THE NHS's non-emergency helpline is to be staffed by overly-inquistive old women.
THE mysterious humming noise heard around the world is dads attempting to replicate popular music.
A GAY man has said that although Pope-ish acts are bad, a Pope-ish orientation is not.
DESPITE poor weather, everyone at this year's Womad festival remained nauseatingly upbeat.
THREE million Brazil residents who attended a mass by the Pope have been asked what they were thinking.
BRITAIN has a new ant-based national holiday.
'LADS' magazines are to be sold in bags that readers must tear apart with their teeth to view the nudity within.