News

Scientists warn of fog metaphors

EXPERTS have warned the dense fog over greater London will be used as a metaphor.

Arabic word for 'spring' is same as Arabic word for 'tear gas'

THE 'Arab Spring' is a mistranslation, it has emerged.

Elderly parents reveal plan to buy shit computer

YOUR ageing parents are planning to get themselves a 'computer with the internet' this Christmas, in a move that will ruin your life.

Middle class ketamine users 'risk delusions of cool'

RECREATIONAL sedative ketamine can induce the false belief of coolness in well-heeled teenagers, scientists have claimed.

Ryanair to phase out passengers

RYANAIR boss Michael O’Leary is to end passengers.

Winehouse ghost 'least weird thing' in Pete Doherty’s flat

PETE Doherty believes he shares his flat with a nine-foot meerkat and a talking sofa as well as the ghost of Amy Winehouse, it emerged last night.

Lansley sets 18 week hospital closure deadline

HEALTH secretary Andrew Lansley has pledged that nobody should wait more than 18 weeks before their local hospital is closed.

Osborne to use £747m from Northern Rock sale to bail out new owners

GEORGE Osborne will use the £747 million from the sale of Northern Rock to bail it out again sometime next year.