Pope buys electric oboe

POPE Francis is to relaunch Christianity using state-of-the-art video software and an electronic wind instrument.

Little Chef customers reject Blumenthal's food made of clocks

LITTLE Chef has removed Heston Blumenthal dishes from its menu after realising that people did not want to eat minced clocks.

Barbecue-based adverts classed as science fiction

TV adverts featuring sunny barbecues should really include jet packs, it has been claimed.

Everyone at fancy wedding is fabulous

EVERYONE who attended the society wedding of the year is completely fantastic in every way.

Ecuador to breed endangered nerds

ECUADOR last night took a major step forward in its plan to breed pasty-faced nerds in captivity.

Heaven hit by mysterious fires

A SPATE of restaurant fires in Heaven has been linked to Tony Soprano.