Farmers Using Facebook To Pretend They Have Pointless Office Jobs

THOUSANDS of farmers are using Facebook to play a game where they pretend to work in an office and spend all day doing nothing and talking out of their arse.

Thomas Cook Sacrifices Redknapps To Volcano God

TRAVEL operator Thomas Cook was last night forced to offer up Jamie and Louise Redknapp to an angry volcano god.


OH shit, there's a fucking bee in here, it was confirmed last night.

Dead Office Staff Costing Millions, Say Experts

THE soaring number of office workers who choose to die at their desks is costing the UK economy £2.6bn a year, according to a new report.

Britain Haunted By Thought Of Heston And Delia At It

BROADCASTERS have been flooded by complaints from viewers unable to stop imagining Delia Smith and Heston Blumenthal going at it.

Men Under Pressure To Look Vaguely Presentable

IMAGES of male beauty in the media are forcing men to make some sort of grudging effort to look half-decent, it was claimed last night.

Toddlers Banned From Eating Each Other

NURSERY school children will no longer be allowed to bite chunks out of each under new rules introduced today.

Animals Obstructing Progress

SUPERFLUOUS wildlife is still hampering vital progress in the logging and fast food industries, it was claimed last night.