CHERIE Blair's sister has converted to Aldi, it emerged last night.
MANCHESTER is to build a gigantic bowling alley after it emerged that 30 local men had nothing better to do on a Thursday night than go to a footballer's house and threaten to kill him.
THIS year's Eastenders Christmas will set new standards in unbearably hellish festive grimness, the BBC has promised.
BARONESS Thatcher was making a remarkable recovery from illness last night, as she gained sustenance from Britain's collective trauma.
EFFORTS to get Britain's stupidest people online by 2011 have been suspended after free modems were boiled or used as hats.
THE broadcaster of The Only Way Is Essex is to apologise to the county's residents using pictures of things they recognise.