Religions United By Retail-Based Deity

BRITAIN'S major retailers have joined forces to create a new shopping-centric deity called 'Spendo'.

Life Can Survive On Arsenic And Produce A Newspaper, Say Experts

NASA scientists have discovered life that can survive at the bottom of an arsenic-filled lake and publish a daily newspaper

Morbidly Obese Cat Dies Of Adorable Heart Attack

PICTURES of an obese cat in the throes of an endearing fatal heart attack have proved a huge online smash.

'Truffle Shuffle' To Be Renamed 'Dance Of Death'

LOCAL councils are to rebrand the 'Truffle Shuffle' as the 'Dance of Death', as part of new plans to reduce the size of Britain's children.

Everyone To Get A Flamethrower

THE government is to overcome Britain's inability to order grit by giving everyone their own flamethrower.

Angry Hobos Lurching Towards Parliament

BRITAIN'S filthiest drunks have begun their erratic stagger toward Parliament in protest over tax increases on high-strength beer.

Jackson Unveils 'Blaxsploitation' Hobbit

PETER Jackson's latest Tolkien blockbuster will portray Bilbo Baggins as a black hobbit hustler who needs to score some serious treasure to pay off his debts.

EU Google Probe To Be Based Entirely On Google Searches

THE EU investigation into Google will involve doing lots of Google searches to find out things about Google.