CILLA BLACK, the nation's matchmaker, is to return to our screens with a radical new format for the co-mingling of sub-standard genetic material.
EVERYONE in Britain has been given three weeks to move house and then redo the bathroom as part of the government's plan to boost the ailing economy.
THE BBC is to ban the use of any number higher than nine from its television and radio news bulletins, the Corporation said last night.
A RECORD number of people were last night claiming to have read The Gulag Archipelago by Alexander Solzhenitsyn.
CELEBRITY chef Antony Worrall Thompson has been foiled in his bid to kill the entire readership of Healthy & Organic Living magazine.
PARENTS of fat children are to be sent sketches of their overweight kids after the government banned schools from describing them as obese.
'LADS' magazines are filled with images that, for some reason, are not attractive in the slightest, a senior Tory MP said today.
BRITAIN'S estate agents were last night celebrating the return of popular word game Scrabulous to the Facebook social networking site.