News

Midwife strike highly inconvenient, say unborn babies

THOUSANDS of ambitious foetuses have been forced to remain in the womb by the midwives’ strike.

Drinking outside back to the year-rounders

CASUAL outdoor drinkers have gone inside and left the hardcore to continue through the winter months.

EastEnders to get a UKIP family

BBC SOAP EastEnders has introduced a new family who all support UKIP.

Network Rail unveils route to Saudi Arabia

NETWORK Rail has announced plans to extend its Great Eastern Main Line through to Saudi Arabia.

All internet providers total and utter bastards

EVERY broadband company is an absolute shower of shit run by complete bastards, it has been confirmed.

Mum wants to hear and ruin your Christmas plans

YOUR mother is keen to hear what you have in mind for Christmas so she can completely overrule it.

Greenpeace vows to destroy planet

FORMER environmental organisation Greenpeace has pledged to wipe out all animal species then blow up the planet.

Hopelessly mixed metaphor enters fifth analogy

AN anecdote about work has turned into a hellish mess of ill-advised comparisons.