Torture-Porn Theme Park Insufficiently Cruel For UK Children

A THEME park inspired by the graphic cruelty of 'torture porn' horror films is too mild for most British children, it was claimed yesterday.

Pink Floyd Force You To Listen To The Bad Bits

TEDIOUS prog rockers Pink Floyd have won their legal bid to make you listen to every last bit of their ghastly albums.

No Ban On Teachers Who Watch Grey's Anatomy

TEACHERS who watch the offensive US medical drama Grey's Anatomy will not be banned from the classroom, the government has confirmed.

Mad Men Dolls Already Having Complicated Affairs With Other Toys

TOYS based on characters from US TV series Mad Men are having complex, stylish affairs with other action figures, it emerged last night.

Vatican Possessed By Perverts, Says Scientist

THE Vatican is possessed by lots of perverts who like to fiddle with little boys, according to a scientist.

Intelligence-Boosting Drugs Make Children Question Point Of Exams

SCHOOLCHILDREN on brain-boosting drugs are questioning the whole point of the education system, it has emerged.

Small Men Devastated

MILLIONS of men just a shade under five foot nine were devastated last night as it emerged that not even the French presidency can help a short man hang on to Carla Bruni.

Drunk Women Superb, Say Experts

WOMEN who get drunk on a regular basis are slim, happy and a bloody good night out, experts have claimed.