News

People who like their weekends oppose all forms of marriage

BRITONS who prefer weekends without expensive social obligations have opposed gay and straight marriage.

William only meant that shawl was dreadful

PRINCE William only asked a New Zealand woman to make another baby shawl because the first one was so shit.

'Time traveller' actually just a twat

A MAN who looks like he travelled here in a brass time machine actually works in marketing, it has been confirmed.

Babies cry out of spite

INFANTS cry at night because they are little bastards, according to new research.

Homeopathy replaced by fagsopathy

FORMER homeopathic doctors are offering a new treatment where patients smoke a lot of cigarettes.

New Carry On film set in Guardian office

THE latest instalment of the Carry On film franchise is about saucy hi-jinks at The Guardian newspaper.

Internet users told to change all passwords to swearing

WEB users should change their passwords to really dirty swearing, it has been claimed.

Events in Game of Thrones to be reported as actual news

NEWS organisations are to report events in Game of Thrones as reality.