RECESSION-HIT Britons have revised their lists of 'things to do before I die' to make them more realistic.
COFFEE has officially replaced cigarettes as Britain's addictive drug of choice, it has emerged.
RESIDENTS in Carlisle have a kitten that has not been pictured online, it has been claimed.
BRITAIN’S sense of moral indignation has been outsourced to a single man in China, it has emerged.
A SLEDGE has distanced itself from the inevitable injuries to its rider.
DOUBLING the cost of a lottery ticket to £2 represents a tax on idiots, it has been claimed.
CORPORATE entertainment behemoth Blockbuster has lost its 14-year battle with quirky local film shop 'Cinephiles'.
THE chocolate citizens of M & M's World are living under a brutal totalitarian regime, it has emerged.