Wills dumps Kate for bum-shaped love nut

THE Duke of Cambridge has abandoned his wife after bonding with an erotically-shaped coconut, it has emerged.

Met chief 'had no idea Champneys was a luxury spa'

FORMER Metropoltan Police commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson 'had no idea' Champneys was a luxury health spa when he agreed to go there for a three week-long freebie.

Barbecues shit

PEOPLE who like barbecues are freaks, it has emerged.

Theatre piracy continues to rise

THEATREGOERS are being subjected to an increased number of bootleg plays and pirated performances, it has emerged.

Prisoners riot over journalist influx

HARDENED criminals in several UK prisons have begun rioting at the prospect of sharing a cell with a Murdoch.

Is your baby foreign?

THERE is a one-in-three chance that your infant is foreign, it has been claimed.

Neptune has sulky birthday

NEPTUNE, eighth planet in the solar system, spent its first birthday orbiting the sun 'just like any other day’.

BBC asked to check meaning of word 'talent'

THE BBC was handed a dictionary last night after using the world 'talent' to describe Richard Hammond.