Happiness caused by things you're not actually involved in

HAPPINESS is the result of things that actually have nothing to do with you, it has emerged.

Royal foetus planning typical royal lifestyle

THE royal foetus plans to get a pair of mediocre A-levels, have a brief military career or set up an unsuccessful cake business, it has emerged.

Atheists still not that keen on Scouts

ATHEISTS are still not that keen on socialising with people who were in the Scouts, it has emerged.

Amazon sells out of DVD box sets

TAX-CAUTIOUS online retailer Amazon has been flooded with orders for box sets following the royal pregnancy announcement.

Disco meteorologists predict heavy downpour of men

IT'S going to start raining men for the first time in history, according to 70s disco meteorologists.