News

Couple begins three-week process of initiating sex

A COUPLE has begun the first tentative moves towards sexual intercourse before the end of October.

Councils didn’t realise they could remove Banksys

BANKSY artworks are being removed by councils who had no idea they were allowed to just paint over them.

Human rights laws to be replaced by gut instinct

BRITAIN is to scrap all human rights laws and just go with its gut.

Insane Pope babbling about angels

POPE Francis is under medical supervision after claiming he is in contact with angels.

There are no records of temperatures, Met Office admits

THE Met Office has confessed that no weather records have been kept because it seemed like a really boring thing to do.

Good performance at work to be rewarded with stickers

MEETING or exceeding work targets is now being recognised with a range of shiny stickers.

Hong Kong protesters display refreshing lack of dreadlocks

PRO-DEMOCRACY protesters in Hong Kong have been praised for having normal hair and not wearing stupid clown costumes.

Old school acquaintance acting like you were friends

A FORMER school classmate is behaving as if you had a much closer relationship than was actually the case.