Facebook unveils ‘turdline’

A NEW Facebook feature will allow users to the tell the story of their turds.

'It's so easy, I love it'

Unveiling ‘turdline’, founder Mark Zuckerberg predicted a new era in sharing and connecting.

He said: “You use your smartphone to take a photo of the food you’re eating which is then sent to your news feed. Then, when your digestive system has done all of its incredibly cool stuff, you can show everyone your amazing turd.”

Zuckerberg said the photos would appear in the Facebook ‘news ticker’, adding: “You’ll be on your page, connecting and sharing, and you’ll be like, ‘hey, Andy’s late for work, Beth has just booked a holiday, there’s Jenny’s latest turd, Dylan’s worried about his cat’.

“And by networking pictures of our turds we can begin to talk and share and connect about what they look like and whether we need to change our diets.

“Are they floating? Are they a bit soft? Or are they just a hellish, watery mess?

“And if you haven’t posted a picture of a new turd in more than 24 hours then the people you connect and share with will notice that and poke you with their favourite constipation remedies.”

Users of the ‘beta’ version of turdline have been impressed. Emma Bradford said: “Last week I was chatting with my friend Tanya while playing AngryFarm and then up popped this photo of what looked like a Mars Bar that had been left out in the sun.

“It was my friend Zoe’s brand new turd.”

She added: “It was strange at first but after staring at it for a few seconds I was like,’you know what Zoe – that’s a really lovely shit’. And then we chatted about it and later that day I started posting my shits. I feel a lot more connected now.”

Zuckerberg said developments in Adobe Flash and HTML5 will mean that within a year Facebook will be able to support live streaming so your friends can see the turd as it emerges from your anus.

He added: “Then we will have entered the amazingly cool era of instant turd chat.”