NELSON Mandela is to resign from being himself to make way for Morgan Freeman.
SCIENTISTS in Malaysia have unleashed giant, DNA-altered mosquitoes into the environment for the hell of it.
BRITAIN'S famous people are still insisting they are entitled to any kind of private life, it emerged last night.
BRITAIN'S average standard of living will soon be no better than it was just over five years ago.
YOU are facing the sack today because you once said something about someone that some other people have decided to find offensive.
SCIENTISTS are to put an iPhone into orbit in an attempt to get a full set of bars for a change.
NEW government drugs adviser Dr Hans-Christian Raabe has reassured worried parents by confirming that Christianity is the only drug young people need.
ONE of them poofters spat in my macaroni cheese last night, Mrs Phillips in room seven has claimed.