Start simmering your resentment for Christmas, say experts

EXPERTS are urging Britons to start preparing their Christmas arguments no later than 5pm today.

'Shed effect' turns crud into gold

THE success of Bavarian-style Christmas markets is due to a phenomenon that makes crud desirable when placed in a rustic-looking shed.

Falling over 'nothing to be ashamed of'

PEOPLE who fall over often feel a deep sense of humiliation, it has been claimed.

'Spiritual' people to celebrate Christmas in unique and annoying ways

PEOPLE who see themselves as 'spiritual' are to planning mark Christmas in a non-relgious but still irritating fashion.

Listening to gay marriage opposition 'like visiting a farm museum'

THE campaign against gay marriage has a quaint, old world charm, say experts.

Getting out of bed 'against all natural instincts'

BRITONS must currently overcome 43 separate instincts in order to leave their beds, it has emerged.

Kraftwerk go acoustic

ELECTRONIC music pioneers Kraftwerk have become an acoustic act after deciding technology is annoying.