ASYLUM seekers must make themselves identifiable by humming Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones, ministers have confirmed.
THE prime minister has grudgingly agreed to visit flood victims for one final time, it has emerged.
JOB interviewers are chatty and laugh at your jokes if they think you are time-wasting scum, it has emerged.
A WOMAN has contracted a stinking cold despite following a special diet based on wishful thinking.
AN INSUFFERABLE tit brought his own bowling ball along to the office night-out, it has emerged.
PEOPLE will be able to say ‘F**k That' to event invitations from next week, Facebook has confirmed.
RESIDENTS of Wales are not particularly alarmed at the prospect of heavy rain, it has emerged.
BRITAIN has paid tribute to the so-called ‘problem’ drinkers who have raised billions in tax revenue.