News

Loyalty card holders ‘must show total loyalty’

ALL loyalty card holders must show complete obedience, supermarkets have announced.

‘Daylight’ just slightly lighter darkness

SO-CALLED daylight is now just a slightly diluted version of the night, it has been confirmed.

Age-gap relationships doomed by different children's TV memories

MOST relationships with an age gap fail because of differing children's television references, it has emerged.

Eight and a half million people trapped in London rapidly losing hope

THE record numbers of people now trapped in the capital believe they have little chance of returning to freedom.

A&E waiting times would improve if you weren’t such idiots, say experts

ACCIDENT and emergency waiting times have worsened because Britain is so full of cretins, experts have confirmed.

The Shard now growing independently

LONDON’S Shard building has grown two new floors without anyone having worked on it.

Non-alcoholics enjoying pretend battle with drink

'TAKING a month off' is allowing moderate drinkers to experience a thrilling pretend struggle with alcohol, it has emerged.