Bear jailed for smuggling marmalade to Peru

THE spectacled bear arrested at Paddington Station with a suitcase full of preserves has pleaded guilty to smuggling a prohibited substance.

Pupil happiness linked to other pupils’ unhappiness

SCHOOLCHILDREN are happiest when making other children unhappy, it has been claimed.

No stupid person ever made clever by fish and nuts

STUPID people are not transformed into geniuses by eating oily food, it has emerged.

'Yuppie' no longer a word because everyone like that now

THE term 'yuppie' is not used any more because everyone behaves like that these days, it has been claimed.

Sex tapes suprisingly hard to make

MAKING your own sex tape is fraught with technical difficulties, it has emerged.

Britons urged to learn foreign

A NEW campaign is urging Britons to improve their grasp of foreign.

Love Hearts legally binding

THE High Court has ruled that any exchange of Love Hearts sweets constitutes a legal contract.

Everything 'Orwellian', say idiots

THE misuse of ‘Orwellian’ risks making the adjective utterly meaningless, experts have warned.