News

'Hunter-gatherer' now 'parker'

A SLIGHTLY superior ability to reverse vehicles into gaps between other vehicles is the only reason men still exist, experts have claimed.

Why I am leaving the Empire, by Darth Vader

TODAY is my last day at the Empire.

Girls celebrate anniversary of Warhammer 40,000

WOMEN are celebrating the science fiction-themed tabletop wargame that has been the default female entertainment of the last 25 years.

Britain backs CS gas for queues of more than two people

IF there are more than two people in a queue, tear gas should be used without mercy, according to a new report.

Predator drone visiting Afghan families on condolence mission

AFGHANS who lost family to a psychotic US soldier are being visited by a Predator drone programmed to comfort the bereaved.

Hosepipe ban conversation ban

COUNCILS across the south east have introduced a blanket ban on having an opinion about the hosepipe ban.

Bez on standby for Bond theme

BEZ, the maraca player for the Happy Mondays, has declared his readiness to compose the score for the new James Bond film.

Crosses 'help explain why someone is dreadful'

RELIGIOUS symbols in the workplace can help colleagues and customers understand ghastliness, according to new research.