THE new FIFA game is so realistic that it knows if players are smokers, drug addicts or closeted homosexuals.
ALEX Salmond has been asked if he would like to run Syria for a bit.
A STAG party has petered out after only three hours of drinking.
THE Speaker of the House has stuck on his special war compilation CD to get ministers fired up.
THE Brian Cox of Earth-161 has confirmed that the multiverse is real and our Brian Cox is a loser.
APPLE has admitted its new iPhone will bend if you are determined to bend it.
WILD pony Tom Logan has revealed ambitions other than becoming pie filling.
BRITAIN has launched a series of no-nonsense, testosterone-fuelled infographics against ISIS.