News

‘Retweet with comment’ allows moral crusaders more time for porn

TWITTER'S new 'retweet with comment' feature has made feigning concern quicker, so that users can get back to looking at pornography.

Teletubbies to return with dead one just lying on the floor

CHILDREN’S TV hit Teletubbies is to return, featuring the dead body of Tinky Winky which is ignored by his former friends.

Goth sanctuary site confirmed

A CREPUSCULAR forest wherein echoes the melancholic song of the nightingale is to become the UK’s first goth sanctuary.

American Pie ‘is mainly just stuff that rhymes’

DON Maclean has apologised to American Pie obsessives, admitting he was just trying to make it rhyme.

Egg hunt enters desperate phase

THE search for a missing Maltesers egg has continued through the night.

People who don’t care about houses ‘a threat to society’

GIVING up on owning property could lead to dangerous behaviour like reading books or being interested in world events, it has been claimed.

New bullshit mum type unveiled

A WRITER has invented ‘the chillaxed mega-mum’.

Churches welcome fair-weather bastards through gritted teeth

CHURCHES are preparing a lukewarm Easter welcome for fickle Christians who turn up twice a year.