News

Mobile phone companies step up mission to make world a better place

MOBILE phone operators have confirmed they will need more money to achieve their sole aim of bringing the whole world together.

Strike could leave airports exactly the same

TOMORROW'S public sector strike could leave UK airports exactly the same in every conceivable way, it was warned last night.

Scientists grow kebab meat on a sheep

GENETICISTS have created a sheep that produces kebab meat, it emerged last night.

Government praised for pretentious tool prevention

IMMIGRATION regulations keeping the country free of artists have been welcomed by people who are not dicks.

Bachmann launches White House bid by machine-gunning a pig

MICHELLE Bachmann has launched her presidential campaign with the ritual machine-gunning of a pig.

Transformers film somehow makes giant robots uninteresting

THE latest Transformers sequel has somehow made enormous flying robots seem like the dullest thing that has ever happened, it emerged last night.

Parents to break Michael Gove

PARENTS across Britain are to capture Michael Gove in a big net and then beat him with a sock full of pennies.

Office bitch sweating like a navvy

BRITAIN was today enjoying the sight of the bitch in their office sweating like a filthy pig on heat.