AN American teenager has announced plans to scale Mount Everest so he can finally masturbate in peace.
A PLAN to install slop buckets in homes and offices has raised concerns that being environmentally-friendly could start to become a bit of a pain in the arse again.
RESTAURANTS across Britain are being urged to stop serving food that looks like a lady's fandango.
MALFUNCTIONING iPad customers are to be 'fixed', Apple confirmed last night.
GOVERNMENT health officials say the receipt for 30 million useless swine flu vaccines is definitely around somewhere.
WORKERS are being asked to attend more pretend training sessions in a bid to increase the amount of bullshit there is.