Hangover mocks your feeble 'cures'

YOU shall not banish me with your so-called remedies, says your hangover.

TV chefs want you dead

BRITAIN'S favourite TV chefs are trying to kill you.

2012 told to piss off

THE human race has told 2012 to piss off two weeks early.

Assault weapons are very handy, says US gun lobby

MILITARY-STYLE assault rifles have many practical applications for the perfectly sane, it has been claimed.

Arm teachers, say unspeakable pieces of shit

TEACHERS should be given assault rifles, America's bastard pieces of shit said last night.

Feeling drunk not the same as being drunk, say 'morning-after' drivers

PEOPLE driving to work after a night of heavy drinking have denied that drunk feelings and drunkenness are the same thing.