GCSE Science To Include Terrorism

THE GCSE science syllabus is to include ideological indoctrination and extremist violence, Ofsted has confirmed.

Aliens A Bit Like Lily Allen, Say Experts

EXTRA-TERRESTRIALS could already be bombarding the Earth with short bursts of self-promoting drivel, it was claimed last night.

BP Photoshopped Image Of Pelican Giving The Thumbs-Up

OIL giant BP has been accused of manipulating an image of a Gulf of Mexico pelican to show the bird giving the 'thumbs-up'.

Flying Donkey Stunt 'Not Cruel Enough' For Children

A STUNT involving a terrified parachuting donkey left children disappointed by the lack of death, it emerged last night.

Stonehenge May Have Been A Henge Showroom, Say Experts

THE discovery of a second henge at Stonehenge has led to claims that the site may have been a showroom for henges.

Drug Anecdotes To Be Criminalised

SHARING interminable, exaggerated anecdotes about drug experiences should be a criminal offence, it was claimed last night.

Councillor Suspended For Branding Earth 'Round'

A CARDIFF councillor has been suspended after claiming the Earth is round and orbits the sun.

You Really Don't Want Us To Show The Actual Burger, Says Burger King

BURGER King last night stressed there is a very good reason why its advertising campaigns do not show the actual burgers.