HOLIDAYMAKERS have been warned that Northern France is absolutely honking.
THE NHS should stop helping horrid, ghastly people to have babies, according to a new report.
RUSSIAN prime minister Vladimir Putin has been told it is okay to have a smaller than average penis and that he can stop all this nonsense whenever he likes.
BRITAIN is set to become 68% more pleasant as the Edinburgh Fringe draws in the country's full quota of pathologically self-absorbed bastards for the next three weeks.
THE army has pledged to keep building massive killer robots with a grudge against humanity, insisting that nothing can possibly go wrong.