Chromebook to remove final hiding place

THE Chromebook will remove the final place where consumers can try and hide from Google, the company has announced.

Britain 'could do more' to discourage tourism

TOURIST attractions in the UK must redouble their efforts to stop the place being overrun by foreigners, officials have warned.

Cyclists to create bike-themed superstate

PUSH bike devotees are scheming to subjugate the Western world to their deity Shimano, it emerged last night.

Unions silenced by chimpanzee tube driver

TRANSPORT unions have been forced into a tactical rethink after it emerged a four year-old male chimpanzee is working on the Bakerloo line.

Eastenders not realistically horrific enough

LONG-running suicide note Eastenders fails to fully capture how revolting Cockneys are, the BBC have admitted.

Jamie Oliver re-brands bacteria as 'Funky Coli'

THE microbes present in TV chef Jamie Oliver's restaurant kitchens are cool and laid-back, it was claimed last night.

Crackdown on drivers who don't vote

THE government is to overhaul road traffic enforcement to crack down on the sort of people who have no interest in elections.

Mosley buttocks lose right to early warning

MAX Mosley will have no idea when his bare bottom is about to be pummelled by a large, angry woman, pretending to be German.