News

Bannatyne invests £250,000 in the Reggae-Reggae Arm-Breaker

SCARY dragon Duncan Bannatyne last night said he was 'in' for 30 per cent of a funky device that breaks people's arms.

Childhood eating disorders may be caused by shit food, say experts

CHILDHOOD eating disorders may be caused by giving them plate after plate of food that is just shit, experts have claimed.

Universities compete for best students with promise of first sexual encounter

EXCEPTIONAL students will be offered a guaranteed loss of virginity by universities vying to recruit them, it has emerged.

Barclays bonuses don't fall by 33% 'because that's not how it works'

BONUSES at Barclays will rise despite a fall in profits because that is just how the whole thing actually works, the bank has explained.

Picnics even shitter than barbecues

TRANSPORTING food into a field to eat it is a worthless endeavour, it was claimed last night.

 

 


Last-minute US deal prevents certain death of everybody in world

THE violent death of every human being was prevented last night after some American politicians agreed to get some more money.

BSkyB changes logo to middle finger

BSKYB is to change its corporate logo to a manicured hand flipping off the whole world.

Hollywood must allow theft of piece of shit films

FILMS without merit can now be downloaded without fear of prosecution, it has been confirmed.