Modern musicians throwing tablet devices out of hotel windows

MUSICIANS are hurling touchscreen devices from hotel room windows as televisions are no longer part of the zeitgeist.

Everyone assigned something to worry about

EACH household in Britain will be given a thing to be absolutely terrified about.

Time altered to suit nation's several remaining milkmen and farmers

THE nation is to be plunged into darkness because of about a dozen people who still deliver milk or grow things.

Retired people flooding UK with shit art

BRITAIN'S retired people are producing overwhelming amounts of poor quality artwork, experts have warned.

Little Big Planet inspires charming crime spree

A DELIGHTFULLY cute crime spree was inspired by the Playstation game Little Big Planet, a court has heard.

The Mash guide to Prince George's godparents

A COMPLETE list of your future master's newly-appointed guardians.

Prince George rejects Christianity

THE heir to the throne thinks Christianity is a load of nonsense, it has emerged.

Most people don't understand the things they say

THE majority of people just repeat popular words and phrases without knowing what they mean.