News

Last-minute US deal prevents certain death of everybody in world

THE violent death of every human being was prevented last night after some American politicians agreed to get some more money.

BSkyB changes logo to middle finger

BSKYB is to change its corporate logo to a manicured hand flipping off the whole world.

Hollywood must allow theft of piece of shit films

FILMS without merit can now be downloaded without fear of prosecution, it has been confirmed.

End of internet anonymity to make web even more depressing

INTERNET users will be forced to reveal details of their pathetic lives in a new drive to stop them being ghastly.

Every copy of the News of the World 'contained tiny microphone'

EVERY copy of the News of the World printed since 1999 contained a tiny, hidden microphone, it has emerged.

Apple tells ugly people to stick with PCs

BOUTIQUE computer giant Apple will no longer be selling its machines to the ugly, it has been confirmed.

L'Oreal disappointed at ban on fraud

COSMETICS giant L'Oreal has admitted its disappointment at not being allowed to commit fraud.

Comic convention attended by adults

THE world's largest gathering of picture-story fans is teeming with adults, it has emerged.