Sotheby's to auction Star Wars fans

AUCTION house Sotheby's has announced its first major sale of rare, untouched Star Wars fans still in their original packaging.

FHM reader too sad to light own fart

A DEPRESSED FHM reader has passed up the opportunity to ignite his anal gas, it has emerged.

Muslim man in Northampton asked what he's doing about ISIS

A 38-YEAR-OLD Muslim working as a land surveyor in Northampton has been asked how he plans to stop ISIS.

Oxford English Dictionary shuts down and tells Britain to f**k off

THE Oxford English Dictionary has declared the ‘tears of joy emoji’ as Word of the Year before telling Britain to go f**k itself.

Nigella exhibiting signs of demonic possession

TV COOK Nigella Lawson is possessed by a demon, it has emerged.

Northern Powerhouse relocated to London

THE best place for the ‘Northern Powerhouse’ scheme is probably in London after all, the government has announced.

Nobody genuinely likes olives

EVERY olive is to be made into oil after it was confirmed nobody enjoys eating them.

Joggers have own class system

AMATEUR runners have their own rigid class system, it has emerged.