Cameron brings back slavery

PRIME Minister David Cameron has announced business-friendly changes to UK employment laws including the reintroduction of slavery.

‘Group emails’ idea floated for £180 trillion

ENTREPRENEUR Roy Hobbs has made £180 trillion from the idea of sending group emails instead of using Facebook.

Britain pathetically excited about sunshine

THE prospect of decent weather has inspired truly heartbreaking levels of joy across the UK.

Receptionist shocked to discover sidebar fame

A 22-YEAR-OLD Londoner has been amazed to find more than a hundred stories about her weight, dress sense and love life on the Daily Mail's website.

Euros disintegrating in sunlight

EURO banknotes are dissolving into thin air at the touch of the sun as if they were never real.

Yoda: Corporate bitch I now am

ONCE-GREAT Jedi Master Yoda will flog anything for cash, it has emerged.

Online comment-writers to get own internet

A NEW internet is to be created for people who like writing comments, so everyone else can enjoy surfing the web without their torrents of bile.

UK 'will return to Stone Age by 2014'

BRITAIN will be a prehistoric barter economy within two years, the Bank of England has predicted.