HOSNI Mubarak has been urged to resign by the dog-faced space aliens who founded Egypt more than 8,000 years ago.
THE main stage headliner at this year's Glastonbury festival will be McDonalds' new tropical-themed burger, organisers have confirmed.
SMALL businesses across Britain could increase their profits by selling loads of stuff to rich bankers, it has emerged.
MERYL Streep has revealed how her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher has turned her into a swivel-eyed maniac.
CRIME-FIGHTING grandmother Margaret Gerving has declared war on wrongdoers, especially black people and Germans.
THE M25 is a huge waste of money that goes round in a loop and just ends up back where it started, according to a devastating new report.
THE increase in the bank levy could force senior bankers to cut back on luxury ball-fluffing, it has emerged.
PRIMATES from the northern half of rainforests are more likely to be dishonest than their southerly counterparts, scientists have claimed.