News

Jeanette Winterson keeping quiet about cat ravioli

WRITER Jeanette Winterson secretly enjoyed a delicious cat-based lunch, it has emerged.

New male baldness patterns unveiled

MEN can now suffer from a range of exciting new hair loss patterns.

Danger Mouse to get gritty origin story

A NEW version of Dangermouse will reveal how the main character lost an eye during torture.

Vaping carries long-term risk of vaporisation

USERS of vapour cigarettes have a significant chance of being vaporised themselves, research has shown.

Stop asking us about f*cking football results, say octopuses

OCTOPUSES have confirmed that they are not psychic and would prefer to be left alone.

Lard back in fashion as a lubricant

PIG fat is back in vogue as a sexual lubricant, it has emerged.

Fried food ban could kill Scottish children

SCOTTISH children may die if schools can only serve them deep fried food once a week, it has been claimed.

Kasabian album title references fans' IQ range

KASABIAN'S number one album 48:13 is named after their fan base's upper and lower intelligence test scores.