Kate sets up secret wedding list

KATE Middleton has set up her own secret wedding list at John Lewis, it emerged last night.

Doctors turn down money

DOCTORS have rejected an opportunity to make more money, it has emerged.

Creeping sense of oblivion up 32%

BRITAIN'S general feeling that all is lost has jumped by almost a third in the last quarter.

BBC tells D:Ream keyboard player to shove it

PRODUCERS of Professor Brian Cox's Blimey! Planets, Eh? have told him to keep his opinions on music to himself.

There's no shortage of shit jobs, minister tells unemployed

THOUSANDS of jobs involving raw meat and extreme temperatures are there for the taking, the government has claimed.

Hackman to star in Midsomer Burning

GENE Hackman is to reprise his role as a tough FBI man in the upcoming racist drama Midsomer Burning.  

Nuclear disasters not just caused by communism

NUCLEAR disasters can be caused by things other than lazy, inefficient communists, it has emerged.

British women not as attractive as a smoked bacon and cheddar double Angus

THE majority of British women would come a distant second to a flame-grilled bacon and cheddar beef burger in a bap, according to a new survey.