THE closure of The London Paper has pushed the capital's commuters one step closer to reading books or perhaps even talking to each other, it was claimed last night.
YORKSHIRE Ripper Peter Sutcliffe has begun digging for oil beneath his Broadmoor cell in the hope of bribing the authorities into letting him go.
THE new Sony PS3 games console will suck more of your existence into a vortex of pointlessness than the Nintendo Wii and the X-Box put together, the company promised last night.
A STUDY of habitual snorers has found that they do it just to be a right pain in the arse.
RAIL firms will charge less for non-existent trains in 2010, offering better value for services their customers don't receive.
MINISTRY of Defence files detailing decades of UFO sightings have confirmed that Britain's imbeciles are as good as anyone's, including America's.