MOBILE phone operators have confirmed they will need more money to achieve their sole aim of bringing the whole world together.
TOMORROW'S public sector strike could leave UK airports exactly the same in every conceivable way, it was warned last night.
GENETICISTS have created a sheep that produces kebab meat, it emerged last night.
IMMIGRATION regulations keeping the country free of artists have been welcomed by people who are not dicks.
MICHELLE Bachmann has launched her presidential campaign with the ritual machine-gunning of a pig.
THE latest Transformers sequel has somehow made enormous flying robots seem like the dullest thing that has ever happened, it emerged last night.
PARENTS across Britain are to capture Michael Gove in a big net and then beat him with a sock full of pennies.
BRITAIN was today enjoying the sight of the bitch in their office sweating like a filthy pig on heat.