Tree surgeons taking all the women

MANLY but sensitive tree surgeons are making too many women fall in love with them, it has been claimed.

Man has no career aspirations

RETAIL worker Stephen Malley has no desire to do a job other than the one he is already doing.

Ghostly English teachers insisting adults read Go Set A Watchman

LONG-DEAD English teachers are appearing to their terrified former pupils to make them read the To Kill A Mockingbird sequel.

Han Solo origin film tells story of Star Wars

THE new Han Solo origin movie will tell the story of how he rescued Princess Leia from the Death Star before helping her brother destroy it.

Foxes regret voting Tory

FOXES who voted Conservative were not expecting the government to start killing them again.

Strikes supposed to be annoying, say Tube drivers

LONDONERS complaining that the Tube strike is frustrating have been reminded that is the point.

Horrible couple work out they will be precisely £184.51 better off

A VILE, grasping couple have done post-budget calculations to work out exactly how much more money they will get.

Boundary of North decided by measuring Kent resident's lip curl

THE government is to decide where the North begins by putting a Kent man on the train to Leeds and measuring his disdain.