BRITAIN'S Romany gypsies have been given a £5 million grant to do whatever they want as long as it infuriates the shit out of Daily Mail readers.
RADIOHEAD'S pledge to stop making albums will save thousands of lives a year, experts claimed last night.
THE number of people with something to say about house prices rose by 15% in July, according to a report by the Institute of Chartered House Price Opinion Surveyors.
A NEW strain of genetically modified wheat can strangle crows and then harvest itself into a bowl of Cheerios, the environment secretary Hilary Benn has claimed.
A CONSERVATIVE government will set up a social networking site so that we can all read about each other's embarrassing diseases.
HOLIDAYMAKERS have been warned that Northern France is absolutely honking.