Chairman Of Tia Maria Gunned Down By Rival Liqueur Baron

THE international liqueur war was reignited last night after the chairman of Tia Maria was executed by a gang believed to be working for the managing director of Malibu.

KFC Spotted In Corner Of 'The Hay Wain'

ART experts have uncovered a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in the corner of Constable's 'The Hay Wain', prompting claims that it could be evidence of time travel.

St Paul's To Become Sewage Plant

THE dome of St Paul's Cathedral will be able to process up to 30,000 tons of raw sewage a week, the government has confirmed.

Your Boss Is A Dick, Say Experts

YOUR boss is exploring the uncharted regions of dickishness, according to new research.

Aleksandr The Meerkat Murders Children Of Subordinate Clan Members

MEERKAT celebrity Aleksandr Orlov has murdered and partially eaten several of his lower-status co-habitants' offspring, it emerged last night.

Immigration Laws Fuelling Rise In Insane Brain Surgeons

MORE than half the foreign surgeons allowed into the UK are insane and intent on undertaking crazy brain-swapping experiments, it has emerged.

Government Urged To Crackdown On The Overly Keen

ENTHUSIASTIC workers should be treated just as harshly as benefit cheats, according to a new study.

Priests To Strike On Halloween

ROMAN Catholic priests are threatening to strike on their busiest night of the year.