News

Michael Myers having a quiet one this Halloween

IMPLACABLE serial killer Michael Myers has announced plans to spend Halloween relaxing with friends instead of doing his usual murders.

UK's retirement plan is to wing it

BRITONS are sort of assuming they'll be able to busk it through years of declining health, it has emerged.

Anti-religious protestors occupy London Stock Exchange

A GROUP of anti-Church of England protestors has taken up residence in the London Stock Exchange, it has emerged.

iPhone 4s 'harbours racist views'

APPLE'S latest smartphone has extreme right-wing views caused by prejudiced technology, it has been claimed.

Woman to explain why she had sex with Clarkson

BRITAIN is today awaiting the explanation of a Jeremy Clarkson sex partner.

Legal highs to join list of long-forgotten banned substances

THE government is to continue its successful policy of banning drugs with 'legal highs' joining other obsolete substances like heroin and ecstasy.

Euro deal after Merkel feels a bit 'Hitlery'

EUROZONE leaders have agreed a landmark deal to save the single currency after the German chancellor said she was feeling a bit 'Fourth Reichy'.

Shakespeare was an alien, says Emmerich

ROLAND Emmerich says his new film will prove that William Shakespeare was a 300-foot alien.