BRITAIN's ongoing economic turmoil could leave households unable to buy whatever they fancy, according to a new report.
THE government has abandoned plans to force trees off benefits and into work.
BRITAIN was heavy with disappointment last night as it emerged that Take That's riot police are just a group of non-violent dancers.
DOCTORS treating former Unionist leader Ian Paisley have assured him his new pacemaker is not in league with the Bishop of Rome.
A SUCCESSFUL simulated Mars mission saw encounters with aliens and also zombies, according to the children who organised it.
THE National Health Service is now little more than a front for illegal boxing matches between frail pensioners, according to a new report.
THE Egyptian army last night thanked demonstrators in Cairo for their military coup, adding that it was a very nice one.
THE BBC has been accused of encouraging annoyance with its new series about a Jamaican rodent.