THE UK's population boom is caused by British mothers giving birth to fully-grown Eastern European tradespeople, research has shown.
GARYS could be wiped out within a generation after it emerged there have been no children named Gary since 1992.
FANS attending a Wombats gig have half-heartedly requested the band return a second time while checking their phones.
CELEBRITIES are so detached from everyday life they are landing their planes wherever they want, experts have claimed.
EVERY child who dressed up for ‘World Book Day’ was just a character from a popular film.
NIGHTCLUBS must now reserve five per cent of their tickets for strange social misfits.
SO-CALLED ‘suburban’ rats are appalling bourgeois snobs, it has been claimed.
ISRAELI prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that the United States is at war with Iran.