Scientist proves that mediums aren't stupid

SIMON Singh's bid to have a psychic prove her supernatural powers was turned down after it emerged she is not an idiot.

Ailing JJB targets people who do sport

TROUBLED sloth-wear vendor JJB Sports is to market its goods at sporty people.

Cowell pins hopes on X Factor human centipede

SIMON Cowell hopes to revive the embattled X Factor by stitching the contestants together into a 'single entertainment organism'

Government gives £1bn to builders instead of you

THE government is to boost the economy by giving £1bn to some builders instead of you and your friends.

Britain dares Charles to block legislation

PRINCE Charles should try blocking legislation, just to see what happens, it was claimed last night.

Michael Myers having a quiet one this Halloween

IMPLACABLE serial killer Michael Myers has announced plans to spend Halloween relaxing with friends instead of doing his usual murders.

UK's retirement plan is to wing it

BRITONS are sort of assuming they'll be able to busk it through years of declining health, it has emerged.

Anti-religious protestors occupy London Stock Exchange

A GROUP of anti-Church of England protestors has taken up residence in the London Stock Exchange, it has emerged.