The Mash guide to not feeling guilty about being in the One Per Cent

ARE you a very rich bastard? Here’s how to not feel guilty about it.

Daily Telegraph offers bounty for Brexit mutineers

THE Daily Telegraph has placed a £10,000 bounty on the heads of 15 Conservative MPs who have dared defy the glory of Brexit. 

Why is it so hard to buy a flat in a cool area of this incredibly expensive city?

ALL I want are the same things my parents wanted - a good job, a partner and a two-bedroom live/work space in a nice area of the world’s third-richest city.

Shops a f**king nightmare already

THE UK’s shops are already a complete f**king nightmare and retailers have confirmed they will remain that way until Christmas.

Best way to fend off shark is to let it swallow you then punch your way out

THE best way to fend off a shark attack is from within the shark, it has been claimed.

Couple decide to stop being friends with people who rent

A COUPLE feel it is time to ‘move on’ from friendships with people who are not homeowners, they have revealed.

Russian troll struggling to be more bigoted than typical internet user

A RUSSIAN professional troll is finding it hard to be more bigoted than British online commenters who do it for free, he has revealed.

Imodium unveils magical Christmas advert

THE makers of Imodium have released a heartwarming Christmas advert featuring a monster with chronic diarrhoea.