News

GCHQ using Twitter to ask if anyone’s planning any terrorism

THE UK’s intelligence agency is using Twitter to ask if anyone has any terrorist stuff going on this weekend.

People without passports interned in Britain

ANYONE without a valid passport is to be confined in a vast internment camp the size and shape of the United Kingdom.

Women’s magazines have weird taste in films

WOMEN’S magazines recommend films that every other media outlet finds reprehensible, experts have discovered.

BBC launches BBC All Day Breakfast

THE BBC is to introduce a new rolling 24-hour channel dedicated to breakfast TV.

Everyone must like everything

PEOPLE who don't like everything must have something wrong with them, it has been confirmed.

Zuckerberg dies turning Facebook back on

MARK Zuckerberg has sacrificed himself to make Facebook work again.

Becoming friends with neighbours will ruin your life

SOCIAL contact with neighbours must be avoided at all costs, experts have warned.

Everyone learning Spanish actually just looking for a relationship

BRITONS taking Spanish lessons are just doing it to meet someone nice, it has been confirmed.