News

Dolphin pimps having another great year

FLORIDA’S dolphin-pimping businesses are enjoying a record-breaking summer.

Chupa Chup impossible to unwrap

A CHUPA Chups lolly has defeated all attempts to remove its plastic wrapping.

Glittering reception celebrates Britain's biggest twats

THE prime minister has hosted a drinks party honouring the economic contribution made by the country's twats.

Smackhead breaks walking speed record

HEROIN addict Tom Logan has reached a walking speed of 18 miles per hour while going to score.

Blair applies to be Caliph

FORMER prime minister Tony Blair has submitted his CV to the newly-declared Islamic Caliphate in the Middle East.

Flexible working not suitable for actual jobs

FLEXIBLE working is impractical for jobs where work needs to be done, it has emerged.

Christian Bale stuck in character as himself

CHRISTIAN Bale has become permanently stuck in character as a gifted yet pretentious actor.

Thousands dead in Bannockburn re-enactment

OVER 5,000 people have been killed in a field in a faithful re-enactment of the Battle of Bannockburn.