News

'Who wants to borrow a shitload of money?' asks Bank of England

THE Bank of England has decided now is the ideal time to treat yourself to something expensive to enjoy until it is repossessed.

Britain excited to finally find out if Iraq war was a bad idea

BRITAIN cannot wait to read the Chilcot Report to find out if the Iraq war was an abject disaster or totally brilliant.

Man’s comments about 'baby boomers' starting to sound kind of bigoted

A MAN who blames ‘baby boomers’ for everything is starting to sound like a racist, people have noticed.

New Top Gear host is KITT from Knight Rider

ARTIFICIAL intelligence KITT from Knight Rider has been named as the new presenter of Top Gear. 

'Brexiteer' confirmed as most ludicrous English word so far

'BREXITEER' is the most ridiculous English word yet created, experts have confirmed.

Entire country decides to leave things half-finished and f**k off

BRITONS have been inspired to just abandon what they were doing and f**k off.

Man mows lawn for insane length of time

A MAN’S neighbours are wondering how he could have spent such an insane amount of time mowing a fairly small lawn.

Southern Rail to replace timetable with avant garde poem

COMMUTERS using Southern Rail will need an advanced degree in modern poetry to know when their train is due.