Kissing lesbians offered free bottle of wine

TWO lesbians who kissed in a pub were offered a free bottle of white wine in a bid to crank things up a notch.

Middleton leased to Berlusconi in bid to slash deficit

BRITAIN'S attractive future queen could generate valuable revenue by offering discreet personal services, experts have claimed.

Key to happiness is 'being left alone by happiness campaigners'

THE secret to lasting happiness is being left alone by people who think your mood is any of their business, it has emerged.

Osborne unveils emergency sofa

CHANCELLOR George Osborne has released an utterly irresistible sofa in fawn leather with matching corner group.

Angry, confused old women to decide everything

EVERYTHING in Britain is to be run past a panel of scrunch-faced harridans.

'I'm just a hack standing in front of a boy, asking him if he's taping me'

HUGH Grant is back on top of the Hollywood A-list after rave reviews for his new film The Englishman Who Went to a Pub With a Hidden Microphone.

Spiral Tribe plans week-long royal wedding techno street party

NOTORIOUS rave organisers Spiral Tribe are to stage an extended, royal wedding street party until everyone collapses.

Mobile users spending 100% more than necessary

BRITAIN'S mobile phone users could save hundreds of pounds by babbling shite at a calculator instead, say researchers.