78% of human population actually yetis

THE majority of so-called people are in fact sasquatches.

Rest of human race having more fun than you

EVERYONE else is having a better time than you, it has emerged.

Saturn moon is beach ball lost by massive aliens

ONE of Saturn's moons is a beach ball misplaced by a race of super-massive aliens.

Daily Mail hates everyone in Britain

THE Daily Mail hates Britain and everyone in it, experts have confirmed.

Light sabres will exist when Star Wars completely ruined

LIGHT sabres will become a reality shortly after Star Wars has been completely ruined, it has emerged.

Columnist running out of feminist perspectives

GUARDIAN columnist and blogger Nikki Hollis is running out of things on which to have a feminist perspective.

BBC acts to stop Danny Dyer films

THE BBC has won public support for its move to stop poor quality gangster films by casting Danny Dyer in EastEnders.

Teenage mutant ninja turtles breeding in the UK

HUMANOID turtles with weapons skills have become a native species in Britain.