MURDERING an ageing relative has never been simpler, it was confirmed last night.
MILLIONS of people not at the Glastonbury Festival have started relishing the abject suffering of those who are.
THE Royal Bank of Scotland has been urged to make a series of massive, insanely risky investments in a bid to boost its share price.
THE unlikely bond between an injured chick and an orang-utan has evolved into a sexual relationship, it emerged last night.
SECTARIAN rioting in Northern Ireland is still far too much fun for all concerned, it was claimed last night.
MILLIONS of Britons are facing financial ruin because their friends keep getting married in distant, expensive places they have only visited once.
PEOPLE across Britain are today asking themselves 'Am I more German than Hitler?'.
FISH are on the brink of surrender, it was confirmed last night.