BELEAGURED airline Qantas is hoping to end its ongoing Gremlin problems after announcing formal talks with the diminutive, mischief-oriented creatures.
GREATER Manchester will be 500 square miles of smouldering hellhole by April, say experts.
YOUR life is spiralling out of control thanks to an ever more complex series of communication paradigms that will eventually murder you, Facebook confirmed last night.
IRELAND is to save itself from bankruptcy by dancing.
A DEMENTED TV producer is running his own hellish celebrity-based reality show in the Cambodian jungle, where he is worshipped as a god by natives.
SOMEONE from British Gas will be round this afternoon to shoot your dog in the face, it has been confirmed.