Sports Illustrated models 'honoured' to be masturbatory fodder

THE cover girls of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition feel 'humbled' at becoming self-pleasuring material.

Gayness study confirms they are not doing it just to annoy Christians

GAYNESS is caused by genetics, as well as the traditional desire to make Christians furious.

Magazine editor 'the worst kind of whore'

A MEN’S magazine editor is disgusted with himself for doing anything his advertisers ask him to.

Massage is the most stressful experience

MASSAGES are the opposite of soothing, it has emerged.

Teenage love poet wondering what rhymes with 'boner'

14-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan is struggling to articulate his penis-based feelings in a Valentine's card.

Unparalleled Britain battles havoc crisis

BRITAIN'S chaos crisis is no longer paralleled.

Wales gone

WALES is not there anymore.

Kate borrows Queen's necklace to get it valued

THE Duchess of Cambridge has borrowed a diamond necklace from the Queen to have it priced up at the pawnbrokers.