News

D:Ream to combat asteroid threat

BRIAN Cox has recruited members of his old band as astronauts for an asteroid-smashing suicide mission.

Knee-jerk response to ISIS taking an awfully long time

WESTERN governments are taking too long to come up with an ill-thought out response to ISIS, it has been claimed.

Slugs teleport into houses

SLUGS get into kitchens by teleporting, it has emerged.

Johnson to press ahead with island for people called Boris

BORIS Johnson is to create an island sanctuary for people called Boris.

DJ names not stupid enough

THE lack of absurd DJ names has been linked to a decline in the quality of dance music.

New app gets you back together with your ex

A NEW phone app restores failed relationships, its makers have claimed.

Russia lines up more non-cute animals to die in space

FOLLOWING the deaths of the geckos on its satellite, Russia is to send more unappealing species on one-way space journeys.

Britons demand hangover consistency

DRINKERS are furious about being unable to predict the severity of their hangovers.