News

Border hopefuls queueing long enough to gain citizenship

THE wait at Heathrow's border control is now so long that many become full UK citizens while queueing.

Easily-amused face communication crisis

THE collapse of Clinton Cards could leave the UK’s easily-amused community unable to express its banal thoughts, it has been claimed.

Your school dinners are retro, pupils told

THE government is appealing to children's sense of nostalgia by promoting potato croquette-based school dinners as having a 'retro vibe'.

House of Pain's Everlast hoping he'll get that much attention when he dies

AMERICAN rapper Everlast, impressed with the tributes given to Beastie Boy Adam Yauch, has been obsessing about how much press he'll get when he passes on.

Smoothies contain dangerous levels of PR bullshit

THE amount of drivel on smoothie bottles could affect consumers' mental health, it has been claimed.

NHS hires doctors' relatives to ruin their weekends

DOCTORS who refuse to work weekends will have them ruined by tedious family occasions, under new NHS plans.

Al Qaeda 'getting its ideas from Viz'

AN underpants-based terror plot has fuelled speculation that Al Quaeda is being inspired by adult humour comic Viz.

Will I Am blasted for making risotto during 'The Voice'

TALENT coach Will I Am has been upbraided by producers of BBC1's The Voice after being filmed preparing a meal of prawn risotto during a live sing-off.