A 32-YEAR-OLD woman has coloured in a book of pictures, then had a moment of clarity and burned it.
NO-ONE gives a shit about your idiotic career so shut up about it, it has been confirmed.
THE coffee machine from a local cafe bar is to join a heavy metal band, it has been confirmed.
THE world’s wealthiest one per cent also have most of the dark, messed-up secrets, it has emerged.
A COUPLE are baffled as to why their three-year-old child did not enjoy a trip to the pub.
ASTRONAUT Tim Peake's friend has struggled to match his weekend news during a call to the International Space Station.
THE SNOW which has covered Scotland, Wales, the North and the Midlands could affect parts of Britain that matter, forecasters have warned.
THE British public have asked Ofgem if it could perhaps, as the official regulator, stop energy suppliers overcharging customers instead of just warning them about it.
- Half-a-million primary school pupils taught in single class
- Keith Richards tells Death to sling his hook
- Entire nation standing far too close to the radiator
- Hatton Garden robbers sentenced to watch hellish Danny Dyer film based on their story
- Bosses can read workers' emails out loud if they’re particularly juicy