Vatican Possessed By Perverts, Says Scientist

THE Vatican is possessed by lots of perverts who like to fiddle with little boys, according to a scientist.

Intelligence-Boosting Drugs Make Children Question Point Of Exams

SCHOOLCHILDREN on brain-boosting drugs are questioning the whole point of the education system, it has emerged.

Small Men Devastated

MILLIONS of men just a shade under five foot nine were devastated last night as it emerged that not even the French presidency can help a short man hang on to Carla Bruni.

Drunk Women Superb, Say Experts

WOMEN who get drunk on a regular basis are slim, happy and a bloody good night out, experts have claimed.

Did Vorderman Actually Happen? Question Time Viewers Keep Asking Themselves

FIVE days after Carol Vorderman's apprearance on Question Time, millions of people across Britain were last night still trying to make sense of the experience.

Bush Plea To Cameron Diaz Over 'Onionists'

FORMER US president George W Bush has urged Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz to help secure the support of 'onionists' for the devolution of policing powers in Northern Ireland.


Government Backs Crocodile Insurance

EVERY crocodile owner in the UK will have to take out insurance under government plans to tackle 12 foot long killing machines with jaws of steel.

Sugababes 'Date Back To Henry Viii'

AN EARLY form of Sugababes could have existed during the reign of King Henry VIII, it emerged last night.