News

University of Life strongly biased towards Brexit

THE syllabus at the University of Life is strongly biased towards Brexit, according to anyone who has ever met a graduate.

Couple in desperate race to buy second-cheapest thing on wedding list

A COUPLE are racing against time to buy the second least expensive item on their friends’ wedding list.

UK economy now 92 per cent paintball

BRITAIN’S economy is almost entirely based on paintball, according to new figures.

We only need four hours' sleep, say very tired liars

ANYONE who claims they only need four hours sleep a night is a lying tired bastard, it has been confirmed.

Busy fox grabs a mid-morning mouse

A FOX with a lot on has just grabbed a quick mouse on the go.

Dad hoping someone saw him buy Stormzy CD

FATHER Bill McKay bought Stormzy's album in HMV and is really hoping someone saw him do it.

Scientists confirm four pints is best amount of beer

FOUR pints is the best amount of beer to drink, experts have confirmed.

Couple in long deathly silence after deciding to stop moaning

A LONG period of uncomfortable silence is ongoing after a couple decided to stop moaning.