Gay marriage will affect things that don't matter, reveals Tebbit

GAY marriage could force Britain to read about a newly married lesbian queen opening a hospital, it has emerged.

Apple fans queue overnight for tax avoidance scheme

APPLE'S diehard fans are queuing outside the company's stores eager to snap-up the latest beautifully designed way of avoiding tax.

Retired footballers start tropical detective agency

FORMER Premier League players have joined forces to fight crime in exotic locations.

Doctors' receptionists urged to be less terrifying

PATIENTS have asked doctors' receptionists if they can please stop looking at them like that.

Kevin McCloud lives on new-build estate

GRAND Designs presenter Kevin McCloud lives on an estate called The Glades, it has emerged.

Gay people to continue having lots of hot sex

BRITAIN'S gay men and women have defied angry Tories by taking their gayness to a new and hotter level.

Warn young children about Daily Mail sidebar, say experts

CHILDREN should be warned about Femail Today as soon they have access to the internet, it has been claimed.