News

iPad 2 begins beautifully designed journey towards landfill

APPLE'S revolutionary iPad 2 has been launched on its inevitable trajectory towards a big stinking crater full of broken and rotting things.

AA repairmen still can't resist having a pop

ROADSIDE repairmen are still unable to fix your car without making some snide comment, it has emerged.

Money and objects to remain important

MONEY and the objects that can be purchased with it will continue to be everyone's top priority, it has been confirmed.

Maths teachers weird

BRITAIN'S maths teachers are freaks, it has emerged.

BBC admits it hasn't really nailed it since Ceefax

CEEFAX was probably the last really good thing the BBC did, the director general has admitted.

Laurie to release terribly nice blues album

HUGH Laurie is to release his first blues album detailing the trials of being an exceptionally-rich white man.

Ginger man thinks oil companies are nice

OIL companies would never dream of doing bad things, Britain's most powerful ginger claimed last night.

Apple to copyright individual letters

STEVE Jobs has announced his intention to trademark the alphabet.