All rail announcements contain subliminal sex messages

TRAIN announcements such as ‘we offer a dedicated at seat trolley service’ are coded messages designed to arouse or unsettle passengers.

Orgreave miners to be prosecuted for holding grudge

MINERS involved in the Battle of Orgreave are to be charged with not letting it go.

Naked climbers sentenced to four months in a volcano

THE climbers who stripped naked at the top of Mount Kinabalu have been sentenced to four months inside its 800°C crater.

We’re still very nasty, says Al-Qaeda

AL-QAEDA chiefs admit they have slipped well below ISIS in the world’s evil league table.

Hammock incredibly stressful

A MAN who used a hammock has described it as the least relaxing experience of his life.

Office workers visiting the bathroom just for something to do

MOST office toilet breaks are merely for the sake of variety, it has emerged.

Do not photograph more than four eggs per day, say experts

TAKING Instagram egg photos can trigger insanity, it has emerged.

Working-class grannies requisitioned by middle-class households

LOVING working-class grandparents are to be reassigned to cold, ambitious middle-class families in dire need of them.