Bin Strike Could Clear Streets Of Rubbish

A STRIKE by Britain's binmen could force rubbish to stay in neat piles instead of being flung all over the place willy-nilly, it was claimed last night.

Marriage provides great opportunity to ditch annoying friends

GETTING married provides an excellent excuse to deliberately lose touch with your more tiresome friends, according to new data.

Tea Party Anti-Masturbation Video 'Incredibly Arousing'

MEN cannot resist touching themselves while watching Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation diatribe, it has emerged.

Pope Congratulated On Size Of His Balls

POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.

Film Of Video Game To Be Adapted Into Video Game And Then Back Into Film

THE film of the console game Resident Sewage 43: Crapocalypse is to be adapted back into a console game and then back into a film and so on until the ending of the world, it has been confirmed.

Queen To Have Lunch With Insane Criminal

THE Queen will today have soup and sandwiches at her Edinburgh home with an insane German criminal she met off a plane.

Primark To Charge Customers Just To Chuck Stuff On The Floor

CHEAP clothes giant Primark is to stop selling clothes and instead simply charge the public to come and mess up its shops.

Experts To Decide If Pupils Or Teachers Are Morons

EDUCATION experts will be employed in schools to establish who the stupidest bastards in the building are.