ARMAGEDDON is proceeding on schedule following today's solar eclipse, the lord of the demons has confirmed.
THE brief period of darkness which has just passed across the UK counts as Friday night, meaning it is now Saturday and everyone can go home.
FAMILY properties worth more than £1m in Catford and Peckham have announced they will open to the public at weekends.
GERMANY and Greece have been told to stop flirting and get on with the war they both desperately desire.
ROCK band, Saxwulf, are the coolest thing to ever happen to their hometown and anyone who says different is full of shit.
CALCULATORS that show how your petty finances are affected by the Budget are instead offering harsh moral judgments.
WHATEVER it is you are doing with a wet wipe needs to stop immediately, experts have warned.
A SEASIDE town is being plagued by confrontations between rival youth fashion tribes.