Blair to teach Murdoch's daughter how to lie

TONY Blair has pledged to school his god-daughter in the ancient ways of dishonesty.

Getting something lodged in skull still best way to get on page eight of Metro

GETTING an unusual object stuck in your facebone is still the best way of starring on page eight of Metro, it has been confirmed.

Game on, say teachers

BRITAIN'S teachers absolutely cannot wait to get cracking now physical force can go unrecorded in classrooms.

Gaddafi sets out flame-based vision for 21st century Libya

COLONEL Gaddafi has made a renewed effort to rally the Libyan people with a pledge to set everything on fire.

Online coupons save Britons £5bn on things they don't want

SIX in ten Britons regularly use internet coupons to spend less money on things that have absolutely no value.

Mail uses sting operation to trap its own racist bullshit

THE Daily Mail set up an elaborate 'sting' to expose its own bullshit about migrant workers, it has emerged.

Cheryl Cole boosts Twitter literacy level

TWITTER is now 14 percent cleverer after the addition of Cheryl Cole.

Everyone shocked to realise how much they know about porn

AN adult film actor contracting HIV has prompted millions of people to suddenly realise they know the names of a least eight porn stars.