LIGHT sabres will become a reality shortly after Star Wars has been completely ruined, it has emerged.
GUARDIAN columnist and blogger Nikki Hollis is running out of things on which to have a feminist perspective.
THE BBC has won public support for its move to stop poor quality gangster films by casting Danny Dyer in EastEnders.
HUMANOID turtles with weapons skills have become a native species in Britain.
GEORGE Osborne has told unemployed people that they must earn Scouting badges to keep their benefits.
THE husband of fictional character Bridget Jones takes his own life to avoid listening to her incessant bullshit, it has emerged.
THE prime minister's wife has halted divorce proceedings after realising she'd lose a sweet £200-a-year tax break.
THE final episode of Breaking Bad ended last night with everyone becoming friends again.