News

Poverty vital to telly

SOCIAL inequality is fundamental to televised light entertainment, according to experts.

Berners-Lee demands internet is free, open to all and has more bulldog videos

THE inventor of the internet has said that it must remain free of government interference and have more videos with bulldogs in.

Oh shit, say tube drivers

LONDON tube drivers have admitted that the game may be up.

Special milk is for special people

MILK alternatives made from soya, quinoa and flax are best suited to special people, it has been confirmed.

Councils to use ducking stools for benefit claimants

COUNCILS have started plunging unemployed people in rivers to see if they float, it has been confirmed.

All people thrown out of nightclubs were treated unfairly

EVERYONE who has ever been thrown out of a nightclub has confirmed it was not their fault.

Boar, what are they good for? ask officials

BOAR are good for absolutely nothing, according to councillors in the Forest of Dean.

Men's and women's brains equally empty

HUMAN brains are inefficient sacks of jelly regardless of gender, according to new research.