News

Stars Gather To Show How Worthless They Are Compared To Nelson Mandela

SOME of the biggest names in showbiz have come together in London to prove how shabby and pointless they are compared to Nelson Mandela.

Tesco Trumps Asda With Range Of Porn Cakes

SUPERMARKET rivalry has intensified after Tesco promised to put all your dirty pictures on a cake.

Women Still Face Discrimination, Says Jumped-Up Cow

POSITIVE discrimination is the only way to help women achieve success in the workplace, some jumped-up cow said yesterday.

Dubai Plans Skyscraper Made Of Fanta

THE oil-rich state of Dubai has unveiled plans for a daring new skyscraper constructed entirely of Fanta.

Army Can't Fight 14 Wars At Once, Says Duke Of Wellington

London, 26th of June, 1814

HIS Grace the Duke of Wellington has implored Parliament to limit the active engagement of the British Army from the current obligation of 14 wars to a mere eight.

Switzerland To Be Devoured By Black Hole

PEOPLE worried that the world’s biggest physics experiment could destroy the earth were last night reassured that only Switzerland will be obliterated. 

Television To Be Controlled By 200 Latent Homosexuals

ALL programmes and adverts shown on British television will have to be approved by a committee of 200 latent homosexuals, it was confirmed last night.

Price Of Gas To Rise, Say Men Who Set The Price Of Gas

THE men who set the price of gas have predicted gas prices will rise by about 40%.