THE government has unveiled a street by street crime map of the UK as part of a new initiative to keep you nicely terrified.
THOUSANDS of panicked UK tourists in Egypt contacted the Foreign Office
last night after it emerged their mojito had still not arrived.
NEXT week's Question Time will see the first appearance by a gerbil on the BBC's flagship political debate programme.
ED Miliband has ordered a digital calculator watch in a bid to reassure Britain he can steer it through economic turmoil.
A NEW television series has been hailed for portraying gypsies as being just as shallow, materialistic and celebrity-obsessed as mainstream society.
NELSON Mandela is to resign from being himself to make way for Morgan Freeman.
SCIENTISTS in Malaysia have unleashed giant, DNA-altered mosquitoes into the environment for the hell of it.
BRITAIN'S famous people are still insisting they are entitled to any kind of private life, it emerged last night.