News

America Divided Over Waterboarding Of Children

THE arrest of a US soldier accused of sticking his daughter's head in a sink has sparked a national debate over when it is acceptable to water-board a child.

Yes, Ethel Austin Was Still Going, Say Administrators

ADMINISTRATORS were last night called in to retail chain Ethel Austin, as thousands insisted it definitely went out of business no later than 1961.

Brangelina Split Foretold In Book Of Isiah

PASSAGES in the Old Testament predict the current relationship problems between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, according to a leading academic.

Ali Dizaei: Where He Went Wrong

SHAMED police chief Ali Dizaei's attempt to frame an innocent man was littered with 'schoolboy errors', his former colleagues said last night.

Tea Party Ends With Traditional Throwing Of The Faeces

THE American Tea Party movement closed its convention yesterday with a traditional throwing of freshly deposited faeces.

46 Year-Old Man Sells Virginity In Local Freesheet

A QUIET, middle-aged science fiction and traction engine enthusiast has advertised his virginity for £6 or nearest offer.

Toyota Urged To Leave Sting's Prius Alone

TOYOTA was last night urged to fix the brakes on more than 250,000 Prius hybrids as quickly as possible, except Sting's.

Mobile Phones Now Cleverer Than Teenagers

MOST mobile phones are now more intelligent than their teenage owners, it emerged last night.