News

Angry motorist threatening to use mobile on forecourt

A CRAZED motorist is brandishing a mobile phone on a garage forecourt, it has emerged.

Ticks struggling with self-esteem

THE majority of ticks have a poor self-image, it has been claimed.

Assad selects hole in which to be captured

SYRIA’s President Assad has chosen the hole in the ground that he will be discovered hiding in this autumn, it has emerged.

Rihanna takes X-rated Tube journey

POP star Rihanna turned a short journey on the London Underground earlier this week into a salacious exploration of the dark side of her own sexuality.

Anti-capitalist mouse threatening to shit on some yoghurts

A RADICAL mouse is in a nervous stand-off with security guards after threatening to defecate on some Muller yoghurts in a London Tesco.

Britain finds its flaky-pastry breaking point

BRITAIN was celebrating yesterday after discovering something it actually gives a toss about.

People who prayed for Muamba not being jailed

NONE of the the people who think the baby Jesus mends broken boo-boos are in prison.

Everyone to employ personal postmen

THE latest rise in postal rates is forcing many households to hire their own surly layabout.