News

Taylor Swift remembers who she was sent back from 2839AD to kill

THE android known as ‘Taylor Swift’ has remembered who she was sent from the future to kill.

Albus Potter’s idiot uncle unveiled

THE new Harry Potter play will feature Harry’s time-wasting brother Geoff constantly coming round with some stupid problem or request, it has emerged.

Man almost goes into Games Workshop

A 31-YEAR-OLD man almost went into a branch of Games Workshop but was worried that somebody might see, it has emerged.

But it was raining here, say perplexed Londoners

LONDONERS are struggling to understand claims that Britain enjoyed a day of wonderful sunshine yesterday when they did not.

This long tunnel proves we are sexy, say Swiss

BUILDING the longest tunnel in the world proves that Switzerland is a sexy and desirable nation, says the country’s president.

Student realises his life is polar opposite of Jack Wills advert

A STUDENT having a post-wank piece of toast has realised his existence could not be less like clothes company Jack Wills’ depiction of university life.

Woman’s vegetarian fad passes 30-year mark

THE parents of a 45-year-old vegetarian woman are confident that she will soon start eating meat again.

Disney announces first animated film character who is not an annoying smart arse

DISNEY’S Frozen 2 will feature a character who is not constantly making snappy wise cracks, it has emerged.