Romney raised by impala

MITT Romney was born in Kenya and raised by beasts, it has emerged.

'Crowd-funding' site connects dickheads with idiots

A NEW 'crowd-funding' website,, allows dickheads with stupid ideas to get money from idiots.

Pippa Middleton presents Copulate

An exclusive excerpt from Pippa Middleton's new book, a guide to organising flawless sexual intercourse.

X Factor contestants being sold as meat

STRUGGLING music mogul Simon Cowell is hoping to bolster revenue by turning pop hopefuls into food.

Obama really hoping he loses

AFTER years of bitter political struggle, Barack Obama is secretly hoping he will lose the presidential election.

Britain remembers failed early astronaut Guy Fawkes

MILLIONS of Britons are prepared to mark the passing of would-be space traveller Guy Fawkes, who strapped himself to a rocket in 1605.