ECONOMISTS have warned there could be a two-headed recession lurking in every garden in Britain.
A SUMMER school for rioters will be full of tellys and tracksuits, Nick Clegg has pledged.
PLANS by PETA to launch a website featuring pornography and animal cruelty may have underestimated the depravity of the human male, it has emerged.
SILVIO Berlusconi has pledged tough action after Standard and Poor's downgraded Italy's triple-A fanny rating.
SCIENTISTS are calling for tougher guidelines on teaching creationism to children who are not paying a blind bit of notice anyway.
BRITAIN'S biggest energy providers are to set up 'wife companies' to take the blame whenever they are accused of profiteering.
BRITAIN'S bosses could soon be forced to have thoughts and feelings about their enormous amounts of money, it has been announced.
PRINCE Philip has asked his staff to find out what kind of car England Rugby captain Mike Tindall is currently driving.