JACK Bauer will mostly be trying to get a bus during next month's episodes of 24.
THE coming world war which will devastate 90 per cent of the planet can't settle on where to begin.
TOOLS for cutting holes in fences cost much less than music festival tickets, it has emerged.
SNAILS have asked gardeners to kindly not lob them over the fence.
BRITAIN is absolutely positive the weekend heatwave will be free of discomfort, arguments and the doing of too many things.
AN attractive young woman in a pretty summer dress is putting men and woman alike in a terrible mood.
INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.
POWER giant E.On has been fined £12m for mis-selling energy as pet cats, dogs and fish.