THERE were fresh concerns about Britain last night after officials found it necessary to remind fully-grown humans to wash their hands after going to the lavatory.
CHINA'S plans for world domination now include the relentless purchase of all physical assets, your total, crushing enslavement and having a sneaky peek at your email account.
READING is turning young people into homosexuals, it emerged last night.
A NEW high-level report on drug policy makes so much sense that people
reading it have had to double check they are not off their tits.
A CARE home company has promised it will interview prospective employees in future rather than just letting any bastard work there.
A PANEL of Nobel laureates including VS Naipaul and Mohammed ElBaradei have discussed their most recent vomiting experiences before an enraptured audience at the Hay Festival.
PIPPA Middleton was last night accused of cashing in on her sister's royal status after ruthlessly hijacking the beginning of this sentence.
HAVING a mobile phone strapped to your head will produce money-making
brain vitamins, investment bankers were assured last night.