News

Scholars to definitely read Brontë manuscript at some point

PROFESSORS who paid £700,000 for a rare Charlotte Brontë manuscript have just sort of skimmed through it.

Man visits Post Office without catching anything

A 38-YEAR-OLD male has confounded medical experts by visiting a post Office in December without getting anyone's cold.

Energy costs will only rise by £110 as long as it's really, really windy

CLAIMS that Britain's green energy revolution will cost consumers thousands of pounds have been dismissed by people who believe it is going to be windy.

Big fat Scottish guy to sort out troubled families

TROUBLED families will be helped by a great big Scottish bloke who is taking none of their shit.

High streets still the best place for a drunken fight

THE government has laid out its vision of a modern high street based around Britain's love of fighting.

Queen unveils plan for foul-mouthed jubilee tirade

PLANS for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee will include a speech of unimaginable filth.

Scientist who discovered secrets of bird erection battling not to have it named after him

THE scientist who discovered how large birds achieve erection has urged his colleagues not to name it after him.

Attenborough died in 1972, admits BBC

DAVID Attenborough has been faked using lookalikes and special effects for nearly 40 years, the BBC has revealed.