Economy grows by 12% after Prince Andrew stops helping

THE UK economy has immediately grown by 12% after Prince Andrew agreed to leave it alone.

MPs 'may have been misled' by arse-covering lounge lizard

A PARLIAMENTARY committee may have been misled by an unctuous corporate sleaze-ball who was there for the sole reason of covering his sorry arse.

Ketamine 'works like ITV2'

RECREATIONAL mule tranquiliser ketamine affects the mind in a similar way to programmes about Peter Andre, experts have claimed.

Greece to be renamed 'Olympikenstaat'

GREECE is to be renamed 'Olympikenstaat' following Germany's first successful invasion of the country for more than 70 years.

Stewart Lee-Michael McIntyre feud referred up to Jethro

JETHRO, the commander in chief of the comedians, will decide later today who may live out of Stewart Lee and Michael McIntyre.

Oh go on, just resign, Guardian tells Cameron

THE Guardian last night told David Cameron that they really thought he would have resigned by now.

Everyone agrees to blame Osborne

BRITAIN last night backed Rebekah Brooks and agreed that this is all the fault of George Osborne.

Postmen leaving increasingly passive-aggressive notes

ROYAL Mail 'while you were out' notes are developing a snide undercurrent, it has emerged.