PRIMARY school children as young as five are to study the works of Shakespeare as part of a government initiative to teach them hundreds of 17th century slang words for penis.
ACUPUNCTURE is extremely effective at making tiny holes all over the body, the biggest ever study of the ancient Chinese remedy has revealed.
FEMALE clerics have vowed to fill England's great churches with stupid little knick-knacks and bowls of pot pourri as soon as they become bishops.
MOTORSPORT boss Max Mosley yesterday rejected claims he had taken part in a Nazi-themed orgy, insisting the event was nothing more than a suburban book club.
THE Jeremy Kyle show has been censured by the television watchdog Ofcom for broadcasting a Scotsman during a daytime programme.
CHURCHES should be given the right to remove noisy little shits the very second they open their mouths, campaigners said last night.
A SHARP rise in the price of snails is forcing millions of hard-up Frenchmen to eat their own bogies.
BRITAIN'S long-awaited bloody revolution will begin at noon today, after MPs voted to keep their £24,000 second home allowance.