News

'Foodies' congratulate themselves on ability to eat

THOUSANDS are self-styled 'foodies' are trumpeting their ability to orally process nutrients, it has emerged.

UK to intervene on both sides of Syria conflict

BRITAIN is to simultaneously help both sides in Syria's bloody civil war, it has emerged.

Batman film actually about Batman

THE Dark Knight Rises is a film about a man dressed as a bat who drives a silly car, it has emerged.

Imaginary Oxbridge is top university

THE imaginary Oxbridge that exists only in the heads of people obsessed with going there is the UK's top-ranked university.

Olympians bullied over footwear

ATHLETES with cheap or unfashionable trainers face bullying from their peers in the Olympic Village, it has been claimed.

Dolphins recruited to top banking jobs

BOTTLENOSE dolphins have been installed as executives by several high street banks, it has emerged.

G4S unveils ED-209

SECURITY company G4S has revealed its solution to their Olympics staffing shortfall – Enforcement Droid Series 209.

A brief history of the Olympics

The Daily Mash presents the story of the Olympics, from its roots in the classical era to becoming a modern-day massive balls up.