News

Britain told to stop doing things that require ‘wet wiping’

WHATEVER it is you are doing with a wet wipe needs to stop immediately, experts have warned.

Nu-Lads and hipsters in Brighton beach battle

A SEASIDE town is being plagued by confrontations between rival youth fashion tribes.

Scientists to hatch Creme Egg

THE age-old question of what sort of creature would emerge from a Creme Egg will finally be answered in time for Easter.

LinkedIn confirms it is never going to stop sending you emails

LINKEDIN has unveiled plans to keep sending you wheedling, passive-aggressive emails you never asked for

Tools secretly are left in van overnight

WORKMEN throughout the UK are covertly leaving tools in their vans overnight despite baldly stating the complete opposite.

Internet now fully explored, declares Microsoft

MICROSOFT is phasing out Internet Explorer because there is no internet left unexplored.

Twitter bios must go 'serious, serious, wacky'

ALL Twitter bios must contain two serious pieces of information followed by a third zany one.

Northern Lights ‘are Daily Mail reader LSD’

THE Aurora Borealis is the closest thing Daily Mail readers will ever have to a psychedelic experience, they have confirmed.