News

Bez on standby for Bond theme

BEZ, the maraca player for the Happy Mondays, has declared his readiness to compose the score for the new James Bond film.

Crosses 'help explain why someone is dreadful'

RELIGIOUS symbols in the workplace can help colleagues and customers understand ghastliness, according to new research.

Government to become Northern Rock

THE government is to turn itself into the defunct mortgage company Northern Rock, Downing Street has confirmed.

Kate Moss billboard collapse ‘an omen of second recession’

THE fall of a Kate Moss hoarding onto shoppers augurs another recession, according to financial soothsayers.

Urban foxes channel energy into DJing

DELINQUENT inner city foxes are being offered free weekend courses in DJ and MC skills in a bid to give them positive focus.

Explosion is new film hero

AN explosion is the central character of forthcoming action/superhero film Avengers Assemble, it has emerged.

Babestation launches feminist jiggling

HYPNOTIC adult television channel Babestation has unveiled three new types of quasi-sexual writhing to celebrate International Women's Day.

Cameron Iran speech 'lip-synced' to video of Blair on Iraq

DAVID Cameron mimed a speech on Iran to the audio of an old Tony Blair speech on the need to invade Iraq.