News

Join us at ITV, undead stars tell Clarkson

STARS who have left the BBC for ITV have beseeched Jeremy Clarkson to join them in the darkness.

Self-portraits ‘fuelling narcissism’

SELF-PORTRAITS by artists including Rembrandt and Van Gogh are to be banned from the National Gallery for encouraging mindless vanity.

Kids collecting cigarette packets for cool horror picture

CHILDREN as young as seven are collecting cigarette packets for the gruesome health warning.

Drinks with green stuff floating in them ‘clearly flawed’

THERE is nothing to be gained by adding plant matter to a drink, it has been claimed.

This Morning reluctantly scraps guide to auto-erotic asphyxiation

PHILLIP Schofield has confirmed that This Morning has shelved a segment on increasing sexual excitement by restricting the flow of oxygen to the brain.

Race horses changing names by deed poll

INCREASING numbers of Britain’s race horses are changing their original idiotic names, it has emerged.

Electric cars to come with choice of six exhaust tones

ELECTRIC cars are to give drivers a choice of six exhaust sounds from 80s Lada to Lamborghini Countach.

Clarkson suspended for act of kindness

JEREMY Clarkson has been suspended by the BBC for helping some disabled children.