THE department of health last night unveiled a non-emergency alternative to 999 for the thousands of people who call in everyday to say their leg feels funny.
WHILE the world isn't looking, Sarah Palin has summoned an army of goblins, trolls and giant insects to her Alaskan fortress of evil.
THE security services have opened a 24-hour torture centre staffed by low-wage Indian workers, it was claimed last night.
THE new Rubik's puzzle can provide a healthy alternative to a sexual relationship and is definitely not a fetish for OCD social misfits, its inventor said last night.
CLAMPING someone who sees a no-parking sign and then blatantly ignores it is a breach of their human rights, the RAC has claimed.
TOSSPOTS with ironic T-shirts and trendy gadgets have lost yet another place to piss people off after the collapse of Coffee Republic.
A RANGE of pre-digested foods aimed at consumers who are too busy for normal metabolic function has hit the shelves of UK superstores.