News

Banks admit they haven't done anything legal since 1978

BRITAIN’S banks are approaching four decades of unbroken criminality, it has been confirmed.

Idiot right by chance

A COMPLETE idiot holds an opinion that is correct entirely due to luck, it has emerged.

Comet landing already a disaster, say parking bores

MEN who claim to know about parking have been strongly critical of the techniques being used to place the Philae lander on a comet.

Phone shop workers not really gurus or geniuses

SPOTTY 19-year-olds who know a bit about smartphones should have more appropriate job titles, it has been claimed.

Urban explorer fascinated by quite boring places

AN urban explorer has admitted being strangely fascinated by dull places such as store rooms, telephone exchanges and water pumping stations.

We will get sugar somehow, promise kids

CHILDREN have confirmed that they will find sugar wherever it is hidden because they love it.

Britain still pretty good at Pot Noodle

BRITAIN continues to lead the world in noodle rehydration, it has been confirmed.

Aldi openly targets middle class people who are in the shit

DISCOUNT supermarket Aldi has launched a new marketing campaign aimed at middle class people who have fallen on hard times.