News

Man listening to the Proclaimers unironically

A MAN has been listening to the Proclaimers for no reason other than that they made some great tunes.

UK celebrates royal pregnancy with traditional media bullshit

BRITAIN is celebrating the royal pregnancy in the traditional way with nauseating tabloid headlines and inane daytime TV speculation.

Cockroaches following North Korea story with growing interest

THE NEXT dominant species on the planet is following the news from North Korea with growing interest and enthusiasm.

Woman who just wanted an Egg McMuffin on the train really not having best day

A WOMAN who just wanted an Egg McMuffin on the train to work is having a bad day, it has been confirmed.

Kate and William excited to announce birth control accident

WILLIAM and Kate have announced a wonderful contraception mishap.

Worker back from holiday pretends to spend day deleting emails

A WORKER is pretending to spend a whole day deleting emails after a two-week holiday.

I have no f**king idea where I'm going with this, admits Kim Jong-un

KIM Jong-un is not really sure what his nuclear weapons programme is meant to achieve, he has admitted.

Kid thinks local comprehensive will be just like Hogwarts

A BOY about to start secondary school is sure it will be like Hogwarts from the Harry Potter books.