News
Shakespeare Study To Teach Kids New Words For Cock
PRIMARY school children as young as five are to study the works of Shakespeare as part of a government initiative to teach them hundreds of 17th century slang words for penis.
Acupuncture Good For Covering Body In Tiny Holes, Says Study
ACUPUNCTURE is extremely effective at making tiny holes all over the body, the biggest ever study of the ancient Chinese remedy has revealed.
Women Bishops To Fill Cathedrals With Knick-Knacks And Pot Pourri
FEMALE clerics have vowed to fill England's great churches with stupid little knick-knacks and bowls of pot pourri as soon as they become bishops.
It's Actually A Book Club, Insists Mosley
MOTORSPORT boss Max Mosley yesterday rejected claims he had taken part in a Nazi-themed orgy, insisting the event was nothing more than a suburban book club.
Jeremy Kyle Rapped For Showing A Scotsman
THE Jeremy Kyle show has been censured by the television watchdog Ofcom for broadcasting a Scotsman during a daytime programme.
Churches Urged To Ban Noisy Little Shits
CHURCHES should be given the right to remove noisy little shits the very second they open their mouths, campaigners said last night.
Snail Price Rise Forces French To Eat Own Bogies
A SHARP rise in the price of snails is forcing millions of hard-up Frenchmen to eat their own bogies.
Blood-Soaked Revolution To Start At Noon
BRITAIN'S long-awaited bloody revolution will begin at noon today, after MPs voted to keep their £24,000 second home allowance.