British Geography Teachers Can Point To All The Places Prince Andrew Has Played Golf

BRITAIN'S geography teachers last night gave a thrilling demonstration of their academic prowess by getting out a big map and pointing to each of the places Prince Andrew has played golf.

Britain's Happiness Now Based Mainly On Suffering Of Others

THE single thing that makes Britons happiest is watching others have a total and utter nightmare, according to a new study.

Unmanned Wikileaks Drone Destroys Afghan Village

WIKILEAKS was last night accused of putting lives at risk after destroying an Afghan village with an unmanned drone.

First Alien Contact To Be Dirty Phone Message

MANKIND'S introduction to extra-terrestrial life will be a series of lewd, unprovoked insults from Jonathan Ross.

Humans Do Not Breed, Say Experts

HUMAN reproduction is invariably based on love and a deep longing to create something unique and beautiful, it was confirmed last night.

Duncan Smith Backs Retirement Brothels

BRITISH workers face spending their twilight years in peaceful, neon-lit retirement brothels.

Palin Targets Fish

SARAH Palin has pledged a campaign of systematic fish genocide in a bid to stop marine life forms spreading lies about evolution.

Letting Agents To Out-Bastard Estate Agents

WITH the rental sector booming, letting agents are set to topple estate agents as Britain's leading bunch of tick-like scumbags.