ALMOST half the parents in Britain are so busy they need schools to beat their children for them.
THERE was widespread confusion today after a banker was arrested for losing billions of pounds.
SARAH Palin last night claimed drug taking and having sex with tall muscly black men was the dream of every real American.
A TELEVISION advert for Tesco featuring cheerful humans roaming its aisles is misleading, a watchdog has ruled.
IDIOT journalist Johann Hari was last night roundly condemned by the usual bunch of self-regarding bullshitters.
DAVID Cameron is to cut the deficit by removing at least 30% of Britain with catastrophically out-of-date pork products.
ASTRONOMERS have discovered a habitable planet that we can all just go and live on when we break the Earth.
AS a man was jailed for internet abuse, everyone with a computer has spent the last 12 hours frantically deleting as much as they possibly can.