News

Man dislikes cycling

31-YEAR-OLD Julian Cook does not like cycling, it has been claimed.

Everyone fine with ‘designer babies’ if it means they don’t do shits

THE public has expressed total approval for genetically altered babies that do not need to shit.

Criminals who were hungry at the time to get pardons

PEOPLE who committed crimes while hungry are to be released from prison, it has emerged.

Viewers think Wolf Hall is about modern people who dress weirdly

MOST people who watch period drama Wolf Hall think it is about modern-day mentally ill people who dress in colourful tights.

Tree is a government patsy, says internet

BLOGGERS have claimed that a tree involved in a bus crash was deliberately planted by the government. 

Boring conformity now a massive achievement

LEADING a dull suburban life with a mortgage and two children is now a phenomenal achievement, everyone has agreed.

Michelangelo reclassified as heavy metal artist

TWO newly-discovered Michelangelo bronzes of muscular men riding panthers have seen his work embraced by the heavy metal community.

Narcissistic Britons worried they might not be on police photo database

MILLIONS of self-absorbed UK residents are concerned that their photos may not be included in a police database.