THE film of the console game Resident Sewage 43: Crapocalypse is to be adapted back into a console game and then back into a film and so on until the ending of the world, it has been confirmed.
THE Queen will today have soup and sandwiches at her Edinburgh home with an insane German criminal she met off a plane.
CHEAP clothes giant Primark is to stop selling clothes and instead simply charge the public to come and mess up its shops.
EDUCATION experts will be employed in schools to establish who the stupidest bastards in the building are.
THE future of British ice cream adverts was thrown into doubt last
night as the industry watchdog ruled they can no longer offend Roman
BUYERS of the highly-anticipated Halo Reach will be served by staff trained to ask them what exactly they are doing with their lives.
POPE Benedict XVI has promised his UK tour will feature the live on-stage incineration of those who consort with demons.
OUTREACH workers say they should be protected from cutbacks to stop Britain being torn apart by angry, unsupported lesbians.