HUMANOID turtles with weapons skills have become a native species in Britain.
GEORGE Osborne has told unemployed people that they must earn Scouting badges to keep their benefits.
THE husband of fictional character Bridget Jones takes his own life to avoid listening to her incessant bullshit, it has emerged.
THE prime minister's wife has halted divorce proceedings after realising she'd lose a sweet £200-a-year tax break.
THE final episode of Breaking Bad ended last night with everyone becoming friends again.
28-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has described how a single night of intense drinking ravaged his youthful looks.
THE makers of Blackberry have been bought by teens eager to keep their favourite hook-up network intact.
THE spiralling cost of pre-marital celebrations is prompting Britons to sell their organs.