A MASSIVE factory fire was caused by one of those monstrously fucking stupid Chinese lanterns, it has been confirmed.
JULY'S news events will all take place this week to clear media space for the Royal birth.
A GLOBAL study of human happiness has found that the single biggest factor is whether you are on MDMA.
BRITAIN'S tramps are in uproar after being priced out of Bruce Springsteen's current tour.
DAVID Cameron has warned that a controversial messaging service could trigger a wave of violent frotting.
GLASTONBURY optimism and pursuit of ‘the vibe’ has been replaced with dead-eyed ennui, it has been confirmed.
CHILDREN born using three-person IVF will be allowed to quote an adapted version of Philip Larkin's This Be the Verse.