News

Everyone finally understands big nuclear thing

THE big nuclear thing in Japan finally made sense today after some people said it was now the same number as something you have heard of.

Bank reforms to make it look as if something is being done

A PROPOSED shake-up of the UK banking system is to make it look as if someone is doing something about it.

Clarkson continues heartbreaking bid to hide true sexuality

TV bad boy Jeremy Clarkson remains filled with inner turmoil after shattering Richard Hammond's heart into a million tiny pieces, it has emerged.

Increased drinking caused by cancer fears

PEOPLE are drinking more to distract themselves from constantly worrying about cancer.

Interns to be paid for the work they create

THE slack-jawed offspring of company executives should be paid for the extra tasks they generate during work experience, it has been claimed.

She might get fat, Church tells William

THE Church of England has urged Prince William not to hop on a passing skank if Kate Middleton gains a few pounds.

Caveman picked up on archeological gaydar

THE earliest known homosexual has been spotted by an archeologist's state-of-the-art gaydar.

Pepsi to corner foul-mouthed adulterer market

COCA-Cola has left the door open for Pepsi to corner the soft drinks market for sweary whore-mongers.