A MAN has forfeited his basic human rights after returning a dented can of baked beans.
WHITE van drivers are the fulcrum upon which the world turns, it has been confirmed.
POLICE are to get new powers to link computer hacking suspects with the shadowy, menacing figures seen in stock images.
STEAMPUNKS have won their battle for free quasi-Victorian corrective eyewear.
MILLIONS of Britons secretly enjoy Christmas and are actively looking forward to it.
EXPERTS have dismissed recent sightings of the Loch Ness Monster as nothing more than floating wood wearing a tartan bonnet.
THE Rochester house covered in England flags is a Marxist commune, it has emerged.
JAMES Dyson has been told to shut up and invent a toaster that is not a useless bag of piss.