News

Ofcom to clamp down on cowboy graffiti artists

INDEPENDENT regulator Ofcom has outlined plans to protect the public from the work of cowboy graffiti artists after record complaints about the standard of British vandalism.

Councils organising interpretive dance workshops for rats

LOCAL councils are hoping to tackle rat problems with a series of workshops inviting them to explore their ratness through physical movement.

Closing bad universities could exclude people who did nothing at school

PATHETIC universities may be allowed to close, threatening the academic careers of people who should never have been there anyway.

Phone hacking scandal finally interesting

THE tabloid phone hacking scandal widened last night to include some voicemail messages you may actually care about.

Facebook apologises for ugly-recognition software

MARK Zuckerberg has admitted that a Facebook app automatically highlighting how hideous people are was a mistake.

Film censor 'excluding monstrous perverts from mainstream society'

THE British Board of Film Classification was last night accused of driving unspeakable deviants to the fringes of UK society.

System working like a charm as OAPs toss food-heat coin

BRITAIN'S political and economic systems were working like clockwork last night as old people in the world's fifth richest country cheerfully tossed their food-heat coins.

'Slutwalk' inadvertently doubles as male deodorant advert

A MARCH by provocatively-dressed women has been used as a backdrop by an opportunistic deodorant film crew, it has emerged.