News

Every song in Top 40 about arses

THE UK chart is entirely composed of tracks about buttocks, it has emerged.

Affleck insists it’s okay for him to make-up stuff about Muslims

BEN Affleck has revealed it is okay to invent behaviour by Muslims as long as it is part of a serious film.

French deride John Lewis for treating customers like humans

FRANCE has hit back at John Lewis, claiming the store treats its customers as if they have rights and feelings.

Eye contact now considered a threat

THE popularity of smartphones and tablet devices means that looking at someone during a conversation is asking for a fight.

Urinal neighbour wants to chat

A STRANGER who is standing beside you holding his penis wants to know if you are having a good night.

Coca-Cola furious about everyone drinking each other's Cokes

THE Coca-Cola Company has ordered the world to stop consuming Cokes that bear other people’s names.

Glastonbury cynicism wears out in 30 minutes

COMMENTS about how rubbish Glastonbury is wore thin 30 minutes after tickets went on sale, it has been confirmed.

Alcoholic ‘just enjoying his own private Oktoberfest’

RAGING alcoholic Tom Logan celebrates Oktoberfest every day in his flat, he has claimed.