Giant Pineapple Is Trying To Kill Me, Reveals Charles

PRINCE Charles has demanded a ban on genetically modified crops after the latest attempt on his life by an enormous piece of fruit.

The prince believes there may be more than one pineapple involved

Launching his most outspoken attack so far on GM food, the heir to the throne said a giant pineapple has already tried to crush him to death three times since the beginning of May.

He told the Daily Telegraph: "One is reminded, very acutely, of the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, where the archaeologist fellow is desperately trying to escape from a gigantic boulder – though of course in one's case it is the most enormous pineapple.

"One finds oneself faced with little choice but to run as fast as one can, dodging many tiny arrows and doing one's best to hold on to one's favourite hat.

"But these are the dangers one faces, whether speaking out on controversial issues, or stealing a priceless golden idol from an angry South American tribe."

In the last three years Prince Charles claims to have been stalked by a genetically modified potato, a bunch of grapes and a two tonne strawberry in a wig.

"The bunch of grapes sent my darling wife the most repulsive letters filled with bizarre sexual innuendo, while the police told me the strawberry was armed."

He added: "I really do not understand this fascination with GM foods when Waitrose is doing a very nice Duchy Originals beetroot and dill organic soup for just £2.89."