News

Seagulls are delicious, says Osborne

GEORGE Osborne has produced his own glossy booklet of money-saving tips for benefits claimants.

Men losing interest in breasts

THE seemingly endless Kate Middleton topless saga is making men bored with breasts, it has emerged.

Anti-emoticon unveiled

AN 'anti-emoticon' has been created, depicting a firm handshake.

Jesus's 'wife' was massive pain in the arse

ACCORDING to a fourth century papyrus Jesus had a wife that he absolutely despised.

iPhone 5 not as good as first phone ever made

THE facility to talk to people who are not in the room remains the most innovative feature of any phone ever, it has been confirmed.

Keeping up with TV drama now main cause of stress

ATTEMPTING to keep abreast of television drama is the primary cause of stress in the UK, it has emerged.

Twitter cuts tweet length to one character

AS part of a major revamp, Twitter has reduced its maximum message length from 140 characters to a single consonant.

World’s wisest man found on internet

A MAN who understands everything has been discovered thanks to his repeated posts on the online comment sections of national newspapers.