News

100 per cent of slaves in full employment

SLAVES across the world are fully employed for the 4,600th year since records began.

Beard to divorce owner

A FIVE-year-old beard has sought a divorce from his 28-year-old London-based owner.

Ebola survivor has list of crazy diseases he wants to catch

THE British Ebola survivor is to return to Africa because he has another four insane diseases on his to-do list.

University freshers definitely friends for life

A GROUP of first-year students at the University of Leeds have formed a bond that will last decades.

Airstrikes to solve everything

NEW US airstrikes on Syria will restore peace in the region with no further complications, rubble or death.

Spelling defunct

SPELLING words correctly no longer matters to anyone, it has emerged.

Sunderland pub named Britain’s best for fighting

THE Mermaid’s Head, a no-frills Wearside boozer that specialises in delivering a proper hiding, has been named the nation’s best fighting pub by The Guardian.

Cameron asked to explain ‘effing’

PUZZLED Scots have asked David Cameron to explain the mystery word in his 'effing Tories' comment.