APPLE'S revolutionary iPad 2 has been launched on its inevitable trajectory towards a big stinking crater full of broken and rotting things.
ROADSIDE repairmen are still unable to fix your car without making some snide comment, it has emerged.
MONEY and the objects that can be purchased with it will continue to be everyone's top priority, it has been confirmed.
BRITAIN'S maths teachers are freaks, it has emerged.
CEEFAX was probably the last really good thing the BBC did, the director general has admitted.
HUGH Laurie is to release his first blues album detailing the trials of being an exceptionally-rich white man.
OIL companies would never dream of doing bad things, Britain's most powerful ginger claimed last night.
STEVE Jobs has announced his intention to trademark the alphabet.