News

Merthyr Tydfil officially awesome

WALES last night proclaimed Merthyr Tydfil to be its greatest ever achievement.

Huge steel penis on rails not a vanity project, says minister

PLANS to thrust a huge metal phallus back and forth between Birmingham and London are not about me, transport secretary Philip Hammond has claimed.

Goodwin having sex with your money

WORLD'S worst banker Fred Goodwin hosts money orgies where he has intercourse with a series of life-size papier maché figures made from £20 notes.

New Tomb Raider delayed by glitch in sequel generating machine

THE latest Tomb Raider instalment has been delayed by technical problems with SEQUL8TOR, Hollywood's giant sequel-making computer.

Daily Mail perfected

THE Daily Mail achieved perfection today after publishing a photograph of Eva Braun posing as a black man.

Public sector cordially invited to suck it

BRITAIN is today extending a gracious invitation to the public sector to suck on it until they gag.

Pensions simplified into single Cup-a-Soup voucher

IAIN Duncan Smith is to simplify Britain's complex state pension system into an easy to understand voucher for powdered soup.

Bieber-fever a sexually transmitted disease, say experts

'BIEBER fever' is a sexually transmitted bacterial infection, scientists have confirmed.