News

Maths teachers weird

BRITAIN'S maths teachers are freaks, it has emerged.

BBC admits it hasn't really nailed it since Ceefax

CEEFAX was probably the last really good thing the BBC did, the director general has admitted.

Laurie to release terribly nice blues album

HUGH Laurie is to release his first blues album detailing the trials of being an exceptionally-rich white man.

Ginger man thinks oil companies are nice

OIL companies would never dream of doing bad things, Britain's most powerful ginger claimed last night.

Apple to copyright individual letters

STEVE Jobs has announced his intention to trademark the alphabet.

Gospel music to focus on non-existence of God

MODERN gospel music is increasingly about the non-existence of a supreme being, it has emerged.

Science less than a decade away from fully operational printer

SCIENTISTS will soon develop a home copying machine that is not an absolute pain in the arse, it has been claimed.

Twitter celebrates five pointless years of unremitting shit

MICRO-blogging site Twitter celebrated its fifth birthday yesterday by sounding exactly like a five-year-old.