BRITAIN is to be dipped in antiseptic after hearing the oozing testimony of Kelvin Mackenzie.
PLANS to curb executive pay could lead to an exodus of money-grubbing dicks, experts have warned.
JRR Tolkien was rejected by the Nobel Prize committee because he wrote about hobbits, dwarves and orcs, it has emerged.
BRITAIN would like to know if being fast asleep counts as time off the drink.
DOZENS of popular candidates have emerged for the first round of semi-voluntary lethal injections.
A CAT that has returned to its owners after spending a week missing cannot recall where it has been.
SMOKERS who officially gave up for 2012 have announced a few clarifications regards what 'giving up' actually means.
RACE has been named as today's topic about which Britain will talk angry, ill-informed shit.