Men Admit, Once And For All, That Every Single One Of Them Looks At Internet Pornography

AS the names of alleged pornography file sharers were leaked online, men have united to confess that every last one of them looks at dirty stuff on their computers.

Rise In 'DIY Vets' Producing Mixed Results

EVER increasing vets' fees are prompting pet owners to try haphazard DIY repairs on their animals, according to new research.

NHS Pay Patients To Hurl Themselves Off A Bridge

NHS managers hope to save millions by paying patients with expensive ailments a cash bonus to leap off the nearest tall thing.

Lohan Still Looking Pretty Good For All The Drugs, Doctors Have To Admit

TROUBLED actress Lindsay Lohan is still highly do-able despite all the drugs, doctors have conceded.

Council To Outsource Lazy, Belligerent Arseholes

SUFFOLK Council is to put 9,000 of its malingering, overpaid functions out to private tender.

UK Police Holding Out For A Hero

UK police chiefs have decided that if they let crime get bad enough some sort of masked hero is bound to intervene.

Ahmadinejad Repels Un Using Courgette

THE president of Iran last night fought off an angry United Nations General Assembly using nothing but a medium sized courgette.

I Would Only Use Adidas Prostitutes, Says Beckham

DAVID Beckham has angrily denied claims he slept with a prostitute insisting he could only ever be unfaithful to his wife with a contractually branded tart.