News

Jimmy Savile’s corpse collection up for auction

THE collection of stuffed humans owned by the late Sir Jimmy Savile, rated as one of the finest in the world, is to be sold at auction.

C02 emissions to be stored in your spare room

THE spare room you've been meaning to turn into an office will instead used to store carbon dioxide, it has emerged.

Moths team up with James Herbert

HORROR writer James Herbert has inked a deal with moths to write a horrifying account of their battle with mankind.

Myspace spots gap in market for old version of Facebook

FORGOTTEN social network Myspace is to stage a comeback by using the version of Facebook that everyone thought was absolutely fine.

Scientists pledge to eradicate nursery rhymes

SCIENTISTS have made a breakthrough that could see dozens of children's stories destroyed in a laboratory.

Racist cake orders up 2,000 per cent

SPECIALITY bakers across the country are struggling to cope with a record demand for horribly racist cakes.

MPs demand web porn ban so they can get on with some work

POLITICIANS have called for tough curbs on the internet pornography that is distracting them from running the country.

All three versions will be shit, promise Microsoft

THE Windows 8 operating system will come in three varieties of ball-shrinking awfulness, Microsoft has promised.