MILLIONAIRE banker Sir David Scholey remains unable to achieve an erect penis despite shooting bullets into a lion, it has emerged.
BRITAIN'S banks have pledged that industry reform will not prevent them from toying with your pathetic life.
SEPTEMBER 11th conspiracy theorists have dismissed claims of the terrorist attack's 10th anniversary.
ROYAL aides have confirmed that Prince Charles is to give up his role as heir to the throne to pursue a career as a mouth-foaming prophet of doom.
COFFEE shop owner Tom Logan is about to murder the Mac user who has bought one cup of tea in four hours, it has emerged.
PRESIDENT Obama's £400bn jobs plans shows all the signs of being a secret Muslim, leading Republicans have claimed.
BRITAIN'S last remaining posh person who doesn't show off or know celebrities and lets local kids play in her maze, was close to death last night.
RESEARCHERS have isolated the strand of DNA responsible for people denying responsibility for anything.