News

Survey reveals most British people should be executed

THE majority of British adults should be killed by the government, according to a new survey.

Scantily-clad gay Putin fans stage car wash

MUSCULAR homosexual Russian men have been giving free titillating car washes in support of their beloved Vladimir Putin.

If you're using Internet Explorer, this is called a 'website'

PEOPLE with the browser Internet Explorer were last night told they were using it to 'explore' the 'internet'.

Bannatyne invests £250,000 in the Reggae-Reggae Arm-Breaker

SCARY dragon Duncan Bannatyne last night said he was 'in' for 30 per cent of a funky device that breaks people's arms.

Childhood eating disorders may be caused by shit food, say experts

CHILDHOOD eating disorders may be caused by giving them plate after plate of food that is just shit, experts have claimed.

Universities compete for best students with promise of first sexual encounter

EXCEPTIONAL students will be offered a guaranteed loss of virginity by universities vying to recruit them, it has emerged.

Barclays bonuses don't fall by 33% 'because that's not how it works'

BONUSES at Barclays will rise despite a fall in profits because that is just how the whole thing actually works, the bank has explained.

Picnics even shitter than barbecues

TRANSPORTING food into a field to eat it is a worthless endeavour, it was claimed last night.