Tech giants raise spectre of vinyl and VHS

IF the NSA keeps spying on the internet consumers will return to vinyl records and films on tape, massive companies have warned.

Jerry Dammers wishing he'd known about this Madiba thing

JERRY Dammers of The Special AKA is furious that nobody ever told him Nelson Mandela was also known as Madiba.

Office party bosses going to touch your arse

BRITAIN'S bosses have confirmed plans to let their hands 'accidentally' fall onto buttocks at the office Christmas party.

Mandela understandably exhausted

NELSON Mandela has passed away after wearing himself out by changing the world.

Young people just going to change pension age back later

YOUNG people have announced plans to lower the pension age by several decades once they are in charge.

Motorists lose badge of superiority to cyclists

THE abolition of tax discs has left drivers without physical evidence of paying something that cyclists don't.

Humans left with no-one to impress

THE death of Nelson Mandela has left humanity without a single individual that you would genuinely not want to disappoint.

Black Friday and Cyber Monday followed by Broke On Arse Thursday

MILLIONS of consumers are regretting their actions on the brokest day of the year.