News

Leaked climate emails force carbon dioxide to resign

CARBON dioxide has resigned from being a gas, it has been confirmed.

Millions trying to wash away the awfulness

SHOWERS are taking twice as long as 20 years ago as people desperately try to scrub off the 21st century, say researchers.

Even darker version of internet 'sounds delightful'

THE notion of a so-called 'darknet' has confounded those who were sure the normal internet represented the very depths of human depravity.

Andrew Lansley to watch you while you sleep

HEALTH secretary Andrew Lansley is to sit next to hospital patients, looking at them while they sleep.

Most churchgoers just there to steal copper off the roof

MORE people are visiting churches to steal metal than to worship, it has emerged.

Britain prepared to forgive Grant for his films

HUGH Grant could be forgiven for his entire career if he carries on like this, experts have claimed.

High pay report calls for piss to be directed at wind

A REPORT into executive pay has called for a radical reform of how wind is combined with piss.

Housing market is pretty much all we have left, admits Cameron

THE government is to boost the housing market because there really isn't anything else to do, it has been confirmed.