THE UK media are actively seeking a new braying, right wing idiot to feature over-prominently in news and current affairs programmes.
BRITAIN’S brief joy at the arrival of spring has ceased after remembering that it will rain solidly for two months of it.
ONE policeman could adequately cover the whole UK if they put their back into it, the home secretary has said.
AMERICA fears it may just be a matter of time before President Trump discovers the emoji keyboard on his phone.
HEROIN users are criticising laws that the drug must be sold in plain black packaging with health warnings as the ‘nanny state gone mad’.
PRESIDENT Hillary Clinton in a parallel timeline is facing impeachment and criminal charges for wearing ugly shoes.
A MAN is unsure if the humorous travel book he has just read is of a high enough standard to qualify as lavatory reading.
A NEW bar will be called 'Pretentious Shithole' after the owners realised that is what most people will call it anyway.
- Them foreigners is a right bunch, say angry old men
- Towns with best 'quality of life' all sound shit
- President of United States wildly applauded for getting through whole speech without massive f**k up
- Dog can’t wait for owners to come home and see what he’s done with the place
- Sex education to be compulsory for people who are particularly bad at sex