News

Coalition 'to last at least another week', warn forecasters

THE coalition which has blighted the summer could last until August, it has been claimed.

Olympic volunteers given rocket launchers

UNPAID workers at the Olympic site will be given surface-to-air weapons and asked to look out for anything suspicious, it has been confirmed.

Flood victims finally getting the blame they deserve

PEOPLE whose houses have flooded are responsible for most of society's ills, it has emerged.

'Darkest ever' Batman just a black screen

CHRISTOPHER Nolan's latest Batman film consists of a cinema screen that remains black and silent for two-and-a-half hours.

Holmes embraces conventional lunacy

KATIE Holmes has left the world of Scientology for a more normal type of bullshit by experimenting with Catholicism.

Britain's heap of shit weather explained

WE only have ourselves to blame for the current awful weather, it has emerged.

Plastic shoes sold with free penis removal

MALE buyers of slip-on plastic shoes will be offered the chance to have their genitals removed at no extra charge, it has emerged.

Man kills himself for enjoying 'Jamie's Summer Food Rave Up'

31-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan took his own life after failing to hate TV chef Jamie Oliver's festival-themed show, it has emerged.