News

M&S about to learn 14 different French words for 'shit'

MARKS and Spencer is about to discover all the different words the French have for things that are shit.

Average Mother's Day gift selection time rises to 3.5 seconds

THOUGHTFULNESS is on the increase across the UK with some people taking almost four seconds to choose a Mother's Day present, it has emerged.

Mail readers' heads explode in search for April Fool

THOUSANDS of heads were exploding across Britain today as people tried to work out which Daily Mail story was a hoax.

Ryanair unveils flimsiest ever price hike justification

GROUND-breaking budget airline Ryanair has unveiled the industry's flimsiest every bullshit excuse for a price rise.

Derek Acorah banishes family's dignity

TV spiv Derek Acorah has perfomed a mysterious ritual to rid an ordinary family of its self-esteem.

Britain grants asylum to hilariously-named terrorist

BRITAIN last night offered safe haven to Colonel Gaddafi's charmingly-named terrorist sidekick.

Mob seeks new thing to be angry about

ENRAGED people may be forced to return to their slightly depressing lives unless they can find a new cause, it has emerged.

Stricken nuclear plant looks like Fern Britton

AS the Fukushima nuclear power station teeters on the brink of a catastrophic meltdown, someone has pointed out that it looks a bit like Fern Britton.