A FAILURE to recruit female operatives has led to MI5's offices becoming a complete tip, it emerged last night.
FRIENDS and colleagues of celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay are today continuing their search for the top of his head.
FORMER England striker John Barnes has been accorded the status 'God of Nuts' after missing his son's birth to do a football thing.
ITV bosses will build on the success of Downton Abbey by using public phone votes to decide who gets killed in the Great War.
GEORGE W Bush has defended his presidency insisting history will wait
until he is dead before admitting that mass killing and bankruptcy are excellent.
THE Queen will be forced to spend up to three days a week blocking arseholes who leave comments on her Facebook page.
A FRENCH village plagued by an influx of copulating naturists is campaigning for the return of overweight, erection-free volley ball players.