News

IT professionals deny they would ever help anyone

CLAIMS surrounding James Murdoch's missing emails have prompted IT staff to deny they would ever assist a colleague with anything, ever.

Facebook IPO fails because nobody can find 'Buy' button

THE first public listing of Facebook has failed after users could not find the bit of the website that allows them to buy shares.

Stock exchange bomb plot suggests Al Qaeda now on our side

A PLOT to blow up the London Stock Exchange suggests that Islamic terrorists now want to do us a favour, it has emerged.

Saudi women banned from self-service check-outs

SAUDI women have been banned from using supermarket self check-outs amid fears the female voiced systems could lead to homosexuality and the extinction of virgins.

UK braced for mediocre weather photography

SNOWY weather will result in a million of pictures of nothing much, experts have warned.

Goodwin loses knighthood for same reasons he got knighthood

THE reasons for Fred Goodwin getting and losing his knighthood could have been separated at birth, it has been confirmed.

Rioters 'not introduced to violence early enough'

A SENIOR Labour MP has blamed last year's riots on parents failing to introduce their children to violence as quickly as possible.

Decline in marine life possibly due to all the shit in the sea, say experts

THE decline in marine life may in some way be connected to all the shit, piss and bleach pumped in there every single day by everyone in the world, it has been claimed.