News

House burns down less than two miles from cinema showing Fifty Shades of Grey

A HOUSE has burnt down within a 20 minute walk from a cinema where people can watch Fifty Shades of Grey.

Receipts for cash-in-hand work to be signed ‘Sweeney Todd’

TRADESMEN have said they are happy to give receipts for cash jobs provided they can use ridiculous fake names.

Perfect cup of tea renders all other tea pointless

A FLAWLESS cup of tea has made further tea-making redundant, it has been claimed.

TV dramas spark gazing revival

THE once-popular pastime of staring into the distance for minutes at a time is back in fashion thanks to Wolf Hall and Broadchurch.

Skunk smokers secretly want something weaker

PEOPLE who claim to enjoy skunk would secretly like some normal weed that doesn’t make them feel as weird.

Nutella 'meant to be rubbed into the skin'

CHOCOLATE spread Nutella is designed to be absorbed through the pores, it has emerged.

All brands either annoying or evil

BIG brands are all either irritating or demonic, it has emerged.

Ruins of Altavista and Friends Reunited now tourist attractions

THE abandoned, broken ruins of 1990s internet sites are popular destinations for tourists unable to believe that people once lived there.