Woman’s belief system based on quotes from sandwich boards outside bars

A WOMAN has based her all her thinking on philosophical quotes written on chalk boards outside local businesses.

Grumpy bastards secretly delighted to see Christmas decorations going up

PEOPLE with nothing in their lives but their own incessant whining have smiled inwardly as shops start wheeling out Christmas tat.

Non-twat wondering why he is in ‘Chipping Norton set’

A MAN is wondering why he chooses to spend his time doing horrible things with the worst people in the world.

Man discovers he is not qualified for unskilled labour

A 25-YEAR-OLD man was applying for a job as ‘unskilled labourer’ when he realised he did not meet the criteria.

Public deliberately misled on whether cars can make you cool

MOTOR manufacturers deliberately misled consumers into believing car purchase could make them cool, it has emerged.

Superyacht mostly used for watching telly

A BILLIONAIRE has confirmed that his £300 million ‘superyacht’ is only used for activities that could be carried out in an average sitting room.

Skype users switch to phone calls where they suddenly hang up every few minutes

FRUSTRATED Skype fans have been making deliberately fragmented calls on normal phones.

Man’s favourite music genre is commercial dance

A 24-YEAR-OLD man has described his passion for the type of music known as ‘commercial dance’.