Take That Concerts Leave Fans Uncertain Whether Or Not They Were Sold Fake Tickets

THOUSANDS of thirtysomething females have been left wondering whether they just saw Take That in concert, or a bunch of singing plasterers.

Fry To Meet With Chief Skank

STEPHEN Fry is to meet with Britain's chief skank in a bid to defuse the row over his claim that women do not like orgasms.

Chairman Of Tia Maria Gunned Down By Rival Liqueur Baron

THE international liqueur war was reignited last night after the chairman of Tia Maria was executed by a gang believed to be working for the managing director of Malibu.

KFC Spotted In Corner Of 'The Hay Wain'

ART experts have uncovered a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in the corner of Constable's 'The Hay Wain', prompting claims that it could be evidence of time travel.

St Paul's To Become Sewage Plant

THE dome of St Paul's Cathedral will be able to process up to 30,000 tons of raw sewage a week, the government has confirmed.

Your Boss Is A Dick, Say Experts

YOUR boss is exploring the uncharted regions of dickishness, according to new research.

Aleksandr The Meerkat Murders Children Of Subordinate Clan Members

MEERKAT celebrity Aleksandr Orlov has murdered and partially eaten several of his lower-status co-habitants' offspring, it emerged last night.

Immigration Laws Fuelling Rise In Insane Brain Surgeons

MORE than half the foreign surgeons allowed into the UK are insane and intent on undertaking crazy brain-swapping experiments, it has emerged.