Councils want more money to basically come and get your bins

MANY local councils are to charge more for what amounts to emptying bins, it has emerged.

‘Soft touch’ Britain to become ‘total bastard’ Britain

THE UK is going to be a total bastard to foreigners and people in general, David Cameron has announced.

Space couple to have massive row when they miss the turning for Mars

THE MARRIED couple sent to Mars will have a falling-out when they miss the planetary turn-off, it has been claimed.

Titanic II vows revenge on icebergs

TITANIC II has pledged to destroy all the world's icebergs.

British Gas to hire 1,000 trainee bastards

BRITISH Gas will take on 1,000 young people over the next three years and teach them how to be unremitting bastards.

Osborne reverses polarity of pound

GEORGE Osborne hopes to fix the economy by reversing the polarity of the pound.

The Mash Guide to Working From Home

WORKING from home is great - it's almost like being free.