YOUR kids are not in fucking school because of some teacher training bullshit, it has emerged.
THE planned Brexit feature film will only be available on VHS, it has been announced.
A COUPLE are having a baby to avoid disappointing the rest of society, they have announced.
EASTENDERS fans have been left in tears by traumatic scenes showing Ian Beale alive and well.
SOUTHERN Rail has greeted commuters returning from the Christmas break with a menacing cackle.
WORKERS have woken from vivid, awful nightmares about offices to find it is all real.
ROLLING Stones legend Keith Richards has expressed his genuine surprise at surviving 2016.
ONLY two things this year could properly be classed as ‘good’, it has been confirmed.
- 'You are the most expendable part of this', says voice in Richard Hammond's head
- Crowdfund started to have Nigel Farage fired into the sun
- Streaming explained to relatives for ninth time
- Not opening presents until after Queen's Speech is bullshit, say experts
- Countdown to disaster as man forgets to tell mum that new girlfriend is vegan