BRITAIN is desperate to see breasts except when they are being used to feed a baby, it has been claimed.
THE government is to spend almost £600 billion on the four biggest things it could think of.
THE volume of attractive wives needing immediate no-strings sexual encounters is becoming a humanitarian crisis, it has been claimed.
A GRANDMOTHER in Lancashire has begun boiling the vegetables for her Christmas dinner.
THE prime minister has promised that cannabis will still be illegal in Britain decades after everyone else has given in.
RELIGIOUS homophobes are unclear about why God is letting HIV become less infectious.
LARGE television sets have condemned their media portrayal as icons of consumerist stupidity.
THE ridiculously good-looking lingerie models of Victoria’s Secret have confirmed that they were all quiet loners at school.
- Hand-dyed, loom spun, artisan selvedge denim jeans still look quite like Jeremy Clarkson’s
- Stonehenge tunnel will be mystical, Clegg tells druids
- All drug-related crime ‘basically the same as Breaking Bad’
- Intrepid daredevil spurns travel insurance
- Star Wars VII will be mostly black screen and Andy Serkis voiceover