News

Kim and Kanye demand everyone at Glastonbury smells nice

KANYE West will perform at Glastonbury as long as the audience does not offend his wife’s sense of smell.

IVF attacked by people who create nothing but worthless, pointless crap

IVF reproduction has been attacked by a pair of fashion designers who have created a mountain of overpriced rubbish.

Bootleg Beatles split up by Bootleg Yoko

BRITAIN'S leading Beatles tribute band has split up after an encounter with Japan's foremost Yoko Ono impersonator.

Guardian fascinated by Wetherspoon’s breakfasts

THE Guardian has launched an investigation into why people choose to have breakfast at Wetherspoon’s.

Barista convinced someone will notice he’s playing his band's demo

A COFFEE shop barista is sure today will be the day a customer notices that he is playing his band’s demo.

Facebook to remove anything that isn’t sanctimonious shit

FACEBOOK is now taking down any posts that fail to boast of the user’s clear moral superiority.

Trevor Phillips: 'Nobody has ever said these things about racism before'

AS THE former chairman of the Commission for Racial Equality, I know explosive truths about race that the rest of the UK has never, ever discussed.

People seeing Putin everywhere

VLADIMIR Putin sightings have surged in the last 48 hours.