News

Britain’s economy realises it’s just a load of bullshit

BRITAIN’S economy has slowed after it realised it was living in a fantasy world.

Myleene Klass spells out true name of God on Countdown

FORMER Hear’Say singer Myleene Klass has triggered the End of Days after accidentally spelling out God’s true name.

Stealing a car now less hassle than hiring one

BRITISH holidaymakers have been advised to steal a car rather than trying to rent one.

British men getting untoned for summer

BRITAIN’S men are getting their bodies into the perfect overweight shape for the beach.

Man's first day of wearing Apple Watch to work not going as hoped

SALES manager Tom Logan’s new Apple Watch has been unexpectedly ridiculed by his work colleagues.

Marathon runners unable to distinguish between real and metaphorical walls

LONDON Marathon participants have been warned that the wall they went through was just a figure of speech.

Guardian backs campaign to reclaim Brixton from Guardian readers

THE Guardian has condemned the middle-class gentrification of Brixton by its own readers.

Bombing Libya then f**king off was the responsible thing to do, says Cameron

DAVID Cameron has insisted bombing Libya and then forgetting about it was an act of statesmanship.