News

Happiness linked to being on MDMA

A GLOBAL study of human happiness has found that the single biggest factor is whether you are on MDMA.

Tramps can't afford Springsteen tickets

BRITAIN'S tramps are in uproar after being priced out of Bruce Springsteen's current tour.

Cameron fears Snapchat will be used for sex riots

DAVID Cameron has warned that a controversial messaging service could trigger a wave of violent frotting.

Everyone at Glastonbury wishing they were dead

GLASTONBURY optimism and pursuit of ‘the vibe’ has been replaced with dead-eyed ennui, it has been confirmed.

Children with three parents allowed to adapt Larkin poem

CHILDREN born using three-person IVF will be allowed to quote an adapted version of Philip Larkin's This Be the Verse.

Amazon offers great new way to complicate your life

AMAZON has unveiled a new service designed specifically to distress pensioners and the technically inept.

I love money, says Queen

THE best thing about being monarch is the huge amount of money you get, the Queen has confirmed.

Neighbourhood Watch uses spy plane to find out who watches foreign films

A NEIGHBOURHOOD Watch group is using an unmanned drone to spy on local residents’ viewing habits.