News

Third of UK inaccessible due to undetonated fireworks

MORE than 30 per cent of the country is off-limits because of fireworks that did not go off.

Small businesses 'must be run by stressed-out lunatics'

ALL small firms must be run by total maniacs heading for a coronary, according to a new EU ruling.

Roll-up smokers impervious to health warnings

THE government is to remove health advice from rolling tobacco packets because the people who buy them simply do not care.

Game of Thrones currently filming absolutely everywhere

FANTASY drama Game of Thrones is now being filmed in every conceivable place.

New coat gives false sense of hope

A WINTER coat has given its owner the unfounded sense of a new beginning.

Battle-weary soldiers dragged back to sofa

GAMERS around the world are reluctantly fulfilling their obligation to play the new entry in the Call of Duty franchise.

Satan quits over Debenhams Christmas advert

THE devil has given up after admitting that the Debenhams Christmas advert is more evil than anything he could have conceived.

Scots wondering how England rigged whisky contest

SCOTLAND has blamed England for being bad at the one thing it is supposed to be good at it.