Churches Condemn Plan For Giant Lesbians
BRITAIN'S most senior clergymen last night condemned plans to use IVF technology to create gigantic lesbians in test tubes.
Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor said the lesbians were planning to create an army of 100ft tall super-beings that would rampage across the country crushing churches under their massive heels.
He added: "One day soon Westminster Cathedral will be reduced to a pile of rubble, destroyed by the demonic union of science and homosexuality.
"God's plan for the world is to persecute people for being in love, not to grow more of these perverts in a jar."
Meanwhile John Sentamu, the Archbishop of York, told the House of Lords: "The great tragedy is that these 100ft tall, 60 ton agents of destruction will grow up without fathers.
"Contrary to claims made by secular liberals, a father can play a pivotal role in the life of a massive, test-tube generated killing machine."
But the claims were rejected by the Institute for Lesbians and Curious Teenagers.
A spokeswoman said: "We plan to use our humongous lesbians for peaceful purposes such as agriculture and orgasms.
"And I would point out that a really big bull-dyke can be every bit as manly as an Alan Titchmarsh or a Jude Law."