HEALTH secretary Andrew Lansley is to sit next to hospital patients, looking at them while they sleep.
MORE people are visiting churches to steal metal than to worship, it has emerged.
HUGH Grant could be forgiven for his entire career if he carries on like this, experts have claimed.
A REPORT into executive pay has called for a radical reform of how wind is combined with piss.
THE government is to boost the housing market because there really isn't anything else to do, it has been confirmed.
EXPERTS have warned the dense fog over greater London will be used as a metaphor.
THE 'Arab Spring' is a mistranslation, it has emerged.
YOUR ageing parents are planning to get themselves a 'computer with the internet' this Christmas, in a move that will ruin your life.