Crackdown on drivers who don't vote

THE government is to overhaul road traffic enforcement to crack down on the sort of people who have no interest in elections.

Mosley buttocks lose right to early warning

MAX Mosley will have no idea when his bare bottom is about to be pummelled by a large, angry woman, pretending to be German.

Food intolerances linked to inability to shut your face

PEOPLE who believe they are intolerant to certain foods have been advised to stop going on about it.

Rich to piss money away on degrees for idiot spawn

RICH parents could soon be offered the chance to waste up to £100,000 buying Oxbridge degrees for their cretinous children.

Rich List converging with Sleazy List

THE 2011 Sunday Times Rich List is almost identical to the 2011 Sleazy List, it emerged last night.

Giggs leaves wife for Hugh Bonneville

GENTLEMAN footballer Ryan Giggs has left his wife for softly-spoken Downton Abbey star Hugh Bonneville.

Princess Beatrice's hat offered own TV series

THE hat worn by Princess Beatrice at the Royal Wedding has been offered its own chat show.

Jesus tells Archbishop to shut it

CHRIST the Saviour has told the Archbishop of Canterbury to stop being such a pansy.