THOUSANDS of bone idle people have full-time paid employment, it has emerged.
SELF-STYLED clever people cannot stop expressing their indifference to the royal offspring, it has emerged.
THE cannibals behind TV's Masterchef planned to eat Greg Wallace when he reaches sufficient plumpness, it has emerged.
HAPPINESS is the result of things that actually have nothing to do with you, it has emerged.
THE royal foetus plans to get a pair of mediocre A-levels, have a brief military career or set up an unsuccessful cake business, it has emerged.
ATHEISTS are still not that keen on socialising with people who were in the Scouts, it has emerged.