News

Archeologists uncover ancient responsible drinking posters

SCIENTISTS have found the earliest example of sour-faced meddling in a 15,000 year-old pub in Cheddar.

Rotting elephant corpse parties with Kerry Katona

THE decomposing elephant from Channel 4's Life After Death has been spotted partying with Kerry Katona at a string of exclusive London clubs.

Call for Middle East protests to be about Cheryl Cole

THE wave of protest across the Middle East needs a unifying theme that any moron can understand, it was claimed last night.

Britons face not being able to have everything they want

BRITAIN's ongoing economic turmoil could leave households unable to buy whatever they fancy, according to a new report.

Government u-turn on workshy trees

THE government has abandoned plans to force trees off benefits and into work.

Take That riot police 'just a bunch of dancers'

BRITAIN was heavy with disappointment last night as it emerged that Take That's riot police are just a group of non-violent dancers.

Doctors assure Paisley new pacemaker is not Catholic

DOCTORS treating former Unionist leader Ian Paisley have assured him his new pacemaker is not in league with the Bishop of Rome.

Pretend Mars mission a success, confirms group of nine year-old boys

A SUCCESSFUL simulated Mars mission saw encounters with aliens and also zombies, according to the children who organised it.