News

84 per cent think WW1 was fought against Martians

MOST Britons think World War One involved extraterrestrials in massive tripods, it has emerged.

British and German holidaymakers joint worst, says rest of Europe

EUROPE has ended the argument about whether British or German holidaymakers are the worst by confirming that they both are.

National Orgasm Day followed by National Avoiding Eye-Contact Day

THE celebration of National Orgasm Day has been followed by a day of changing the subject, turning over and pretending to go to sleep.

Scotland bursting at seams with dreary show-offs

SCOTLAND has been overwhelmed by boring, self-obsessed people with something to prove.

DNA project to find out why Britain is so full of arseholes

SCIENTISTS are to map the DNA of everyone in Britain in a bid to find out why so many of you are dreadful.

Amazon killing off family-run penis pill makers

TRADITIONAL village penis pill retailers are facing closure as customers desert them for online competitors.

Gatwick employs extra surly layabouts

GATWICK has doubled its staff of surly baggage-flingers.

Burning Man festival being explained in a patronising manner

PEOPLE who go to Burning Man festival have been explaining what it is in a slightly condescending tone.