News

Badgers take Swindon

GOVERNMENT forces have fallen back from positions in Swindon and Wiltshire, abandoning the town to the Badger Army.

Heavy drinkers to get new livers so Britain doesn’t run out of people

THE NHS is to ease the rules on liver transplants so that Britain will still have enough people.

Pope attacks Queen with bottle

POPE Francis tried to bottle the Queen yesterday after a comment about Henry VIII sparked a fight.

Outrage as Cameron prefers to chat to people with whom he has something in common

DAVID Cameron has provoked fury after admitting he prefers chatting to people who are even vaguely like him.

What about Keith f*cking Richards? Nigella asks America

NIGELLA Lawson has asked the US how come she gets barred but Keith Richards wanders in and out like he owns the place.

New exams will make it seem like children are being educated

A SHAKE-UP of GCSE grades will give the appearance of children learning things.

Nuts relaunched as feminist magazine

LADS’ mag Nuts is being relaunched for feminist readers.

Smoking ban undermined by people sucking things

ANTI-SMOKING campaigners have called for a ban on anything that can be sucked.