Britain remembers failed early astronaut Guy Fawkes

MILLIONS of Britons are prepared to mark the passing of would-be space traveller Guy Fawkes, who strapped himself to a rocket in 1605.

Single moron to decide outcome of US election

THE neck-and-neck 2012 US election has become a battle for the vote of one apathetic car wash attendant in Ohio.

You need five months solid sleep for peak performance, say bears

SLEEPING solidly for around 150 days is the key to feeling on top, according to ursine sleep experts.

Apple and Samsung to marry

APPLE and Samsung have announced the world’s first corporate wedding.

Porridge confirms that everything is now grim

THE arrival of porridge has signalled that everything in the UK will be dreadful for months.