PRISON life is preferable to hospital apart from the persistent knife-point sodomy and being shanked for an ounce of tobacco, according to a major new report.
THE ailing NHS is to be kicked into shape using an array of characters from Street-Fighter 2, it was confirmed last night.
ENTIRE cities are to be moved and species made extinct to correspond with what it says on Wikipedia, it was confirmed last night.
A MAJOR study has confirmed the existence of salivating, murderous clowns lurking under the bed of every child, Britain's parents said last night.
ACROSS the UK the search has begun for a business that is socially useful.