BRITAIN will pay tribute to the Queen by standing outside her house and bombarding her with music she finds ghastly.
RIGHT-wingers are intelligent enough to know that everyone is ultimately a self-serving bastard, according to new research.
NHS staff are to start miming what they want to do to foreign patients in a bid to save money.
THE United Nations Security Council remains deadlocked over which countries are allowed to exterminate Arab civilians.
RADICAL Islamic cleric Abu Qatada is to overhaul British Islamo-fascism after being named as the country's first jihad 'tsar'.
THE £20 million bonus pool for Network Rail bosses is to be repeatedly postponed then replaced by a former school bus.
THE works of Charles Dickens have nothing to offer London's 21st Century thieving underclass, say experts.
GOOGLE has kicked the Queen squarely in the teeth, it has been confirmed.