News

Fantasy novel not part of a trilogy

THE fantasy-reading community has been left confused by a tale of noble houses, war and dragons that concludes in one volume.

Homeopathy to cure itself

HOMEOPATHY will have eradicated itself by 2032, it has been confirmed.

Original ‘hat bellend’ to sue Pharrell

JAY Kay from Jamiroquai is to sue Pharrell for copying his ‘overconfident bellend in a massive hat’ brand.

Join us at ITV, undead stars tell Clarkson

STARS who have left the BBC for ITV have beseeched Jeremy Clarkson to join them in the darkness.

Self-portraits ‘fuelling narcissism’

SELF-PORTRAITS by artists including Rembrandt and Van Gogh are to be banned from the National Gallery for encouraging mindless vanity.

Kids collecting cigarette packets for cool horror picture

CHILDREN as young as seven are collecting cigarette packets for the gruesome health warning.

Drinks with green stuff floating in them ‘clearly flawed’

THERE is nothing to be gained by adding plant matter to a drink, it has been claimed.

This Morning reluctantly scraps guide to auto-erotic asphyxiation

PHILLIP Schofield has confirmed that This Morning has shelved a segment on increasing sexual excitement by restricting the flow of oxygen to the brain.