TRANSPORTING food into a field to eat it is a worthless endeavour, it was claimed last night.
THE violent death of every human being was prevented last night after some American politicians agreed to get some more money.
BSKYB is to change its corporate logo to a manicured hand flipping off the whole world.
FILMS without merit can now be downloaded without fear of prosecution, it has been confirmed.
INTERNET users will be forced to reveal details of their pathetic lives in a new drive to stop them being ghastly.
EVERY copy of the News of the World printed since 1999 contained a tiny, hidden microphone, it has emerged.
BOUTIQUE computer giant Apple will no longer be selling its machines to the ugly, it has been confirmed.
COSMETICS giant L'Oreal has admitted its disappointment at not being allowed to commit fraud.