News

Britain to get lessons in things you obviously shouldn’t do

BRITONS are to receive coaching in how not to do things that are clearly wrong.

Britain celebrates St Hangover's Day

BRITAIN is marking St Hangover's Day with shivering bouts of vomiting.

England toasts all the great things it did for Ireland

ENGLAND is pouring a pint of Guinness in celebration of all the ways it has helped Ireland over the years.

Discussion thread composed entirely of f**kwits

AN online discussion thread does not contain a single person who knows what they are talking about.

Kim and Kanye demand everyone at Glastonbury smells nice

KANYE West will perform at Glastonbury as long as the audience does not offend his wife’s sense of smell.

IVF attacked by people who create nothing but worthless, pointless crap

IVF reproduction has been attacked by a pair of fashion designers who have created a mountain of overpriced rubbish.

Bootleg Beatles split up by Bootleg Yoko

BRITAIN'S leading Beatles tribute band has split up after an encounter with Japan's foremost Yoko Ono impersonator.

Guardian fascinated by Wetherspoon’s breakfasts

THE Guardian has launched an investigation into why people choose to have breakfast at Wetherspoon’s.