'Eat a whole multipack of crisps' tops recession bucket lists

RECESSION-HIT Britons have revised their lists of 'things to do before I die' to make them more realistic.

Coffee is the new fags

COFFEE has officially replaced cigarettes as Britain's addictive drug of choice, it has emerged.

Unphotographed kitten found in Carlisle

RESIDENTS in Carlisle have a kitten that has not been pictured online, it has been claimed.

Moral indignation outsourced to China

BRITAIN’S sense of moral indignation has been outsourced to a single man in China, it has emerged.

I want no part in this, says sledge

A SLEDGE has distanced itself from the inevitable injuries to its rider.

Lottery price rise 'an unfair tax on the stupid'

DOUBLING the cost of a lottery ticket to £2 represents a tax on idiots, it has been claimed.

Blockbuster blames plucky local film shop

CORPORATE entertainment behemoth Blockbuster has lost its 14-year battle with quirky local film shop 'Cinephiles'.

M & M's World now a totalitarian state

THE chocolate citizens of M & M's World are living under a brutal totalitarian regime, it has emerged.