News

Rural areas only allowed 1990s internet

PEOPLE living in rural areas can only have the internet of 1999, the government has announced.

How I Met Your Mother probably ended as it must have begun, with sodomy and Nazis

US sitcom How I Met Your Mother last night would have ended as it probably began - with gratuitous anal sex and fascism.

Vegetables are good for you, say experts

FOOD scientists have turned nutrition on its head by claiming that eating vegetables may be a good idea.

Heroes of 'young adult' novels more special than everyone else

THE heroes of teenage fiction are all far superior to the dull contemporaries who pick on them, it has been confirmed.

New Game of Thrones is just everyone introducing themselves

FANTASY series Game of Thrones is to return with an hour-long episode in which all the characters introduce themselves to camera.

Climate change still not terrifying enough

IF scientists want us to be scared of climate change they are going to have to try a lot harder, it has been confirmed.

Network Rail clones Hitler

NETWORK Rail has begun production of Hitler clones that will make trains run on time.

Prince George now a healthy young spaniel

PRINCE George has grown into a bouncing, bright-eyed cocker spaniel, new pictures have revealed.