News

Competent cook convinced he is a fancy chef

A MAN has been deceived into thinking he is a professional chef by food websites and celebrity cookbooks.

Lots of cake left over at Piers Morgan’s 50th

MOST of the food at Piers Morgan’s 50th birthday party remained uneaten, it has been confirmed.

Only reason to drop litter is that you're a selfish dick, say experts

SCIENTISTS have been unable to identify a single worthwhile reason for dropping litter.

Naomi Klein’s great hair detracting from serious message

ACTIVIST and author Naomi Klein’s hair looks too good, it has been claimed.

Dermot O'Leary shown montage of his best moments then fed to beasts

FORMER X Factor host Dermot O’Leary was shown clips of his time on the show before being dropped into Simon Cowell’s carnivore pit.

People who like big decorative letters cannot even read

PEOPLE with big letters strewn around their homes are illiterate morons, it has been confirmed.

Chocolate still vastly inferior to chips

AS Britain prepares to spend £300 million on chocolate, experts have confirmed that chips are still far better.

Lost hour would have been incredible

BRITONS lost what would have been their greatest hour over the weekend.