Countdown to disaster as man forgets to tell mum that new girlfriend is vegan

A MAN has unwittingly laid the groundwork for a disastrous Christmas lunch by forgetting to say that his girlfriend is vegan.

Some bollocks about bin collections

SOME bollocks about bin collections, it has been confirmed.

Teenagers turn short train journey into massive f**king drama

A GROUP of teenagers has managed to turn a 25-minute rail journey into a tiresome drama starring themselves, it has emerged.

Man steeling himself for two hours of helping with cooking

A FATHER-OF-TWO is psyching himself up to assist with the cooking on Christmas Day.

Jesus had goatee phase

JESUS had a goatee for a bit but nobody was into it, it has emerged.

All man wants for Christmas is Brexit

A MAN has explained to family and friends that he does not want a lot for Christmas, and leaving the EU is all he needs.

Cat acting hard because he is outside

A CAT is acting tough because of being outside.

Man embarks on completely bizarre Christmas supermarket shop

A MAN has spent several hundred pounds on weird food that he would never consider buying during the rest of the year.