News

Thomas Cook ad to feature 'Debaser'

THOMAS Cook has become the latest travel company to base a television advert on a song by the Pixies.

Hester turns down shares in unsuccessful bank

STEPHEN Hester last night turned down a share bonus package after discovering the shares were in the Royal Bank of Scotland.

Cameron acting like the dictator of Gaydonia, says Archbishop

DAVID Cameron is acting as if he is the dictator of the People's Republic of Gaydonia, the Archbishop of York has claimed.

List of people almost given the chance to turn down honours leaked

A SECRET government list of those not quite important enough to be offered an honour they would then not accept has been published.

Werewolf!

STAY off the moors, yokels have warned.

Phase one complete, Dacre tells home planet

CHIEF Daily Mail space creature Paul Dacre has mind-merged with his martian leader to report that Earth is almost ready for invasion.

Sally Morgan to be represented by disembodied voice of Abraham Lincoln

SALLY Morgan is to sue the Daily Mail with a legal team including Abraham Lincoln, Clarence Darrow and someone who claims to be John Mortimer.

BBC4 named ponciest channel at National TV Awards

BBC4 was last night named Best Channel for Stuck-Up Ponces at the National Television Awards.