News

99 per cent of Ramones t-shirt owners not upset

THE death of Tommy Ramone has left most people who wear Ramones t-shirts emotionally unaffected.

Ireland offered Garth Crooks instead

IRISH fans of country star Garth Brooks have been offered a stout BBC pundit as a replacement.

Careless USB removal causes multiple deaths

EIGHTEEN workers have died after a USB stick was removed from a computer without adequate precautions.

Most chimp gestures taking piss out of David Attenborough

CHIMP researchers have discovered a lexicon of 66 gestures, 54 of which are jokes at the expense of Sir David Attenborough.

Dubai unveils Twatopolis

A MASSIVE dome full of the horrible things that twats like is to be built in Dubai.

Porn and Amazon, experts tell government

GOVERNMENT agencies have been advised that 98% of internet traffic is breasts and shopping.

Glass exists, admit flies

FLIES have admitted the universe contains a substance which light can pass through but they cannot.

Criticising schools ‘vital’ to shit parenting

CONSTANTLY criticising your child’s school is a vital part of being a shit parent, it has been claimed.