News

Use Jaffa Cakes instead of tampons, says Osborne

THE government has urged women to save money on sanitary products by using Jaffa Cakes.

Men with long hair far too into it

MEN are unable to have long hair without becoming preening narcissists, it has emerged.

Everyone on poetry circuit a disgruntled secondary school teacher

ALL amateur performance poets are secondary school teachers with an axe to grind, it has emerged.

Legal system to be replaced by what everyone on Twitter reckons

ALL trials are to take place on place on Twitter in order to save money.

Veteran of Warhammer 40,000 conflict struggling to come to terms with it

34-YEAR-OLD Norman Steele has been left traumatised after his army of space marines was wiped out during a tabletop wargame.

Manchester to be completely covered in spikes

THE city of Manchester is to cover all pavements, walls and street furniture with metal spikes to stop locals getting soft.

House burns down less than two miles from cinema showing Fifty Shades of Grey

A HOUSE has burnt down within a 20 minute walk from a cinema where people can watch Fifty Shades of Grey.

Receipts for cash-in-hand work to be signed ‘Sweeney Todd’

TRADESMEN have said they are happy to give receipts for cash jobs provided they can use ridiculous fake names.