Kiefer Sutherland To Make Brat-Pack Version Of 'Rainbow'

KIEFER Sutherland is to reunite Hollywood's 'brat-pack' in a big-budget remake of Rainbow.

Feral Nurses To Be Culled

FERAL packs of surplus nurses are to be culled by NHS managers.

Fat People To Sue Their Own Sofas

FAT people across Britain are to launch a class-action legal case against their own sofas, it emerged last night.

Porn Star's X-Factor Shame

THE star of popular films such as Alsatian D'Amour and Goatse Rampage has admitted appearing on ITV's X-Factor.

BBC To Spend £200m On Not Interrupting Its Own Programmes

THE BBC is to launch an ambitious £200m initiative which could eventually lead to it not interrupting every single one of its own television programmes.

Noisy Welsh Girls Accumulating Money

NOISY Welsh girls are accumulating money at an increasingly terrifying rate, experts warned last night.

Ryanair To Follow Passengers Home And Wait Outside Their House

RYANAIR has agreed to pay compensation to stranded volcano passengers but said it was also going to follow them home and wait outside their house.

Frenchman Wipes Arse

FRANCE is facing its biggest upheaval in more than 40 years after a man from Nice wiped his bottom after going to the lavatory.