News

Plain cigarette packaging to be designed by Apple’s Jony Ive

DESIGN guru Jony Ive, the man behind the iPod and iPhone, has signed up to design the new featureless cigarette packaging.

Primark issues hand-stitched denial of poor working conditions

PRIMARK has denied its clothes are made in sweatshops in a statement sewn in sequins on a cardigan made in Bangladesh.

Longest acronym covers all possible reactions

A NEW sixteen-thousand character acronym encapsulates all conceivable reactions to anything seen on the internet.

Steroids confirmed as this generation's Ecstasy

MUSCLE-BUILDING steroids have been confirmed as this decade's defining drug.

Appetite For Destruction wins Best Album of All Time If We're Honest

GUNS 'N Roses' debut album has been named the greatest album ever by a judging panel tired of lying to themselves.

Brooks verdict welcomed by clueless bosses

BOSSES who have no idea what their staff are doing have welcomed the acquittal of Rebekah Brooks.

Historically accurate 80s night features nuclear paranoia, AIDS and riots

A NEW 1980s-themed nightclub gives patrons an authentic experience of a profoundly painful decade.

‘Socialising’ means getting pissed

THE term ‘socialising’ actually means drinking heavily, it has emerged.