Men Reveal Pain At Cheryl's Lack Of Promiscuity

CHERYL Cole's refusal to indulge in graphic sexual misdemeanours is causing 'deep and lasting pain' to Britain's men, it emerged yesterday.

UK Businessman Wanted Over Death Of Billionaire Megalomaniac

A BRITISH businessman has been named as the prime suspect in the death of a billionaire intent on taking over the world.

Iran Full Of Nutters, Says Clinton

HILLARY Clinton opened a new chapter in the West's diplomatic relations with Iran yesterday by describing the country as 600,000 square miles of sand-infested whackjobs.

Taliban To Be Wooed With Property Makeovers

NATO's latest Afghan strategy aims to wean the Taliban off Islamic fundamentalism and onto obsessing about their living rooms.

Poor People Having Brilliant Sex, Say Experts

POOR people are having hours of glorious, acrobatic sex, unencumbered by the nuisance of condoms, it emerged last night.

Dark Matter Could Destroy Uri Geller, Say Scientists

THE mysterious substance which makes up 90 percent of the universe may be able to destroy Uri Geller, scientists have claimed.

BNP Drops White Men Who Secretly Fantasise About Denzel Washington-Only Policy

THE BNP has voted to open its membership to people who are not repressed homosexuals secretly pining for the hot love of a large, powerful black man.