Wha Gwarn Mi Bredrin, Police Tell Black People

POLICE are stopping disproportionate numbers of ethnic minorities purely so that they can act 'street', it has emerged.

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Circle Of Life, Says Elton John

POP music all sounds the same these days, the singer of Goodbye Candle in the Road claimed last night.

Paid Sterilisation Extended To People Who Still Like Glee

A PROGRAMME of paid sterilisation is to be extended to people who are still watching Glee.

William Hints At A 2011 Royal Dumping

PRINCE William has fuelled speculation that an official Royal dumping could come as early as next February.

Spanish Prostitutes Order New Fitted Kitchens

PROSTITUTES across Spain are ordering a range of home improvements after their earning estimates for next year were revised upwards.

Office Christmas Meal Unavoidable, Say Experts

AS Christmas menus appear in offices across the country, Britain's workers are facing up to another festive evening of compulsory enjoyment.

Vatican Banned Bruni To Avert Papal Erection

THE Vatican blocked a visit by French first lady Carla Bruni in order to prevent a full-scale Papal engorgement, it has been confirmed.

Manchester Police Struggle To Reach 140 Characters

THE Twitter experiment by Greater Manchester police failed last night after officers were unable to add a third word to their tweets.