The Mash guide to Prince George's godparents

A COMPLETE list of your future master's newly-appointed guardians.

Prince George rejects Christianity

THE heir to the throne thinks Christianity is a load of nonsense, it has emerged.

Most people don't understand the things they say

THE majority of people just repeat popular words and phrases without knowing what they mean.

Bake Off winner taken to underground lair of Mr Kipling

THE winner of The Great British Bake Off has left humanity to work in Mr Kipling's underground cake catacombs.

Facebook to allow beheading videos if accompanied by inspirational quote

FACEBOOK has cleared users to post videos of decapitations alongside witty or inspirational quotes.

Workers advised to get a sickie in about now

WORKERS have been advised to squeeze in some fraudulent sick leave in before the end of October.

New browser knows when you are drunk

A NEW internet browser automatically prevents users doing stupid things due to alcohol.

Middle-aged people obsessed with leather phone cases

BRITAIN'S middle-aged people simply cannot get enough of leather smartphone cases.