News

Totally unreasonable bastards expecting man to do his job

A MAN is being unfairly expected to do the job he is paid to do, it has emerged.

Bond producers struggling with Twiglets product placement

THE makers of new Bond film Spectre are struggling to incorporate Twiglets into the narrative.

Warmest year on record except in hearts

BRITAIN has enjoyed the warmest year for two-and-half centuries except in its inhabitants cold, hateful hearts.

We just want to put you in prison, admit tax people

SENIOR tax officials have admitted that their sole agenda is to get self-employed people into prison cells.

Leaked Hollywood emails reveal kindness, humility and concern for fellow man

HACKED Sony Pictures emails have revealed that film industry executive are highly worthwhile humans.

Star Wars character names coming to a nursery near you

MORON parents are to call their babies things like Poe and Kylo Ren, it has been confirmed.

Christmas tree seller predicts rapid growth over next four months

A ROADSIDE Christmas tree seller has confidently predicted that business will go from strength to strength.

Harry asked Sports Personality winners if they had any weed

PRINCE Harry asked every winner at the Sports Personality of the Year awards if they were holding marijuana.