News

High streets still the best place for a drunken fight

THE government has laid out its vision of a modern high street based around Britain's love of fighting.

Queen unveils plan for foul-mouthed jubilee tirade

PLANS for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee will include a speech of unimaginable filth.

Scientist who discovered secrets of bird erection battling not to have it named after him

THE scientist who discovered how large birds achieve erection has urged his colleagues not to name it after him.

Attenborough died in 1972, admits BBC

DAVID Attenborough has been faked using lookalikes and special effects for nearly 40 years, the BBC has revealed.

'God particle' does not believe in God

THE particle named after God last night stressed it was not religious in any way.

Alcohol leads to pointless academic research

SCIENTISTS are 100% more likely to state the obvious while drunk, it has emerged.

Little Mix to release free-jazz concept album about Egyptian gods

X FACTOR winners Little Mix's first album is to be a concept-driven free-jazz epic inspired by the ancient gods of Egypt, it has been revealed.

RBS collapse 'not caused by the ghost of a dog'

THE failure of the Royal Bank of Scotland was caused by bad decisions rather than the ghost of a Border collie, it has emerged.