Witches Voice Frustration At 'Dabblers'

PEOPLE dabbling in the occult need to show more dedication if they are to succeed at 'the craft', according to top coven leaders.

Society To Be Re-Organised Around Dementia

GLOBAL society is to be re-organised on the assumption that everyone has dementia.

Disabled Parking Spaces More Alluring Than Ever

EMPTY disabled parking spaces have become almost irresistible after it emerged that most badge holders are probably lying anyway.

Psycho Midgets To Become Undercover Choirboys

VIOLENT, handsome midgets are to pose as choirboys in radical new measures against predatory priests, it has been announced.

Boar Sires 80 Piglets By 10 Different Sows

A BOAR is to have his tenth litter by 10 different sows, ultimately costing the UK taxpayer as much as £2 million.

Bin Strike Could Clear Streets Of Rubbish

A STRIKE by Britain's binmen could force rubbish to stay in neat piles instead of being flung all over the place willy-nilly, it was claimed last night.

Marriage provides great opportunity to ditch annoying friends

GETTING married provides an excellent excuse to deliberately lose touch with your more tiresome friends, according to new data.

Tea Party Anti-Masturbation Video 'Incredibly Arousing'

MEN cannot resist touching themselves while watching Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation diatribe, it has emerged.