News

University of Life brings in tuition fees

STUDENTS hoping to move on to higher education from the University of Life must now pay a four-figure annual sum.

Clooney sick of having Goodfella’s pizza for tea

GEORGE Clooney has expressed frustration at having frozen pizza every evening because of his wife’s busy work schedule.

Man just assumes he's getting minimum wage

BAR worker Tom Logan has not even bothered to ask his boss whether his new job pays more than the legal minimum wage.

Army kept me off mean streets of Kensington, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has revealed that entering the army prevented him joining a notorious South Kensington street gang.

Human Rights Act to be replaced with Warhammer rulebook

THE Government has today confirmed that it will be replacing the Human Rights Act with Warhammer 40,000: The Rules.

Weed dealer has easily penetrable ‘code words’

LOCAL drug dealer Tom Logan insists on using the word ‘yoghurts’ as a code for weed.

Good Morning Britain strike brings nation to its knees

THE UK has descended into chaos as strike action at Good Morning Britain stretches into a second day.

Scots to look down on Northern Britain as effete, snobbish South

SCOTLAND has agreed to repurpose Northern Britain as a new south for them to look down on.