POLICE are appealing for witnesses after a conga line collision resulted in the deaths of 37 people during a retirement party.
THE majority of people who frequent betting shops are worth in excess of seven figures, according to new data.
BRITAIN told its mother to get the hell out of its house today after 24 hours of Machiavellian psycho-terror.
In this comfortingly plausible account, THE DAILY MASH imagines the day the Mail invaded the Falklands.
ABBEY Clancy and Peter Crouch were today devastated by the thought of a thief opening all their vulgar, over-priced Christmas gifts.
A HEART-BREAKING song by the wives of Britain's journalists remains resolutely unbought, it has been confirmed.
UNDERGROUND train-monkeys are hoping their Boxing Day strike will make them more nauseatingly abhorrent than professional footballers.
ARCHAEOLOGISTS working in the Amazon basin have found the remains of a crude car made from dinosaur bones, with stone cylinders for wheels.