Cannabis farms funding badly-organised criminals

AN explosion in the number of cannabis farms is raking in millions for
flaky criminals who will either lose the money or spend it on snacks.

MoD unveils surface-to-air cockneys

COCKNEYS will be launched from the top of a tower block if someone attacks the Olympics, it has been confirmed.

Palace unveils new uses for Harry

BUCKINGHAM Palace has unveiled 12 new things that Prince Harry can do to make himself useful.

Mobile phone risks purely git-based

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that the only long term risk associated with mobile phones is gittishness.

Cheery tube driver actually a pain in the arse

A LONDON underground driver who has been cheering up commuters with his amusing asides for over a decade is just a pain in the arse, it has been confirmed.

Google unveils 99p G-Spot app

A NEW smartphone app claims to be able to unerringly locate the G-spot which brings women to so-called 'multiple orgasms'.

Britain borrowing way too much stuff

BRITAIN'S borrowing is out of control, with clothes, DVDs and cookware topping the list of things that need to be given back.

Catholic schools launch 'eurgh, benders' petition

PUPILS at Catholic schools are being encouraged to sign a petition against being a total bumpilot.