Prince Andrew commits perfect crime

PRINCE Andrew probably walked out of Buckingham Palace with more than £2m in jewels - after being caught by the police.

Angels 'can only intervene in the trivial bullshit of the self-absorbed'

ANGELS exist but can only help narcissists with trivial nonsense.

New series of Downton set in the future

THE highly anticipated return of Downton Abbey will take the characters from the 1970s to the year 2025.

Syria vote was based on one of my other massive fuck-ups, says Blair

TONY Blair has insisted it was the way he turned post-invasion Iraq into an utter hellhole that stopped MPs from backing war in Syria.

Brand used a Mercedes, just like Hitler

RUSSELL Brand has enjoyed the comfort of a Mercedes Benz, just like Adolf Hitler.

Teachers to strike because children are vile

TEACHERS are to strike because children are unbearably horrible.

Universal Credit giving millions to extraterrestrials

THE new Universal Credit scheme has erroneously paid out millions of pounds to claimants across our galaxy.