Everyone In Public Life Now An Untrustworthy Bastard

ALL people in positions of responsibility are untrustworthy pieces of shit who have made it their life's mission to shaft you, according to new research.

Diana Inquest: Jury Inspects Toilet Where Princess Had Final Movement

THE Diana inquest jury was last night taken to the bathroom of the Ritz Hotel in Paris to see where the Princess enjoyed her final bowel movement.

Diana Inquest: Jury To Spend Week In Leopard Print Swimsuit

THE jury hearing the inquest into the murder of Princess Diana by MI6 is to spend the rest of the week diving off a yacht on the Cote d’Azur while wearing a leopard print swimsuit.

Remove Dog Collar Before Rubbing Choirboys, Church Tells Vicars

VICARS should remove their dog collars before attempting to rub themselves against choirboys, according to new guidelines.

Organ Swapping Parties Sweep Suburbia

SUBURBAN Britain is being swept by a kinky new craze for organ swapping, the Daily Mash can reveal. 

Ritz Hotel Was Hoovered The Night Diana Died

THE Ritz Hotel in Paris was being hoovered less than an hour before Princess Diana died, according to dramatic video footage.

Drinking Boiled Twigs Will Not Cure Cancer, Say Docs

BOILING up a bag of foul smelling old twigs sold to you by a man who has no medical knowledge will not cure you of cancer, a shock new report claims today.