SNP fury as new Scottish £5 note fails to support independence

SCOTTISH Nationalists have reacted with fury to a new bank note design that does not demand independence.

Tim Peake bored out of his skull

SPACE is so incredibly boring, Tim Peake has confirmed.

Obama asks who Boris Johnson is then laughs when told

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has enjoyed learning about Boris Johnson.

Straight men wishing they were as ‘flamboyant’ as Prince

STRAIGHT men were in awe of both Prince’s music and his epic success with women, it has been confirmed.

Game of Thrones fans to spend weekend studying maps and family trees

GAME of Thrones viewers have been ordered to spend the weekend with maps and genealogies to prepare for Monday’s new series.

Actress to appear as comic book character she couldn't know less about

ACTRESS Saoirse Ronan is to star as a superhero she has admitted she has never heard of and could not care less about.

Man voting to stay in EU because he thinks he’s sophisticated

A MAN is convinced that Britain should stay in Europe because he imagines it gives him continental flair.

2016 to end early

2016 is to be brought to an early end before anybody else dies.