A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.
CONCEITED rocker Bono has announced plans for a free gift of a turd among your socks.
BRITONS have been urged to stop covering their arses when they make a hash of things at work.
ACCIDENT and emergency services can now only be accessed via the internet, the government has announced.
THE famous 40-a-day pigeons of Trafalgar Square are going to ignore new laws against smoking in public.
ELDERLY men have warned the public not to try making friends with them.
A TRAFFIC island which was the UK's last piece of infrastructure has been sold to the private sector.
WORKERS over 45 are to be given daily breaks to lose themselves in vivid recollections of the past.