VIEWERS of Channel 5's Celebrity Big Brother have been scrubbing themselves all night but still feel dirty.
MORE Britons than ever are driving around in brand new cars like a bunch of total ponces.
NEWS editors have confirmed that they are mostly going to be doing pictures of waves for the time being.
THE one-year-old heir to the British throne has started his first term at Gordonstoun preparatory school.
THE government's chief marksman Elmer Fudd has denied that the badger cull was essentially farcical.
MILLIONS of Britons have begun the new year by vowing to drink only in secret.
PEOPLE who have never had sex are the most likely to request aftershave or cologne as Christmas presents.
POP star Mariah Carey will, once again, receive no Christmas presents from her family or friends.