Mail will 'defend to death' the right to publish photos of Ben Affleck's daughter

THE Daily Mail today pledged it would die before surrendering the right to publish photos of Seraphina Affleck.

Connoisseurs of super strength lager angered by alcohol decision

APPRECIATORS of super strength lager's complex flavours feel they are being victimised by the government.

Tolkien fans not arsed whether The Hobbit is loyal to book

AS Peter Jackson's The Hobbit premieres, Tolkien's easygoing fans are definitely not interested in picking holes in it.

Britain in free-press bullshit extravaganza

BRITAIN is today enjoying a world class exchange of self-righteous bullshit.

Rival nans prepare for Christmas face-off

ELDERLY women across Britain are preparing to assert 'alpha nan' status over the family's other grandmother.