PARENTS across Britain are to capture Michael Gove in a big net and then beat him with a sock full of pennies.
BRITAIN was today enjoying the sight of the bitch in their office sweating like a filthy pig on heat.
A SHOP which sells really uncomfortable sofas for £3000 is to close down.
MANCHESTER has become a self-sufficient vortex of annihilation, scientists have confirmed.
SCREEN icon George Clooney split from Elisabetta Canalis because she kept distracting from his vegetable patch, it has emerged.
MURDERING an ageing relative has never been simpler, it was confirmed last night.
MILLIONS of people not at the Glastonbury Festival have started relishing the abject suffering of those who are.
THE Royal Bank of Scotland has been urged to make a series of massive, insanely risky investments in a bid to boost its share price.