News

Man pretending he won't just order the burger

A MAN is studying a menu and making inane comments in a bid to convince his fellow diners that he might ordering anything but a burger.

Up-itself boutique gives final warning to friendly, helpful sales assistant

A SALES assistant who does not judge her customers has been given a final warning by a pretentious clothes shop.

Never having to do PE again is best part of being an adult

A WOMAN who often despairs at the state of the world finds comfort in the fact that she never has to do PE again.

Trump convinced this is actually clever

DONALD Trump believes that firing the man investigating his collusion with Russia is a really clever solution to the whole problem, he has confirmed.

Quirky couple wants everyone to choose song for wedding playlist as long as it’s to their taste

A COUPLE have asked their wedding guests to suggest songs for their party playlist, provided they are the kind of tracks they would have chosen anyway.

Missing sock mysteriously returns after three-year absence

A SOCK, missing for three years, has unaccountably returned to the wardrobe from which it vanished.

Big decisions should always be left until last possible moment, confirm experts

LIFE'S most important decisions are best ignored and put off until they become absolutely impossible to avoid, a study has confirmed.

Immigration to be reduced to a fun Australian and a pretty Italian

IMMIGRATION to the UK will be cut to just two people who are acceptable to Britain’s racists and xenophobes, Theresa May has announced.