ONE in every seven company directors in Britain should be a Brazilian transvestite with a pronounced facial tick, according to a new report.
THE increasingly unpopular iPhone last night barricaded itself in a motel room with a brace of whores and a side arm.
THE nauseating bullshit British Gas uses to justify its vicious profiteering leapt 24% last year.
UK attempts to rescue British citizens trapped in Libya have convinced most of them to dig a big hole in the sand and live in it.
AUCTIONEERS have discovered an unpublished Enid Blyton manuscript about a group of children who spend the summer deporting gypsies.
STREET fundraisers are to be psychologically re-conditioned to reduce their self-confidence to human levels.
LIBYA was split down the middle last night over how Colonel Gaddafi should eventually be killed.
CONSTABLES called to a nocturnal disturbance in Windermere found a group of men cheering two battling plesiosaurs, it has emerged.