News

Classic car owner dreaming of soulless, reliable modern car

THE owner of a character-filled 1960s car is desperate for one that is comfortable and does not constantly break down, he has revealed.

You'll get bored of all this soon and I’ll still be loaded, says Philip Green

SIR Philip Green has confirmed plans to ignore a few weeks of criticism for his role in the BHS collapse and still be rich at the end of it.

Man’s back-up career as unrealistic as dream career

AN ASPIRING musician has discovered that his fall-back career option of setting up a world-renowned record label is only marginally less impossible.

Friends make sure to get group photo of awful night out

AN AWFUL, depressing evening out has been immortalised in a cheerful group photo.

Trainspotting 2 about appreciating real ale

DIRECTOR Danny Boyle has confirmed that the new Trainspotting film will focus on the enjoyment of real ale.

Patronising English arseholes wondering why Scotland might want independence

ENGLISH people who keep taking the piss out of Scotland are also baffled as to why the country might want independence.

Workers’ cafe has untouched copy of Guardian

A LOCAL cafe has a copy of today’s Guardian that will remain forever untouched by human hands.

Robot Wars enters peace talks phase

THE combatants of BBC series Robot Wars have decided to settle their differences peacefully.