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| ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE NOW EQUAL TO PREMIER LEAGUE FOOTBALLER |
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| 23-04-09 | |
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SCIENTIST working on simulated brains have developed a model which shows the primitive insight and deductive reasoning of a Rio Ferdinand, it was claimed last night.  Please wait while your Rio Ferdinand is updated Henry Brubaker, director of the Institute for Studies, said: "As soon as we switched it on it immediately insisted on listening to an R&B compilation and dressing like a tit. "So while there is sufficient self-awareness to issue demands, it's not developed enough to realise that Akon is not actually music. "Nevertheless it is a significant step forward even though to the layman it appears to be as thick as a bucket of dung." Although current supercomputer brains are limited by processor conductivity and having to restart every time it's updated by Windows, Brubaker said: "Advances in miniaturisation could one day lead to your mobile phone refusing to communicate with your gobshite friends." He added: "We're also working on a robotic module to carry the artificial brain, but our best effort so far does look a bit like Prince Charles trying to dance." Other practical applications include the replacement of workers in repetitive jobs that require a minimum of concentration, leading to the scientific Holy Grail of tube drivers who are not greedy bastards. |
