News

Turd reveals maniac’s hatred of scumbag

BRITAIN is to be dipped in antiseptic after hearing the oozing testimony of Kelvin Mackenzie.

Bonus curb could lead to 'arsehole drain'

PLANS to curb executive pay could lead to an exodus of money-grubbing dicks, experts have warned.

Tolkien denied Nobel Prize 'because he wrote about Hobbits'

JRR Tolkien was rejected by the Nobel Prize committee because he wrote about hobbits, dwarves and orcs, it has emerged.

Does sleeping count as not drinking? asks Britain

BRITAIN would like to know if being fast asleep counts as time off the drink.

Nominations pour in for assisted suicide

DOZENS of popular candidates have emerged for the first round of semi-voluntary lethal injections.

Missing cat returns with no memory of lost days

A CAT that has returned to its owners after spending a week missing cannot recall where it has been.

Slight amendments made to New Year's resolution to quit smoking

SMOKERS who officially gave up for 2012 have announced a few clarifications regards what 'giving up' actually means.

Race named as today's thing to talk shit about

RACE has been named as today's topic about which Britain will talk angry, ill-informed shit.