THE risk of Norovirus means that oysters are unsuitable for anyone lacking a pair of balls, it has been claimed.
MISERY-vending prog sulkers Radiohead will use George Osborne's autumn statement as the lyrics for their new album.
BRITAIN'S public sector workers have been allowed out on strike today as long as they are home before it gets too dark.
EMPEROR penguins in the hit wildlife series Frozen Planet are given shots of whisky so they act-up for the cameras, it has been claimed.
KEN Russell's funeral will need major cuts, according to the British Board of Funeral Classification.
BRITAIN'S bees are to be privatised in a bid to reverse their decline.
THAT pissed bird on that video, right, was like totally spot on, wun't she, it was confirmed last night.
FATHER Christmas is dead because of massive skull damage inflicted by hooves, according to a new television commercial aimed at children.