TOP Gear lynchpin Jeremy Clarkson is to sue Ricky Gervais for trying to steal his personality.
THE public has been warned to keep away from farmers after a yoghurt fan was shot while asking a Welsh herdsman to 'bust some rhymes'.
MANCHESTER t-shirt vendors The Stone Roses are to reform for a new series of concerts they won't turn up to.
THE eviction of the Dale Farm travellers' site has really brought out Britain's good side, it has been confirmed.
MORRISSEY the Singer is to sue himself after things he said made people think he might be a bit racist.
A TAXI driver whose dead body was mummified will not shut up, it emerged last night.
DAVID Cameron has said domestic energy bills will tumble once everybody's house is a pile of rubble.
THE field of robotics is not delivering on any level, experts have claimed.