News

Brits confirms core pop music value of respect for elders

POP music is all about respect for previous generations, it has been confirmed.

Sham marriages better than real ones

THE 7,500 fake marriages conducted in the UK are happier and more likely to last than genuine marriages, according to inspectors.

Avatar brain implant creates moral idiots

A BRAIN implant inspired by the film Avatar gives recipients an incredibly simplistic moral outlook, it has emerged.

Winter Olympics degenerates into Razzle magazine photoshoot

THE Winter Olympics has switched its focus from sport to softcore pornography.

Put cancer in e-cigarettes, say non-smokers

NON-SMOKERS would prefer electronic cigarettes to be fatal, it has emerged.

Sinkholes are badgers’ revenge

SINKHOLES appearing across Britain are an act of revenge by the badgers.

Everybody Hitler

YOU and everyone you know is Adolf Hitler, it has been confirmed.

91% of TV adverts contain whistling

MOST television adverts have a whistling-based soundtrack or feature whistling characters, it has emerged.