News

Romantic massage deeply unpleasant for both parties

A COUPLE who thought giving each other massages would be ‘sexy’ have been left traumatised by the experience.

Neighbours invited to party on condition they don’t come

A MAN has invited his next-door neighbours to a party he is holding tomorrow night on condition that they do not attend.

Daydreaming office worker mutters 'They'll see, they'll all see'

A DAYDREAMING office worker has been caught mouthing ‘They’ll see, oh yes they’ll all see’ to herself.

Name one of our songs, Coldplay challenge audience

PLATINUM-SELLING band Coldplay challenged 40,000 fans attending a concert to name just one of their hit songs.

Show-off couple to have twins

A FLASHY couple are expecting twins just to go one better than their friends with only one baby.

Piss-eyed Tango monster demands everyone say nice things about it

A DESPERATE, blithering fuck-up has demanded the media accurately report how unbelievably fantastic it is.

People looking for leader of West choosing between Trudeau and Merkel but definitely not May

PEOPLE looking for a new leader of the western world are eyeing up Justin Trudeau and Angela Merkel and dismissing Theresa May without a second thought.

Shopper who’s never been to Waitrose still names it as her favourite supermarket

A WOMAN who has never visited a Waitrose still claimed it was her favourite supermarket in a consumer survey, she has admitted.