SHOPPERS are being offered the chance to use ethical purchases to 'offset' acts of unspeakable foulness.
MILLIONS of Britons are descended from the bastard offspring of aristocrat-defiled domestic drudges, it was claimed yesterday.
ED Balls has condemned children's commissioner Dr Maggie Atkinson for using her years of professional experience in forming an opinion.
THE estate of Michael Jackson has signed a record breaking contract and vowed not to spend it all on funfairs, hush money and giraffes.
TEENAGE boys are to be given lessons in how to release the vice-like grip on their penises for five minutes and get some sleep.