News

Tesco throwing away four cans of lager per year

BRITISH branches of Tesco throw away a fiver’s worth of alcohol every year, they have confirmed.

Everyone to be given a lump of uranium

DAVID Cameron is to reduce energy prices by giving every household a lump of radioactive material.

London property only affordable to extraterrestrials

LONDON homes are being bought up by galactic emperors after becoming unaffordable to humans.

Living each day like it's your last actually a terrible idea

BEHAVING as if you're going to die tomorrow will lead to humiliating and possibly deadly situations, experts have warned.

Morrissey actually hard

THE memoir of pop singer Morrissey has revealed his voracious appetite for lager and fighting.

Nerds fear getting Malcolm Gladwell book for Christmas

NERDS have asked well-meaning relatives not to give them the new Malcolm Gladwell book for Christmas.

Yahoo unveils plan to make users hate it

YAHOO'S radical new PR strategy involves making all its customers want to strangle it.

Emmerdale to become first underwater soap

THE cliffhanger in a flooded cellar on Emmerdale is to launch the soap's new sub-aquatic era.