News
Met Chief Regrets Not Shooting Johnson In The Face
SIR Ian Blair last night admitted he should have shot London mayor Boris Johnson in the face when he had the chance.
Artist Unveils Kate Moss Candle Holder
ARTIST Marc Quinn last night unveiled his latest work – a life-size Kate Moss candle holder made of solid gold.
Leprechauns Are Stealing Our Gold, Claims Darling
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling last night warned UK banks could collapse after a series of daring raids by hordes of 'little people'.
More Choice For Couples To Pretend They Believe In God
THE Church of England is to offer couples greater choice on where they can lie about believing in God.
Kaplinsky Rubs It In
MILLIONAIRE TV presenter Natasha Kaplinsky last night released photos of the perfect baby boy she has had with her millionaire husband.
Taggart Violence Probably Not Real, Says ITV
ITV has defended screening violent Scottish police drama Taggart during the afternoon insisting the gruesome scenes probably involved acting.
Bastard Americans Ruin Your Life
ALL your hopes and dreams were shattered by bastard Americans last night, just as you suspected they always would be.
Smokers Forced To Wear Their Lungs As A Hat
SMOKERS are to be forced to walk around wearing their lungs on their head, under tough new government rules.