News

Mail becomes cause of and solution to racism

THE Daily Mail has today launched a five year plan to prevent exactly as much racism as it creates.

Female MPs overlooked for promotion when they pose for GQ

WOMEN MPs who get all dolled-up and pose for men's magazines are not taken seriously, experts have claimed.

The net closes in on Prince Philip

PRINCE Philip has begun a damage limitation exercise after human remains were discovered at Sandringham.

Murdoch tweets minutiae of world domination

RUPERT Murdoch is to use Twitter to share his everyday, random thoughts about controlling everything in the world.

Britain desperately trying to download games onto Kindle

THOUSANDS of Britons are trying to make video games work on their new Kindles after refusing to accept that the device is a type of book.

Corbett too short for a knighthood

RONNIE Corbett has had to make do with a CBE because he is too short for a knighthood, it has been confirmed.

Scientists capture person who buys fantasy-themed ornaments

THE mysterious individual who single-handedly sustained the market for pewter dragon statuettes is being held at a secure laboratory.