A WORKSHY Tory defence secretary wants to order a new fleet of nuclear submarines and then get taxpayers to foot the bill, it emerged last night.
THE new series of The Apprentice is inspiring a new generation to become grasping, money-obsessed little turds, the BBC has claimed.
MONKEY trainer Jeremy Kyle was left shaken last night after one of his creatures struck him on the head with a handful of fresh droppings.
EARLY man often indulged in intolerable behaviour similar to that of modern-day pricks, it has emerged.
THE thing you keep your stuff in that's owned by the bank and that no-one wants to buy anyway is worth Â£6000 less than it used to be, according to new research.
MAJOR gas suppliers are attempting to convert their customers' bitter tears of woe into an eco-friendly fuel.
THE smouldering shell that was once Hastings Pier is almost certainly symbolic of something or other, it has been confirmed.