News

Turin Shroud back on display with added Nike swoosh

THE Turin Shroud has been updated to reflect that Jesus would have worn mid-priced sportswear if he were alive today.

Hillary Clinton to use You Oughta Know as campaign song

US PRESIDENTIAL candidate Hilary Clinton is to use nineties Alanis Morrisette song You Oughta Know as her campaign anthem.

We have to eat something, shoppers tell Which?

SUPERMARKET shoppers have told Which? they are fully aware that they are being ripped off but still want to live.

Central Line trains get stuck in fifth circle of Hell

THERE have been severe delays to London Underground’s Central Line because of difficulty crossing the swampy waters of the river Styx.

Man fears completion of DIY project

HOMEOWNER Julian Cook fears his life will become meaningless upon the completion of a six-year DIY project to create a guest bedroom.

Castle Wonga stormed by angry peasants

A MOB with flaming torches has laid waste to Castle Wonga, home of the evil Count Wongula.

Supervoid ‘is evidence of cosmic graphic design’

THE supervoid was carefully placed to make the rest of the universe look 'cleaner', it has been claimed.

Thrilled 'Nessie' hunters eaten by gigantic lizard

FIVE 'Nessie hunters' have been killed and eaten after a thrilling encounter with a giant aquatic lizard.