Local TV to give prejudiced, small-minded communities a voice

SMALL regional TV stations are to provide an outlet for the stupid opinions of petty, annoying bigots living in remote places.

Warsi asked to explain why Dubai locks you up for having a shag

BARONESS Warsi will today be asked to explain why some Muslim countries lock you up for having naked fun with someone you have just met.

Government trying to work out if 'bumtard' is homophobic

THE government is to launch an inquiry into whether words such as 'bumtard' and 'spangler' are anti-gay.

Seeing a thing makes you think about it, say experts

SEEING a picture of someone doing something makes you think about the thing they are doing, according to new research.

Bankers blame capitalism for their arrogance

BANKERS have blamed the capitalist system for thinking they are better than everyone.

Somebody bought a Segway

SOMEBODY actually bought one of those stupid Segway things, it emerged last night.

Jordan's writers to kill off Alex Reid

THE writing team behind Jordan is considering killing Alex Reid amid concerns the story is becoming too complex for its target demographic.

Sobbing NHS moves back in with mother

HEARTBROKEN sort-of-health service the NHS has admitted that the Tories have been knocking it about again.