A MAN has decided to stop hiding his true musical orientation and tell everyone he likes Sting.
A WOMAN who calls herself ‘a big fan’ of classical music only knows the Game of Thrones theme tune, it has emerged.
A FARMER whose bright orange cider makes you shit yourself is not inspired by Brew Dog, he has confirmed.
AN OBNOXIOUS hipster prick barman's band is thankfully really shit, it has emerged.
A GROUP of diners are pretending to be unfazed by the discovery that they are at an incredibly expensive restaurant.
A MAN keeps telling people they should put aside their differences over Brexit like he is Gandhi or something, it has emerged.
GORDON Ramsay has asked when he will be allowed to drop his 'tough guy wanker' persona, it has emerged.
CHRISTIANS avoid doubts about the implausible parts of their faith by simply not thinking about them, they have revealed.