THE Lord of Darkness does not appear in any of the leaked private photos of Mark Zuckerberg.
WOMEN are being advised to prepare for the aftermath of having sex with someone they hate.
THE new Muppet movie is stoking children's desire for even more cheaply made plastic things, it has been confirmed.
BASTARD factory HSBC has been fined £40m by the Financial Services Authority for failing to ransack old people's bedrooms.
RUMOURS of a Happy Mondays reunion have been quashed after it was revealed to be a group of heroin addicts near some swings.
THE 'New Earth' has a temperate climate, liquid water and is probably
teeming with unbearable arseholes, scientists have claimed.
THE result of Russia's parliamentary election was decided two weeks ago and then locked in a safe to prevent corruption.
TWO giant pandas were very drunk within 15 minutes of arriving in Scotland, it has emerged.