News

Cake overrated

CAKE is not as good as everyone says it is.

Rosé banned for the next seven months

THE consumption of rosé has been banned for the next seven months, pending a review at Easter.

Samsung watch makes you look like a child pretending to be a spy

SAMSUNG'S new Galaxy Gear watch is aimed at people who want to look like they are playing a kids' spy game, it has emerged.

School places shortage solved with uninhabited island

CHILDREN without a primary school place are being sent to live on an island without adult supervision.

Toast lands on buttered side because everything is shit

THE reason dropped toast always lands on the buttered side is that everything is shit, according to scientists.

Government policy to be anecdote-based

ALL UK policy decisions are to be based on anecdotal evidence, the government has announced.

London actively trying to kill humans

THE city of London has begun using lethal death-rays to wipe out its human population.

Windows 95 buys Nokia 3210

GROUNDBREAKING operating system Windows 95 has bought the market-leading Nokia 3210 to create a technological juggernaut.