Gay Priests Have Sex With Men, Say Experts

PRIESTS who are gay are 100% more likely to have sex with men rather than boys, experts have claimed.

US Teenager To Climb Everest For Crafty Ham Shank

AN American teenager has announced plans to scale Mount Everest so he can finally masturbate in peace.

Fears Grow That Recycling Could Become Inconvenient

A PLAN to install slop buckets in homes and offices has raised concerns that being environmentally-friendly could start to become a bit of a pain in the arse again.

Stop Serving Food That Looks Like A Vagina, Say Customers

RESTAURANTS across Britain are being urged to stop serving food that looks like a lady's fandango.

Apple To Fix Malfunctioning iPad Customers

MALFUNCTIONING iPad customers are to be 'fixed', Apple confirmed last night.

Simon Cowell Still Very Much Alive

POP impresario Simon Cowell was once again still very much alive last night.

Hunt For Swine Flu Vaccine Receipt Intensifies

GOVERNMENT health officials say the receipt for 30 million useless swine flu vaccines is definitely around somewhere.

Workers 'Need More Pretend Training With Overpaid Bullshit Merchants'

WORKERS are being asked to attend more pretend training sessions in a bid to increase the amount of bullshit there is.