IMBECILES around the UK are preparing to be enchanted by an advert for a big shop.
NEW projections that London will be reclaimed by the sea have been greeted enthusiastically by the rest of the country.
A DANCE music DJ has spoken about his work like he is some sort of artist.
MALE researchers into the problem of 'splashback' have advised urinating in the sink.
JEREMY Clarkson will be guest editor of the Guardian for a week, the newspaper has announced.
BORIS Johnson has admitted being 'on the pipe'.
BRITAIN is one of the best places in the world, according to a sarcastic thinktank.
MASKED protestors around the world have called for a sequel to the 2006 dystopian thriller V For Vendetta.