News

Humanity warned against reacting to Madonna kiss

ANYONE with an opinion about Madonna’s behaviour is playing into the hands of society’s evil puppet masters, it has been claimed.

Cats admit perverse love of heat

CAT are incredibly keen on high temperatures despite having thick pelts, it has emerged.

Woman gives birth to media wanker baby

A WOMAN has given birth to a baby obsessed with social media engagement and brand awareness.

DVLA launches Thinking About Buying A Car Tax

ANYONE considering getting a car now has to pay the DVLA from the moment it crosses their mind.

Everything in world has been made into a musical

THE West End is set to close after the last original topic for a musical was made into a musical, producers have confirmed.

Britain's last volunteer died in 1976

NOBODY in the UK has volunteered to do something since the mid 1970s, it has emerged.

London no longer just a metaphorical desert

A RAIN of sand from the Sahara has finally made London the desert that it always was in spirit, it has been confirmed.

Delayed Gatwick passengers forced to drill for oil

PASSENGERS delayed at Gatwick Airport will be forced into slavery on a nearby oilfield.