Greek economy wired to bombs

GREECE has been fitted with explosives that will detonate if growth dips below two per cent of GDP.

Nobody sure why wedding guest is wearing a kilt

WEDDING guests have drawn a blank on why one of their number is wearing a kilt.

Holy Spirit to get spin-off testament

THE third member of the Holy Trinity is to star in its own all-new scripture, it has been revealed.

Londoners running out of tube strike small talk

WORKERS are demanding postponement of the next tube strike so that they can think up fresh chit chat on the subject.

Friend always takes excessive amount of rolling tobacco

A 28-YEAR-OLD woman routinely takes an extravagant amount of tobacco when friends offer her a roll up.

Arsehole had really nice ancestors

A TOTAL bastard had kind and decent ancestors, genealogists have discovered.

People being scared of your dog not the same as them respecting you

OWNING a large muscular dog does not make you a well-respected community figure, it has been confirmed.

We charge diesel drivers extra because they’re dirty bastards, say oil companies

DIESEL costs more than petrol as punishment for diesel motorists’ uncleanliness, oil companies have admitted.