News

Birth of royal baby pushes human population beyond sustainability

THE royal birth represents the population 'tipping point' beyond which the planet cannot sustain human life.

Britons urged to enjoy last few hours before explosion of baby bullshit

BRITONS have been advised to enjoy life in the final hours before a million-megaton blast of bullshit is unleashed.

Dacre to 'opt' for adult content so he can 'check how disgusting it is'

DAILY Mail editor Paul Dacre will 'opt-in' to web porn so that he can remain up to speed with Britain's moral decay.

US steps up war against nature

AMERICA has increased the intensity of its war against the planet by bombing the Great Barrier Reef.

Capacity for alcohol still main source of pride

MOST Britons consider drinking a lot of alcohol to be their greatest achievement.

Hardcore will never die, say scientists

HARDCORE rave music will outlast everything else in the universe, scientists have proved.