THE government has urged women to save money on sanitary products by using Jaffa Cakes.
MEN are unable to have long hair without becoming preening narcissists, it has emerged.
ALL amateur performance poets are secondary school teachers with an axe to grind, it has emerged.
ALL trials are to take place on place on Twitter in order to save money.
34-YEAR-OLD Norman Steele has been left traumatised after his army of space marines was wiped out during a tabletop wargame.
THE city of Manchester is to cover all pavements, walls and street furniture with metal spikes to stop locals getting soft.
A HOUSE has burnt down within a 20 minute walk from a cinema where people can watch Fifty Shades of Grey.
TRADESMEN have said they are happy to give receipts for cash jobs provided they can use ridiculous fake names.