News

Voodoo Ray confirmed as English National Anthem

THE chanting bit from rave classic Voodoo Ray by A Guy Called Gerald will be sung at international sporting events, it has been confirmed.

Friendly hug 'turned a bit creepy'

A HUG became creepy after going on too long with an element of hair-touching, it has emerged.

Coldness confirmed during neighbour climate summit

NEIGHBOURS have confirmed the recent drop in temperature during a top level over-the-fence meeting.

Supermarket queue desperately awaiting dividers

A SUPERMARKET queue is becoming unbearably tense due to a shortage of dividers.

Bronze Age village was furious about Iron Age migrants

THE residents of a Bronze Age village were bitterly opposed to Iron Age migrants from Europe, archaeologists have found.

Millions of unsold Creme Eggs about to hatch

MILLIONS of unsold Creme Eggs are about to break open and release the hideous monsters inside, scientists have confirmed.

Black widow Jerry Hall to marry convicted poisoner Rupert Murdoch

MODEL Jerry Hall, whose four previous husbands met unexplained deaths, is to become the sixth wife of convicted poisoner Rupert Murdoch.

Junior doctors give up protest because they’re so f**king knackered

JUNIOR doctors have abandoned their strike action because they are just so f**king exhausted.