News

Hostages sort of assumed selfie man was planning to overpower hijacker

HOSTAGES aboard the hijacked EgyptAir plane assumed 'selfie man' was planning a heroic act, it has emerged.

Idiot dogs told to insure themselves

OWNERS of idiotic dogs have told their pets to pay for their own health insurance.

Worker competence down 80 per cent since Thursday

EVERYONE in Britain is now unable to do the thing they are paid to do after a four-day weekend.

BBC to use working class actors by 2026

THE BBC has unveiled an ambitious timetable to begin using actors who did not go to public school.

Umbrella users confirm total disregard for others

UMBRELLA users have announced that everyone else must get out of their way.

Northerner thinks everyone not from North is posh

A NORTHERNER is convinced that everyone from Southern England is upper class.

Clocks changed to maintain misery levels

BRITAIN’S getting-up time has been altered to prevent the workforce from becoming too happy.

Man teaching his new phone how to swear

A MAN is teaching his new iPhone an extensive vocabulary of swear words.