IMF warns recession could be lurking in your shed

ECONOMISTS have warned there could be a two-headed recession lurking in every garden in Britain.

Rioters summer school will have loads of stuff worth nicking

A SUMMER school for rioters will be full of tellys and tracksuits, Nick Clegg has pledged.

PETA underestimating men's appetite for filth

PLANS by PETA to launch a website featuring pornography and animal cruelty may have underestimated the depravity of the human male, it has emerged.

Berlusconi gets tough as S&P cuts fanny rating

SILVIO Berlusconi has pledged tough action after Standard and Poor's downgraded Italy's triple-A fanny rating.

Scientists assume pupils are listening

SCIENTISTS are calling for tougher guidelines on teaching creationism to children who are not paying a blind bit of notice anyway.

Energy companies to pretend wives were in charge

BRITAIN'S biggest energy providers are to set up 'wife companies' to take the blame whenever they are accused of profiteering.

Bosses could be forced to feel something about their massive salaries

BRITAIN'S bosses could soon be forced to have thoughts and feelings about their enormous amounts of money, it has been announced.

What kind of car does Tindall drive? asks Prince Philip

PRINCE Philip has asked his staff to find out what kind of car England Rugby captain Mike Tindall is currently driving.