News

This Morning reluctantly scraps guide to auto-erotic asphyxiation

PHILLIP Schofield has confirmed that This Morning has shelved a segment on increasing sexual excitement by restricting the flow of oxygen to the brain.

Race horses changing names by deed poll

INCREASING numbers of Britain’s race horses are changing their original idiotic names, it has emerged.

Electric cars to come with choice of six exhaust tones

ELECTRIC cars are to give drivers a choice of six exhaust sounds from 80s Lada to Lamborghini Countach.

Clarkson suspended for act of kindness

JEREMY Clarkson has been suspended by the BBC for helping some disabled children.

Science cannot explain why beards go a bit ginger

SCIENTISTS will never be able to explain why all beards go slightly ginger when they reach a certain length, it has been confirmed.

Terminators to be released into Scottish highlands

CONSERVATIONISTS have defended controversial plans to release 300 terminators into the wilds of Scotland.

Indifference to babies now illegal

ANYONE who does not have a fanatical love of babies will be sent to prison, the government has warned.

Poor sci-fi films are marketing campaign for Star Wars

RECENT poor quality science fiction films were created to make the new Star Wars seem incredible, it has emerged.