News

Middleton coat of arms features BMW badge and golf ball

THE Middleton family has unveiled Britain's most middle class coat of arms.

Teenagers get somebody else to blame

FERTILITY treatment that uses DNA from three parents will give ungrateful adolescents somebody else to wish death upon.

Greggs sausage rolls rebel against humanity

'WE are the masters now', the beige tubes commonly known as Britain's favourite snack have told the human race.

Wedding video maker sued for accurate portrayal of tedious day

A CAMERAMAN faces legal action after failing to make a wedding look better than it actually was.

Online daters at risk from people pretending to be quirky

LONELY individuals seeking love online are being exploited by people who pretend to have funny little ways about them, it has emerged.

Cowell replaced by ageing, embittered drag queen

ITV's Shit Factor will return later this year with Simon Cowell being replaced by a contemptuous showbiz failure.

Churches to charge for choirboy photos

VISITORS to churches have been banned from photographing choristers unless they pay a sum based on the boy's prettiness.

British submarines 'can't go underwater'

BRITAIN's multi-billion pound Trident submarines do not work underwater, secret files have revealed.