News

Apple to reclaim the word ‘gimmick’

TECHNOLOGY giant Apple has launched a campaign to remove the negative connotations of the word ‘gimmick’.

Music industry to help hot homeless people

THOUSANDS of physically attractive people don’t have anywhere to live, according to pop stars.

Kate Bush to lead audience away like a pied piper

KATE Bush is to lure her audience away from London to a place from which they will never return.

Army in house to house search for dangerous Hoovers

THE Army is kicking in doors across Britain today in the search for extreme vacuum cleaners.

Reading Festival charging £10 for bottle of throwing urine

MUSIC fans say high prices at Reading are making it impossible to shower acts in urine.

Carnival offers annual opportunity to trash Notting Hill

NON-RESIDENTS of Notting Hill are looking forward to this year’s chance to destroy the affluent London borough with impunity.

Everything in world related to friend’s trip to Thailand

A 21 year-old woman has managed to link every event of the last week to her backpacking trip to Thailand.

John Lewis like a wrathful god

THE omnipotent John Lewis has descended from the heavens to stop customers taking the piss with free cakes.