News

It's Monday f**king morning again, experts confirm

IT IS Monday f**king morning and time for another round of this bullshit, it has been confirmed.

Lack of religious education leaves pupils unprepared for life in 1951

MORE than a quarter of England’s secondary schools do not offer religious education, leaving pupils unable to cope with life in the early 1950s.

Man on 'Come Dine With Me' had never been in a butcher's before in his life 


A CONTESTANT on Come Dine With Me who went to his local butchers to buy five steaks had never been inside a butcher's shop in his life, it has emerged.

90 percent of kebabs more regrettable than 90 percent of one night stands

NINETY percent of kebabs are significantly more regrettable than most drunken one night stands, researchers have have confirmed.

Man playing public piano in railway station doesn’t realise he’s a twat

A MAN tinkling about on a public piano in a railway station is unaware he is getting on everyone’s tits.

'Spa weekends' are just drugs and gigolos, admit women

LUXURY spa breaks are just a cover for a two days of drug-fuelled debauchery with hired escorts, women have admitted.

Couple who ‘only smoke when drinking’ drinking a lot

A COUPLE who claim to only to have the occasional cigarette with a glass of wine appear to be drinking six nights a week, friends have noticed.

Printer not doing anything until you apologise

YOUR printer is not doing one single thing unless it gets a full apology for the way it has been treated.