SPERM actively enjoy alcohol and cigarettes, it has emerged.
THE opening ceremony for the Olympic games will include a pile of tractor parts and a man with large hands glaring at everyone, it has been revealed.
THE People's Republic of China has announced plans for its entire female population to become astronauts.
MOST people assumed to be internet trolls genuinely believe their hateful, demented statements, it has been claimed.
THE Church of England has announced that its new core purpose is running 'laser tag' games.
APPLE has launched its new range of things to fiddle with and poke at.
THE country of Wales has returned to its natural submerged state.
ENGLISH pubs will become the worst places in the world later today, it has been claimed.