Heartbroken Cheryl Wears Mini-Kiev On Wedding Finger

CHERYL Cole jetted off to Los Angeles last night, but sent wayward husband Ashley a poignant message by swapping her wedding ring for a mini chicken kiev.

Support Grows For Retro Falklands War

A MAJORITY of Britons would support a retro, 80s-style war with Argentina, especially if it was narrated by Stuart Maconie, it emerged last night.

Edmonds' Wife Questioned Over Absence Of Mercy Killing

NOEL Edmonds' wife was being questioned by police last night over why she has failed to smother him in his sleep.

Men Reveal Pain At Cheryl's Lack Of Promiscuity

CHERYL Cole's refusal to indulge in graphic sexual misdemeanours is causing 'deep and lasting pain' to Britain's men, it emerged yesterday.

UK Businessman Wanted Over Death Of Billionaire Megalomaniac

A BRITISH businessman has been named as the prime suspect in the death of a billionaire intent on taking over the world.

Iran Full Of Nutters, Says Clinton

HILLARY Clinton opened a new chapter in the West's diplomatic relations with Iran yesterday by describing the country as 600,000 square miles of sand-infested whackjobs.

Taliban To Be Wooed With Property Makeovers

NATO's latest Afghan strategy aims to wean the Taliban off Islamic fundamentalism and onto obsessing about their living rooms.