Facebook To Stop You Hurling Violent, Unhinged Abuse At Strangers You Disagree With About Films

FACEBOOK was last night accused of attacking freedom of speech after it pledged to stop you calling someone a ‘Nazi fucking cocksucker’ because they don’t like Christian Bale as Batman.

For the record, this is what Batman is supposed to look like, you bunch of cretinous fucking cu...

The social network is developing new security measures after a series of abuse cases, including a 22 year-old trainee nurse who was branded a ‘blistered crack-whore smeared in rancid monkey spunk’ because she admitted she was slightly disappointed by the BBC’s new Sherlock Holmes adaptation.

Nikki Hollis, from Stevenage, said: “On the whole I thought it was quite good and I’m a big fan of Martin Freeman. I just felt there were a couple of scenes where the dramatic tension was slightly lacking.”

But Stephen Malley, from Finsbury Park, disagreed, insisting: “Shut your cocking face you fucking piece-of-shit, spastic bitch-sucker.”

And Helen Archer, a Benedict Cumberbatch fan from Grantham, added, ‘fuck you, you shit-eating minge-faced arse-felcher’, before urging Hollis to drink her own urine and then kill herself with a train.

A Facebook spokesman said: “It often starts with a relatively intelligent exchange, perhaps about religion or politics. Someone will say something like ‘an unfettered free market is as inhumane as rigid central planning’ but then – for absolutely no reason whatsoever – they will add the word ‘twat’.

“They get a huge rush from insulting a stranger knowing that they can never be held accountable in any way for this unremittingly pathetic act of cowardice.

“From that point it is only a matter of days before they’re hovering over a Dr Who fan page looking for Christopher Eccleston detractors, inventing a false name and threatening to massacre their families with a machete.

“So anyway, eventually we realised that wasn’t terribly nice and we should probably put a stop to it.”

But internet freedom campaigner Julian Cook said: “Fuck you, Hitler. I should be able to say whatever I fucking want on Facebook, which by the way is a load of shit compared to Twitter and run by a gang of bestial-necrophiliacs who eat each other’s puke.”