New Tomb Raider delayed by glitch in sequel generating machine

THE latest Tomb Raider instalment has been delayed by technical problems with SEQUL8TOR, Hollywood's giant sequel-making computer.

Daily Mail perfected

THE Daily Mail achieved perfection today after publishing a photograph of Eva Braun posing as a black man.

Public sector cordially invited to suck it

BRITAIN is today extending a gracious invitation to the public sector to suck on it until they gag.

Pensions simplified into single Cup-a-Soup voucher

IAIN Duncan Smith is to simplify Britain's complex state pension system into an easy to understand voucher for powdered soup.

Bieber-fever a sexually transmitted disease, say experts

'BIEBER fever' is a sexually transmitted bacterial infection, scientists have confirmed.

Tories to treat you like children too

IT is not just the Labour Party who wants to treat you like a three year-old child, it has emerged.

People still unsure how banks work

THE £6.5m bonus paid to Barclays chief Bob Diamond was last night criticised by people with no real grasp of capitalism.

Everything boring except computers

THINGS that are not computers are little more than a tedious diversion from computers, according to new research.