IMPLACABLE serial killer Michael Myers has announced plans to spend Halloween relaxing with friends instead of doing his usual murders.
BRITONS are sort of assuming they'll be able to busk it through years of declining health, it has emerged.
A GROUP of anti-Church of England protestors has taken up residence in the London Stock Exchange, it has emerged.
APPLE'S latest smartphone has extreme right-wing views caused by prejudiced technology, it has been claimed.
BRITAIN is today awaiting the explanation of a Jeremy Clarkson sex partner.
THE government is to continue its successful policy of banning drugs with 'legal highs' joining other obsolete substances like heroin and ecstasy.
EUROZONE leaders have agreed a landmark deal to save the single currency
after the German chancellor said she was feeling a bit 'Fourth Reichy'.
ROLAND Emmerich says his new film will prove that William Shakespeare was a 300-foot alien.