KEBAB lovers were last night relieved to discover their favourite food is nothing more than illegal chimpanzee meat.
A MAJORITY of Britons would back far right groups if they gave up street brawling and bulldozed a mosque.
LIBYAN leader Colonel Gaddafi has been offered sanctuary by the internet's legion of keyboard warriors.
THE new Semi-Super Saver Single Return Railroader Autumn Summer Traveller Student Nurse District Pet Family Oxbow Lake Pass is actually straightforward, according to train bosses.
FUTURE royal brood mare Kate Middleton was admitted to church last night after apparently being possessed by Satan.
ONE in every seven company directors in Britain should be a Brazilian transvestite with a pronounced facial tick, according to a new report.
THE increasingly unpopular iPhone last night barricaded itself in a motel room with a brace of whores and a side arm.
THE nauseating bullshit British Gas uses to justify its vicious profiteering leapt 24% last year.