STUDENTS can have Windows 7 irritate the shit out of them for a reduced fee of £30, Microsoft has announced.
AN oaf who makes no difference to anything was last night targeted by some hippies with no boyfriends.
BLACKPOOL'S tourism industry can be saved if the rest of the United Kingdom is reduced to charred, smouldering rubble, it was claimed last night.
BRITAIN'S trade unions have called for a ban on workplace tits, claiming they are demeaning to women and could block fire exits.
TEENAGE girls who have sex before they are old enough to have a library card are a victim of their DNA, it was claimed last night.
FOUL-tempered old women with massively thick limbs are to be installed in British homes in a government move to limit food wastage.