News

Woman completes ‘colouring in’ book then burns it in garden

A 32-YEAR-OLD woman has coloured in a book of pictures, then had a moment of clarity and burned it.

Nobody cares about your stupid career

NO-ONE gives a shit about your idiotic career so shut up about it, it has been confirmed.

Coffee machine to join heavy metal band

THE coffee machine from a local cafe bar is to join a heavy metal band, it has been confirmed.

Richest one per cent have 99 per cent of the world's dark secrets

THE world’s wealthiest one per cent also have most of the dark, messed-up secrets, it has emerged.

Toddler strangely not into pub

A COUPLE are baffled as to why their three-year-old child did not enjoy a trip to the pub.

Tim Peake’s friend feels his weekend news has been overshadowed

ASTRONAUT Tim Peake's friend has struggled to match his weekend news during a call to the International Space Station.

Snowfall in unimportant 70 per cent of country may hit London, forecasters warn

THE SNOW which has covered Scotland, Wales, the North and the Midlands could affect parts of Britain that matter, forecasters have warned.

Ofgem asked if it could maybe do something about energy companies ripping everyone off

THE British public have asked Ofgem if it could perhaps, as the official regulator, stop energy suppliers overcharging customers instead of just warning them about it.