News

Alan Turing 'would be persecuted today for being clever'

HOMOSEXUAL maths genius Alan Turing would be persecuted for being intelligent if he were alive today, it has been claimed.

Gary Barlow headlines Stonehenge

FORMER Take That singer Gary Barlow has headlined Stonehenge's annual celebrations in honour of the ancient Earth Goddess.

Bank computer develops conscience

THOUSANDS of people were unable to withdraw cash yesterday after a super-intelligent bank computer began to question its moral purpose.

Golf clubs besieged by sick people

AS the doctors' strike begins, thousands of sick people have descended on their GP's natural habitat, the golf course.

Men confused by Depp

THE break-up of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis has left heterosexual men unsure which one they like most.

Celebrities rich

DOZENS of celebrities are rich, it has emerged.

Aung San Suu Kyi meets Grooverider

BURMESE pro-democracy campaigner Aung San Suu Kyi has met drum and bass DJ Grooverider, whose Radio 1 show helped sustain her while incarcerated.

Prince William desperate for threesome

THE Duke of Cambridge's '30 things to do before you're 30' list gives him less than 24 hours to have a threesome, it has emerged.