MOTORHEAD frontman Lemmy has reassured fans that he is eternal and will never die.
ANYONE feeling ill during the doctors’ strike has been advised to just look it up on a computer.
NEEDY children across Britain have asked that tonight's Children in Need is the last.
A SCIENTIST has concluded that all women are attracted to both sexes, especially his long-term girlfriend and her best friend Mandy.
A MAN is taking legal action after colleagues failed to reassure him when he joked about everything being in black and white when he was young.
A MAN wearing a business suit feels purposeful as f*ck, it has been confirmed.
A LOCAL hard person with a moustache has aggressively confirmed that he has never heard of Movember.
LUKE Skywalker does not appear in the new Star Wars movie because he is the worst character in the series by far, it has been confirmed.