OBESE Americans last night rejected Jamie Oliver's latest food campaign by deep frying him in hog fat and eating his head.
CLASS 4B last night said it cannot wait to meet David Cameron's new breed of unbreakable super-teachers.
DEFENCE cuts could see Britain's armed forces being made up of Minotaurs, winged horses and nightmarish un-dead demons from Hellraiser, according to a new report.
SCOTLAND has woken up on the sofa, drenched in its own urine for the fifth time since Boxing Day.
A TORY government would use the tax and benefits system to reward families who sing together regularly or perform amusing skits.
SOFTWARE security firms have come up with a brilliant excuse for why you spend £400 a month on high-grade Belgian filth.
THE future of the BBC should be based on a culture of making good programmes instead of rubbish ones, according to a leading think tank.