Palin v Bachmann to become Japanese monster film

THE studio which produced Godzilla and Mothra has purchased the character rights to Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, it has emerged.

Failing schools asked how you mess up colouring-in

HEADMASTERS of failing primary schools are to be quizzed on what is so difficult about three-piece jigsaws.

SuBo musical to include séance, dressed-up cats and a bloody good cry

PRODUCERS of the Susan Boyle musical have promised it will be the perfect night out for a certain kind of person.

Celebrity culture making women feel insufficiently stupid

WOMAN are being pressurised into emulating unrealistic levels of brainless folly, according to a new report.

Greek butlers all round

EVERYONE in Britain is to receive part of a Greek person in exchange for large amounts of cash.

Zawahiri to lead the three guys in his living room

AYMAN al-Zawahiri was last night named as the leader of the three guys sitting in his living room that everyone has agreed to call 'Al Qaeda'.

Bob Crow successfully infiltrates bourgeoisie

CUNNING socialist Bob Crow has successfully completed a daring reconnaisance mission at an exclusive capitalist restaurant.

Joss Stone murder plot not some weird dream

THE alleged plot to kill Joss Stone with a sword is not one of those dreams you keep having, it emerged last night.