News

iWatch just idiotic thing we came up with after a few pints, admits Apple

APPLE has finally admitted the iWatch is never going to happen because it was the result of a Thursday night pub crawl.

Basically confirmed as the new literally

BASICALLY is this year's top superfluous word, it has been confirmed.

Humans closer to ultimate sedentary experience

THE growing popularity of watching other people play computer games is a step forward for zero-effort entertainment, experts believe.

Students demand end to sunshine-revision link

BRITISH students have asked for their exams to be moved to when it is dark and pissing down.

Government denies Buy A Massive House Free Money Woo Yeah! scheme is a stupid idea

FIRST-TIME buyers can now borrow unlimited money to buy a castle, George Osborne has confirmed.

Tiredness the main cause of racism, say experts

PHYSICAL exertion and lack of sleep are to blame for Britain’s racism epidemic, according to a new study.

Next four episodes of 24 take place in a bus queue

JACK Bauer will mostly be trying to get a bus during next month's episodes of 24.

World War III can't decide where to start

THE coming world war which will devastate 90 per cent of the planet can't settle on where to begin.