SCARY dragon Duncan Bannatyne last night said he was 'in' for 30 per cent of a funky device that breaks people's arms.
CHILDHOOD eating disorders may be caused by giving them plate after plate of food that is just shit, experts have claimed.
EXCEPTIONAL students will be offered a guaranteed loss of virginity by universities vying to recruit them, it has emerged.
BONUSES at Barclays will rise despite a fall in profits because that is just how the whole thing actually works, the bank has explained.
TRANSPORTING food into a field to eat it is a worthless endeavour, it was claimed last night.
THE violent death of every human being was prevented last night after some American politicians agreed to get some more money.
BSKYB is to change its corporate logo to a manicured hand flipping off the whole world.
FILMS without merit can now be downloaded without fear of prosecution, it has been confirmed.