News

Britain grants asylum to hilariously-named terrorist

BRITAIN last night offered safe haven to Colonel Gaddafi's charmingly-named terrorist sidekick.

Mob seeks new thing to be angry about

ENRAGED people may be forced to return to their slightly depressing lives unless they can find a new cause, it has emerged.

Stricken nuclear plant looks like Fern Britton

AS the Fukushima nuclear power station teeters on the brink of a catastrophic meltdown, someone has pointed out that it looks a bit like Fern Britton.

Former record shop staff at large in normal society

THE closure of record shops is exposing the general public to the borderline humans that worked in them, it has emerged.

Different car shapes most appealing thing about UK town centres

BANNING cars from UK town centres would rob urban Britain of its most attractive feature, it has been claimed.

Royal wedding police unveil 'riot squad of hearts'

THE Metropolitan Police have vowed that next month's royal wedding will be a glorious pageant of tear gassed wonder.

iPad 2 begins beautifully designed journey towards landfill

APPLE'S revolutionary iPad 2 has been launched on its inevitable trajectory towards a big stinking crater full of broken and rotting things.

AA repairmen still can't resist having a pop

ROADSIDE repairmen are still unable to fix your car without making some snide comment, it has emerged.