Try Not To Punch Tourists, Britain Reminded

TOURISM chiefs have unveiled a new guide reminding Britons not to just punch people who are here on their holidays.

Facebook To Stop You Hurling Violent, Unhinged Abuse At Strangers You Disagree With About Films

FACEBOOK was last night accused of attacking freedom of speech after it pledged to stop you calling someone a 'Nazi fucking cocksucker' because they don't like Christian Bale as Batman.

Police Condemned Over Anti-Single Guy Who Lives In His Own Filth Advert

THE Association of Chief Police Officers has been criticised for a radio advert which encouraged neighbours to report single, permanently hungover young men who live knee-deep in their own filth.

Dawkins Tight-Lipped On Fairies

AWARD-winnning atheist Richard Dawkins was last night remaining tight-lipped on the issue of fairies, insisting he 'does not speak of such things'.

New Superbug Is Foreign As Well

THE deadly new superbug that is going kill you by Friday is not even British, it emerged last night.

Petrol Still Most Reasonably-Priced Thing At Service Stations

ROCKETING petrol prices mean it is still the only thing at a service station that you can reasonably afford, according to new research.

Naomi Campbell 'Slaughtered Thousands'

SUPERMODEL Naomi Campbell was at the head of a brutal war machine that slaughtered thousands, it was claimed last night.

Artistic Kelly Brook Playboy shoot inspires tasteful masturbation

MEN are responding to Kelly's Brook's artistic Playboy spread with equally creative acts of self-pollution, it emerged last night.