News

Weekend without festival to be highlight of the summer

A MAN is hugely anticipating a weekend in July when he will be able to stay at home and not attend a music festival, it has emerged.

People who want to get on train angry at people who want to get off

RAIL commuters cannot see why they should let other people off the train first, they have confirmed.

Britain enchanted by birds telling each other to f**k off

BRITAIN is enjoying the wonderful springtime sound of birds singing at each other to f**k off out of it.

Woman on Facebook wants everyone to know she is so blah blah blah

MARY Fisher has taken to Facebook to let everyone know that she is just really blah blah blah right now.

Inset day designed to push parents to limit of mental strength

A SCHOOL that added an extra day onto the end of the Easter holidays did it because they enjoy torturing parents, it has emerged.

‘The Hipster’ now a wrestling character

THERE is a character called The Hipster on the provincial wrestling circuit, it has emerged.

Parents who listen to child discover he is a f**kwit

A COUPLE who dutifully listen to their six-year-old son have reached the conclusion that he is a complete idiot.

Scientists find shorter python that compensates with sense of humour

SCIENTISTS have discovered a python of below average length that makes up for it by cracking jokes.