Grammar Pedants Fewer Interesting

03-09-08

GRAMMAR enthusiasts which point out everyday errors are much fewer interesting compared than normal people, according to researchers.

‘Fuck off, I’m eating shoots and leaves’

The Institute for Studies say people who write letters complaining about the use of ‘your’, ‘you’re’ and ‘youre’ have less friends and are fewer able to socially mix.

Doctor Henry Brubaker, the institutes’ head of grammar, says: “Words are very important. They convey meaning and emotion, but they can also be used to bore the tits off you.

“Take, for instance, the sentence; ‘If there is one thing I really hate, it is bad grammar’.

“These words, placed in this precise order, can cause you either to walk away immediately or nod and say ‘I completely agree’.

“Unfortunately, if you opt for the second response, it will then be met with the follow-up sentence, ‘Surely you mean ‘I agree completely’?.

“At this point it is acceptable to walk away, with the accompanying use of the phrase ‘fuck you’.”

He added: “If anyone asks you what is wrong with William Shatner’s speech at the beginning of Star Trek, remember that the correct response is to say, ‘I am now going to call you an arse, boldly’.”

 

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