News

Inkjet printer dies 'warrior's death'

A PRINTER has successfully provoked its owner into killing it in combat because it wanted to die a warrior's death.

Jargon makes you sound clever, say idiots

BRITAIN’S idiots have defended their right to use jargon instead of intelligence.

Songs of Praise ‘can only be filmed in Surrey’

SONGS of Praise must always be broadcast from lovely parish churches in rural Surrey, it has been claimed.

Samantha Cameron named best-dressed woman by women who dress like that

SAMANTHA Cameron has been placed at the top of Vanity Fair's Best-Dressed list by women uncomfortable in everything.

People who live in Harrogate very easily pleased, say experts

EXPERTS have dismissed a survey naming Harrogate as the happiest town in Britain.

Dozens of elderly women arrested in Bake-Off betting scandal

DOZENS of elderly woman have been arrested after a flurry of bets on the same contestant in The Great British Bake-Off.

Windows 10 fails to get rid of depressing, slack-jawed face

USERS of the new Windows have complained about the ghostly, dead-eyed face that appears whenever the screen goes black. 

Moon blames its ‘dark side’ after going on bender

THE moon has blamed its well-documented ‘dark side’ after getting drunk for three days with its mates.