A FORMER school classmate is behaving as if you had a much closer relationship than was actually the case.
DRINKERS who vowed not to touch alcohol for one month have decided to delay the pledge for thirty days or so.
THE Fall frontman Mark E Smith is close to recapturing an escaped bass guitarist who has been on the run for several days.
SPIDERS living rent-free in houses must provide evidence that they are actually killing flies.
FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.
BRITAIN’S supermarkets have revealed plans to stop concealing their utter loathing of the public.
THOUSANDS of people who find actual music too confusing are excited to purchase the new single by Cheryl Cole.
THE legal obligation to display a valid tax disc has been shifted from cars to people.