News

Squirrel cull part of clampdown on big penis animals

GREY squirrels are to be culled as part of a wider campaign against species with very large penises.

2015 already written off

THE current year has been abandoned as a waste of everyone's time after just five days.

Palace in fresh bid to save Prince Andrew’s impeccable reputation

BUCKINGHAM Palace is working overtime to stop the public losing respect for Prince Andrew.

Rail price increases make c-word go mainstream

THE announcement of increased train ticket prices has caused millions to use the strongest possible expletive.

Christmas summarised with a single grunt

BRITONS are describing their Christmas break to each other using a single semi-intelligible sound.

Cheap oil to create stinking, cancerous, gridlocked utopia

THE plummeting oil price will create a perfect world of traffic jams and a foul-smelling greyish-green fog.

Families watching traditional girl-on-girl stage shows

THOUSANDS of British families are celebrating Christmas by watching some girl-on-girl action.

Queen to confirm she is immortal

THE Queen will use her annual Christmas message to announce that she will never die.