POLICE have warned the public to stay indoors until the post-Grand Theft Auto V murder spree has subsided.
CLOWNS have spoken out to confirm their malice and wickedness.
IPHONE 6 will be a feature film where the smartphone battles classic movie monsters Jason Voorhees and the aliens.
THE inner voice of a man queueing for the new iPhone is telling him that he needs to get his shit together.
DOGS generally fall out within less than half a minute of befriending each other, it has been claimed.
RICHARD Dawkins's autobiography controversially omits his creation by lightning on the slopes of Mount Olympus.
MILLIONS of Britons will soon exist in a daily cycle of work, pub, drunk tank.
A WICKED leprechaun has cursed all of mankind's software updates to fail dismally.