News

U2 skips straight to reunion tour

U2 WILL skip an inevitable decade of falling sales, a split and solo albums by going directly to the long-awaited reunion tour, it has been announced.

Britain backs anything to do with stealth bombers

BRITONS have given their full support to any activity that involves stealth bombers.

Shopping stampede expected for Unfunny Toilet Humour Joke Gift Monday

SALES of tiresome penis and fart-related joke products are expected to hit £569bn today.

Couple in huff can’t remember each other’s names

A MARRIED couple who have not spoken since 1994 have no idea what they are called, their children confirmed.

UKIP demands vetting of cathedral architects

CATHEDRAL architects must be vetted so they do not design buildings that look Turkish, UKIP has demanded.

Everything to be given to Richard Branson

ALL remaining public assets are to be transferred to Richard Branson to see what he does with them.

Vinyl enthusiasts asked why they don’t just f**king marry it

MEN who love vinyl records have been told to just f**king marry them and live happily ever after.

Woman in bestial shopping frenzy pauses briefly to enjoy moment

A BLACK Friday shopper has stopped hitting a pensioner in the face so she can take in the atmosphere.