Relatives planning strange behaviour for Christmas

BRITAIN’S relatives are preparing a range of strange and annoying behaviours for their Christmas visits, they have revealed.

Daily Mail's tree dies within an hour

A CHRISTMAS tree in the Daily Mail newsroom has died within 45 minutes of its arrival.

EU ‘sending fog to airports’

FOGGY airports are the EU’s latest plan to hinder Brexit, it has been claimed.

Woman hopes post condemning populism gets a lot of likes

A WOMAN hopes her Facebook post about how populism is bad gets loads of likes.

Only thing family knows about man is that he likes chutney

A MAN  has managed to share so little of himself that all relatives know is that he likes chutney.

2016 best year of my life, says f**king idiot

A MORON has hailed 2016 as the year in which everything looked rosy for the future and things went just great overall.

People who are already off work having massive orgy this afternoon

PEOPLE whose Christmas break has already begun are having a massive orgy today while you are at work.

Woman desperate for non-mulled beverage

A WOMAN would really like to drink something that has not been heated up and had loads of spices and other shit put in it.