News

Society obsessed with breasts except in most natural context

BRITAIN is desperate to see breasts except when they are being used to feed a baby, it has been claimed.

Government to spend £600bn on four gigantic things

THE government is to spend almost £600 billion on the four biggest things it could think of.

Number of housewives needing sex with any male internet user reaching crisis point

THE volume of attractive wives needing immediate no-strings sexual encounters is becoming a humanitarian crisis, it has been claimed.

Northern grandmother gets sprouts on

A GRANDMOTHER in Lancashire has begun boiling the vegetables for her Christmas dinner.

Cameron vows UK will be last place on Earth to legalise weed

THE prime minister has promised that cannabis will still be illegal in Britain decades after everyone else has given in.

Arseholes confused about God’s plan for homosexuals

RELIGIOUS homophobes are unclear about why God is letting HIV become less infectious.

It’s not our fault, say large TVs

LARGE television sets have condemned their media portrayal as icons of consumerist stupidity.

Victoria’s Secret models all nerds at school or some bullshit

THE ridiculously good-looking lingerie models of Victoria’s Secret have confirmed that they were all quiet loners at school.