News

Holmes embraces conventional lunacy

KATIE Holmes has left the world of Scientology for a more normal type of bullshit by experimenting with Catholicism.

Britain's heap of shit weather explained

WE only have ourselves to blame for the current awful weather, it has emerged.

Plastic shoes sold with free penis removal

MALE buyers of slip-on plastic shoes will be offered the chance to have their genitals removed at no extra charge, it has emerged.

Man kills himself for enjoying 'Jamie's Summer Food Rave Up'

31-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan took his own life after failing to hate TV chef Jamie Oliver's festival-themed show, it has emerged.

Relief as Britons allowed to water their swamps

THOUSANDS of relieved gardeners are finally able to water the swamp-like areas attached to their houses, as the hosepipe ban is lifted.

50 Shades of Clegg

THE Daily Mash presents an exclusive excerpt from the erotic memoir that is setting the publishing world alight.

Bull blames all its problems on testicle envy

A BULL has claimed that its species is being victimised for having testicles much larger than those of humans.

Unemployed to have arses removed 

THE unemployed are to be forced 'off their backsides' by having their buttocks cut off, it has emerged.