News

Rudd can’t understand why internet won’t do as it’s told

THE home secretary has admitted she cannot see why the man who runs the internet will not just delete all the bits she finds offensive.

Big horny spiders are having sex all over your house

SPIDERS are shagging in your house right now and there is nothing you can do about it.

Woman baffled by latest relationship with weirdo going tits-up

A WOMAN cannot understand why her relationships with socially dysfunctional men keep ending in disaster, she has revealed.

Rees-Mogg mistakes Mark E Smith for Manchester street urchin

JACOB Rees-Mogg is to adopt Fall frontman Mark E Smith after mistaking him for a Manchester street urchin, it has emerged.

David Davis to retire just before Brexit so he can move to the Algarve

BREXIT minister David Davis will retire before 2019 because he fancies buying himself a nice place in the sun.

Arm everyone with machine guns, say unspeakable bastards

EVERY American should be given an automatic weapon, according to the country’s bastard pieces of shit.

Facebook 'needier than a newborn baby that's just shat itself', say experts

FACEBOOK'S incessant notifications and requests have made it more demanding than a baby that has just soiled itself, experts have confirmed.

Man with lyrics to ‘How Soon Is Now’ tattooed on his arm starting to think Morrissey may be an arse 


A MAN who has Morrissey’s lyrics tattooed on his body is finally starting to realise the former Smiths frontman is an arsehole.