News

Killer seals playing pretentious mind games with police

KILLER seals are attempting to engage police in pseudo-intellectual cat-and-mouse games.

'Perfectionism' an excuse to have massive tantrums

PEOPLE who claim to be perfectionists are just moody bastards, it has emerged.

Men demand Tesco remove ‘gifts for children’ sign

ANGRY men have told Tesco to remove signs implying toys are for children.

New terror bill to make everyone spy or terrorist

THE new anti-terrorism bill will give everyone the choice of being a spy or an enemy of the state.

Workers successfully bought off with Christmas meal

A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.

Bale to return as Megabatman

FORMER Batman Christian Bale is to play a new self-devised superhero called Megabatman.

Government admits having a life not really an option

THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.

People who knew nothing about Ferguson riots able to work out exactly why they happened

A GROUP of people kept in isolation for the last six months has guessed exactly why there are riots in the US town of Ferguson.