A MAN is hugely anticipating a weekend in July when he will be able to stay at home and not attend a music festival, it has emerged.
RAIL commuters cannot see why they should let other people off the train first, they have confirmed.
BRITAIN is enjoying the wonderful springtime sound of birds singing at each other to f**k off out of it.
MARY Fisher has taken to Facebook to let everyone know that she is just really blah blah blah right now.
A SCHOOL that added an extra day onto the end of the Easter holidays did it because they enjoy torturing parents, it has emerged.
THERE is a character called The Hipster on the provincial wrestling circuit, it has emerged.
A COUPLE who dutifully listen to their six-year-old son have reached the conclusion that he is a complete idiot.
SCIENTISTS have discovered a python of below average length that makes up for it by cracking jokes.