'Loyal' penguin's 10,000 mile journey includes brothel detour

MAGELLANIC penguins, supposedly nature's most loyal animals, have a whorehouse on their migration route.

The Snowman sequel is about a boy and a puddle

THE sequel to Raymond Briggs' The Snowman follows a boy's increasingly desperate attempts to have adventures with a puddle.

Israel and Hamas predict different result from doing same thing

THE conflict between Israel and Hamas can be resolved as long as both sides keep doing the same thing over and over again, it has been claimed.

Duncan Smith models jaunty, bright-red benefits cap

The government’s new benefits cap is a cheerful bright red and must be worn by everyone who receives state benefit.

John Lewis Boxing Day ad to show snow-wife taking scarf and hat back

THE traditional John Lewis Boxing Day advert will tell the story of the 'snow-wife' returning her new hat, scarf and gloves because she absolutely hates them.

Piggy credit card teaches children not to save

A NEW children's credit card has been launched to promote instant gratification.

Low turnout sees one-eyed drug boss elected as police commissioner

DISFIGURED crack dealer Stephen Malley has been elected police commissioner for Gloucestershire.

Pudsey electrified to prevent hugging

ANY child that touches Pudsey bear will get a massive electric shock, it has emerged.