Teenagers to be educated by historically accurate porn

ONLINE pornography must have detailed historical settings, according to new government guidelines.

America spied on Yorkshire ‘for about five minutes’

AMERICA’S National Security Agency tapped the phone calls of Yorkshire for five minutes before throwing its headphones across the room in horror.

Fun not achievable in adulthood

FUN for adults is a myth, it has emerged.

Eastenders now fully interactive

THE makers of EastEnders are willing to incorporate any viewer suggestions, however absurd or immoral.

Train travel complainants are Britain's fastest-growing fetish group

BRITONS are increasingly getting sexual gratification from complaining about train travel.

Everyone urged to pretend HS2 is a good idea

THE government is calling for a consensus on pretending a new high speed rail link will not be a gigantic waste of money.

Leaf-blowing not as much fun as it looks

BLASTING leaves with a handheld air cannon is surprisingly frustrating, it has been claimed.

Professor Xavier defends free school

THE headteacher of a free school has denied it over-emphasises superpowers.