News

Gordon Ramsay's face 'cuts bowel cancer risk'

PEOPLE who visualise Gordon Ramsay's face while they are on the toilet can reduce their risk of bowel cancer, according to new research.

Key financial decisions now based on free toy

BRITONS will spend any amount of money in order to get a 'plush toy', it has emerged.

Furious entertainment industry promises year from hell

THE entertainment industry has responded to last week's internet blackout by vowing to make 2012 a new low in the history of entertainment.

OK, we'll get jobs, say poor people

BRITAIN'S poor people have finally conceded defeat and vowed to find work first thing this morning.

RBS chief to get bonus or legal fees and bonus

THE taxpayer will have to pay for Stephen Hester's bonus or pay for his bonus and his lawyers, it has been confirmed.

Paul Daniels to explain to why he didn't magic his finger back on

PAUL Daniels is to explain to the Magic Circle why he did not use conjuring and sorcery to re-attach his severed finger.

Ban adverts for things that don't always work, say angry people

THINGS that do not always work perfectly should not be advertised on the television, angry people have claimed.

BT couple's son to kill housemate with pitchfork

THE storyline of the latest BT adverts will follow the previous couple's son as he spirals into a pit of murderous drug-fuelled sexual obsession.