Dave Gilmour to write 48-hour long rock opera about cenotaphs

PINK Floyd legend Dave Gilmour is to explore his son's defilement of the cenotaph with a rock opera that will last for about two days.

Cowell Changing UK Law At Will

SIMON Cowell has announced early release for prisoners who pledge to buy One Direction's debut CD, as he begins to overhaul Britain's statute book.

Britain to sort it all out with a good fight

A MASSIVE, country-wide fist fight could be the solution to Britain's problems, experts have claimed.

Britain finally realises it doesn't need students

BRITAIN is to abolish its 900 year-old university system after finally realising it is a complete waste of everyone's time.

Charles and Camilla attacked by anti-Variety Performance activists

PRINCE Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall were badly shaken last night after their car was attacked by masked thugs, violently opposed to the Royal Variety Performance.

Forsyth cracks America

IN a last minute change, CNN has ditched trainee journalist Piers Morgan in favour of Bruce Forsyth.

Wikileaks row stops someone from buying a Chris de Burgh album

THE point of Wikileaks became clear last night after viral attacks on credit card websites stopped someone from buying Chris de Burgh's The Storyman.

Women doing their best

FEMALE workers are not just there to brighten the place up, they are also increasingly useful, according to new research.