Uber quietly reinstalled

A WOMAN has stealthily reinstalled taxi app Uber after a week of condemning it on social media.

Cat desperate to go outside until door opened

A CAT has rejected the chance to go outside, despite having seemed incredibly keen to do so.

Renters delighted to keep buying houses for other people

GOVERNMENT plans for more rented housing have been welcomed by renters who like paying other people's mortgages.

Staff at cool bar hate you and themselves equally

THE nonchalant, arrogant staff at a hipster bar hate themselves just as much as they hate you, they have admitted.

Mother determined to get you involved in feud

YOUR mother is determined that you will not remain neutral in the row she is having with your sister, she has confirmed.

Scientists developing twat-free bikes

RIDERLESS bicycles free of dangerous knobheads in lycra will soon be a reality, scientists believe.

Sean Paul will feature on your songs, musicians warned

MUSICAL artists across the world have been notified that none of them are safe from an unplanned Sean Paul feature.

Curry houses face shortage of limp salad for you to ignore

CURRY restaurants are facing bankruptcy after a lettuce shortage means they have no limp salads for diners to disregard.