Homeless man returns coffee to Waitrose

A HOMELESS man has returned a coffee that was given to him by someone exploiting Waitrose’s free drinks offer.

Last Moon Nazi dies

THE last of the renegade Nazis living in a self-sufficient lunar colony has died, aged 95.

Cheese is dark lord of the fridge

THE other foods in your fridge are all scared of the cheese, it has emerged.

Wild, free-spirited festival lets you do anything except bring in beer

A MUSIC festival has invited punters to do whatever they like except bring in their own alcohol.

Nigel Farage exiled to Island of Failed Nigels

NIGEL Farage has resigned as leader of UKIP and been shipped to the island where all Nigels meet their end.

Scotland becomes even more weird

SCOTLAND has somehow managed to become even more unusual.

Using words too complicated

USING language to express ideas is far too much trouble, it has been agreed.

Voters warn of weird school smell

SCHOOL halls being used as polling stations have an overpowering childhood stench, it has been claimed.