BRITISH Muslim women should trade their Burkas for the jeans, blazers and incongruous hair favoured by the hosts of Top Gear, it was claimed last night.
BRITAIN'S craziest, half-blind, octogenarian heart surgeon was looking forward to returning to work last night after the government abolished retirement.
BRITAIN'S experiment with 24-hour drinking would have succeeded if the country was not filled to the brim with the worst people in the world, it was claimed last night.
FRIENDS of face transplant man Tom Logan last night warned that his plans for a massive sex binge may be a tad optimistic.
A FEW people in Britain are still getting the broadband speed that was in the advert, according to new research.
THE closure of the UK Film Council is a largely Danny Dyer-based decision, the culture secretary confirmed last night