Unemployed must become Scouts

GEORGE Osborne has told unemployed people that they must earn Scouting badges to keep their benefits.

Bridget Jones's husband inevitably kills himself

THE husband of fictional character Bridget Jones takes his own life to avoid listening to her incessant bullshit, it has emerged.

Samantha Cameron calls off divorce

THE prime minister's wife has halted divorce proceedings after realising she'd lose a sweet £200-a-year tax break.

Breaking Bad ends with everyone friends again

THE final episode of Breaking Bad ended last night with everyone becoming friends again.

Alcohol wrecks man's looks in a single night

28-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has described how a single night of intense drinking ravaged his youthful looks.

Blackberry bought by consortium of teenagers

THE makers of Blackberry have been bought by teens eager to keep their favourite hook-up network intact.

Hen party debts fuelling boom in organ sales

THE spiralling cost of pre-marital celebrations is prompting Britons to sell their organs.

Stephen King sued by his inner demons

THE psychological demons that haunted Stephen King are suing the writer for a share of his book profits.