Don't judge Pussy Riot until they've made first album, say critics

ROCK critics have urged the public to suspend judgment on Pussy Riot until they have proved themselves worthy of four or five star reviews.

Assange to be tempted from embassy with trail of secrets

POLICE will attempt to lure Julian Assange from the Ecuadorian embassy using a 'trail of secrets' which the Wikileaks founder should find irresistible.

Cardinal stops using letters G, A and Y

BRITAIN'S biggest Catholic has confirmed he will no longer use any of the letters in the word 'gay'.

A Level students '20% less fit' than last year

THIS year’s crop of young, predominantly female, students pictured celebrating their A Levels is up to 20% less attractive than last year's, it has been claimed.

Clarkson splits into two

JEREMY Clarkson has split into two separate entities - one sad, the other mocking.

Big Brother celebrities arrive, unaware that one of them is a murderer

THE new murder-themed series of Celebrity Big Brother began last night with the mysterious death of Julian Clary.

Street Fighter 'tainted' by Van Damme sex claims

JEAN-CLAUDE Van Damme’s claims of an affair with Kylie Minogue on the set of Street Fighter have sullied the classic film, according to fans.

Parents praying their kids haven't succeeded at A Levels

AS A-Level results are released, Britain's parents are hoping their children didn't screw up their retirement plans by getting into university.