News

Large Hadron Collider to monitor nanoscopic amount of work done this week

CERN SCIENTISTS are using the most sensitive instrumentation in existence to discover if any work is done in the week before Christmas.

This Christmas, let’s all adopt a North Korean

TEMPORARY lodgings are being sought for most of North Korea’s 25 million people.

Pope named Pope of the Year

TIME Magazine's prestigious Pope of the Year award has been handed to new-pope-on-the-block Pope Francis.

Weirdo prefers sex to internet pornography

A 28-YEAR-OLD man had admitted preferring sexual intercourse with his partner to looking at porn on the internet.

Kay Burley unveiled as new Pixies bassist

THE Pixies have recruited Sky News presenter Kay Burley as their new bassist.

English to get benefits whether or not they speak English

ENGLISH people will continue to receive benefits even if they make no attempt to speak, read or write in English.

Students home to dump boyfriends and fix parents' broadband

THE UK's students have arrived home to get their parents' internet working and end long-term relationships.

Food police will be trained in eight kinds of bun

BRITAIN’S new food police will be able to name all eight varieties of edible bun.