News

Capitalist overlords behind budget cooking trend

BRITAIN'S capitalist overlords are secretly orchestrating the trend for nutritious low-cost recipes.

Reality to be rebooted

OUR shared reality is to be turned off and started again after becoming glitchy and confusing.

Mail sacks Dacre, hires de Botton

THE Daily Mail has sacked long-time editor Paul Dacre and replaced him with the philosopher Alain de Botton.

Scotland joining Eurovision would be ‘very difficult for everyone’

SCOTLAND’S bid to join Eurovision would be opposed by countries where people can hear, it has been claimed.

Gravity wins Best Film Set 230 Miles Above Britain

GRAVITY has been named best film set in a space station which passed over the British Isles.

Shitness of bus travel unaffected by floods

THE general woefulness of bus travel has remained unchanged by the recent extreme weather.

Beyoncé 'surfing all wrong'

SURFING experts have condemned Beyoncé's technique of grinding her crotch against her surfboard.

Award makes actors feel better about not having proper jobs

PEOPLE who act have been given awards to make them feel better about being unable to get proper jobs.