News

Royal baby watchers booing non-royal babies

CROWDS outside St Mary’s Hospital in West London have been hurling abuse at any non-royal newborns.

Londoners falling down cool, independent holes

LONDONERS are competing to plunge into quirky, independently-run holes in the pavement.

Exercise just an excuse to eat more chips

BRITONS exercise purely to justify eating more food, it has emerged.

Every f**ker on TV and radio just trying to get a rise out of you

EVERYONE on television and radio is just some fucker trying to get you all worked up.

Money saving tips ‘cause you to die alone’

DEVOTING your life to money-saving tips will cause you to die alone and unloved, experts have warned.

Petition to stop demolition of Glasgow hits 30

A PETITION to stop Glasgow being razed to the ground has reached 30 signatures and is hoping to hit 50 by the weekend.

Starbucks staff allowed to draw erections on cups

BARISTAS at Starbucks are permitted to draw erect penises on attractive customers’ cups, it has emerged.

Final Top Gear to show Clarkson regenerating into Salman Rushdie

UNAIRED Top Gear footage will be edited to show Jeremy Clarkson regenerate as writer Sir Salman Rushdie.