News

Slight amendments made to New Year's resolution to quit smoking

SMOKERS who officially gave up for 2012 have announced a few clarifications regards what 'giving up' actually means.

Race named as today's thing to talk shit about

RACE has been named as today's topic about which Britain will talk angry, ill-informed shit.

'Girl With The Apple Tattoo' sparks product placement row

A NEW thriller about a troubled Goth who covers her body in corporate logos has sparked debate about film sponsorship.

Women wrong, says cleverest person in world

THE fundamental wrongness of women has been established beyond doubt.

La Senza pins hopes on Human Centipede range

STRUGGLING lingerie giant La Senza is to relaunch with the introduction of a new range inspired by the Human Centipede films.

Britain really fancies a pint

MOST of Britain could cheerfully go on a three-day session after just one day back at work, it has emerged.

Healthy eating campaign makes Britons want to die younger

THE latest government healthy eating campaign has made UK citizens feel okay about dying soon.

Mail becomes cause of and solution to racism

THE Daily Mail has today launched a five year plan to prevent exactly as much racism as it creates.