Men Still Trying To Fancy Lady Gaga

MEN are still really trying to find the constantly-naked Lady Gaga attractive, it emerged last night.

Most People 'Don't Know What Their Job Is'

THE majority of the UK workforce do not really know what they are supposed to be doing while they are at the office, according to new research.

Sunderland To Build Car That Won't Reach Doncaster

THE Nissan factory in Sunderland is to produce a new electric car that will be unable to get as far as Doncaster.

A Child's Guide To Modern Britain

RUB a dub dub, three men in a tub - Which is a perfectly normal domestic arrangement and exactly the same as a mummy and daddy who are married.

Organic Shoppers Rewarded With Right To Commit Evil

SHOPPERS are being offered the chance to use ethical purchases to 'offset' acts of unspeakable foulness.

One In Five Descended From Bastard Children Of Scullery Maids

MILLIONS of Britons are descended from the bastard offspring of aristocrat-defiled domestic drudges, it was claimed yesterday.

Balls Condemns Expert For Knowing Stuff

ED Balls has condemned children's commissioner Dr Maggie Atkinson for using her years of professional experience in forming an opinion.

Jackson Estate Won't Spend It All On Giraffes This Time

THE estate of Michael Jackson has signed a record breaking contract and vowed not to spend it all on funfairs, hush money and giraffes.