News

Taxman Gets Power To Hold You Upside Down

THE Inland Revenue is to get new powers to hold people upside down and shake them until all the money falls out of their pockets. 

Bupa Takes Over Failing NHS Terror Cell

PRIVATE health care firm Bupa is being parachuted in to take control of the NHS’s failing British terror campaign, the Daily Mash can reveal.

Murdoch Offers £2.5 Million For Royal Baby

MEDIA tycoon Rupert Murdoch has tabled an opening bid of £2.5 million for the next royal baby.

Bomb Doctors Struck Off For Working Saturdays

FOREIGN bomb doctors have brought "disgrace" on their profession by breaching rules on out of hours work, according to the British Medical Association.

Wonka Factory 'Full Of Rats'

WILLY WONKA has been fined £75,000 after rats were discovered inside his magical chocolate factory.

Controlled Explosions Linked To Insurance Scam

DOZENS of cars blown-up across the UK in the wake of the failed terror attacks are part of an elaborate insurance scam, the Daily Mash has learned.

Macaskill Brings Mini Poppadoms To 'Cobra' Meeting

MILLIONS of Scots slept easier in their beds last night as justice secretary Kenny MacAskill took full control of the nation's security.