CHILDREN across Britain were today told to be all sad about the Daleks.
THE people who make television programmes have admitted that they are subtly trying to make you continue watching it.
ACUPUNCTURE has been shown to be extremely effective amongst people who have nothing wrong with them.
AGEING actor Harrison Ford has forgotten his starring role in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it emerged last night.
AIR passengers will have their in-flight meal choices stored on a database in a bid to catch fake vegetarians.
MENTAL health charities have condemned Christie's for allowing someone to pay over £5m for a child's drawing of a slum.
BRITAIN'S accident and emergency units were in party mode last night, celebrating a seven-figure landmark in the number of semi-comatose people having pipes stuck up their noses.
PRIDE of Britain the Daily Mail has today launched a new campaign for more people in the Third World to die in a ditch.