Idiots face SAS book shortage

SAS recruitment problems may leave Britain's idiots with nothing to read on holiday, experts have warned.

Britain's workers grant themselves three days of semi-holiday

THE UK's employees aren't going to be doing a lot this week, they have announced.

Jesus loved eggs, say experts

THE mystic role of eggs in Easter is based on Christ's love of eating them, experts have claimed.

Royal effigies 'a breach of copyright'

FERVENT anti-royalists planning to burn effigies of William and Kate have been warned against making their own bootleg figurines.

Nine hundred Christians make slight change to their delusion

ALMOST one thousand Anglicans are to mark Easter by making a slight adaptation to their voodoo.

Middletons finally offended by Prince Philip

KATE Middleton's parents have finally been subjected to a series of horribly offensive comments by Prince Philip.

Middleton coat of arms features BMW badge and golf ball

THE Middleton family has unveiled Britain's most middle class coat of arms.

Teenagers get somebody else to blame

FERTILITY treatment that uses DNA from three parents will give ungrateful adolescents somebody else to wish death upon.