News

Police to be trained in not f*cking things up

THE police are to receive training in how to get on with solving crimes rather than just f*cking things up.

Hovercrafts mental

HOVERCRAFTS are mental, it has emerged.

Being alone better than spending time with most people

NOT socialising is preferable to hanging out with annoying people, it has been claimed.

Cat-eating python a folk hero to local wildlife

A 12-foot Burmese python blamed for cat disappearances has been hailed as a hero by mice and rabbits.

Pound says it would rather be French

BRITAIN’S currency has denounced its home country and has asked to be adopted by France.

Facebook user speaks only in passive-aggressive statements

FACEBOOK addict Wayne Hayes has become so reliant on the site that he communicates entirely in leading statements.

The Hobbit 'ripped off Willow'

PETER Jackon's The Hobbit trilogy was based on 80s fantasy film Willow, it has been claimed.

Craving for health articles ‘a sign of mental deficiency’

A DESIRE to read tawdry articles about health may be a sign that your brain is not working properly, doctors have warned.