MALES are deeply confused by a new sort of pornography that is both for women and made of words.
FATHERS are demanding an end to Father's Day, after they were forced to leave their gardens to awkwardly receive a token gift.
BRAVE, the new Pixar film set in Scotland, has invented a type of Scottish person which does not and will never exist.
A SMALL number of English people are not responding correctly to football, it has emerged.
THE BBC is to put the entire Manchester district of Salford on castors and wheel it into the capital, it has emerged.
THE purchase of a camper van will not make your life meaningful or free, it has emerged.
SPERM actively enjoy alcohol and cigarettes, it has emerged.
THE opening ceremony for the Olympic games will include a pile of tractor parts and a man with large hands glaring at everyone, it has been revealed.