News

Britain overjoyed by union of buttocks

BRITAIN has been inspired and energised by the joining together of Pippa Middleton's left and right buttocks.


We will recover from this, pledge fearmongers

THE death of Osama Bin Laden is a temporary glitch, purveyors of top quality fear have insisted.

Everyone goes mental for strangers' wedding

TERRIFYING numbers of people are going nuts on the streets of England because two people they've never met are getting married in a big church.

Friday April 29, 2011: A time to clean the fridge

ACROSS the country, British people are readying themselves for a once-in-a-lifetime fridge-cleaning moment.

Games console 'stole millions of players' lives'

MILLIONS of Playstation users are in turmoil after it emerged that the console had stolen huge chunks of their existences.

Marijuana use linked to productivity

THE release of Snoop Dogg's 11th studio album is evidence of a link between marijuana use and prolific work rate, experts have claimed.

Yes, it does do telly, weary Sony tells UK

ELECTRONICS giant Sony has grudgingly responded to the British public's single question about its sophisticated new tablet computer.

Syria stands on naughty step

POLITICIANS in Syria have sobbingly asked William Hague if he can just give them a second chance.