News

High pay report calls for piss to be directed at wind

A REPORT into executive pay has called for a radical reform of how wind is combined with piss.

Housing market is pretty much all we have left, admits Cameron

THE government is to boost the housing market because there really isn't anything else to do, it has been confirmed.

Scientists warn of fog metaphors

EXPERTS have warned the dense fog over greater London will be used as a metaphor.

Arabic word for 'spring' is same as Arabic word for 'tear gas'

THE 'Arab Spring' is a mistranslation, it has emerged.

Elderly parents reveal plan to buy shit computer

YOUR ageing parents are planning to get themselves a 'computer with the internet' this Christmas, in a move that will ruin your life.

Middle class ketamine users 'risk delusions of cool'

RECREATIONAL sedative ketamine can induce the false belief of coolness in well-heeled teenagers, scientists have claimed.

Ryanair to phase out passengers

RYANAIR boss Michael O’Leary is to end passengers.

Winehouse ghost 'least weird thing' in Pete Doherty’s flat

PETE Doherty believes he shares his flat with a nine-foot meerkat and a talking sofa as well as the ghost of Amy Winehouse, it emerged last night.