News

Thank you for distracting everyone from my shit-show of a government, May tells Meghan

THERESA May has thanked Meghan Markle for creating a temporary distraction from the never-ending shit-show the Tories have created.

Wetherspoon drinkers demand earlier opening hours

WETHERSPOON customers are demanding that the pub chain opens its doors at five in the morning.

Harry asks Meghan if she'd like to be the subject of future documentaries about what really happened to her

PRINCE Harry has asked girlfriend Meghan Markle if she’d like to be the subject of future speculation about her mysterious disappearance.

Cyclist in favour of anything that makes people look at him

A CYCLIST is in favour of having to wear any ridiculous-looking equipment if it makes people look at him, he has confirmed.

Impudent rebel slug refusing to vacate kitchen

A REBELLIOUS slug has been found gliding confidently across a kitchen floor long after it should have gone back to wherever slugs live.

Man who will only drink 'craft' beer having cereal for tea again

A MAN who refuses to drink non-craft beer is having cereal for his tea again tonight, it has been revealed.

North reminded once again that it supposedly loves brass bands

NORTHERNERS are once again being confronted with the brass bands they are supposed to enjoy in every town and shopping centre.

Friends have no idea how to comfort woman who doesn't drink

FRIENDS of a woman going through a personal crisis have no idea how to help her without using alcohol.