News

Trump eases world's nerves with rambling and demented speech

DONALD Trump has eased the world's nerves with a waffling speech like a man who'd just been hit with a spanner.

Lobster can't believe he ended up in bloody Lidl

A LOBSTER is dismayed to have ended up in the frozen food section of Lidl, he has confirmed.

It should never have been written or released, says Trump about Shane Richie's autobiography

DONALD Trump has slammed the writing and release of Shane Richie's autobiography From Rags to Richie.

Come back when he shags a dead pig, says jaded Britain

SEX claims against Donald Trump are ‘lightweight’ and do not even involve a farm animal, according to Britons.

Met Office thanks your dad for Facebook weather updates

THE Met Office has thanked your dad for keeping people up-to-date with the weather via Facebook.

Trump replaces son-in-law with son

PRESIDENT-ELECT Trump has placated critics by replacing son-in-law Jared Kushner as senior adviser with his 10-year-old son, Barron Trump.

La La Land is the film you're desperate to avoid seeing in 2017

GOLDEN Globe-winning musical La La Land is fast becoming the film you will go to any lengths not to watch in 2017.

Britons beg to be released from tyranny of Facebook birthdays

MILLIONS are pleading with Facebook to stop making them spend vast amounts of time responding to birthday notifications, it has emerged.