CHILDREN demanding Frozen merchandise for Christmas have been referred to the lyrics of the song they never stop singing.
PREMIER Foods has unveiled a new range of bastards who smell of fresh strawberries.
THE number of people simultaneously talking down a static-filled phone line has been estimated as between five and the entire population of Preston.
RAIL operators are moving ever closer to a network completely rid of annoying passengers.
BOND star Daniel Craig has only agreed to star in the upcoming Spectre if he is allowed to perform the theme tune.
RAP music has been exposed as nothing but clever puns, allusions and references like a Radio Four panel game.
THE daily pressure of opening a door on an advent calendar is already proving too much for overworked Britons.
PREGNANT women have been advised to forget boring hospitals and to go into labour in nightclubs, on trains and in safari parks instead.