Hardcore will never die, say scientists
HARDCORE rave music will outlast everything else in the universe, scientists have proved.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies tested the permanence of hardcore by putting a ‘tape pack’ from 90s rave party Fantazia into a particle accelerator.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Physicists agree that the universe, and time as we know it, will eventually come to an end. However, hardcore will never, and can never, die.
“Our experiments have demonstrated that the music of DJs like Seduction, Slipmatt, Vibes and Easygroove is immune to the rules that bind everything else in existence.
“It appears that hardcore – by which I mean jungle, happy hardcore and various types of techno – is made of special particles that reverberate at a unique frequency. Although we do not understand how or why this is possible.
“Effectively what I’m saying is, hardcore is mental.
“When the universe eventually implodes, there will still be hardcore, just banging away in the void.
“No ravers though.”
Professor Stephen Hawking said: “Hardcore will never die? We already knew that.
“I said it myself last week while listening to the seminal ‘Grooverider at Biology ’91’ mix tape.”