Xbox Kinect Targets Middle-Aged People With No Self-Respect

MICROSOFT has launched a new games system in a bid to dominate the market in embarrassing, movement-based fun for middle-aged losers.

Twitter Trial Judge Issues Arrest Warrant For Wile E. Coyote

A LEADING circuit judge has today issued an arrest warrant for hungry cartoon predator Wile E Coyote.

Glastonbury To Be Powered By Jugglers

ENERGY for next year's Glastonbury festival will be provided by a troupe of electromagnetic circus performers.

Michael Bay To Direct Hollywood Reboot Of Mike Leigh's 'Another Year'

THE US remake of Mike Leigh's Another Year will feature Jim Broadbent with a pair of massive robot arms, the producers have confirmed.

Britain Backs Middle Class Children Who Want The Moon On A Stick

BRITAIN today threw its weight behind middle class children who deserve everything handed to them on a plate because they're all so very special.

MI5 Headquarters 'In A Right State'

A FAILURE to recruit female operatives has led to MI5's offices becoming a complete tip, it emerged last night.

Search Continues For Top Of Gordon Ramsay's Head

FRIENDS and colleagues of celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay are today continuing their search for the top of his head.

John Barnes Crowned God Of 'Nuts'

FORMER England striker John Barnes has been accorded the status 'God of Nuts' after missing his son's birth to do a football thing.