News

My Balls Are So Huge, Claims Paxman

JEREMY Paxman has written to the chief executive of Marks & Spencer to tell him that his balls are huge.

Home Office To Target Scrabulous Extremists

FANATICS who use the internet as a platform for militant Scrabulism will be hunted down like wild pigs, the Home Office said last night.

William Enjoys Another Spiffing Day Out

HIS Royal Highness Prince William was in fine spirits last night after another absolutely spiffing day out.

Tom Cruise Now Terrifyingly Insane

TOM Cruise was celebrating last night as he overtook John Travolta to become Hollywood's most dangerously unhinged psychopath.

Apple To Charge $2000 For Shit In A Box

APPLE boss Steve Jobs yesterday unveiled the computer giant's latest eye-catching innovation: one of his shits in a simple white box.

Wives All Round, Says Victorious Romney

A JUBILANT Mitt Romney last night promised 'wives for all' after storming to victory in the Michigan primary contest.

Scientists Unveil World's Fastest Carrot

SCIENTISTS in the US last night claimed they had created a ‘supercarrot’ with a top speed of nearly 770 mph.

Northern Rock Now Just Two Words

NORTHERN Rock has now been reduced to its two constituent words, its directors have told angry shareholders.