UK rescue attempt convinces Brits to stay in Libya

UK attempts to rescue British citizens trapped in Libya have convinced most of them to dig a big hole in the sand and live in it.

Auction uncovers 'Five Go Deporting'

AUCTIONEERS have discovered an unpublished Enid Blyton manuscript about a group of children who spend the summer deporting gypsies.

Charity muggers to undergo compulsory self-doubt training

STREET fundraisers are to be psychologically re-conditioned to reduce their self-confidence to human levels.

Libya facing civil war over how to kill Gaddafi

LIBYA was split down the middle last night over how Colonel Gaddafi should eventually be killed.

Police disturb illegal lake monster fighting gang

CONSTABLES called to a nocturnal disturbance in Windermere found a group of men cheering two battling plesiosaurs, it has emerged.

William Hague thinks you're in Venezuela

YOU are probably in Venezuela, foreign secretary William Hague has confirmed.

Humans to stick with oil

HUMANS are to continue to base their societies on a highly toxic substance that obviously costs far too much money.

Thousands of public health experts could disappear

THOUSANDS of public health experts could disappear over the next two weeks if they don't shut it, according to a new study.