Parents who listen to child discover he is a f**kwit

A COUPLE who dutifully listen to their six-year-old son have reached the conclusion that he is a complete idiot.

Scientists find shorter python that compensates with sense of humour

SCIENTISTS have discovered a python of below average length that makes up for it by cracking jokes.

Idiot didn’t win on Grand National

TOM Logan has failed miserably to predict the winner of the Grand National, earning contempt from colleagues.

Potheads mourn author who got them back into reading

CANNABIS users are mourning the death of Howard Marks, whose autobiography got them back into reading.

Dogs demand rational explanation for farts

THE UK’s baffled dogs have demanded to know what farts are, it has emerged.

Yahoo! feeling a bit like Poland in 1939

EXECUTIVES at Yahoo! have revealed a strong affinity with Poland in September 1939.

First-time buyers unable to resist celebratory Facebook post

A COUPLE could not stop themselves bragging on Facebook about buying their first house, it has emerged.

Queen fan suddenly realises they were bollocks

A FAN of Queen has realised that everything about the band is ridiculous.