Dad forced to admit decking looks shit

A FATHER has been forced to confront the fact that putting decking in his garden was a mistake.

Londoner helplessly lost in unfamiliar part of London

A WOMAN from Tower Hamlets has absolutely no idea how to get around Mayfair, it has emerged.

Woman flaunts body by existing

A WOMAN has flaunted her figure merely by existing.

Neither casual friend going to break first and add the other on Facebook

A PAIR of friendly acquaintances are locked in stalemate over adding each other on Facebook, it has emerged.

Daily Express reader surprised no one else has thought of nuking Scotland

LAUNCHING Trident missiles at Scotland is the most sensible way to end the row over independence, according to a Daily Express reader.

Dyson invents poncey new wheel

JAMES Dyson has reinvented the wheel to make it incredibly expensive with lots of unnecessary features.

80s Neighbours fan regularly watched same episode twice in a day

A MAN would regularly watch the same Neighbours episode twice in a day during the 1980s, he has revealed.

Man finally gets My Bloody Valentine

A 41-year-old man has announced he finally gets bands like My Bloody Valentine and Ride.