THOUSANDS of heavily armed troops are to be deployed across Britain to make sure everyone enjoys the Royal wedding.
WALES last night proclaimed Merthyr Tydfil to be its greatest ever achievement.
PLANS to thrust a huge metal phallus back and forth between Birmingham
and London are not about me, transport secretary Philip Hammond has
WORLD'S worst banker Fred Goodwin hosts money orgies where he has intercourse with a series of life-size papier maché figures made from £20 notes.
THE latest Tomb Raider instalment has been delayed by technical problems
with SEQUL8TOR, Hollywood's giant sequel-making computer.
THE Daily Mail achieved perfection today after publishing a photograph of Eva Braun posing as a black man.
BRITAIN is today extending a gracious invitation to the public sector to suck on it until they gag.
IAIN Duncan Smith is to simplify Britain's complex state pension system into an easy to understand voucher for powdered soup.