News

Wire star's new crime series to use realistic West Country dialect

A NEW HBO-style cop drama starring Dominic West will introduce phrases like ''ow bist' and 'gert lush' to Guardian readers.

Footballer had sex

A PROFESSIONAL footballer did it with some dolly bird, it has been confirmed.

Lawyers to offer cut price super-injunctions

LAWYERS have been forced to cut the price of super-injunctions by up to 75 per cent after it emerged they do not really work.

Biblical apocalypse leaves much of Britain unchanged

THE End of Days has brought death, demons and pestilence to the planet, leaving many mid-sized UK towns the same or slightly better.

Britain's skies unprepared for massive volcanic cloud AGAIN

DAVID Cameron has pledged a full-scale inquiry as it emerged that British airspace is unable to deal with an enormous volcanic cloud for the second year in a row.

Trains to have full pony access by 2015

THE shake-up of Britain's rail system is to include a multi-million project to make all trains, stations and platforms pony compliant within four years.

Vatican blames abuse on 60s culture of free paedophilic love

CHILD-abusing priests got carried away by the freewheeling 'paedo power' culture of the 1960s, according to the Vatican.

Apprentice viewers realise contestants have no identities

THE latest batch of hopefuls on The Apprentice are known even to themselves by generic names like 'The Blonde Woman', it emerged last night.