HOMOSEXUALITY is caused by an invisible evil cloud that can even get inside your pregnant wife and turn your unborn son into a lover of Mamma Mia, experts claimed last night.
NURSES are to undergo a rigorous three-year degree as the NHS launches a new drive to kill people more efficiently.
GORDON Brown has encouraged Britain to become even more physically revolting after a study showed the UK leads the world in gap-toothed, cock-eyed repugnance.
PENSIONERS have declared that they don't like a new PC designed for them, despite it not being released yet.
COMMUNITIES across Britain were gripped by fear last night after Sting was right about something.