News

Scotland having some sort of referendum, apparently

SCOTLAND plans to have some kind of referendum that could take place as early as next week, it has emerged.

Illegal immigrants disguised themselves as 200 Lambert & Butler

A SURREY woman was shocked to find cigarettes she bought in France were actually illegal immigrants.

Al-Qaeda’s Indian branch to offer key-cutting

AL-QAEDA has opened a branch in India offering jihad, anti-western diatribes and two keys for a pound.

Coffee table books show exactly the kind of people couple pretend to be

AN ASSORTMENT of large, shiny books has given guests a perfect insight into their hosts' fictional lifestyle.

Quick drink after work now means seven

GOING for 'a drink' after work means going for seven drinks, it has been confirmed.

Obama discovers ‘nato’ is Welsh for ‘herpes’

WELSH schoolchildren yesterday told President Obama that ‘nato’ means ‘herpes’ in their native language.

Gig prices reduced based on number of songs from new album

GIG tickets will be priced according to the number of new songs a performer forces the audience to listen to.

Polo shirt wearers slammed for lack of effort

POLO shirts are not acceptable at smart occasions, lazy bastards have been told.