SIR Alan Sugar is to task the remaining Apprentice contestants with making Ireland's economy less cock-shaped.
EXTRA-terrestrials are reaching out to the idle working class after a craft shaped like a high-fat snack was sighted over Dudley.
THESE airport x-ray images that were supposed to show full-frontal nudity are very disappointing, creepy masturbators said last night.
PRINCE William will be barred from the throne unless he spends at least Â£80m on his wedding, constitutional experts have confirmed.
GRANDPARENTS are finding their kindly exterior increasingly difficult to maintain, it has emerged.
ITUNES customers are today lining up outside the Apple store for the chance to be the first to download Octopus's Garden.
WHEN Prince William arrived in St Andrews on a bright September morning in 2001, the Scottish seaside town, famous for its golf and its wind, would never be the same again for four years.