News

A & E now just a website

ACCIDENT and emergency services can now only be accessed via the internet, the government has announced.

Trafalgar Square pigeons to defy smoking ban

THE famous 40-a-day pigeons of Trafalgar Square are going to ignore new laws against smoking in public.

Our bad-tempered behaviour is not a cry for help, say old men

ELDERLY men have warned the public not to try making friends with them.

UK sells last tiny piece of infrastructure

A TRAFFIC island which was the UK's last piece of infrastructure has been sold to the private sector.

Older workers to get nostalgia breaks

WORKERS over 45 are to be given daily breaks to lose themselves in vivid recollections of the past.

Pension money spent entirely on figurines

RETIRED people allowed to dip into their pension pots have blown the lot on porcelain figurines.

Drunk you is the real you

YOUR behaviour when you are drunk represents your true personality, scientists have confirmed.

Ghosts ‘bollocks’

GHOSTS are a load of bollocks, it has been confirmed.