Google takes a year and a half to invent something better than Windows

INTERNET giant Google was facing collapse last night after it revealed it had taken 18 months to come up with something that might be better than Windows.

Google CEO Eric Schmidt addressing this year's Techonomy conference in Lake Tahoe

Google said its new operating system would probably be faster and more efficient than Microsoft’s, but industry experts said that should have taken about 20 minutes, including an 18 minute tea break.

Julian Cook, deputy editor of, said: “I come up with something better than Windows during my morning shit.

“Last week I gave my nine month-old son a go on my laptop and he immediately started to cry. About 30 seconds later he had come up with something better than Windows using a half a crayon and some mashed yams.”

He added “If Google is taking 18 months to develop something that they ‘think’ might be better than something that could not be any worse, then perhaps this company is actually being run by a gang of disused Muppets who have escaped from wicker basket in Jim Henson’s attic.”

Google said its Chrome operating system would exist in a ‘cloud’ that you will not be able to ‘see’, but that you would be able to ‘see’ the error messages very easily as they will be sitting neatly alongside the perpetual fucking update messages.

A spokesman said: “We took a long, hard look at computers and stuff and said ‘why does crushing disappointment and the sort of frustration that make you want to eat your own eyes have to come in a box?’.”

But Microsoft dismissed the latest Google challenge and said it was developing a new type of ‘platform’ that could pick up broadcast signals ‘out of thin air’, relay them through a loudspeaker in your living room and will only have to be restarted five times an hour.