Seagulls running everything

SEAGULLS have been humankind's masters for the past three decades, it has emerged.

Old Terminator needs constant reboots

A NEW Terminator movie will star Arnold Schwarzenegger as an outdated robot assassin plagued by frustrating software problems.

Prehistoric baby names trend sees 'Trog' and Gor' make a comeback

RETRO baby names from the early 20th century have been exhausted, creating a trend for prehistoric-sounding options like Ung-Gaah.

Hot water with bag floating in it not a cup of tea

VERY hot water with a bag floating in it is not a cup of tea, it has emerged.

Weirdo bombarding Disney with Star Wars ideas actually George Lucas

THE 'mentally ill' man sending hundreds of bizarre Star Wars ideas to Disney is actually George Lucas, it has emerged.

Factory blaze caused by stupid bloody Chinese lantern thing

A MASSIVE factory fire was caused by one of those monstrously fucking stupid Chinese lanterns, it has been confirmed.