Hirst unveils pregnant statue's useless boyfriend

DAMIEN Hirst's bronze of a pregnant teenager has been joined by a statue of her skunk-addled boyfriend.

Charles letters kept secret because he is obviously insane

LETTERS from Prince Charles to government ministers are to be kept secret because they reveal the full extent of his insanity.

Jim'll Fix It badges to be recalled, melted down and made into statue of Boris Johnson

FIX It badges awarded by Jimmy Savile are to be rounded up, melted down and made into a statue of Britain's favourite, non-threatening children's entertainer.

Bake Off negligence triggers Great Fire

UNATTENDED cakes have sparked a huge blaze likely to engulf England.

Drugs report delivered as dance track

GOVERNMENT experts have delivered a report on drugs policy as a rap over a housey beat.

You're covered in shit, say experts

FOR Christ's sake stop touching each other with your filthy hands, experts have warned.

Cath Kidston unveils nuclear war-themed collection

DESIGNER Cath Kidston's winter collection merges rustic chic with nuclear war imagery.

Everyone creepy in the 80s

ALL men alive in the 80s were sordid, creepy perverts, it has emerged.