Legalise drugs, says some crazy President of the Royal College of Physicians

THE campaign to legalise drugs was today backed by someone whose only qualification is to know exactly what he is talking about.

Blair Sets Great Example To Children Who Want To Kill People

TONY BLAIR was today hailed as a role model for children who want to kill thousands of people when they grow up.

Our Parents Won't Share Their Vodka, Kids Tell Childline

A CHILDREN'S helpline has been bombarded with calls from youngsters claiming their parents are excluding them from impromptu afternoon cocktail sessions.

Lourdes Unveils Latest Hoax

LOURDES, home of the magic Jesus bath, has added fake car bombs to its hoax repertoire.

And Yet Oliver Prevails, Everyone Tells Sainsbury's

SO you can ban some woman for using the wrong Nectar card while 'it' continues about its business unmolested, everyone told Sainsbury's last night.

BBC On Crack

BBC director general Mark Thompson has admitted that most of the licence fee money has been spent on crack cocaine.

Try Not To Punch Tourists, Britain Reminded

TOURISM chiefs have unveiled a new guide reminding Britons not to just punch people who are here on their holidays.

Facebook To Stop You Hurling Violent, Unhinged Abuse At Strangers You Disagree With About Films

FACEBOOK was last night accused of attacking freedom of speech after it pledged to stop you calling someone a 'Nazi fucking cocksucker' because they don't like Christian Bale as Batman.