School discos shit even if called 'prom nights'

GLEE-STYLE 'prom nights' are just shit school discos repackaged for the gullible, it has emerged.

It is too hot to do any work, warn experts

LEADING scientists have warned Britons not to attempt doing any work today.

Murray knighthood would be like 'world's greatest dad' t-shirt

AWARDING a knighthood to Andy Murray would be a bit pathetic, it has been confirmed.

Bats would rather do it with other species

THE UK’s bats are not having sex because they find each other weird-looking.

Zara baby to trigger civil war

THE announcement of a rival royal baby means that full-scale civil war is now inevitable.

Aspirational Facebook photos must be posted with equally unhappy image

EVERY aspirational Facebook photo must be posted with an equally miserable picture, under new social media guidelines.