News

Fried food ban could kill Scottish children

SCOTTISH children may die if schools can only serve them deep fried food once a week, it has been claimed.

Kasabian album title references fans' IQ range

KASABIAN'S number one album 48:13 is named after their fan base's upper and lower intelligence test scores.

Non-shifty Blair photo 'does not exist'

RESEARCHERS have admitted defeat in the search for a picture of Tony Blair looking trustworthy.

Speedy boarding named most feeble attempt at one-upmanship

PAYING to get on a budget flight slightly before others is the weakest possible attempt to show off, it has been confirmed.

Middle class families standing round unsolicited tabloid newspaper on doormat

MIDDLE class families have gathered around a tabloid newspaper that was put through their letter box without permission.

Britain hoping ‘spornosexual’ just goes away

BRITAIN is studiously ignoring the term ‘spornosexual’ in the hope that it won’t become a real thing.

Bank allowed to put little hats on mortgages

THE Bank of England has been given special powers to put fancy hats on the top of huge home loans that will destroy the economy.

Pitt and Jolie tell Hague they'd already booked a table for two

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt were last night forced to tell William Hague they planned to spend the evening alone.