy boy band and a no-nonsense dish washing sponge.

'Good God! What the hell's that?' shouts Pakistan

PAKISTAN last night pointed at the sky and screamed in a pathetic attempt to distract the world from its nauseatingly transparent guilt.

Vatican accidentally beatifies Ringo

THE Catholic Church last night beatified Ringo Starr by mistake.

Britain overjoyed by union of buttocks

BRITAIN has been inspired and energised by the joining together of Pippa Middleton's left and right buttocks.


We will recover from this, pledge fearmongers

THE death of Osama Bin Laden is a temporary glitch, purveyors of top quality fear have insisted.

Everyone goes mental for strangers' wedding

TERRIFYING numbers of people are going nuts on the streets of England because two people they've never met are getting married in a big church.

Friday April 29, 2011: A time to clean the fridge

ACROSS the country, British people are readying themselves for a once-in-a-lifetime fridge-cleaning moment.