Science & Technology

There never was a 'Kate', Palace admits

BUCKINGHAM Palace has admitted that no such person as ‘Kate Middleton’ ever existed outside of digital imaging software.

A single initial, and other twatty ways to sign off an email

SIGNING off an email is a minefield in which you’re always just one word away from metaphorically losing a foot. Here are some of the twattiest sign-offs to avoid.

Dad's photo memories just pictures of meter readings and wifi passwords

A HEART-WARMING montage of recent images created by a father’s phone consists almost entirely of pictures of meter readings and Wi-Fi router codes.

Six ways to imply that you just got laid on social media

SEX, like justice, must not only be done but be seen to be done. But when signalling to friends, family and work colleagues from 2008 that you’ve recently done it be subtle.

Still nothing here, reports US moon lander

THE first US craft to land on the moon for 50 years has reported that it is still a big dusty rock of little interest to anyone.

Haha, the thumbs-up emoji and other texts people send when they don't fancy you back

A TEXT reply from your crush should show barely-concealed longing and lust. So why are yours bland placeholder messages? Here’s what people text back when they’re just not feeling it.

Clock ticking on when shiny new laptop will be used to look at absolute filth

IT is only a matter of hours until a man’s gleaming new laptop will be used to view the most degrading pornography imaginable, he has admitted.

TikTok teenagers to dance to AI songs in lovely sunny dystopia

TEENAGERS are to dance to robot music on a Chinese surveillance app in our lovely sunny dystopian future, it has emerged.

Post-nut clarity lasts for two minutes, scientists confirm

THE mental acuity which men experience after ejaculation lasts for precisely 120 seconds, scientists have confirmed.