THE disability benefits system will be replaced by medals for things like shutting up and getting on with it, it has emerged.
PUPILS protesting GCSE results have been asked to consider whether they might get better exam results if they learn more things.
ANCIENT Greek warriors have stormed the Big Brother house after mistaking Samantha Brick for Helen of Troy.
RUSSELL Brand realised he was addicted to celebrity sex after a passionate one-night stand with Chris Evans, it has emerged.
POT smokers generally have more brain cells than people who like lager, it has been claimed.
CONSPIRACY theorists have poured scorn on the announcement of Neil Armstrong's death, citing a lack of hard evidence.
AN ESSEX man had admitted the 'lion' he saw near his home was actually a design on the wrapper of a chocolate bar.
JOHN Motson has renewed his BBC contract until 2052, in line with the Corporation's policy to ensure everything remains exactly the same.