News

Mango shortage puts middle-class kids in danger of real sweets

CHILDREN of twee parents risk tasting refined sugar for the first time as Britain is hit by a mango shortage.

Chris Packham flees Malta on back of giant eagle

TELEVISION naturalist Chris Packham has escaped Maltese police custody with the help of birds.

RBS confirms it’s still run by the most gigantic bastards imaginable

THE Royal Bank of Scotland just wanted you to know that it is still deeply and disturbingly immoral.

Applicants advised not to bring box of wine to mortgage interview

STRICT new mortgage rules will mean applicants should not turn up to their bank or building society with a three-litre box of wine.

Person with no power should no longer be head of irrelevant thing, says ‘deputy prime minister’

A PERSON with no power should no longer be the symbolic head of an organisation that does not matter, according to someone who made up his own job.

Child happiness based on them either liking or not liking things

CHILDREN are the same as adults only smaller, according to new research.

Cattery didn't know you were meant to keep them alive

A SHROPSHIRE cattery has apologised to customers for not realising they wanted their cats back still breathing.

Cornwall to celebrate new status with disgusting amount of cream

CORNWALL will today celebrate its new minority status with an unstoppable deluge of fresh cream.