Bees Dying Out Not Really A Big Deal

21-01-10

SCIENTISTS are no longer bothered by the prospect of bees dying out, after discovering it is not that big a deal.

Piss off

It had been believed that bee extinction would trigger the collapse of Earth's ecosystem, but new research has confirmed that it would at worst be a minor inconvenience, and possibly quite good.

Zoologist Dr Tom Logan, of Reading University, said: "On the one hand, bees look cool in their stripy jumpers, like little flying burglars. And they do the old pollinating bit.

"But conversely, it hurts like a bastard when they sting you, and quite often they do it for absolutely no reason.

"And they leave their bottoms behind. Who wants a whole bottom stuck on their arm? Apart from a vet. But they're all perverts anyway."

Dr Logan believes that in the event of bees dying out, it would be fairly straightforward to train up wasps to make honey and pollinate things.

He said: "Personally I don't particularly like honey. I find it sickly.

"But I'm sure wasps could make it, if you gave them the recipe. They're very similar to bees, almost the same in fact."

Bee numbers have plummeted in recent years, with many theories being advanced to explain the mysterious, deadly disease sweeping through the population.

Dr Logan said: "This is a complex issue; my personal hypothesis is that they've been bumming each other and are now being punished by God."

 

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