News

Pretend Mars mission a success, confirms group of nine year-old boys

A SUCCESSFUL simulated Mars mission saw encounters with aliens and also zombies, according to the children who organised it.

NHS forcing old people into bare-knuckle boxing

THE National Health Service is now little more than a front for illegal boxing matches between frail pensioners, according to a new report.

Thank you for the lovely coup, army tells Egypt

THE Egyptian army last night thanked demonstrators in Cairo for their military coup, adding that it was a very nice one.

Rastamouse already annoying

THE BBC has been accused of encouraging annoyance with its new series about a Jamaican rodent.

Britain gets comfy as Melanie Phillips explains 'biblical sexuality'

BRITAIN today asked Melanie Phillips to wait a second while it settled into its favourite chair with a big bag of crisps.

Mumsnet into filth

TERRIFYING online collective Mumsnet has revealed a predilection for high-grade online filth.

Microsoft applies make-up to Nokia's corpse

MICROSOFT was today applying some rouge and lipstick to the dead face of Nokia.

Activision unveils Illegal Download Hero

CHILD'S game manufacturer Activision is ditching the Guitar Hero franchise for the simulated thrill of stealing dreadful music.