News

English viewers miss Salmond trying to bite Alistair Darling

ENGLISH viewers were unable to watch last night’s Scottish independence debate, including the moment Alex Salmond tried to bite Alistair Darling on the face.

Your dad in The Expendables 3

YOUR dad and his mate have joined the cast of action movie The Expendables 3.

Column of light is beacon for alien invaders

THE London art installation commemorating the First World War is being used as a beacon by an approaching alien armada.

Humanity marks WW1 anniversary with wars

MANKIND has commemorated World War One with armed conflicts around the planet.

People know the most dickheads aged 29

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that your circle of dickheads is biggest in your late twenties.

Art looks like a bum, say children

ALL art looks like a pair of buttocks, according to children.

Even shit jobs depend on cronyism

JOBSEEKERS need family connections just to get work sweeping up fish entrails, it has emerged.

Convertible drivers sick of it now

OWNERS of open-top cars are secretly aware that the novelty has worn off.