Train company launches less ambitious Slightly Quieter Carriage

GREAT Western Trains is to replace the quiet carriage with a new compartment where customers are asked to be just a fraction less irritating.

Queen psyched about Jubilee Truck Jam

THE world's leading modified vehicles, including Bigfoot and Jurassic Attack, will perform at Buckingham Palace's Jubilee Truck Jam on June 4.

Interest in Lindsay Lohan classified as mental illness

HAVING an interest in Lindsay Lohan is a form of insanity, psychiatrists have confirmed.

Twitter appeals Barton ban

PEOPLE wanting to use Twitter without their heads exploding have appealed Joey Barton’s 12-match ban.

Convicts voting Tory

PRISONERS are unanimously going to vote Conservative, it has emerged.

DC Comics reveals all Marvel characters are gay

IRON MAN, the Hulk and all other Marvel Comics characters ever have been outed as gay by rival publisher DC.

Lost rave tribe found beneath Hacienda

A SEMI-MYTHICAL group of troglodyte ravers has been discovered by workmen at Manchester's legendary Hacienda.

Yeti DNA database launched

SCIENTISTS are collecting sasquatch DNA in a bid to cut man-ape crime, it has emerged.