EVERYBODY in the UK would like to know precisely what the actual fuck, it has been confirmed.
THE European Union has praised Britain for the calm, efficient way it has dealt with the aftermath of the referendum.
MUD-COVERED Glastonbury wretches have agreed it is best if the festival is held in a big sports hall from now on.
THE number of old ladies being helped to cross British streets has plummeted since Friday.
SOMEONE has briefly changed the subject, it has been confirmed.
SUNDERLAND will become a gleaming, futuristic utopia by 2018 now that Britain is leaving the EU.
THE UK has announced that its immediate plan for cushioning the economic and social shockwaves of Brexit involves gin, wine and lager.
AN OVERJOYED Leave voter is celebrating the win and can catch up on all that financial stuff later, he has confirmed.