News

UK economy running as mysteriously as a 1993 Vauxhall Nova

INFLATION has dropped because Britain’s economy is running with the same fingers-crossed uncertainty as a Vauxhall Nova with 200,000 miles on the clock.

Member of liberal elite struggling to pay rent again

A MEMBER of London’s fancy, stuck-up liberal elite is unable to afford his rent, it has emerged.

We’ve got a Brexit plan for you called ‘F**k Off’, suggests Europe

EU OFFICIALS say if Britain does not have a Brexit plan they can offer one titled ‘F**k Off’.

Everyone worried winter hats make them look like dicks

MILLIONS of Britons are feeling unconfident in their winter hats.

The thing is I’ve told them I’m prime minister, admits Farage

NIGEL Farage has admitted that he may accidentally have told Donald Trump he is Britain’s prime minister.

Writing with pen and paper hailed as latest twatty show-off thing to do

SITTING in a cafe with a notepad instead of a computer is the new twatty thing to do, it has been confirmed.

Planet Earth II viewers demand legal system for animals

PLANET Earth II viewers have demanded that animals get their own criminal justice system to stop them doing horrible things.

Working class man not particularly angry

A WORKING class man has confirmed that he is not remotely full of hate.