FIZZY drinks must be drab 'own brand' versions, under new plans to cut child obesity.
AN independent Scotland would have border checkpoints where guards would force English tourists to squeal like pigs.
ROYAL Bank of Scotland is not going to split after admitting the concept of a 'good bank' is too mental to contemplate.
PARENTS have been warned about audiophiles, who are increasingly targeting young people for dull chats about hi-fi.
SOCIALLY isolated Tom Logan is celebrating being able to make a 'vege-wife' without being labelled insane.
A HANDFUL of people you've never met have announced liking an album by James Blake.
THE new Call of Duty game will feature the exploits of the Territorial Army, the developers have revealed.
CHILDREN'S love of Halloween proves that they are innately evil, it has been claimed.