Google Instant To Free-Up Two-Thirds Of A Second Of Your Day

09-09-10

GOOGLE’S new Instant search engine means consumers can finally start using the fraction of a second it used to take them to get a result.

c... o... c... k... result

The company estimates the average user performs 12 searches a day, meaning they will soon have more than nine extra seconds to devote to work or leisure interests.

Hailing a ‘quantum leap in search’ a spokesman said it would mean millions of people were finally able to finish their novels, while some could even donate their nine seconds to help tackle global warming.

However experts stressed that instant internet search results would inevitably lead to something filthy.

Software
engineer, Julian Cook, said: “If it’s delivering answers as I’m typing
then what happens if I’m planning a long weekend in Cockermouth?

“If
it just waited until I’d actually finished typing the word then I’d get
a useful list of B&Bs and interesting walks in Wordsworth country
instead of a face full of big, hot dicks or a picture of Liam
Gallagher.”

But working mum, Helen Archer, said Google Instant means she will finally have time to read an incredibly short bedtime story to her children.

“I came across a lovely one in Waterstones the other day. It goes ‘Once upon a time there was a little princess who lived in a forest. Everything worked out fine’. I reckon with a bit of trimming I can get that down to about 6.4 seconds without ruining the magic.

“Thank you Google. My life is amazing now.”

Advertising executive, Martin Bishop, said: “It will make no difference to me because I already utilise the time between entering the search term and getting the result. Look, I’ve just made this origami giraffe.”

And primary schoool teacher, Emma Bradford, added: “Developing this will have cost Google millions of dollars which could have been used for other things like buying everyone a bag of crisps or helping to cure cancer.

“I think that might actually be evil.”

  • Share:

  •  

    Bring-it-inside