TIGHT Fit are to revive their 1982 concept album The Lion Sleeps Tonight with a series of spectacular stage shows.
DOZENS of women have written to Pope Benedict asking if Roman Catholic priests can be allowed the occasional hand job.
THE long-term jobless must stand about in big shops wearing polo shirts, the government has confirmed.
BIRTHS to women over 40 have trebled in the last 20 years as men continue to lower their standards, according to latest figures.
VICTORIA Beckham has been fitted with the brain of an alcoholic physics genius, it has been confirmed.
BRITNEY Spears is to be frozen in a tube until pop standards decline sufficiently for her to relaunch her career, it was confirmed last night.