PEOPLE worried that the world’s biggest physics experiment could destroy the earth were last night reassured that only Switzerland will be obliterated.
ALL programmes and adverts shown on British television will have to be approved by a committee of 200 latent homosexuals, it was confirmed last night.
THE men who set the price of gas have predicted gas prices will rise by about 40%.
CANADIAN songstress Celine Dion is the world's worst person ever, according to a new opinion poll.
FORMER Primark child workers were last night back at work in the backstreet brothels of Calcutta after being rescued from a life of t-shirt embroidery by Western campaigners.
DOG owners who allow their pets to foul in public areas will be forced to wear a brown star and be banned from marrying non-dog owners.
FORMER Blue Peter presenter Valerie Singleton was under attack last night after insisting she was not a raving lesbian.