Britain expels clever people

A GROWING number of intelligent people have been expelled from the UK for smelling weird and preferring maths to telly.

Ikea shoppers are Nazis too, say experts

PEOPLE who buy things from Ikea are obviously Nazis, scientists confirmed last night.

Court forced to differentiate between competing voodoo

DRUID leader King Arthur Pend... John Rothwell has had his particular brand of mojimbo dismissed by the high court.

Gap Year Land opens near Tenby

A NEW theme park will offer juggling, weed smoking and infectious diseases to students unable to afford to take a year out.

US not intelligent enough to withstand Washington earthquake, say experts

AMERICA may not have sufficient intelligence to withstand a seismic event at the centre of its political establishment, experts have warned.

Abstract toilet door signs creating nothing but embarrassment

TRENDY pub toilet door signs featuring abstract depictions of gender should be banned, experts have claimed.

Branson's mother falls in love with Kate Winslet

SIR Richard Branson's mother is head over heels in love with dashing actress Kate Winslet.

Will Libyan democracy make your car more expensive?

AS Libyans battle for their bright new dawn concerns were being raised that a new regime could charge more for car juice.