Channel 5 reveals salaries of both its staff

CHANNEL Five has revealed the salaries of the woman who chooses the programmes and the man who pixelates the breasts.

Metropolitan types clearly shitting it in country pub

A GROUP of London media types are having an absolute nightmare in a rural pub, it has been revealed.

Tall people unveil plan to stand right at the front

PEOPLE of above-average height have declared their intention to stand in the very front row at all times.

BBC stars should be paid between no more than £38,000, confirm licence payers

TOP BBC stars should be earning between £25,000 and £38,000 a year, on a sliding scale, licence payers have agreed.

Man working late to avoid dinnertime with his children

A FATHER of three has admitted to deliberately staying late in the office so he will not have to endure the utter hell of eating dinner with his family.

Schools blow £1.3 billion windfall on electricity, furniture and books

UK schools are treating themselves to luxuries like pens, textbooks and buckets to catch leaks after receiving a gigantic windfall from the government.

Eternal vengeance sworn on van driver by motorist who really means it this time

A MOTORIST has solemnly promised the van driver who cut him up that this time he really will ruin his life.

Brexit food shortages to turn allotment owners into gods

THE UK’s coming food shortages will make the nation’s allotment gardeners into the undisputed rulers of the country, experts predicted.