Science fiction fans now harder than football fans

SCIENCE fiction conventions are attracting more hard bastards than football matches, it has emerged.

Most men 'don't know what masculinity is'

MOST British men have no idea what masculinity would actually involve, it has been confirmed.

Cashpoint morons warned to plan ahead

SIMPLY deciding in advance what you want from a cashpoint can stop others wanting to kill you, it has been claimed.

Petrol prices 'not caused by haunted pumps'

THE high cost of petrol may not be caused by poltergeists, it has emerged.

Oh good, feminism's back, say men

MEN were last night delighted to discover that feminism is making a comeback.

Britons could be forced to stop beating each other up

A CRISIS in A & E means Britons may be forced to reconsider whether they can have a fight this weekend.

All TV ads to be 'phases of life' montage

TELEVISION adverts must show a couple getting together, having kids and then sending their kids to university, according to new guidelines.

Cameron to arm Syrian rebels with a camping stove

SYRIA'S rebels need a camping stove, some cutlery and a good, solid frying pan, David Cameron has confirmed.