News

Southern-style chicken, kebab, pizza and curry combo wins Masterchef

THIS year's Masterchef is the head cook at Tooting’s Southern-Style Chicken, Kebab, Pizza and Curry takeaway restaurant in south London.

England on fire as dragons take their revenge

TOWNS and villages across England are ablaze after giant dragons chose St George’s Day to avenge their murdered comrade.

Kate wins over Australia with anti-Kiwi racism

THE Duchess of Cambridge has been taken to Australian hearts after a series of increasingly racist comments about New Zealand.

Weather ruins bank holiday traffic jams

BRITAIN’S traditional Easter traffic jams have been blighted by heavy rain for the third successive year.

Blur-Oasis rivalry reignited over sheds

OASIS founder Noel Gallagher has launched a scathing attack on garden sheds belonging to Damon Albarn and other members of Blur.

Women now doing lots of pointless bloke crap

WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.

Britain’s ‘values’ based on Star Wars, Breakfast Club and The Godfather

THE ‘moral values’ of most people in Britain are based on classic films from the 1970s and 80s, it has been confirmed.

Britain ravaged by annual Creme Egg riots

BRITAIN was a blood-soaked hellhole yesterday as the nation fought to the death over Creme Eggs.