The Daily Mash's Edinburgh Festival highlights

A BRIEF 'best of' guide to the bewildering orgy of self-indulgence happening in Scotland.

1.26 million demonstrate against Olympics takeover of BBC Three

A MASS demonstration by BBC Three viewers has protested against programmes including Sun, Sea and Suspicious Parents being replaced by Olympics coverage.

The Hobbit to be split into three films, four albums, five tea towels and a key ring

DIRECTOR Peter Jackson has announced plans to tell the story of The Hobbit across a variety of media including chinaware.

Britain pins gold medal hopes on relaunch of empire

SEBASTIAN Coe has urged the government to start annexing small defenceless countries to boost Team GB’s medal hopes.

Lunar images reveal Buzz Aldrin's lost house keys

AMAZING new images of the moon's surface have revealed Buzz Aldrin's missing house keys.

Queen becomes new face of Iceland

QUEEN Elizabeth II has been unveiled as the new face of frozen food retailer Iceland.

Olympic village Cash4Gold outlet overwhelmed

THE first few days of the Olympics have seen business booming for the capital's newest branch of Cash4Gold.

Danny Boyle to direct world-closing ceremony

TRAINSPOTTING director Danny Boyle is to helm the closing ceremony to mark the end of the world, with Paul McCartney headlining.