Thousands Of Doctors Prescribing Jesus

CHRISTIAN doctors are regularly sending patients home with a course of Testament, according to new research.

Memorial Sex Woman Pushing Britain Toward Littlejohn State Of Mind

THE war memorial sex woman and her verminous consort are in danger of making sane people think like Daily Mail columnists, it emerged last night.

Celebrities To Enter Big Brother Winner

VICTORIOUS housemate Josie Gibson is to become 'home' for a tiny submarine carrying Celebrity Big Brother contestants, it has emerged.

Chilean Mine Starting To Sound Not Bad

BEING trapped down a mine shaft in Chile for four months is starting to sound not too bad, men across Britain said last night.

Cool Pupils Celebrate Poor GCSE Results

THE nation's cool teenagers are celebrating their worst GCSE results ever after being too hip to make the slightest effort.

Cat Bin Lady Signed By Cowell

FREAK wrangler Simon Cowell has signed a 50-year-old woman after footage of her slamdunking a cat became an internet sensation.

Chinese Celebrate As Their Lives Become As Pointless And Frustrating As Ours

THE Chinese were celebrating another great leap forward today as their lives finally achieved Western levels of hellish pointlessness.

That Whole 'Stig' Thing Got Boring About Eight Years Ago, Everyone Tells BBC

THE anonymity of the Stig was vaguely amusing for about 10 minutes in 2002, the BBC was told last night.