News

Hawking admits quantum gambling habit

STEPHEN Hawking has made millions by using quantum theory in gambling, he has revealed.

Kate Bush warns everyone she now looks like Lemmy

KATE Bush has announced her first live shows for 35 years but warned fans she is not quite the same.

Vague feeling of emptiness over death of utter lunatic

PEOPLE have been left feeling vaguely unsatisfied following the death of a stark raving madman.

Student house rat infestation is a status symbol

STUDENTS think having a massive rat shitting in their kitchen is cool, it has emerged.

Modern youth not starting a subculture unless they get paid for it

TEENAGERS are refusing to start an era-defining subculture unless there's money involved.

Viral captures awkward kiss on cheek after business meeting

AN online video showing a man and a woman unsure how to end a work meeting has gone viral.

Ban on ads ordering parents to ram junk food into their children 24 hours a day

ADVERTS which give parents no choice but to pump their children full of sugar and fat 24 hours a day are to be banned.

Most people going to blow hell out of pension pot within 20 minutes

MOST Britons will spend their pension pot on stupid, crazy stuff the very moment they get their hands on it.