Queen To Put Balls In Her Mouth For First Time Since 1957

THE Queen is to put some balls in her mouth for the first time in more than 50 years, Buckingham Palace has confirmed.

BP Funds New Generation Of Country And Western Music

BP is to set up an oil spill compensation fund which experts say will ultimately be used to buy country and western music and books about creationism.

Big Brother Comes To An End As Everyone Just Gives Up

BIG Brother was brought quietly to a close last night as the entire production team decided to do something else with their lives.

Britain Trying Not To Imagine What Katie Price Perfume Smells Like

BRITAIN was last night trying desperately not to think about what Katie Price branded perfume actually smells like.

More People Bringing Vuvuzelas To The Office

THE World Cup has seen a sharp rise in the number of people bringing their vuvuzelas to work with them.

Microsoft Unveils Xbox That Plays Itself

THE new Xbox allows gamers to reclaim their lives by playing itself, it was revealed last night.

Christopher Eccleston Claims He Was Doctor Who

SURLY actor Christopher Eccleston has claimed he was the star of Doctor Who.

Hard-Up Public Sector Pensioners 'Will Sing U2 Songs In Tube Stations'

A CUT in public sector pensions will lead to lots of decrepit leftists singing U2 songs in tube stations to make ends meet, it was warned last night.