News

Money saving tips ‘cause you to die alone’

DEVOTING your life to money-saving tips will cause you to die alone and unloved, experts have warned.

Petition to stop demolition of Glasgow hits 30

A PETITION to stop Glasgow being razed to the ground has reached 30 signatures and is hoping to hit 50 by the weekend.

Starbucks staff allowed to draw erections on cups

BARISTAS at Starbucks are permitted to draw erect penises on attractive customers’ cups, it has emerged.

Final Top Gear to show Clarkson regenerating into Salman Rushdie

UNAIRED Top Gear footage will be edited to show Jeremy Clarkson regenerate as writer Sir Salman Rushdie. 

Turin Shroud back on display with added Nike swoosh

THE Turin Shroud has been updated to reflect that Jesus would have worn mid-priced sportswear if he were alive today.

Hillary Clinton to use You Oughta Know as campaign song

US PRESIDENTIAL candidate Hilary Clinton is to use nineties Alanis Morrisette song You Oughta Know as her campaign anthem.

We have to eat something, shoppers tell Which?

SUPERMARKET shoppers have told Which? they are fully aware that they are being ripped off but still want to live.

Central Line trains get stuck in fifth circle of Hell

THERE have been severe delays to London Underground’s Central Line because of difficulty crossing the swampy waters of the river Styx.