PRODUCERS have confirmed that the next Bond movie will feature him getting kicked out of Wetherspoons.
THE new season of Doctor Who will involve space travel, monsters and chase sequences, leaked scripts have revealed.
TOMCAT Roy Hobbs says he can't be bothered to catch mice, preferring to eat shitloads of Go-Cat.
TWITTER is being abandoned by users aged 16-24 in favour of the thriving and lawless Vanish Tip Exchange.
THE top 40 will take into account songs that pop into your head for no reason, it has been announced.
BLOW jobs are an official unit of currency in Magaluf, it has emerged.
PEOPLE wearing expired festival wristbands are a limitless source of tiresome drug anecdotes, it has been claimed.
PETE Doherty has expressed his amazement at how chunky Libertines fans have gotten.