Stock Exchange Reopens Shouting Pits

COMPUTER problems have forced the London Stock Exchange to reopen its famous shouting pits.

US Becomes World's Biggest Council Estate

AMERICA became the world's largest council estate last night after the US government bought all the houses.

Chops Better Than Planet

A UNITED Nation's plea to reduce meat consumption was rejected last night as millions decided planet Earth was not as good as some nice chops.

Obeying Chris Moyles Now Number One Cause Of Hospital Admissions

DOING everything Chris Moyles tells you to do is now the UK's biggest cause of accident and emergency cases.

Coldplay Link To Unbearable Arseholes

FANS of Coldplay are more likely to display the personality traits of unbearable, self-satisfied arseholes, according to new research.

Diana Film Not About Diana Obviously About Diana

A FILM about Princess Diana that the film-makers say is not about Princess Diana is obviously about Princess Diana, cinemagoers said last night.

Fatboy Slim Looks Nothing Like Johnny Ball

SUPERSTAR DJ Fatboy slim bears no resemblance whatsoever to his father-in-law, it was confirmed last night.

Ama Gonna Git Me A Niggra, Says Palin

REPUBLICAN vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin last night wowed the party convention as she pledged to 'git me one uppity niggra'.