News

Just because we're crushing Wikileaks, it doesn't mean you're next, say governments

GOVERNMENTS around the world today stressed that just because they are trying to crush Wikileaks to death, it does not necessarily mean that you will be next.

Children Run Out Of Things To Do With Snow

BRITISH children returned to their televisions last night after completing the list of things that can be achieved with snow.

Talking Lion Spotted Near Carlisle

AS winter continues to exist across Britain, a large allegorical predator has been spotted in Cumbria.

Religions United By Retail-Based Deity

BRITAIN'S major retailers have joined forces to create a new shopping-centric deity called 'Spendo'.

Life Can Survive On Arsenic And Produce A Newspaper, Say Experts

NASA scientists have discovered life that can survive at the bottom of an arsenic-filled lake and publish a daily newspaper

Morbidly Obese Cat Dies Of Adorable Heart Attack

PICTURES of an obese cat in the throes of an endearing fatal heart attack have proved a huge online smash.

'Truffle Shuffle' To Be Renamed 'Dance Of Death'

LOCAL councils are to rebrand the 'Truffle Shuffle' as the 'Dance of Death', as part of new plans to reduce the size of Britain's children.

Everyone To Get A Flamethrower

THE government is to overcome Britain's inability to order grit by giving everyone their own flamethrower.