Humanity to be destroyed by boredom

HUMANITY will be destroyed by its need to keep dicking about with things for no reason, academics have warned.

Arts Council to focus on pornography

FUNDING for the arts will be targeted at the highly profitable market for hard-core erotica.

Workers to be tested for traces of a soul

NEW technology will allow companies to check whether workers have traces of humanity in their system.

'Stacked bungalows' to solve housing shortage

MORE one-bedroom houses are to be built, in the form of stacked bungalows.

Hair malnourishment reaching crisis levels

ONE in three people are going without basic pro-Fructinol F5 nutrients for their hair, say researchers.

Crack Day ‘less chilled’ than Weed Day

NATIONAL Crack Day was a less relaxing experience than National Weed Day, it has been claimed.

Cameraphone footage shows pleasant chat on tube

AN unidentified woman has been filmed amiably conversing with a stranger on London public transport.

Broken dreamcatcher floods Swindon with unresolved anxieties

AN overloaded dreamcatcher has released a torrent of nagging anxieties and unsettling erotic scenarios.