News

Twitter celebrates five pointless years of unremitting shit

MICRO-blogging site Twitter celebrated its fifth birthday yesterday by sounding exactly like a five-year-old.

Osborne to close gap between private jet owners and private jet renters

PEOPLE who own private jets will face higher taxes in a bid to make the system fairer for people who just rent them.

I kind of assumed you're trying to kill me, says Gaddafi

COLONEL Gaddafi last night decided to just go ahead and assume that we are actively trying to kill him.

Most Britons think they're better than most other Britons

THE majority of UK citizens now look down on almost everyone else in the country, according to a new report.

Planes kill baddies

LOTS of people died in Libya last night, but it's okay because they were baddies.

Theatre groups to remind Britain why they are the first things to be cut

THEATRE groups across Britain will unite this weekend to remind taxpayers exactly why they are being cut.

Teachers not famous enough

MOST British teachers are not famous enough to be able to inspire their pupils, according to a new report.

UN backs Radio 1 regime change

THE United Nations security council has paved the way for air strikes against Chris Moyles.