Creation Did Not Involve Chocolate, Claims Hawking

THE creation of the universe did not involve even the tiniest bit of chocolate, according to Professor Stephen Hawking.

But what about this chocolate monkey?

In his new book the world’s most famous physicist argues that the Big Bang was an inevitable consequence of the laws of physics and not an exercise in making some nice chocolatey things on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

He said: “It also did not involve high-heeled shoes, double glazing or a balloon with a monkey’s face on it.

“Or for that matter a Kraft cheese single, the Spanish Grand Prix, a miniature tea set or a cow on top of a horse.

“Actually, to save a bit of time, the list of things the Big Bang did not involve is much, much longer than the list of things it did involve.”

But Hawking’s latest theory was immediately challenged by some angry chocolate fans armed with a series of brilliant questions.

Julian Cook, from Durham, said: “If that’s the case Mr Hawking, then why is everything so chocolatey? And why does this balloon still have a monkey’s face on it?

“And – though it probably goes without saying – if the creation did not involve chocolate or monkey balloons, then who made your so-called ‘physics’? Thrust and parry!”

Professor Hawking had previously argued that a ‘grand unified theory of everything’ could offer a glimpse inside the mind of chocolate but now accepts that such a discovery would finally make chocolate irrelevant, except for maybe Aeros and Wispas.