News

Kids not in f**king school

YOUR kids are not in fucking school because of some teacher training bullshit, it has emerged. 

Brexit movie only going to be released on VHS

THE planned Brexit feature film will only be available on VHS, it has been announced.

Couple reluctantly having baby because you're meant to

A COUPLE are having a baby to avoid disappointing the rest of society, they have announced.

Eastenders viewers left heartbroken after Ian Beale does not die

EASTENDERS fans have been left in tears by traumatic scenes showing Ian Beale alive and well.

'Remember us?' Southern Rail asks terrified commuters

SOUTHERN Rail has greeted commuters returning from the Christmas break with a menacing cackle.

Britons wake from nightmares about going back to work to find it is a reality

WORKERS have woken from vivid, awful nightmares about offices to find it is all real.

Genuinely puzzled Keith Richards survives 2016

ROLLING Stones legend Keith Richards has expressed his genuine surprise at surviving 2016.

Experts identify the two good things that have happened this year

ONLY two things this year could properly be classed as ‘good’, it has been confirmed.