BRITONS with jobs are either desperately under-employed freelancers or working like a bastard, it has emerged.
JANUARY is the perfect time to stop smoking and drinking alcohol while simultaneously eating healthily and taking up exercise, experts believe.
ANYONE coming to the UK will need to demonstrate a respectable 'backswagger' and 'caper', say MPs.
LEAVING the EU will give all Britons the power to turn invisible and the strength to lift a car with one hand, according to a government report.
NIGEL Farage will wear a white dress and heels to serenade Donald Trump at his presidential inauguration, it has been confirmed.
A MIDDLE CLASS family have been spotted relaxing in front of their house, in a clear breach of social convention.
PRET A Manger has announced plans to open its ten millionth London branch by the end of the decade.
IRRESPONSIBLE Britons are running up huge debts to live in buildings and buy food.
- CEO has already made what you earn in a year although to be fair you do f**k all
- Panto audience asked to believe in Brexit to save Tinkerbell
- Couple enters sickening 'framed photos of themselves' phase of relationship
- Cakes 'not even close to making work okay'
- 'Dry January' man accused of putting long-term health before mates