News

Quick drink after work now means seven

GOING for 'a drink' after work means going for seven drinks, it has been confirmed.

Obama discovers ‘nato’ is Welsh for ‘herpes’

WELSH schoolchildren yesterday told President Obama that ‘nato’ means ‘herpes’ in their native language.

Gig prices reduced based on number of songs from new album

GIG tickets will be priced according to the number of new songs a performer forces the audience to listen to.

Polo shirt wearers slammed for lack of effort

POLO shirts are not acceptable at smart occasions, lazy bastards have been told.

Five-year-olds told fun is over for next 60 years 

CHILDREN have begun six decades of doing things they do not want to do.

Hitler ‘like Hitler’

THE dictator who presided over the Third Reich was just like Hitler, it has been claimed.

‘Tech-savvy’ children shit at adult things

DESPITE being good at using technology, children are useless at adult pursuits like pub brawls or running a small business.

Neanderthals had unbeatable noughts-and-crosses system

NEANDERTHAL man knew a way of playing noughts-and-crosses that delivered a win every time, archaeologists have discovered.