Entire nation standing far too close to the radiator

EVERYONE in Britain is standing so close to the radiator that it hurts.

Hatton Garden robbers sentenced to watch hellish Danny Dyer film based on their story

THE Hatton Garden jewel thieves have been sentenced to sit through the inevitable British gangster movie based on their heist.

Bosses can read workers' emails out loud if they’re particularly juicy

EMPLOYERS can read personal emails by their staff out loud in meetings if they are particularly juicy, the European court has ruled.

Childless women’s husband-stealing plan foiled by Daily Mail

SCHEMING childless women have had their home-wrecking plans ruined by The Daily Mail.

Colleague traumatised by honest answer to trite, rhetorical question

A WOMAN has caused fear and panic in her workplace after answering the question “How are you?” with the truth.

Weirdo freak likes to leave office for lunch

A 32-YEAR-OLD is held in deep suspicion by his workmates for his bizarre habit of leaving the office for 40 minutes every day.

Sink estate residents to be re-housed in underground tunnel network

DAVID Cameron has revealed that residents of demolished council estates will be re-housed in a vast network of underground tunnels.

Voodoo Ray confirmed as English National Anthem

THE chanting bit from rave classic Voodoo Ray by A Guy Called Gerald will be sung at international sporting events, it has been confirmed.