News

Working-class grannies requisitioned by middle-class households

LOVING working-class grandparents are to be reassigned to cold, ambitious middle-class families in dire need of them.

Countries whose names don't work with '-exit' barred from leaving EU

BRITAIN has been cleared to leave the EU because Brexit is perfectly usable while other countries have been permanently barred.

Fred Goodwin having another lovely day

FORMER RBS chief Fred Goodwin is enjoying another lovely day while you pay off his debts.

Female scientists look ravishing when they take off their glasses

THERE is a striking transformation from ‘clever’ to ‘gorgeous’ whenever lady scientists take off their glasses, it has been claimed.

HSBC staff sacked by kindly pink-haired pensioners

THE kindly-seeming old ladies running HSBC have decided to sack 8,000 people because profits are down.

Parents’ evening fails to establish who is to blame for child

NOBODY is any the wiser as to why 11-year-old Wayne Hayes is a little shit after a parents’ evening at his school.

Man with ‘eclectic’ musical taste unable to name single artist he likes

A MAN claiming to appreciate a wide range of music has been unable to name a specific act or album that he likes.

Middle-aged velociraptors remembering the Jurassic Park good times

THE release of Jurassic World has seen middle-aged bespectacled velociraptors reminiscing about starring in its predecessor.