Trapped Scottish drivers forced to deep fry each other

HUNDREDS of Scottish drivers, trapped by heavy snow, today face the prospect of deep frying the meatiest ones to stay alive.

Superfast Internet To Collide With Superslow Brains

EXPERTS today warned of the consequences of superfast internet crashing headlong into Britain's superslow brains.

Deadly Ice Causing Hundreds Of Painful, Hilarious Falls

ICY pavements are causing a record number of injuries as people fall over in a manner that onlookers find incredibly funny.

Russians Infiltrate Least Important Thing In Britain

INTELLIGENCE chiefs believe Russia may be engaged in a complex double bluff after infiltrating the office of a Liberal Democrat MP.

Just because we're crushing Wikileaks, it doesn't mean you're next, say governments

GOVERNMENTS around the world today stressed that just because they are trying to crush Wikileaks to death, it does not necessarily mean that you will be next.

Children Run Out Of Things To Do With Snow

BRITISH children returned to their televisions last night after completing the list of things that can be achieved with snow.

Talking Lion Spotted Near Carlisle

AS winter continues to exist across Britain, a large allegorical predator has been spotted in Cumbria.

Religions United By Retail-Based Deity

BRITAIN'S major retailers have joined forces to create a new shopping-centric deity called 'Spendo'.