News

A Level students '20% less fit' than last year

THIS year’s crop of young, predominantly female, students pictured celebrating their A Levels is up to 20% less attractive than last year's, it has been claimed.

Clarkson splits into two

JEREMY Clarkson has split into two separate entities - one sad, the other mocking.

Big Brother celebrities arrive, unaware that one of them is a murderer

THE new murder-themed series of Celebrity Big Brother began last night with the mysterious death of Julian Clary.

Street Fighter 'tainted' by Van Damme sex claims

JEAN-CLAUDE Van Damme’s claims of an affair with Kylie Minogue on the set of Street Fighter have sullied the classic film, according to fans.

Parents praying their kids haven't succeeded at A Levels

AS A-Level results are released, Britain's parents are hoping their children didn't screw up their retirement plans by getting into university.

Guardian readers order 500 tons of microwaved African toilet-charcoal

GUARDIAN readers are looking forward to fuelling their ironic barbecues with the microwaved faeces of a Third World village.

Samsung tops list of baby names

A STUDY of baby names has highlighted the trend for naming children after popular brands.

Angelina Jolie to marry Justin Theroux

SCREEN siren Angelina Jolie is engaged to the actor/screenwriter Justin Theroux, her spokesman has announced.