News

Britain gets comfy as Melanie Phillips explains 'biblical sexuality'

BRITAIN today asked Melanie Phillips to wait a second while it settled into its favourite chair with a big bag of crisps.

Mumsnet into filth

TERRIFYING online collective Mumsnet has revealed a predilection for high-grade online filth.

Microsoft applies make-up to Nokia's corpse

MICROSOFT was today applying some rouge and lipstick to the dead face of Nokia.

Activision unveils Illegal Download Hero

CHILD'S game manufacturer Activision is ditching the Guitar Hero franchise for the simulated thrill of stealing dreadful music.

Victory for common sense as clamper hung on a gibbet

THE Campaign for Common Sense Clamping scored a fresh victory last night as a clamper was killed and his mutilated body put on display as a warning to others.

Go now, dog-faced Stargate aliens tell Mubarak

HOSNI Mubarak has been urged to resign by the dog-faced space aliens who founded Egypt more than 8,000 years ago.

Burger to headline Glastonbury

THE main stage headliner at this year's Glastonbury festival will be McDonalds' new tropical-themed burger, organisers have confirmed.

Small firms urged to sell stuff to bankers

SMALL businesses across Britain could increase their profits by selling loads of stuff to rich bankers, it has emerged.