News

Boris Johnson lobs grenade through taxi window

THE Mayor of London has been filmed pulling a pin from a grenade with his teeth, throwing it into a black cab and cycling away before it explodes.

Britons ‘could solve logic puzzles if they wanted to’

MOST Britons could easily solve logic problems if they felt like it but have better things to do with their time.

Lego 'promoting unrealistic body image'

LEGO has been accused of making children covet unattainable squat, yellow bodies with c-shaped hooks for hands.

Pollen told to f**k off

EXTREMELY high pollen readings across the UK today will correspond with pollen being sworn at and blamed for everything.

Daily Mail ready to impregnate you

THE DAILY Mail has assured its female readers that it will make them pregnant if they are still childless by 35.

Greece declared fictional

GREECE is not a real place and its debts were just a dream all along, it has been agreed.

Chris Evans combing through giant address book of knobheads

NEW Top Gear presenter Chris Evans is trying to decide which of his sycophantic pals will join him as co-presenters.

Horrified Duran Duran realise they're still going

DURAN Duran have described their horror at realising they forgot to disband 20 years ago.